Dark Horse is a renowned infidelity consultant, editor, and the proud owner of popular site CheatersHandbook.com, dedicated to navigating the complexities of modern relationships. With a sharp wit, keen intellect, and an unparalleled expertise in the realms of online dating and infidelity, Dark Horse has become a trusted authority on these subjects.
Dark Horse's journey into the world of infidelity consulting was inspired by a desire to provide clarity and support to those grappling with the challenges of unfaithfulness. His approach is characterized by a unique blend of humor and intelligence, providing insights that are both enlightening and engaging.
As an editor, Dark Horse has curated a wealth of content that offers practical advice and strategies for dealing with infidelity and navigating the online dating scene. His work has not only been featured on his own platform but has also been highlighted in numerous publications. He has contributed to The Sun Newspaper and The Metro, bringing his unique perspective to a wider audience.
Dark Horse's work is driven by his genuine passion for helping others, his deep understanding of the dynamics of infidelity and online dating, and his ability to provide clear, actionable advice. Whether you're dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, trying to navigate the world of online dating, or simply seeking a better understanding of these complex issues, Dark Horse is the expert who can guide you with humor, empathy, and wisdom.
In my extensive journey through the labyrinth of love, lust, and relationships, I’ve stumbled upon a controversial truth – the art of finding women to have an affair with (see my post: Having An Affair; The Good, The Bad & The Ugly). Now, before you cast the first stone, hear me out. This isn’t just about the thrill of the forbidden; it’s about understanding the complex tapestry of human connections. And who better to guide you through this delicate dance than someone who’s danced on every tile of the mosaic – me. Learning how to cheat on your wife and get away with it is an art.
I’ve navigated the murky waters of affair sites, dabbled in the ambiguous realm of casual dating, and flirted with the idea of married dating more times than I care to admit. But here’s the kicker – I’ve learned that finding women to engage in an affair with requires not just charm and strategy, but a deep understanding of the digital era’s dating dynamics.
In my opinion, the key to this clandestine endeavor is persistence. It’s not just about casting a wide net; it’s about casting the right net in the right ocean. From online dating platforms like Ashley Madison to the unsuspecting corners of gym classes, opportunities abound. The world is your oyster, but only if you know how to shuck it.
So, buckle up as I take you on a journey through the dos and don’ts, the wheres and hows, and the ins and outs of how to find someone to have an affair with. And remember, it’s all fun and games until someone gets caught – so let’s aim to keep our adventures under the radar, shall we?
In the following sections, I’ll dive deeper into the specifics, peppering our discourse with anecdotes from my own life – the successes, the near-misses, and the lessons learned in the shadows of discretion.
The Truth About Free Married Dating Sites
It’s always intriguing when married individuals seek extramarital affairs on a budget, opting for free married dating sites yet looking for an affair. These platforms do offer complimentary memberships, but the catch becomes apparent when initiating conversations with potential partners. Often, you’ll encounter restrictions or find yourself prompted to upgrade to a paid subscription. Knowing how to find an affair partner takes time, but also money.
Regrettably, this limitation is the standard within the realm of affair dating on dating platforms, where secret affairs and discreet encounters are facilitated. However, if you’re inclined to explore connections with like-minded married people without the need for paid dating platforms, numerous alternatives await your discovery.
Engaging with married individuals can occur through social circles or discreet gatherings, where connections may naturally develop. Extramarital encounters can unfold through mutual acquaintances or private events, fostering opportunities for those seeking discreet relationships, whether for love, sex, or affairs.
How To Find A Woman To Cheat With
While free options exist on dating sites, be prepared for restrictions; nonetheless, they can serve as initial points of contact with potential partners interested in having an affair with you. The allure of secret affairs can be gratifying, achieved through careful exploration within your existing network, where you might stumble upon individuals who share your interests. How to have an affair can come in all shapes and sizes.
The pursuit of love and sexual connections can manifest organically through shared hobbies or interests, leading to meaningful connections with married people. Additionally, for those open to the concept, the world of affair dating, both online and offline, offers discreet avenues to meet women and explore relationships with married individuals.
6 Ways To Find Women To Have An Affair With
1) The Digital Playground: Navigating Online Dating Sites
In my quest for excitement and companionship outside the traditional bounds, I’ve discovered that the digital world is a veritable playground for those seeking affairs. Online dating sites and apps have transformed from mere platforms into battlegrounds of desire, strategy, and sometimes, discretion.
Let’s talk about Ashley Madison, the holy grail for married individuals looking to dip their toes (or dive headfirst) into the pool of infidelity. In my experience, it’s not just about creating a profile; it’s about crafting an alter ego that embodies your most desirable traits, all while maintaining an air of mystery. Remember, the key is to be enticing, yet discreet.
Dating sites cater to a plethora of needs and desires, from those seeking the thrill of casual dating to individuals hungering for a deeper connection. In my adventures through dating apps, I’ve learned a few tricks of the trade. First, persistence is paramount. The digital realm is overflowing with potential, but it’s the persistent fisherman who catches the fish. Second, customization is key. Tailor your messages, keep your profile intriguing, and always – always – be respectful of boundaries. These ‘meet to cheat‘ sites do work, if you spend the time on them.
But it’s not just about finding any woman; it’s about finding the right woman. A woman who understands the stakes, shares your thirst for a secret adventure, and is willing to embark on this journey with you. In my numerous encounters, I’ve found that married women often resonate with my situation, sharing a mutual understanding of the risks and rewards involved.
In my opinion, the allure of online dating lies not just in the ease of access, but in the diversity it offers. Sites like Ashley Madison have opened my eyes to the myriad possibilities of secret affairs, offering a safe haven for like-minded individuals to meet, connect, and explore.
However, it’s crucial to tread lightly and be aware of the digital footprint you leave behind. The thrill of the chase should never overshadow the importance of discretion and the respect for everyone involved. As I’ve said, it’s only fun if no one gets caught.
In the next section, I’ll delve into the art of maintaining discretion and anonymity in your affairs, drawing from my treasure trove of personal experiences and close calls. The digital playground is vast, but remember – the best players are those who play wisely.
2) Work: The Unspoken Arena of Romantic Endeavors
Office romances are far from a novel concept; they’re a testament to the human inclination to seek connection, especially in places where we spend the majority of our waking hours. The workplace offers a unique melting pot of personalities, ambitions, and, inevitably, attractions. It’s here, amidst the daily grind, that many find themselves drawn to a colleague, perhaps bonding over shared grievances or mutual disdain for the managerial hierarchy. This shared experience can lay the foundation for something more intimate, something clandestinely thrilling.
Imagine this scenario: there’s a female colleague who shares your sense of humor, your frustration with the office bureaucracy, and perhaps even your half-baked plans for a ‘Horrible Bosses’ escapade. The chemistry is palpable, but given your committed status and the unspoken rules of engagement, the onus falls on you to make the first move. Subtlety becomes your ally in this delicate dance of signals and innuendos.
Office parties, those rare occasions when the corporate facade gives way to genuine human interaction, often lubricated by alcohol, present the perfect backdrop for advancing this budding connection. It’s an environment where the usual barriers can momentarily dissolve, allowing for a candidness that the office cubicle stifles.
However, navigating office romances demands a careful balance between desire and discretion. The thrill of a secret office liaison is undeniably intoxicating, yet it’s fraught with potential complications. From the risk of exposure to the possible repercussions on professional relationships, the stakes are high. In my experience, the key to sustaining such an affair lies not just in the mutual attraction but in the unspoken agreement to tread lightly, safeguarding both your careers and personal lives in the process.
This clandestine aspect of office romances, while exhilarating, also serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities of human connections, especially those forged in the confines of the workplace. It’s a realm where the heart and the head often find themselves at odds, each vying for dominance in the intricate ballet of office affairs.
3) The Gym: A Surprisingly Fertile Ground for Connection
The gym, with its myriad of machines, mirrors, and sweat-soaked endeavors, might not immediately strike one as a romantic hotspot. Yet, beneath the surface of this health-centric environment lies a potent opportunity for connection, particularly for those adept at navigating its unspoken social dynamics. The key here is not blatant pursuit but rather the art of subtle engagement, a skill that becomes even more crucial in locales like the U.K. or New York, where women are understandably wary of unsolicited advances.
Joining a gym class, such as a regular spin session, can serve as a strategic move in this delicate game of social chess. Over time, regular attendance transforms you from a stranger into a familiar face, an integral part of the communal fabric. This familiarity breeds comfort, slowly dissolving the initial barriers that might have made direct approaches daunting or unwelcome.
However, the approach must be as calculated as it is casual. It’s not about leveraging the gym as a hunting ground but about recognizing mutual interest and respect in a space dedicated to self-improvement. The gym offers a unique blend of vulnerability and strength, as individuals are stripped of their daily facades, presenting a more raw and authentic version of themselves. It’s in this authenticity that genuine connections can be forged.
The transition from workout partners to something more is often a gradual one, nurtured by shared routines and the occasional, non-invasive conversation. These interactions, though seemingly trivial, can lay the groundwork for deeper connections, offering a glimpse into one’s character beyond the physical exertion.
In my journey, the gym has proven to be a surprisingly effective venue for meeting women, not through overt pursuit but through the organic development of mutual respect and interest. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the most meaningful connections arise in the most unexpected places, fostered by shared experiences and the simple act of showing up.
4) Boys’ Night Out: The Classic Avenue for Social Encounters
The concept of a boys’ night out, especially in the post-COVID era where social gatherings have regained their allure, presents an age-old yet effective avenue for meeting women. These nights, often characterized by camaraderie and the pursuit of leisure, invariably lead to environments like clubs or bars, where the atmosphere is ripe for social interactions. In these settings, the dynamics of approach play a critical role, and confidence becomes your most valuable asset.
Approaching women in such environments requires a blend of charm, wit, and resilience. The inevitable rejections are not setbacks but rather stepping stones, each one refining your approach and bolstering your social acumen. The successful man in these scenarios is not the one who fears rejection but the one who embraces it, understanding that it is a natural part of the social fabric.
Offering to buy a drink, engaging in light-hearted banter, or inviting someone to dance can serve as effective icebreakers, setting the stage for further conversation or connection. It’s important, however, to navigate these interactions with respect and genuine interest, rather than viewing them merely as conquests. The aim is to foster a genuine connection, however fleeting it may be.
In my experience, women appreciate authenticity, a sense of humor, and the ability to engage in meaningful conversation. Demonstrating a skill or passion, such as cooking or dancing, can also significantly enhance one’s appeal, hinting at a depth beyond the initial encounter. These qualities, when presented with confidence and charm, can make the boys’ night out not just a fun escapade but a fruitful venture into the world of dating and relationships.
Yet, amidst the fun and frivolity, it’s crucial to remain mindful of the intentions and feelings of those you interact with. The boys’ night out, while a classic setting for meeting women, should be navigated with a sense of responsibility and respect for the mutual enjoyment of all parties involved.
This age-old tradition of socializing and meeting potential partners in bars and clubs continues to stand the test of time, offering a mix of excitement, opportunity, and, occasionally, genuine connection. It’s a reminder that, despite the ever-evolving landscape of dating, some avenues remain perennially effective, provided they are approached with the right mindset.
5) Salsa Classes: A Rhythmic Path to Connection
Discovering salsa classes as a venue for meeting women was an unexpected yet delightful revelation. Salsa, with its vibrant rhythms and passionate movements, attracts individuals who are not just seeking to learn a dance but to express themselves in a way that transcends words. It’s a space brimming with energy, confidence, and, most notably, bright and liberated women who are as eager to connect as they are to dance.
Salsa classes offer a unique advantage in the realm of social interaction: the dance itself necessitates physical contact, breaking down barriers and fostering an immediate sense of intimacy. This physical connection, set to the backdrop of Latin beats, creates an environment where communication flows more freely, not just through words but through the language of dance.
The atmosphere in salsa classes is one of mutual respect and shared passion. Many attendees are single and open to the idea of meeting someone, making it an ideal setting for organic connections. The act of dancing salsa is inherently sensual and communicative, allowing personalities to shine through in ways that traditional conversation might not permit.
Moreover, the structure of salsa classes often involves rotating partners, giving everyone the chance to interact with multiple people throughout the evening. This rotation not only improves your dance skills but also increases your chances of finding someone with whom you share a mutual attraction. It’s a social dance in the truest sense, designed to bring people together.
In my journey, salsa classes have been a goldmine for meeting confident, interesting women. The shared experience of learning and growing together fosters a bond that can easily extend beyond the dance floor. Plus, the act of dancing itself – with its steps, turns, and close physical proximity – offers a natural segue into deeper, more personal interactions.
Salsa classes have taught me that sometimes, the best way to meet someone isn’t through direct pursuit but through shared experiences that naturally draw people together. It’s a lesson in the power of common interests and the unspoken connections that can arise when you’re both moving to the same rhythm.
6) Pilates: The Unexpected Venue for Intimate Encounters
Pilates, much like salsa, offers a surprising yet effective backdrop for forming connections, albeit in a markedly different context. This form of exercise, known for its focus on strength, flexibility, and body awareness, tends to attract a dedicated following, many of whom are women. In my experience, Pilates classes have not only been a venue for physical betterment but also a space where intimate encounters and connections can flourish, sometimes in the most unexpected ways.
The environment in a Pilates studio is one of concentration and mutual respect, where the shared goal of personal improvement creates a strong communal bond. Over time, regular attendance establishes familiarity among participants, laying the groundwork for conversations and connections that extend beyond the studio walls. It’s in these spaces, dedicated to the betterment of self, that I’ve found women to be open, engaging, and, on occasion, interested in exploring connections that are both sordid and deeply intimate.
What makes Pilates an intriguing venue for such encounters is the contrast between its serene, disciplined atmosphere and the potential for passionate, clandestine liaisons. The classes offer a pretext for regular interaction without the immediate pressure of romantic intentions, allowing relationships to develop organically, driven by genuine interest and mutual attraction.
In my adventures, I’ve discovered that Pilates can serve as a quiet catalyst for romance, particularly with individuals who share a commitment to health and wellness. These encounters often begin with subtle exchanges—a shared glance, a brief conversation, an offer to help adjust a pose—and gradually evolve into something more. The key, as always, is discretion and the acknowledgment of the shared space and its primary purpose.
Moreover, the intimate nature of Pilates, with its focus on body alignment and control, can create a sense of vulnerability and openness. This environment, where people come to work on themselves, can inadvertently open the door to connections that are as intense as they are unexpected.
In reflecting on my experiences, Pilates classes have underscored the notion that opportunities for connection can be found in the most unanticipated places. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the most profound encounters arise not from overt pursuit but from the simple act of being present and open to the possibilities around us.
Mastering the Art of Discretion: Keeping Your Affairs Under Wraps
In the grand chessboard of affairs, discretion is the queen – powerful, elusive, and, if played correctly, capable of safeguarding your kingdom. In my myriad escapades, I’ve learned that maintaining secrecy is not just a skill; it’s an art form, a delicate balance between thrill and caution.
Firstly, communication is key, but so is how you choose to communicate. I’ve always leaned towards using dedicated email accounts or messaging apps that prioritize privacy for coordinating rendezvous or sharing intimate moments. It’s like wearing a digital mask; it conceals your identity while allowing you to partake in the masquerade.
In my opinion, the cornerstone of discretion lies in the details. It’s the little things – the untraceable phone calls, the careful selection of meeting spots, and the encrypted messages that vanish into the ether. These practices have become second nature to me, like a spy mastering his craft in the shadows of espionage.
But let’s not forget the physical realm – the real world where digital footprints are replaced by tangible ones. I’ve found that the best way to keep your affairs under wraps is to operate under the radar. This means choosing locations that are out of the way, where the likelihood of running into familiar faces is minimal. Think quaint, out-of-town restaurants, or discreet getaways that promise anonymity. The goal is to blend in, to become just another face in the crowd.
And then there’s the alibi – the backbone of any secret operation. In my adventures, I’ve crafted a repertoire of believable, bulletproof alibis. Whether it’s a sudden business trip or an impromptu gym session, the key is consistency and plausibility. An alibi should be like a well-tailored suit – it needs to fit perfectly and look effortless.
However, amidst the thrill of secrecy, it’s crucial to remember the stakes. The art of discretion is not just about protecting yourself; it’s about safeguarding the feelings and lives of everyone involved. It’s a reminder that in the game of affairs, the consequences of carelessness can be profound.
Conclusion
In conclusion, when it comes to the intricate realm of affairs among married individuals, it’s imperative to tread cautiously while exploring the nuances of extramarital relationships. In today’s digital age, the availability of dating platforms and extramarital dating sites may seem tempting for those seeking discreet connections. These hookup sites and affair platforms provide a secretive space for individuals to search for the thrill of love, passion, and companionship outside their existing commitments.
The concept of a secret affair can be alluring, offering an escape from the routine of everyday life. However, it’s vital to remember that these clandestine encounters can have far-reaching consequences. The exploration of love, sex, and affairs at the cost of hurting others must be approached with a profound sense of responsibility.
As one seeks to find a connection with another woman or indulges in the excitement of sex with a new partner, it’s crucial to recognize the potential emotional impact on everyone involved. Affairs, whether pursued on dating sites or in person, should always be guided by the principles of discretion, respect, and empathy.
While affair dating sites and hookup platforms may facilitate initial connections, it’s essential to evaluate the long-term implications of such relationships. The line between a secret affair and a meaningful connection can be blurry, and individuals must navigate these waters with care.
In the pursuit of affairs on dating sites or through chance encounters, individuals often find themselves at a crossroads, torn between the exhilaration of new connections and the potential harm to existing relationships. Balancing these desires requires deep introspection, clear communication, and a profound understanding of one’s own boundaries.
Ultimately, the choices made in the realm of affair dating should align with personal values and priorities. Whether one seeks love, sexual gratification, or simply a temporary escape, the journey should be marked by ethical considerations and a genuine regard for the feelings and well-being of all parties involved. In this intricate dance of desire and discretion, the path chosen should reflect a commitment to personal growth and the responsible navigation of complex emotional terrain.
FAQs
FAQ: Is it ethical to pursue affairs in these settings?
Answer: Ethical considerations are paramount. While these settings offer opportunities, it’s crucial to respect boundaries, honesty, and consent. Affairs should only involve willing, informed adults, and open communication with all parties is essential.
FAQ: What if I’m in a committed relationship but feel a connection with someone in these places?
Answer: It’s normal to feel attraction outside your relationship. If you’re committed, prioritize open communication with your partner. Discuss feelings honestly and decide together how to proceed, whether it’s seeking therapy or rekindling your own connection.
FAQ: Are there any risks involved in pursuing connections in these settings?
Answer: Yes, there are risks. Affairs can lead to emotional turmoil, hurt feelings, and relationship damage if not managed carefully. There’s also the risk of exposure, which can have legal and personal consequences. Discretion and ethics are paramount.
FAQ: How can I maintain discretion in these situations?
Answer: Discretion is crucial to protect all parties involved. Use secure communication methods, choose meeting spots carefully, and maintain consistent alibis if necessary. Remember, secrecy is key, but it should never compromise the well-being of anyone involved.
FAQ: Is it possible for these connections to lead to meaningful relationships?
Answer: While these settings can foster initial connections, their potential for long-term relationships is limited. Many factors, including secrecy and the context of the encounter, make it challenging to transition from affairs to meaningful, lasting relationships.
FAQ: What if I’m looking for a genuine relationship rather than an affair?
Answer: If you’re seeking a genuine relationship, these settings may not be the ideal starting point. Consider online dating, social events, or hobby groups where you can meet like-minded individuals looking for meaningful connections.
FAQ: How can I balance the excitement of new connections with the potential harm to existing relationships?
Answer: It’s essential to weigh the consequences carefully. Reflect on your priorities, values, and the impact on those involved. If you decide to pursue new connections, do so with empathy, honesty, and a clear understanding of your boundaries.
Navigating the nuanced landscape of attraction and desire, I’ve encountered my fair share of signs a married women interested in something beyond their vows. There are plenty of signs a married woman is attracted to you if you know what to look for.
From flirtatious exchanges to deep, meaningful conversations, both in the workplace (yes, the allure of co-worker flirtation is real) and in social settings, the signs a married woman wants to connect on a level deeper than mere friendship can be quite apparent to those attuned to them. These interactions often carry a mix of sexual attraction, subtle woman signs, and expressions of woman feelings that hint at a complex emotional undercurrent.
In these encounters, it becomes evident that a wedding band does not dim the human capacity for desire. Married women, driven by the same spectrum of emotions and attractions as anyone else, can and do express interest and attraction. This reality isn’t a pretext for scandal but rather a critical layer to understanding the delicate interplay of signals, whispers, and shared moments that transcend the conventional boundaries of marriage.
Acknowledging this, we delve into a realm where woman flirting and interested glances serve as the opening chapters of a potentially deeper narrative. This exploration isn’t about crossing lines but recognizing the existence of a multifaceted array of interactions that, while often shrouded in subtlety, speak volumes to those willing to listen.
So, as we embark on this journey to decode the intricate signals of a married woman signaling “Maybe, just maybe, there’s something more,” let’s approach with sensitivity, awareness, and an open mind to the myriad ways human connections manifest themselves.
Understanding Body Language and Nonverbal Cues
The silent dialogue of sexual attraction unfolds through a nuanced ballet of nonverbal cues and body language, offering glimpses into the unspoken desires of a married woman. When a woman is sexually attracted to you, her body language might manifest as intense eye contact, a subconscious mirroring of your actions, or finding seemingly innocuous reasons to initiate physical contact. These gestures, ranging from a deliberate touch to a fleeting glance, serve as the canvas upon which her sexual interest is silently painted.
Understanding the intricacies of these signals demands a keen eye and a deep appreciation for the complexities of human interaction. Nonverbal cues such as the way she leans towards you, the softening of her gaze, or the playful twirling of her hair are emblematic of a woman interested and possibly flirting. These are the breadcrumbs leading through the forest of attraction, revealing the depth of woman feelings not readily articulated.
In the realm of attraction, eye contact becomes a profound tool, bridging gaps words cannot fill, while the subtlety of body language speaks volumes about the intensity of her attraction. Recognizing these signs—the woman signs of interest—requires not just observation but an empathy towards understanding the layers of meaning behind each gesture. It’s in these silent exchanges that the true essence of sexual attraction and interest is communicated, offering a glimpse into the emotional and sensual potential that lies beneath the surface.
Recognizing Signs of Sexual Interest
Sexual interest from a married woman might manifest through more pronounced behaviors, signaling that she’s sexually attracted to you. These can include suggestive comments, flirtatious touching, or sharing intimate glances. Recognizing these signs involves noticing the change in intensity from friendly to flirty. When a woman is interested in more than just conversation, her actions may include standing closer to you than necessary or finding excuses to be alone with you, indicating a deeper level of attraction.
30 Signs A Married Woman is Attracted To You
1) Increased Physical Proximity
Whenever I’ve noticed a married woman showing interest, one of the first signs was her finding reasons to be near me. It wasn’t just about being in the same room; she would choose a seat close to mine or stand nearby at social gatherings. This closeness felt deliberate, as if she wanted to establish a physical connection or ensure I noticed her presence.
2) Frequent Eye Contact
Eye contact became more intense and prolonged. It was as if her eyes were trying to communicate something words could not. This wasn’t just friendly eye contact; it was deeper, more prolonged, often accompanied by a soft or inviting smile. It felt like a silent conversation between us.
3) Special Attention
She paid attention to me in a way that stood out. It wasn’t just listening; it was how she remembered the small details I shared about my life and brought them up in later conversations, showing that she genuinely cared about what I had to say.
4) Touches You Lightly
Casual touches during conversations were a common sign. A light touch on the arm or a gentle pat on the back. These touches were fleeting but frequent, creating a sense of intimacy and connection that wasn’t present in her interactions with others.
5) Laughs at Your Jokes
My jokes, even the not-so-funny ones, always seemed to amuse her. Her laughter was genuine and warm, making me feel like I was the only one in the room. It was her way of showing she enjoyed my company and found me charming.
6) Compliments You Often
Compliments came more frequently. They were about my appearance, the way I spoke, or even my ideas and opinions. Each compliment felt thoughtful and personal, highlighting a deeper level of attention and attraction.
7) Shares Personal Information
She opened up about her life beyond what casual friends would share. These conversations included her dreams, worries, and even troubles in her marriage. It was as if she was seeking a deeper emotional connection with me.
8) Seeks Your Company
She made an effort to spend time together, suggesting coffee or a walk during breaks. These invitations were subtle but consistent, indicating she wanted more opportunities to be alone with me.
9) Shows Jealousy
There were subtle signs of jealousy when I interacted with other women. Whether it was a change in her facial expression or a shift in her body language, it was clear she preferred having my attention to herself.
10) Texts You Frequently
Our text conversations extended beyond work hours or social planning. She would message me about random things, sharing parts of her day or asking about mine. This frequent communication was a sign she wanted to stay connected.
11) Initiates Physical Contact
Beyond casual touching, there were more deliberate attempts to establish physical contact. A hug that lingered a little too long or finding reasons to brush up against me. These actions felt like an exploration of physical intimacy.
12) Seeks Your Opinion
She valued my opinions on matters personal to her, whether it was advice on a decision she was making or thoughts on a situation she was dealing with. It felt like she was granting me a place of importance in her life.
13) Mirrors Your Behavior
I noticed she would mirror my actions or the way I spoke. If I leaned in, she leaned in. If I laughed, she laughed. It was as if she was subconsciously aligning herself with me, a common sign of attraction.
14) Dresses Up for You
On days we planned to meet or if there was a chance we’d see each other, I could tell she made an extra effort in her appearance. It was clear from her attire and the way she presented herself that she wanted to look her best for me.
15) Finds Excuses to Call
She preferred calling over texting for even the smallest things, which could have easily been communicated through a text. These calls often turned into long conversations about nothing in particular, just an excuse to hear each other’s voices.
16) Engages in Playful Teasing
Our interactions were filled with playful banter and teasing. It was flirty, light-hearted, and created a unique dynamic between us, different from how she interacted with others.
17) Looks at Your Lips
During conversations, I caught her glancing at my lips, a subconscious cue of attraction. It was a silent indicator of her interest in a more intimate connection.
18) Shows Concern for Your Well-being
She went out of her way to make sure I was okay, offering help or support whenever I needed it. This level of concern went beyond basic friendship; it was caring and protective.
19) Makes Future Plans
She talked about future events or activities involving us, suggesting a desire to keep me in her life. These weren’t just hypothetical plans; they were detailed, with a clear intention of spending more time together.
20) Leans In While Talking
When we talked, she leaned in closer than necessary, reducing the physical distance between us. This body language suggested she was comfortable and wanted to create a more intimate space for our conversations.
21) Frequently Mentions Your Name
My name came up often in her conversations, even when I wasn’t around. It was as if she enjoyed the sound of my name and wanted to keep me present in discussions.
22) Opens Up About Her Marriage
She shared details about her marriage that indicated dissatisfaction or longing for something different. These conversations were delicate and intimate, suggesting she saw me as a confidant or possibly more.
23) Keeps Mementos
I noticed she kept small things I’d given her or reminders of our interactions. It wasn’t just about the items themselves; it was the sentimental value she attached to them.
24) Adjusts Her Schedule
She tried to align her schedule with mine, ensuring we had time to see each other. This often involved changing her plans or making excuses to be where I was.
25) Sensitive to Your Mood
She was attuned to my feelings, often picking up on my mood before anyone else did. Her empathy and concern felt deeper than what friends typically offer.
26) Celebrates Your Achievements
She took genuine pleasure in my successes, celebrating them as if they were her own. It was an admiration that felt deeply personal and supportive.
27) Finds Reasons to Be Alone with You
She created scenarios where we could be alone, away from the eyes of others. These moments felt charged with an unspoken acknowledgment of the attraction between us.
28) Asks About Your Relationship Status
Her curiosity about my personal life, especially my relationship status, was evident. It was as if she was gauging the possibilities of a closer relationship with me.
29) Social Media Engagement
Her activity on my social media, especially Instagram stories, was noticeable. She not only viewed everything I posted but often reacted or commented, making her presence known in my digital life.
30) Gives Meaningful Gifts
The gifts she gave me were thoughtful, reflecting a deep understanding of my likes and dislikes. It was clear she put a lot of thought into choosing something that would mean a lot to me.
Identifying Interest: Likes and Wants
Identifying a married woman’s interest in you involves interpreting both verbal and nonverbal communication. She might express what she wants to know about your personal life, signaling her interest in you beyond mere acquaintance. A woman who likes you will make an effort to engage in deeper conversations, ask about your likes and dislikes, and show enthusiasm for the things you care about. Recognizing these signs requires an understanding of the subtleties of human interaction, where what is unsaid is often just as important as the spoken words.
Deciphering a Married Woman’s Signals
Deciphering whether a married woman is interested can be complex. Signs a married woman likes you may include her sharing personal stories or showing concern for your well-being, indicating she values a connection with you. If you’re wondering how to know if a married woman wants to establish a closer relationship, pay attention to how she prioritizes her time with you, initiates private conversations, or subtly uses body language to convey her feelings. These signals suggest a desire to deepen the relationship beyond casual friendship.
The Art of Flirtation and Attraction
Flirtation is an art that communicates interest and attraction subtly. When a woman is flirting, she uses a combination of verbal banter and nonverbal cues to show she’s interested. This might include playful teasing, complimenting you in a way that feels personal, or sharing glances that linger a bit longer than usual. Understanding and responding to these signals can be the key to recognizing mutual attraction. A woman’s flirting is often a blend of curiosity, attraction, and the desire to connect on a deeper level, reflecting her feelings and interest in you.
Famous Married Women Who Had Affairs with Single Men
Throughout history, several high-profile affairs involving married women and single men have captivated the public’s imagination. These stories, spanning from the golden age of Hollywood to contemporary times, underscore the complex nature of human relationships and the societal fascination with love, betrayal, and the consequences that ensue. Here’s a look at some of the most talked-about affairs:
1) Elizabeth Taylor and Eddie Fisher
One of the most scandalous affairs of the 20th century involved Elizabeth Taylor and Eddie Fisher. Fisher was married to Debbie Reynolds, Taylor’s best friend, when the affair began. The public was captivated by the betrayal, leading to a marriage between Taylor and Fisher that was scrutinized and vilified by fans and media alike.
2) LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian
In a modern twist on classic Hollywood scandals, country singer LeAnn Rimes and actor Eddie Cibrian embarked on an affair while both were married to other people. Their relationship began on the set of a movie and resulted in both leaving their spouses to marry each other. The affair and subsequent marriage were heavily covered in the press, reflecting changing attitudes towards celebrity relationships.
3) Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Though not directly fitting the mold of a married woman and single man, the relationship between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt began amid speculation while Pitt was married to Jennifer Aniston. Dubbed “Brangelina,” their relationship became a significant pop culture moment, illustrating the power of celebrity relationships to dominate public discourse.
4) Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders
Actress Kristen Stewart and director Rupert Sanders found themselves at the center of a media storm when their affair was revealed. Sanders was married at the time, and Stewart was in a high-profile relationship with Robert Pattinson. The affair highlighted the intense scrutiny faced by celebrities in the digital age, where privacy is often elusive.
5) Jay Z and Beyoncé
Music power couple Jay Z and Beyoncé faced their share of public scrutiny when hints of Jay Z’s infidelity emerged. The couple chose to address the challenges in their marriage through their music, offering a rare glimpse into the personal lives of two of the world’s most famous artists. Their handling of the affair and its aftermath speaks to the complexities of love and forgiveness.
Conclusion
Tread lightly when deciphering a married woman’s potential interest, as the journey into understanding the signs a married woman wants to connect with you requires caution and keen observation. Looking for signs a married woman is attracted to you is crucial in navigating this delicate terrain. Her seemingly flirtatious glance, the depth of her extended conversations, the unexpected touch – these may be subtle embers of longing amidst the ashes of routine or mere wisps of smoke from a fire that does not truly burn. The sexual attraction, the way she shows she’s a woman interested, the nuanced woman signs, and even her specific woman feelings towards you might all intertwine, painting a complex picture of her inner world. When you notice a married woman flirting, it’s essential to understand that you are stepping into a landscape filled with emotional complexities and unintended consequences.
The dance of attraction within the bounds of marriage is indeed a labyrinth of shadows, rife with the potential for misunderstanding and hurt. Each step should be taken with sensitivity; each sign, from the subtle to the overt, navigated with the utmost respect for all involved. Recognize the potential pain you may ignite or extinguish by acknowledging the gravity of the situation. This intricate tapestry of whispers, glances, and gestures reveals not just the secrets of human relationships but the fragility of hearts caught in the crossfire of desire and commitment.
Understanding a married woman interested in you goes beyond mere observation; it requires a deep empathy for the complexities of human emotions and relationships. The journey is fraught with potential pitfalls, where the lines between innocent flirtation and deeper interest blur. As you explore this terrain, remember that each interaction carries weight, each gesture has meaning, and the implications of recognizing and acting upon these signals extend far beyond the moment. Approach with caution, tread with care, and always prioritize the respect and dignity of all individuals involved.
FAQ
What are signs a married woman wants you sexually? A married woman may show signs she wants you sexually through more direct physical contact, suggestive conversations, and explicit compliments about your appearance. These behaviors often go beyond friendly interactions and indicate a deeper level of sexual interest.
How can you tell if signs a married woman is sexually attracted to you? Signs include prolonged eye contact, finding excuses to be close to you, and engaging in conversations that have a sexual undertone. Her body language will be open and inviting, and she may touch you in a way that suggests more than just friendship.
What does it mean when a married woman wants you to make a move? It means she’s likely interested in taking your relationship beyond platonic boundaries. This can be indicated by her creating private opportunities for you to be together, hinting at dissatisfaction in her marriage, or making suggestive comments that invite a more intimate connection.
How to know if a married woman is attracted to you sexually? She will often initiate flirtatious banter, send you suggestive messages, or share intimate details about her personal life. Her interest in you sexually can also be evident in the way she dresses and makes an effort to look attractive for you.
How to know if a married woman likes you but is hiding it? Subtle signs include her being exceptionally attentive to your needs, remembering small details about your conversations, and showing jealousy or discomfort when you mention other women. Her efforts to hide her feelings may result in mixed signals but consistent patterns of behavior suggest attraction.
Are there specific signs an older married woman likes you? Yes, an older married woman might be more discreet with her attraction, showing it through meaningful conversations, wisdom-sharing, and showing a keen interest in your life and career. Her experience may lead her to express interest in a more nuanced and sophisticated manner.
What are married woman flirting signs? Flirting signs include playful teasing, complimenting you frequently, finding reasons to touch you casually, and sending flirty texts or emails. She may also laugh at your jokes more often and seek your company over others.
How to tell if a married woman likes you? If she goes out of her way to spend time with you, communicates with you outside of normal social or work settings, and shares personal or intimate details about her life, these are strong indicators she likes you.
What are the signs a married woman is attracted to you? Beyond flirting, signs include her making an effort to meet you alone, dressing up for you, and showing a keen interest in your personal life. She might also compare you favorably to her spouse or express unhappiness in her current relationship.
What does it mean when a married woman is flirting with me? It could indicate she finds you attractive and is interested in exploring a connection beyond friendship. However, flirting doesn’t always mean she wants to pursue a relationship; it could also be her way of enjoying a momentary escape from her routine life.
I’d like to think of myself as a good guy. Not quite Senator Corleone, Governor Corleone (if that reference is lost on you, please stop reading now) – but the truth is, I cheat on my wife. And I’m not sure what’s worse, cheating on my wife, or writing an article called ‘How To Cheat On Your Wife And Not Get Caught‘
I’m not proud of it, but I do. A couple of my friends know about my ‘extra-circular‘ activities, and they’ll often ask me questions like ‘how do I cheat on my wife’ (the friends that believe in happily ever after always ask that) – whilst others will want to live vicariously through my escapades and ask ‘what’s the best way to cheat on your wife’. Of course those friends are on the fence, pondering whether it’s worth the risk. And if you think cheating or finding women to have affairs with, it certainly isn’t. It’s almost like work.
Cheating on your wife is not for the faint hearted. The smallest error, the tiniest misstep can lead to divorce, financial ruin, not being able to see your kids, reputational damage, etc..And yes, this is the small print like at the back of a bottle of Viagra. You may be excited to take it at first, but of course there could be some unintended side effects.
How To Cheat On Your Wife And Not Get Caught
Going in to this you have to know the risks before you get to taste the rewards. If you’re going to cheat, being careless, or having an office fling after a Xmas Party is one thing – and you may get away with that once. But if you are looking to have several women on rotation, have a life of risk and excitement – then cheating properly, with a code is your best bet. So if you’re wondering if you can cheat and get away with it, or looking for tips for cheating – know this, you’ve come to the right place.
I will never glorify cheating. If you’ve already decided this is what you want to try, then at least follow my advice and do it right! I’ve always said that cheating is an art. Anyone can pickup some half drunk girl in a bar, or have a quick and meaningless office fling.
But the truest art of cheating is having one or more affair partners and getting away with it time and time again. It doesn’t hurt when you’re always vying to be a better lover.
Firstly, before you can even think about getting away with cheating, you’ve got to know where to find women to cheat with.
12 Steps To How To Cheat On Your Wife
Assuming you’re already quite skilled in finding affair partners, below are my tips on how to cheat on my wife. Of course it works for me, however, only you know your wife and you may need to variate some of my tactics to suit your life.
1) Be Discreet
Never tell a living soul. Loose lips sink ships. There’s nothing worse than you getting away with cheating, then showing off to one of your buddies, for him to tell his wife, and then Chinese Whispers take over.
As exciting as it is to have an affair, you’ve got to keep it entirely to yourself. If you feel the need to chat about it, setup your own blog like I have, or setup an anonymous account on Twitter / Reddit and brag away.
If you tell even a small group of close friends, there’s always going to be that one that makes you feel guilty. You know the one, that person that’s been in a long term relationship since they were like 16 and would never hide any detail from their significant other.
Not all your friends will accept your life decisions and that’s ok. By not telling them, you’re not even giving them the chance to express their views, which is probably better.
2) Never Leave A Trace
My wife happens to use my phone all the time. Not because she’s nosy, but sometimes she simply can’t be bothered to get up to grab her phone – it’s just easier to use mine. And the second you start to act cagey is when suspicions arise. So I make a point of never using WhatsApp or iMessages. I either stick to the messaging features on dating sites, or I use 3 apps that work well for me.
My wife doesn’t even realise what these apps are and would never think to look there. Additionally, if the apps don’t self delete the messages, I make a point of manually deleting them. And on the off chance I’ve called my Affair Partner, I delete my call log. Don’t bring that stuff to the house, and don’t let your wife have that much access if any to your phone. You’re only asking for trouble.
3) Never use a card, always pay by cash
There’s nothing worse than having had steamy sex in some hotel, getting away with it and then getting questioned a month later when the statement comes. That’s a complete amateur move.
Always use cash or crypto to pay for things. If you don’t, you are simply begging to have your affair found out. Remember, you don’t want your significant other to get hurt. Finding items on your credit card bill that can’t be explained will start to put doubt in their head. Trust me when I say, the fewer people that know the better. The friends of yours who are in committed relationships will never understand why you do what you do.
4) Never take pictures or screenshots
As much as it’s nice to have pictures sent to you, they also serve as evidence. These literally will end up as Exhibit A. And let’s not forget, if you’re using the Apple Ecosystem, these very pictures could end up being synced on all your family devices. There’s nothing more embarrassing than your 5 year old daughter doing her homework on her iPad and suddenly seeing pictures of half naked women.
Can you even imagine how embarrassing that would be? No matter how attractive they are, you can’t be so involved that you’re taking pictures for fear your spouse will see them. Keep that device away and be sure that your affair partner knows that sending text messages is a strong no no. And whatever you do, don’t change your password as that’s a clear sign you’re hiding something.
5) Never break routine
I go out twice a week. Once to the gym, one on a boy’s night out. I’ve been doing this ever since I got married. And whenever I cheat, it’s usually in the daytime or on those nights. I never ever break routine. I don’t spend the night at women’s houses, I never go away with them. I stick to my routine.
My wife is smart, and the second I start breaking routine is the second she’ll start to get suspicious. I never come up with any last minute meetings, or work emergencies. Coming up with a cover story seems like way too much work. They say, it’s never the crime that gets you caught, it’s the cover-up. Of course if I go away for work it’s different. But even then, I’m quite careful to take my mistress away with me.
6) Don’t get obsessed with your new girl
The reason people like me cheat is because cheating is like a drug. It gives you a high that’s hard to find anywhere else, and can become easily addictive. You go through this stage of puppy love, excitement, butterflies on your stomach and can find yourself constantly engaging in messaging back and forth. Be cool. Don’t let the puppy love force you to make silly mistakes. Don’t be that person that acts crazy and then raise suspicions. Protect your partner and your family.
7) Kissing / Sex
When you meet someone new, you change the way you kiss and have sex. It’s only natural, unless you’re some sort of robot. It’s like good communication – you react to how they react. They may teach you some new moves and the last thing you want to do is bring those moves back home to your wife. Because she’s going to immediately get suspicious why suddenly you’re trying new things. This is the last thing you want to do.
8) It’s Over
I’ve had some amazing relationships in my time. Relationships that have made me kiss the rainbow and touch the sky. However, like all good things, they can simply come crashing down. Breakups are a big part of having affairs. And they can affect your mood in a huge way.
I recently wrote a post called ‘Even Cheaters Feel Pain‘ where I talked about how much a recent breakup nearly broke me, but what was even harder, was that I’d have to come to work and act normal and worse still go home and be normal with my wife and 3 lovely kids, whilst all the while dying inside.
You have to learn how to manage your state. I found that meditation, along with finding your next affair partner was the quickest way to deal with it. Otherwise, you’re constantly going to get asked ‘what’s wrong?’
All these dates and flings all have an expiration date. They truly do. It’s not like being in a book club for years and years. It’s counter intuitive to think you’ll be in a committed relationship with your affair partner for years. That’s just not realistic.
9) Always keep a spare set of clothes in the car
I go to the gym every Monday night. I tend to wear a black t-shirt and blue joggers. Now here’s where I’m clever. I keep an exact copy of those clothes in a gym bag in my car. Then I’ll go to see my affair partner, have the time of my life and then shower at hers and change into the exact same looking clothes. That way when I come home, I come home looking exactly like I went out and no one is none the wiser.
10) Buy A Burner Phone
If you don’t want to tell your affair partner that you are married, it’s best to buy a burner phone. Keep it at your office, or in your car but be sure to get one. This way you never have to worry about her discovering that you’re married and kicking off with you, or worse, contacting your wife!
11) Don’t Shit Where You Eat
I made this mistake during Covid. I literally dated a young, beautiful girl, green eyed girl that lived 3 roads away. It was so convenient during covid, but after the relationship ended, I was constantly paranoid that I’d bump into her at the local supermarket or the gym or wherever. Which of course has happened a few times. It was a total school boy error. I chose convenience over smartness – NEVER AGAIN!
12) Don’t Do It
If you don’t have the stomach or discipline to do the above, then don’t head down this road. I won’t lie, affairs aren’t for everyone. It’s an art that takes practice and discipline. And if you are not disciplined you’re prone to make school boy errors. And let’s be honest here, most wives simply will not tolerate a husband who has cheated on them. What’s more important to you, an evening of passion or a lifetime of regret?
Can You Cheat And Get Away With It
If you’ve gotten this far, then the answer of can you cheat and get away with it, is of course a resounding yes. But as you can see it take meticulous planning and lots of effort. And for most mere mortals, all this effort just isn’t worth the risk. The best you can hope for is perhaps a one-time thing in a club, or an office party, or with an ex-girlfriend, followed by never again.
Conclusion
I’ve read so many articles online about not getting caught, but the truth is, it’s about more than that. If you’re reading an article like this it tells me you have a good level of intelligence. And if you decide to cheat on your wife and get away with it, then heed the advice in this article.
For me it’s about NOT arousing suspicion or even acting suspicious. Women have very very strong intuition and the minute they suspect you, it’s the beginning of the end.
They don’t have to catch you read handed or read messages on your phone or smell the perfume on your clothes. They just need to suspect you and it’s the beginning of them starting to snoop.
Your job isn’t to not get caught, it’s to not act in a way that arouses suspicion with your spouse.
Of course it goes without saying that you don’t want to get caught cheating with your secret lover in a hotel room. That would be terrible and too many feelings would get hurt. You have to almost treat cheating with the same way you would a business. With discipline.
I hope the above guide helps and of course if you are a seasoned cheater and I’ve missed something out, then by all means contact me. I’ll add it to the list.
Buyer Beware | FAQs
I want to cheat on my wife:
Engaging in infidelity can cause deep emotional pain and lasting damage to relationships. It’s crucial to consider the underlying reasons for these feelings and to communicate openly with your partner. Seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist can be a constructive way to address relationship issues and personal feelings. But if you are like me, and think it is worth the risk – just be careful and stick to a code.
How to cheat on your spouse:
Read this blog again. And then again. Follow all the advice. And remember Loose Lips Sink Ships.
Best way to cheat on your wife:
There is no ethical way to cheat. Infidelity undermines the foundation of trust and respect in a relationship. If you are experiencing dissatisfaction or conflict in your relationship, it is important to address these issues directly with your partner. However, if you are determined to go ahead and cheat, the best way to cheat is just like how porcupines mate – CAREFULLY.
How to get away from the wife for a night:
If you feel the need for personal space or time alone, it’s important to communicate this need to your partner in a respectful and honest manner. Healthy relationships allow for individual space while maintaining trust and communication. That said, if you want to know what to say to your wife to get out of the house to cheat, read this post on what to say to your other half to get out the house to cheat.
How to cheat on girlfriend and get away with it:
Cheating is not just about getting caught; it’s about honesty and respect in a relationship. That said, for whatever reason, I never found cheating on my girlfriend exciting, well just not as exciting as cheating on my wife.
How to get away with an affair:
Follow all the steps in this blog post.
Easiest way to cheat on wife:
The easiest way to cheat is to never break routine. If you are ‘at work’ during the day, then that’s probably the best time to do it. But if you think that sudden work trips away, weekend conferences is your cover – it’ll raise red flags.
How to cheat safely:
Even though it’s obvious – be safe, wear a condom. Don’t bring that shit home. STIs are forever. Don’t believe me, ask all those idiots who kept saying, what happens in vegas stays in vegas.
Ways to cheat in a relationship:
If you want to cheat and it’s not physical, remember flirting, sexting, chatting to other women, emotional affairs – they are all ways to cheat too. Again, remember to leave no trace.
Gentlemen, let’s face it – online dating can be a daunting experience. With countless profiles to swipe through, it’s easy to feel like you’re lost in the sea of eligible bachelors. But what if there was a secret weapon to help you stand out from the pack and score more dates? Now when I first heard about this service, I must confess, I was a bit stunned. I never for a moment realised that there were people out there making an income just by writing people’s dating BIOs.
At first I was skeptical. But that was a mistake. Because for me, using a service that specialized in dating bios and profiles, made such an immense difference to my game. It led to a lot more conversations starting, which led to more chats, which led to more meet-ups.
In this post, I share with you some tips and tricks around working with some, as well as a little bit about my experience. The only regret I’ve had in this journey, is that I never hired one sooner.
Why It’s Important To Use An Online Dating Profile Writer
Enter the world of online dating profile writers! I’m here to give you the inside scoop on profile writing services and guide you through the process of choosing the best writer for you, to take you to online dating success. So whether you are single and looking do dominate on dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hitch or looking for extra martial affairs on sites like Ashley Madison (see our AM Tips here), we’ve got you covered.
What to Expect from an Online Dating Profile Writing Service
A Personal Touch: One-on-One Consultation
The first step in working with a professional dating profile writer is the one-on-one consultation. This is your chance to let your personality shine and give the writer a glimpse into your life. Expect to discuss your interests, hobbies, career, and what you’re looking for in a partner. By getting to know you on a deeper level, the writer will be better equipped to craft a profile that captures your essence and showcases your unique qualities.
Customization is Key: Tailoring Your Profile
Say goodbye to generic, cookie-cutter profiles! With a professional writer at your side, your profile will be tailored specifically to you, highlighting your most attractive traits and setting you apart from the competition. From your witty headline to your engaging bio, every aspect of your profile will be customized to ensure it’s a true reflection of your personality.
Picture Perfect: Choosing the Right Photos
A picture is worth a thousand words, and when it comes to online dating, your photos are the first thing potential matches will see. Your writer will help you curate a selection of photos that not only showcase your handsome mug but also highlight your hobbies, interests, and lifestyle. They’ll guide you on which images to use as your main profile picture, as well as the supporting photos that will pique the interest of potential dates.
Catch Their Eye: Crafting a Killer Headline
Your profile headline is your chance to make a memorable first impression. With just a few well-chosen words, your writer will craft a catchy and engaging headline that will have potential matches clicking on your profile in no time. Whether it’s a clever pun, a thought-provoking quote, or a simple statement about who you are, your headline will be a key factor in capturing the attention of your target audience.
Tell Your Story: Writing a Compelling Bio
Your bio is your opportunity to tell your story and give potential matches a glimpse into your world. A skilled writer will craft a bio that not only showcases your best qualities but also keeps readers engaged and wanting to know more. Expect to cover everything from your career and hobbies to your favorite travel destinations and even the type of relationship you’re seeking. A well-written bio will make it easy for potential matches to envision themselves as part of your life.
Playing the Field: Tips for Messaging and Communication
Once your profile is complete, it’s time to put it to work! Your writer will provide you with valuable tips on how to approach potential matches, start conversations, and keep the dialogue flowing. From crafting the perfect opening message to knowing when to ask for a date, your writer will help you navigate the often-tricky world of online dating communication.
Aftercare: Profile Review and Revisions
Your writer’s job isn’t done once your profile is written. They’ll review the finished product with you to ensure it meets your expectations and accurately represents who you are.
If necessary, they’ll make revisions to fine-tune your profile and ensure it’s the best it can be. This process is crucial in making sure your profile is polished, professional, and ready to attract your ideal match.
Continued Support: Profile Updates
As your life evolves, so should your dating profile. Your writer will be available to help you update your profile as needed to reflect new experiences, accomplishments, and interests. This ongoing support ensures that your profile remains fresh, dynamic, and relevant to your current situation.
How Much Is An Online Dating Profile Service
To my surprise, when I started looking for an online dating profile writer, I was shocked as to how many there were. There were writers starting as little as $50 going all the way to $1,000. Of course all of them promised the moon, and for some of them – they were just general writers, who claimed that writing Bios was their main gig – not true.
To get some research done for this article, I decided to hire a few of them across price points. I was skeptical at first, but some of them were just magnificent. The best ones asked the best questions. They got the best information out of me and really honed in on my own personality along with what I was looking for. And it was specific and tailored, not like so many of these dating profile generators I found out there.
As crazy as it sounds, the one that cost me $1,000 was actually the best. And given over 200 other people had used her and given her rave reviews, I felt more confident about spending that amount of money with her. I justified it to myself by saying:
‘it’s a one off cost.’
Like everything in life, I’ve come to appreciate that if you buy cheap, you buy twice. And the cheaper writers, whilst good, their profiles weren’t setting the world alight. But this one writer that was expensive, was so good. I had women constantly commenting on how well and fantastic my profile was – which ultimately led to more dates.
Choosing the Best Online Dating Profile Writer for You
Do Your Homework: Research Different Services
Before you choose a profile writing service, it’s important to do your due diligence. Start by comparing various services and their offerings. Look for companies that have a strong reputation and a track record of success in the industry. Read customer reviews and testimonials to learn about others’ experiences with the service, both positive and negative. This research will give you a solid foundation for making an informed decision.
Expertise Matters: Evaluate Writers’ Backgrounds
When it comes to crafting an effective dating profile, expertise is crucial. Look for writers who have experience in the field, as well as a strong understanding of what makes a profile stand out. Check out their backgrounds and qualifications, and don’t be afraid to ask for samples of their work. By choosing a writer with the right skills and experience, you can be confident that your profile will be top-notch.
Feel the Connection: Assess Communication and Rapport
One of the most important aspects of working with a dating profile writer is establishing a strong rapport. Choose a writer you feel comfortable with, who listens to your needs and concerns, and can effectively convey your personality in writing. Good communication is essential to ensuring that your profile accurately represents you and resonates with your target audience.
Money Matters: Consider Pricing and Value
When evaluating profile writing services, it’s important to weigh the cost against the potential value it brings to your dating life. While it’s tempting to go for the cheapest option, remember that you often get what you pay for. Consider the long-term benefits of investing in a high-quality profile, and choose a service that offers the best value for your money.
Red Flags to Watch Out For
Too Good to Be True: Unrealistic Promises
As with any service, it’s important to be wary of profile writers who make unrealistic promises or guarantee that you’ll find love. While a well-written profile can certainly improve your chances of success, there are no guarantees in the world of online dating. Be cautious of any writer who seems too good to be true, as they may not deliver the results you’re hoping for.
Shady Business: Lack of Transparency
Transparency is essential when choosing a dating profile writer. Avoid writers who are vague about their services, pricing, or background. A reputable writer should be upfront about what they offer and how much it will cost, as well as their qualifications and experience. If a writer is unwilling to share this information, it’s a red flag that they may not be the best choice for you.
Ghosted: Limited or Non-Existent Customer Support
A good profile writer should be responsive and available to address any concerns or questions you may have. If a writer is difficult to reach or unresponsive to your inquiries, it could be a sign that they won’t provide the support you need. Choose a writer who is committed to your success and offers ongoing support to ensure your profile remains up-to-date and effective.
Tips and Tricks from Your Female Insider
Be Genuine: Showcase Your Authentic Self
In the world of online dating, authenticity is key. Rather than trying to fit a certain mold or present yourself as someone you’re not, embrace your quirks and unique qualities. Women are attracted to men who are genuine and true to themselves. Your writer will help you showcase your authentic self, making your profile more appealing to potential matches.
Confidence is King: Show Off Your Best Traits
Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a man. Your writer will work with you to identify your best traits and accomplishments, and showcase them in your profile. By highlighting your strengths, you’ll exude confidence and make a lasting impression on potential dates.
Humor is a Must: Make Them Laugh
Women love a man who can make them laugh. A well-placed joke or a witty remark in your profile can be the difference between a swipe left and a swipe right. Your writer will help you find the perfect balance between humor and sincerity, ensuring that your profile is both entertaining and engaging.
Adventure Awaits: Share Your Passions
Showcase your hobbies, interests, and zest for life in your profile. Women are drawn to men who are passionate and have a sense of adventure. By sharing your favorite activities and experiences, you’ll give potential matches a glimpse into your world and create a connection based on shared interests.
Stay Positive: Focus on What You Want
In your profile, it’s important to focus on what you’re looking for rather than what you’re not. Positivity is attractive and can lead to better matches. Your writer will help you craft a profile that highlights your desires and expectations, ensuring that you attract like-minded individuals.
Manners Matter: Be Respectful and Polite
Remember to always be courteous and respectful, even in the virtual world of online dating. Showing good manners and treating others with respect can go a long way in making a great first impression. Your writer will help you convey this in your profile, setting the tone for future interactions with potential matches.
Embrace Vulnerability: Open Up About Your Feelings
Don’t be afraid to share your emotions and let potential matches see your sensitive side. Women appreciate men who are in touch with their feelings and aren’t afraid to express them. Your writer will help you strike the right balance between vulnerability and strength, ensuring that your profile is both authentic and appealing.
Less is More: Keep It Concise
A well-written, concise profile is more likely to hold a reader’s attention. Your writer will help you strike the perfect balance between informative and engaging, ensuring that your profile doesn’t become an overwhelming wall of text. By keeping your profile concise and to-the-point, you’ll make it easier for potential matches to get to know you and envision themselves as part of your life.
Making the Most of Your New Profile
Stay Active: Regularly Update Your Profile
To keep your profile fresh and relevant, make sure to update it regularly with new photos, interests, and experiences. This will show potential matches that you’re an active and interesting person, and can lead to more connections and conversations.
Be Patient: Give It Time
Finding the perfect match takes time, even with a professionally written profile. Be patient and remember that good things come to those who wait. With persistence and a positive attitude, you’ll increase your chances of finding a compatible partner.
Stay Open-Minded: Explore Different Platforms
Don’t be afraid to try different dating platforms and expand your horizons. Each platform has its unique features and user base, and you never know where you’ll find your perfect match. By staying open-minded and exploring different options, you’ll increase your chances of success.
Learn from Experience: Reflect on Past Interactions
Take the time to reflect on your past dating experiences and learn from them. By examining your successes and failures, you’ll gain valuable insights that can help you grow and improve your chances of finding a compatible partner. Use these lessons to refine your approach and become a more effective online dater.
Enjoy the Process: Have Fun with Online Dating
Last but not least, have fun! Online dating should be an enjoyable experience, so don’t forget to relax and enjoy the process of meeting new people. Embrace the excitement of connecting with potential matches and discovering what makes each person unique.
Trust Your Instincts: Listen to Your Gut
When interacting with potential matches, trust your instincts. If something feels off or too good to be true, it’s important to pay attention to those feelings. By trusting your gut, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the world of online dating and avoid potential pitfalls.
Stay Safe: Practice Online Dating Safety
As with any online interaction, safety should always be a priority. Be cautious about sharing personal information with potential matches, and always trust your instincts when it comes to your safety. Follow the safety guidelines provided by your chosen dating platform and never hesitate to report any suspicious behavior.
Take Breaks: Don’t Get Burned Out
Online dating can be overwhelming and depressing at times, so it’s essential to take breaks when needed. Give yourself permission to step back and recharge if the process becomes too much. Taking breaks will help you maintain a positive mindset and prevent burnout.
Don’t Be Discouraged: Rejection is Part of the Process
In the world of online dating, rejection is an inevitable part of the process. It’s important to remember that not every match will be a perfect fit, and that’s okay. Stay positive, learn from your experiences, and keep moving forward.
Be Honest: Practice Clear and Open Communication
When interacting with potential matches, it’s important to practice clear and open communication. Be honest about your intentions, feelings, and expectations to foster a healthy and genuine connection. By being upfront and transparent, you’ll build trust and increase your chances of finding a compatible partner.
Conclusion: Ready to Find Your Perfect Match?
With the help of a professional online dating profile writer, you’ll be well on your way to finding your perfect match. By following the tips and advice outlined in this guide, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the world of online dating and make the most of your newly crafted profile. Remember to stay genuine, be confident, and enjoy the journey. Happy swiping, gentlemen!
FAQs
What is an online dating profile writing service, and how can it help me?
An online dating profile writing service is a professional service that helps individuals create or improve their existing dating profiles. These services are designed to help you stand out from the competition and increase your chances of attracting potential matches. A skilled writer will work with you to craft a customized, engaging profile that highlights your best qualities and showcases your unique personality. This may include assistance with choosing the right photos, creating a catchy headline, writing a compelling bio, and providing tips on effective communication in the online dating world.
How do I choose the right online dating profile writer for me?
To find the best online dating profile writer for your needs, start by researching different services and comparing their offerings. Look for a writer with experience in the field, a strong understanding of what makes a profile stand out, and a proven track record of success. Check out customer reviews and testimonials, and don’t hesitate to ask for samples of their work. It’s also important to find a writer with whom you feel comfortable and can establish a strong rapport, as this will help ensure that your profile accurately reflects your personality.
How much does an online dating profile writing service cost, and is it worth the investment?
The cost of an online dating profile writing service can vary depending on factors such as the writer’s experience, the level of customization offered, and the scope of the services provided. Prices can range from as low as $50 to several hundred dollars or more. When considering the cost, think about the potential value it can bring to your dating life. A well-written, professionally crafted profile can significantly improve your chances of attracting compatible matches, ultimately saving you time and increasing your odds of finding a lasting connection. In this sense, investing in a high-quality profile writing service can be well worth the expense.
Will the writer maintain my privacy and keep my personal information confidential?
Reputable online dating profile writing services should prioritize client confidentiality and privacy. When working with a professional writer, it’s important to establish clear expectations regarding the handling of your personal information. A skilled writer will work with you to create a profile that accurately represents your personality while respecting your privacy concerns. Be sure to discuss your preferences and boundaries with your writer upfront to ensure a positive and secure experience.
What if I don’t like the profile my writer creates for me? Can I request revisions?
A good profile writer should be receptive to your feedback and willing to make revisions as needed to ensure your satisfaction with the final product. It’s important to communicate your expectations and preferences clearly throughout the process, so your writer has a solid understanding of your vision. If you’re not happy with the initial draft, don’t hesitate to request changes or provide additional input to help your writer refine your profile to better represent you.
How long does it take to create a new dating profile with a professional writer?
The timeline for creating a new dating profile with a professional writer can vary depending on factors such as the writer’s schedule, the level of customization required, and the complexity of your individual needs. Generally, you can expect the process to take anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks. Keep in mind that high-quality, personalized profiles take time to create, and it’s important to be patient and allow your writer the necessary time to craft a profile that truly showcases your unique personality and attributes.
Can I expect immediate results from my newly crafted profile, or will it take time to see an increase in matches and interactions?
While a professionally written dating profile can significantly improve your chances of attracting potential matches, it’s important to remember that success in online dating is not guaranteed and can take time. Be patient and give the process time to work. Keep in mind that finding the right match is often a matter of trial and error, and it’s crucial to maintain realistic expectations. Remember that your profile is just one part of the equation, and factors such as your communication skills, the dating platform you use, and the effort you put into engaging with potential matches also play a significant role in your success. With persistence and a positive attitude, you’ll increase your chances of finding a compatible partner over time. In the meantime, enjoy the journey and embrace the opportunity to connect with new and interesting people.
I went out for drinks the other night with a close friend of mine who is single. He just started a new job at a hedge fund and kept going on and on about this married co-worker that he was completely obsessed with.
I got the impression she wasn’t really into him – otherwise no doubt he would have known it, but he was optimistic. Married women are very good at dropping hints to a guy if they’re into him. She of course was dropping none of them. The sad reality was like so many, he had a crush on a married woman.
And he kept asking about affairs, how to get ready for one, where to find women to have an affair with, which dating site is the best and most importantly how are most affairs discovered.
The Reality Of A Cheating Husband
Now let’s just take a pause here. Because whilst I know I’m a cheating husband and I like taking risks and living on a knife edge, knowing how affairs are discovered plays on my mind a lot. In fact I think about it more than I should; especially so as not to fall into any obvious traps.
In wondering how I was going to write this piece, I realized that I could group all the ways into 2 simple categories: 1) stupidity and 2) bad luck.
Whenever you read articles about about a cheating husband, you know in the relationship advice of some magazine highlighting all the detailed information about the infidelity, cheating spouses seem to get busted by either bad luck or plain old stupidity.
And of course it’s both men and women who cheat, but given I’m a guy, and my marriage is seemingly healthy, this particular piece has of course been written from a guy’s POV.
Contemplated Cheating?
I’m a big believer that a lot of married people contemplate cheating. I feel it’s quite normal. Now most people don’t do it because they’re smart and feel guilty (unlike me). And they think through a lot of their actions and worry about being caught red handed (rightfully so).
But some people are curious, especially married men. A lot of married men who need to travel for work, may have had their first affair or one night stand on a business trip and come back completely addicted. Whilst others have had their fix one and now it’s out of their system.
The reality is at least twenty percent of my male friends have had relationships outside of their marriage. However when you read these gossip magazines, women reported infidelity at a substantially higher number, though I struggle to really believe those statistics. And of the 20% who have cheated, most of them have not been caught cheating. And they weren’t caught cheating because they took into account a lot of the below.
Some of those guys have stopped having relationships with other women, whilst others are on their third affair. The ones who stopped cheating, actually went the other way and rediscovered their relationship with their wife again. They enjoyed spending time with their families and didn’t enjoy the lying or the headache associated with having a mistress.
Most affairs don’t last for years and years. In fact many of mine have lasted for a few months before they fizzle out. However, it’s very easy to become complacent in those few months. Allowing those butterflies in your stomach to take over can be very dangerous.
I won’t lie – it’s a rollercoaster of emotions that truly affects your mental health. And if you’re not ready for the cover up part, don’t even dip your toe in this murky world.
If You’re Reading This You’re Smart
If you’re on the verge of having an affair or already knee deep in one and have found yourself asking the question, how are most affairs discovered, then it tells me you’re smart and don’t want to get caught. It tells me that you value your relationship with your wife / partner and don’t want them to get hurt.
When affairs start, it’s a full on experience, but it’s good you’re here right now! There’s plenty of other articles on this site which can be used as related reading, but this is the one article that hopefully will save you getting caught.
Buckle Up & Read On
So buckle up and read on. I can teach you how to avoid the stupid and amateur mistakes and hopefully you don’t get caught, but of course no one can prepare you for the back luck ones.
Below are all the ways on how most affairs are discovered
1) Text Messages (stupidity)
Let’s start with the obvious. Your phone. It’s hardly realistic to have your phone with you at all times, including of course the shower. It’s going to left unattended at some point and unless you’re using secretive apps to communicate with your affair partners, text messages are an easy way to get caught.
WhatsApps have been known to be some of the most obvious ways of getting caught. And whilst you may get messaged at the wrong time, it’s those historical chats and sordid messages that you forget to cull could be the death of you. It’s literally Exhibit A in any divorce case.
2) Emails (stupidity)
Whilst there’s a lot more privacy in Emails than text messages, they also happen to come to most peoples’ phones, making them just as much as a liability as text messages. Many a cheating couple have been caught by keeping their sordid email chain going for just as long as their affair, leaving them exposed and making it easy for their affair to be discovered.
The trouble is, by virtue of how emails work, it’s also been known that affair partners have gotten discovered by accidentally sending it to the wrong person.
3) Acting Differently At Home (stupidity)
I have made this mistake so many times. It’s impossible to act 100% normal at home. You could be on cloud 9 with your affair partner, whilst it can also have the adverse effect.
I’ve had breakups with affairs partners and being normal at home has been one of the absolute most difficult things to do. It can make you short-tempered, irritable and flat – raising the question from your spouse:
‘what’s wrong?’
And unless you have a solid story as to why you are in a bad mood, you are 100% going to raise some suspicions.
4) Kissing / Having Sex Differently (stupidity)
Everyone you’re with likes different things. The way you kiss them, the way you have sex with them, it’s never going to be the same. That’s completely normal. However coming home and bringing that into your bedroom with your spouse is going to make her wonder where you learnt all these new moves from.
In fact, worse than wonder, it’s going to make her extremely suspicious. Imagine, what would yous say when she asks:
‘in all these years you’ve never done that, why now?’
5) Drastic Changes In Your Appearance (stupidity)
I used to see this one lady who was majorly into fashion. She was literally a shopaholic. When we got together, whilst she was very much into me, she completely hated the way I dressed.
She made me setup a shopping account and would periodically pick clothes out for me as well as skincare products and put them in my shopping basket. If I loved them, I’d buy them, if I didn’t I wouldn’t. But my dress sense changed so drastically that it wasn’t just my wife that was asking the questions, it was everyone in my life. I put it down to a mid-life crisis and following male influencers on Instagram – but it so wasn’t that.
6) Being On Tinder (stupidity & bad luck)
Whilst Tinder is a place for single people, there are many ways to use it if you’re married. The trouble is, if you do it wrong and don’t follow the steps in our blog, there’s a large possibility someone you know is going to clock you. Worse still, a friend or relative of your wife may also see you and it won’t be long before they take a screenshot and send it to her.
Whilst you could say, it’s someone playing a prank, a quick scroll of your handset will very quickly show that it was you indeed using Tinder. Schoolboy error. So unless you know what you’re doing, stay well away from this popular dating app.
Never ever leave a trace. And unfortunately using a credit card does precisely the opposite. In fact using a credit card is a HUGE no no. The bank statements alone are going to document all those purchases that you’re attempting to hide.
Always use cash or crypto, and if you’re looking to buy a gift for someone and have to buy it online, use a friend’s card, or better yet, use a pre-paid credit card. If not, you’re literally asking to get busted.
9) Pics / Screenshots (stupidity)
Ok, so we’ve all done this. Taken that selfie with an affair partner or taken a screenshot of a potential match on a dating site just to show the boys. The trouble with that is, you’re keeping a trace. Unless you’re organized and use hidden folders or manually hide your pictures, all you’re doing is giving your spouse a chance to find it.
In fact, if you use an Apple, the chances are you’ve synced up a lot of your devices. So don’t be that person that forgets to appreciate that the picture won’t just be on your handset, it could also end up on your home computer, even your kid’s iPad.
10) Location Location Location (stupidity)
When you’re having an affair, you do have to account to your wife about your whereabouts. Now of course you’re not going to tell the truth that you’re shacked up in some hotel. You’re going to use phrases like the gym, work meetings, client dinner, etc..
The thing is it’s easy to forget where you were when you recount your story at the end of the night and let’s not forget technology is a bitch. Most devices track location and if you’re foolish enough to have find my friends switched on, you’re just asking to get caught (in real-time.)
11) Being Spotted Out (bad luck)
If you’re really careless and go to popular hotspots, you’re just asking to get caught. But if you’ve gone to great lengths to pick somewhere secluded and isolated and you still happen to get seen, then this is pure back luck.
It’s going to be very very difficult to explain why you’re in some cabin in the woods with someone, whilst your wife is at home with the children. Especially if she thinks you’re on a work retreat with the whole company.
12) A Friend Snitching (stupidity)
Loose lips sink ships. That’s probably my most favourite phrase when it comes to talking about affairs. Don’t even tell your closest friends. I know it’s tempting, but unless you have some major dirt on them, how do you know they’re not going home to tell their wife. How do you know she’s not going to her local hairdresser and sharing the news and round and round it goes – one big game of Chinese Whispers all the way back to your spouse.
There’s an excitement to having an affair that makes you want to shout from the rooftops and brag. But unless you have that discipline to keep quiet, a life in the mafia and a life with mistresses is really not your calling.
13) Careful Online (stupidity)
I used to date someone I’d met on Instagram. Of course I first slid into her DMs before I slid into her panties. We kept commenting and liking on each other’s posts like total amateurs. It wasn’t long before her husband was wondering who I was. He kept watching all my stories religiously. And not long after that, the relationship fizzled out altogether. It was obvious he was getting highly suspicious, and neither her or I had done anything to quell that. However since then, I never follow, like or comment on any socials of someone I’m going out with. Far too risky.
14) Purchases (stupidity & bad luck)
I was in Cartier the other day, buying my wife a present for our anniversary. I left her with my card whilst I wondered around the rest of of the store looking for chocolate. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I had bought my mistress something from Cartier and there was a strong possibility that that bracelet would have been on my purchase history. I rushed back like you’d never seen. Bolt would have been severely impressed.
Luckily the person serving her hadn’t mentioned it, but when I asked to see my purchases on their screen, there it was in black and white. I just so happened to be very lucky that day, that they never asked her why she was getting a bracelet that I had just bought a few months earlier for my affair partner.
15) Guilt / Confessions (stupidity)
This may surprise you, but there are people who’ve had affairs, felt so guilty and then rushed home to tell their significant other all about it. For someone like me that’s absolutely crazy and yet it’s so common. As if confessing is going to make things better. And whilst in my world, this is so inconceivable, confessing to an affair is very very common.
16) Affair Partner Rings Up Wife (stupidity & bad luck)
When things comes to an end, as hard as affair break ups are, be sure to leave things on a positive note. You’ve heard the phrase there’s nothing worse than a woman scorned. It has been known that bad breakups can lead to your affair partner calling your wife! Just imagine the nightmare scenario. You end things badly or you lied about being married and she found out later, and then she gives your wife all the sordid details. I mean it’s pretty impossible to lie and deny your way out of that. So end things well or face the unexpected.
17) STDs (stupidity & bad luck)
I mean this is just a disaster. You getting an STD is literally just as bad as you confessing. Your wife is going to know in an instant that you caught it off someone else and there’s no getting out of it. You’ll be heading straight for a divorce. It’s bad enough cheating, but not using protection is literally just asking for trouble. Especially if your affair partner ends up getting someone pregnant.
18) Spying Apps (bad luck)
Whilst I’m sure they’re not legal, there are plenty of apps out there that can track a lot of what you do. It’s like a device scanning app. They can track your movements, messages, emails and whatsapps and then send a copy of all of those to another number. Technology can be an absolute nightmare and if you’re not careful and your wife is already suspicious, these apps could be the death of you.
19) Burner Phone (stupidity)
If you’re going to be a seasoned cheater, at some point you’re going to need a burner phone. The trouble is, where do you keep it. I’m lucky enough to keep mine at work, however a lot of people don’t necessarily have that luxury. They keep it with them or in their car. The trouble with having a burner phone is that it’s easy to forget to keep it clean and delete messages. You almost assume because it’s a secret line, no one is ever going to check it. But if discovered, not only is having the phone bad, but having it filled with sordid messages that haven’t been deleted going to land you in hot soup.
Conclusion
If you’ve made it this far, I’m sure you’ll agree that affairs are a headache. They’re so much more complicated than unmarried relationships. I’ve always gone out of my way to point out in this blog that I’m broken. I don’t for one second advocate people to have affairs. Married couples will always go through ups and downs, moments of excitement and moments of dullness; but that’s never a reason or an excuse to start having affairs.
If you’re on the verge of having an affair, my advice would be to not have one and work on your primary relationship. It’s not a glamourise lifestyle and for most people, most affairs are discovered in the end for various reasons (as you can see above).
Marriage isn’t easy and if you think having an affair is the answer, you are wrong. Therapy, a holiday or talking it through are much more prudent options.
Cheaters get caught in various ways, but some common methods include changes in behavior, technology trails, and confessions. For example, unexpected changes in routine, secretive phone or computer usage, unexplained expenses, and emotional distance can raise suspicions. Technological trails such as messages, emails, or browser history are also common ways cheaters are discovered. Despite these methods, around 57% of affairs go undetected. Additionally, only about 22% of unfaithful partners confess to their infidelity, indicating that discovery is more often accidental or due to investigation rather than voluntary admission.
3) How Do Most Affairs End?
Most affairs end without transitioning into long-term relationships. Research shows that only about 3% of men who cheat leave their wives for their mistresses, and of those, a significant 75% end up divorcing the person they had an affair with. Furthermore, about 60-75% of couples stay together after an affair is discovered, indicating that many affairs conclude with the original couple attempting to reconcile and address the issues that led to the infidelity. This suggests that most affairs do not result in the dissolution of the original relationship and are not typically the foundation for a new, enduring partnership.
Why I don’t feel guilty about cheating is something that has troubled me for a while. I thought I was alone in this lack of emotions. But things changed the other day that made me appreciate I wasn’t alone. This blog gets a stack of daily emails and I don’t always get a chance to go through them all. But just yesterday I saw one titled ‘why don’t I feel guilty about cheating on my wife and children?‘
The reason it jumped off the screen is because I thought I was the only one. So how can someone cheat and not feel guilty I hear you ask. I’ve always said that I’m broken. I don’t advocate cheating, I advocating being careful to those who do. But strangely enough, as I read through this reader’s email, I couldn’t help but relate to each and every word he was saying.
He was going on about how he’d been cheating on his wife for so long that it was normal. He’d never been caught but he’s also never felt any guilt at all. It’s almost like he was devoid from that emotion and wanted to write in and try and better understand himself as to why he couldn’t feel guilt. I remember his specific question was:
Why don’t I feel guilty after cheating?
His hope was that I would reply with words of wisdom, that maybe I’d remind him of the pain he could cause, the fact that getting caught could break his family forever and that his future would seem bleak.
However I don’t think like that. I was in the exact same boat as he was. The idea that I would have answer for him was almost wishful thinking.
Sadly my reply was very brief:
When you find the answer let me know.
People like us who cheat, we lead these 2 separate lives. There’s our cheating life and then there’s our home life, and as long as the 2 planets never come near each other, we’re almost different people in each world. This is how I don’t feel guilty for cheating.
Why I Don’t Feel Guilty About Cheating
From the very beginning, I never felt guilty about cheating. I don’t feel remorse nor do I feel bad. There I finally admitted it, I cheated and don’t feel bad!
I cheated for the first time on my then girlfriend when I was 18 years old. I was so shocked and amazed that I was able to get one attractive girl let alone 2, it never occurred to me what I was doing was wrong. My emotions put me on such a high that I had little doubt that this was the way to live life. I blame all the mob movies I watched.
And whilst I got better at cheating, I also become better at covering it up. Cheating for me has always been about attention. The sex helps (of course), but the cheating has always been about the attention. I need it, I crave it, I almost can’t live without it.
And yet, whenever I read articles or listen to podcasts about infidelity, the conversation will always include words used about people like us: scum, dirtbags, sociopaths, etc, etc…
People cheat for many reasons. And I could talk to you all day about it and list those reasons here. But the truth is we are human, some of us are lost and cheating plainly makes people like me feel good.
I try and self reflect a lot. I try and analyze my behaviour a lot, not just about cheating but about all my behaviours. And when it comes to why I feel no guilt about cheating, I came up with some of the answers below. Whether they’re accurate or not, I’m not sure we’ll ever know, but it’s my analysis:
I Cheat But I’m Not A Cheater
In one of my earliest blogs on this site, I came to a conclusion that whilst I am someone who cheats (a lot), I’m not a cheater and that’s in large part because I’ve never been caught.
Someone who runs is a runner. And whilst it didn’t come to me at the time, that’s actually not the case. If you were to go up to someone at the gym who runs for 10 minutes on the treadmill and ask if he/she is a runner – chances are they’ll say:
‘no I just run a bit, but I’m no runner.’
I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong
As fucked up as this sounds, I’m a great dad. I take good care of my wife and 3 kids and I’m the type of guy who does a very good job at splitting my family life from my extra circular activities.
Given I’m very careful and haven’t been caught out (yet, I hear you say) in a strange way I don’t feel guilty or think what I’m doing is wrong. I get my attention and pleasures elsewhere and it never ever eats into my family time. The relationships that I have with other women with whom I have cheated with, all know I’m married and know that there’s an end date to it all.
I’ll have a short-term affair and it’ll be over and on to the next. The trouble is of course, once you do the wrong thing once, it’s easier to do it again and again. And I’ve just gotten to this place in my life that having an affair or multiple affairs has just become the norm for me.
My Marriage
When I used to think about marriage, I would always picture these movies were the man is the centre of his wife’s eye. And when I got married, that may have been true – however, any attention I did get in the early days got less and less after each of my 3 children were born.
I got less and less attention at home and that was something I of course couldn’t discuss with my friends. It was the one thing that no one warned me about before I got married and had kids. That even though you have a family, the attention on the man / husband gets less, and even less whilst the children are growing up.
It sounds obvious. It is obvious, it’s just I had no warning from friends or family in this matter. It all came as a shock. It was time to decide how, where and with whom I was going to get that much needed attention from.
The First Ever Affair
The first time I chased someone outside of my marriage I was 30 and she was 22. She was hot stuff. A pilot in fact. And she knew I was married, and whilst she liked me fawning over, she kept saying that there was no chance. Yet I persisted. We’d chat all the time and we’d laugh all the time. Then one day, she succumb.
She had not long gotten out of a bad relationship and it was clear, I was to be the rebound guy. I couldn’t believe my ears. For one, she was wayyyy out of my league. Like substantially out of it. I kept making the amateur mistake and asking her what she saw in me. But it was clear, I had gotten into her head. And that’s all it takes.
We decided to meet the next day for an early morning walk and before we started I wanted to get the kiss out the way. As a way of almost formalising our new ‘thing‘. Whatever it was to be. We held hands and walked through the woods for hours. It was great. I was filled with excitement.
But a few days later, I was riddled with some guilt. I couldn’t stop thinking about my wife, I couldn’t stop thinking about our wedding day. Not long after, I was again with the pilot in a park and sort of started to explain to her how I was feeling guilty. She just stared at me without emotion. The sun was gleaming and she sat there looking drop dead gorgeous. I wasn’t sure if I was talking to her or just saying it to myself. We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes before I jumped her.
I couldn’t help myself. My excitement was trumping my guilt and I just wanted to kiss her some more.
I loved how she smelt and I just wanted to sit beside her soaking it all in. She was so young and just perfect in all the right places.
To her it felt like a game. Almost getting it off the check list, getting with a married guy. But what she loved about our thing was the no baggage thing. The freedom of it all.
Affair
It never started off as an affair. Initially I thought after having sex it would all be over. Because of how young she was, and how exciting this all was, I was clearly more into her than she was into me. And so after the first night together, I kept it going. It went from an ONS to a fling. We never quite got to the affair bit, but it was most definitely a torrid fling.
We never went out for coffee, lunch or dinner. It was either walks or hotel visits. Both of which were great. She put a smile on my face and I couldn’t shift it.
Deep down, I really didn’t want it to end. But she didn’t care either way. And unfortunately I knew she was pulling back. Her ex kept messaging her and deep down I respected the fact that she missed him.
It ended with us staying friends for a few months but even that fizzled out.
No Guilt – Do Cheaters Feel Guilty?
I’ve cheated for so long, long before I was married, that I knew I wouldn’t feel guilty. But after I got married, the very first hookup – I did feel a small degree of cheating guilt, one might call it a ‘guilty affair‘. Of course the guilt after cheating didn’t last long. I think what made is easier was that this particular girl was highly intelligent. She’d graduated from Oxford and wanted our ‘thing’ to last for a bit.
She went out of her way to never ever ask about my wife, which is highly unusual in the affair game. In fact most women I’ve cheated with want to know every possible thing about my wife. They’re just curious.
But the pilot didn’t want to know a thing. Even on occasion when I had to cancel at the last minute because of something to do with my wife, she was cool about it and never asked any questions.
Why I don’t feel guilty for cheating?
Since that affair, I’ve never felt an ounce of guilt. And for that reason, I feel I’m broken. I mean the truth is whilst I cheat, I also betray. I’m betraying my wife and kids every time I step out on them. And despite knowing this and the consequences, I don’t feel bad. Not even in the slightest. I sometimes wonder what they would think of me if they knew I felt no guilt after cheating.
Since starting this blog, I’ve also been featured on plenty of other sites. I’ve been praised, hailed and of course attacked. I’ve been called a sociapath, a narcissist and someone with a personality disorder.
I kinda knew what they all meant. But I started to dig deeper. I mean clearly there is something wrong with me. Why don’t I feel bad for cheating? On a recent podcast, I was asked by the host where I draw the line – he went so far as to ask if I would shoplift, to try and work out where that line was.
And no, of course I wouldn’t do anything illegal. But the more I looked inside, the more I realised is that I had mastered the art of disassociation. I had mastered how to compartmentalise my feelings. I don’t feel bad for cheating, so one might say that not feeling guilty after cheating was my superpower!
What’s the Mental Gymnastics Behind Cheating Without the Guilt Trip?
It’s like having your cake and eating it too. Some folks cheat due to emotional hunger or craving adventure, without the side dish of guilt. It’s a psychological buffet where traditional morals are off the menu. Coming to terms with telling yourself that “I cheated and I don’t feel bad” isn’t easy at first, but it’s better than asking yourself “why do I not feel guilty for cheating?”
Is Society’s Side-Eye on Cheating Making Us Feel Naughty or Not?
Society’s glare on infidelity is like a strict parent. If you’re raised with the ‘cheating is bad‘ mantra, you’re likely to feel like a cat caught with the canary. But in more ‘love the one you’re with’ cultures, guilt might just be a skipped course.
Do Open Relationships Take the ‘Cheat’ out of Cheating?
Open relationships are like customizing your relationship rules. It’s cheating’s kryptonite – if everyone agrees on seeing others, then it’s less sneaky affair, more like a personal relationship remix.
How Does Emotional Ghosting Lead to Guilt-Free Cheating?
When you’re emotionally MIA in a relationship, cheating can feel like switching channels rather than breaking trust. The guilt usually needs emotional fuel, and without it, it’s just not that into you.
Do Men and Women Get Different Guilt Goodie Bags Post-Cheating?
Absolutely. Men might get a slap on the back, while women get a slap on the wrist – thank you, societal norms! It’s like a guilt party where everyone gets a different goody bag based on gender.
How Do Our Own Moral Compasses Navigate the Cheating Waters?
Our moral compasses can be like GPS devices with different settings. If you’re set to ‘traditional values’, cheating feels like driving off a cliff. But on ‘relativistic mode’, it’s more like taking a scenic detour.
What’s the Emotional Aftertaste of Guilt-Free Cheating?
Cheating without guilt can leave a complex aftertaste. Think commitment phobia, emotional allergies, and trust issues. It’s like dining and dashing on emotional responsibilities – might feel fun at first, but leaves a mess behind.
If you’re reading this clickbait title, then let me save you some trouble. I’m clearly not the world’s best dating coach. However, for a while now, since the evolution and explosion of this blog, I’ve been coaching single and married men and women on how to have affairs.
Let’s assume you’re a married 40 something year old guy and you’ve decided you would like to have an affair with that young, gorgeous 25 year old in your office. The odds are very heavily stacked against you. You are often competing with younger, thinner, single guys and to come across as attractive and desirable at 40 something, with a family, whilst that 25 year old knows there’s no future, is the definition of mission impossible.
Yet I do it all the time. And along the way started coaching others on how to do it the same way. I’ve gone out of my way to remain anonymous and so the coaching has never been about me wanting to become famous. In my very first post for this blog I said:
Now please know this, at the end of this rainbow, there’s no red carpet.
There’s no Brad Pitt making a movie of my exploits.
I live in the shadows, discretion is key or the jig is up!
And so when I’ve been blessed enough to help other married men and sometimes women, it’s always been about them and never about me trying to further my image.
Now 3 very unexpected things have happened during the journey of this blog.
To put my life into context, I own and operate various businesses. I suppose whilst I’m not an official coach, running various companies and teams makes you the truest form of a coach and leader. I acknowledge there are some incredible dating coaches I’ve seen on Instagram that have blown my mind; they seem truly exceptional. However, what I do in the real world, what I write about is different.
As soon as my blog got cited and I was asked to write for 2 National Newspapers, I started to get a lot of emails from men asking for help. Initially they wanted help in knowing how to find and have affairs. And for some of them an email response just wouldn’t cut it. They wanted my time and experience and were happy to pay for it. Thereby starting the coaching side of this site. So between running various businesses, having a family, having a social life and let’s not forget the other women – I had no choice but to charge for my time at something quite expensive which only attracted serious and motivated people to hire me.
Single people looking to date other single people started to approach me (at my total surprise). Initially I thought ‘huh?!!!‘ But the more they said picking up married people was clearly harder than single people the more I realised they were right. And it is. Being married and chasing a single young lady, is way harder than being single and doing the exact same thing.
One of the articles described me as ‘The Hitch For Cheaters‘. A term I don’t really love, especially because I don’t love Will Smith anymore after he slapped the legendary Chris Rock at the Oscars. But I got this email out of the blue asking me to sign an NDA. At first I was utterly confused, until my own attorney told me that a particular person who wanted to stay discreet needed to hire me. I of course refused to sign anything so that I could keep my own identity private. However a month later, an American Sitcom Actor wrote to me. I thought it was a prank! Who would think that a Hollywood Star would have trouble picking up women (married or single)? It had to be a prank. But no, to my utter surprise it wasn’t. He had been in London and had read my piece in the newspaper. He even cut the article out to take home with him in the hope of reaching out. And whilst it sounds cool to label myself as the Dating Coach to the stars, I’m not. I worked with one star, one time. And the second we fixed whatever was holding him back, I never heard from him again. Plus I don’t think he was too impressed that I refused to uncover my camera during our Zoom Call or even knew the show he was on.
None of the above 3 things did I expect. However, as a results orientated person, the one thing I care about is getting results. When I write, when I speak, the only things you can hear is that I come from a place of honesty (even though cheating is fundamentally dishonest) and a place of experience.
And those are palpable when we communicate.
I also got emails and got hired by men and women who had been having affairs, fallen in love and were struggling with the breakups, whilst not letting their family see or suspect their pain. A tall order let me tell you. Something I could truly empathise with because it’s what I’ve been through more than a few times.
Let me tell you why you shouldn’t hire me.
I’m bullshit proof, I don’t tolerate excuses and lack of progress.
I’m too expensive.
All I focus is on is results. And much like my boxing coach says ‘quitting isn’t an option‘.
Why You Should Hire Me
If you need help attracting the opposite sex (single or married), if you’re looking for help in having and hiding affairs, if you’re looking for help in dealing with breakups, then there’s a strong possibility I’m just the person you need to speak with.
And before you even ask, I love pushing exercise, fashion and skincare routines to all my clients. If you don’t look the part you’re never going to find someone that takes care of themselves too. Self care is so important.
So clearly whilst I’m not the best online dating coach in the world, helping people date married people is an art and a niche that very few have actual real world experience in. And if you’re single and you’re looking to date either married or single people – then believe you me, knowing what I teach is going to hold you in incredible stead.
I will help you dominate on the affair websites, having a dating profile that will have women flock to you and teach you how to date them.
The most frequently asked questions that get posed to me:
Are dating coaches worth it?
I don’t really know? If someone taught you the skills and attitude that you need to go out and have more success, then what’s that worth to you? Money is relative and for some people, they’d rather buy a lady an expensive bottle of champagne and impress her that way. Others would rather hire me to be able to charm the exact same lady into a date (or bed) without having to buy the champagne. I’m very very expensive and no doubt all other dating coaches whose full time living this is, probably charge a whole lot less than I do. But if you get the results you are after, then it’s definitely worth it.
Are dating coaches scams?
I’m sure some are! Like in all professions. But some of the dating coaches I’ve seen on Instagram seem amazing. I can’t vouch for the fact that they use their own skills in the real world, but more definitely the advice the give is pretty darned good.
Why are dating coaches single?
I didn’t know this was a thing. I’m married with quite a few women on the side.
Do dating coaches work?
I don’t know! The people I’ve worked with have had incredible success after just a few sessions.
What do dating coaches do?
I don’t know what others do, but I help, guide and teach you to have better tools and the right attitude to go out and do better. In addition I spend a lot of time working on self awareness. Something I find is lacking in most people I meet.
How much are dating coaches?
I have no idea, but I charge a small fortune!
How to find a dating coach?
I presume word of mouth, recommendations and results.
What to ask a dating coach?
It’s best to tell them your problem and hear how they intend to help you find that solution. Often, what you feel is your issue may not be the problem at all.
Do affairs ever start up again is a question I find myself asking right after each break up. Besides a few ultra-rare exceptions, affairs don’t last forever. Most of them won’t last beyond a few months. Others will struggle to make it past a year. Affairs can be derailed for all manner of reasons. Sometimes, the passion and thrill of it just fizzle out. Other times, one partner gets cold feet and can’t deal with the constant threat of being exposed. As with everyday relationships, life can also get in the way. One partner might be forced to relocate to the other side of the country, rendering the question of continuing the affair a moot point.
Do Affairs Ever Start Up Again?
There’s a big stress factor attached to continuing an affair. When they do come to a close, those engaging in them can feel overwhelming relief. For people who’ve been caught out and forgiven by their partners, cheating in the future is a big no-no. However, a lot of people who cheat will do so again. As many as 80% of offenders will re-offend with someone else after being taken back by their other half.
Although there’s an undeniable surge of relief about not having to constantly lie to your spouse, having to say goodbye to an affair can be difficult. I still find myself thinking about people I’ve had on-the-side relationships with. If the affair was just what you needed at exactly the right time in your life, that glowing nostalgia remains with you forever. Some people find themselves pining for affair partners, years after the relationship came to an end. But can they be reignited again?
How Did the Affair End in the First Place?
If you’re dreaming about rekindling an affair with someone you’ve previously cheated with, look at how the relationship ended in the first place. If you were both caught in the act by a jealous spouse, the fallout might have been too great to entertain ever getting back together.
You might think you’re able to pull the wool over your other half’s eyes going forward, but there’s no guarantee that your affair partner feels the same. Whether or not they want to cheat is beside the point. They simply might not be prepared to risk the wrath of your spouse if the two of you are caught out again. If the affair’s discovery ended with a heated exchange and violence, the odds against it resuming are even lower.
If the affair ending was the result of one or both of you feeling too guilty to continue, there’s a better chance of reconnecting. If months or years have passed since then, you’re both going to be stronger, more well-rounded people. You’ll both have had time to think about what happened and consider your feelings. If there’s still a genuine attraction and emotional connection there, you should at least touch base and see if you still click into place.
Did one of you want more from the affair than the other? This happens. Often, one partner wants to talk about making a future, while the other is happy to keep things on the down low. If you’re still pining for that person years later, it’s worth checking in to see if there’s still a spark there.
Now, that other person might be more enthused about the prospect of a full-blown relationship with you. If you were the one who wanted to keep things casual, see what their vibe is like now. After years apart, the other person might have had their fill of headache-inducing relationships and be perfectly happy with a more casual relationship.
How to Reconnect With an Affair Partner
It’s all well and good to fantasize about reconnecting, but you’ll eventually need to make contact with your affair partner if you want to bring the relationship back to life. This can get a little tricky, depending on what your current situation is.
Are you still in the marriage or long-term relationship you were in when the affair happened? If the affair was discovered by your spouse, they’re probably going to be pretty alert about who you’re texting or chatting to on social media. Try and avoid Facebook stalking and sliding into someone’s DMs.
Instead, drop a text to the person you want to get back in touch with. Keep it short and sweet. Frame it as a casual hello, rather than anything more. If you get an engaged response, you can slowly start turning up the temperature before suggesting a meeting in person.
If they do agree to a meeting, put your best foot forward. I’d advise dressing to the nines in an attempt to impress them. This is going to look desperate and ruins any veneer that the meeting is a social one. Instead, play the situation as if you were meeting an old friend. You have to consider every front here.
For one, you don’t want to raise the suspicions of your other half. What’s more, you want to be able to save face and preserve your dignity if your affair partner tells you point-blank that a rekindling is not on the cards. Forget meeting over dinner or drinks and stick to a coffee date instead.
How to Get Closure
Those lingering feelings of love can be crippling. It doesn’t matter if the relationship was an adulterous one. Putting a relationship to bed and cutting someone out of your life can be painful, especially if it feels as though your hand was forced. However, achieving closure can help.
Ideally, you should have put up barriers as soon as the affair ended. If you haven’t, now’s the time to do so. The first thing you need to do is deal with your feelings. I’m not just talking about the love and attraction you might still feel for the other person. Instead, you also need to shoulder those feelings of guilt. It’s wince-inducing, but it has to be done. The good news is that this quickly turns into remorse, which is a far more useful feeling. When you feel remorseful, you can look at this more clearly.
It’s natural to hold onto a few mementos of a past relationship, even if it was an affair. However, this is a bad idea if you want to move beyond an adulterous relationship. For one thing, it can open old wounds if your spouse finds out. However, it’s more about you. Clutching to those little reminders is unhealthy and ensures you’ll never be able to move past the feelings you’re still harboring.
Do you still have the other person’s number in your contact list? Delete it. And when I say delete, I mean scrub all records of it, everywhere. Don’t jot it down on a sticky note and tuck it into the back of a desk drawer, just in case. On a very bad day when the feelings are too hard to push down, you’ll go and find them again.
Fighting the urge to contact them via social media is harder. After all, you can’t erase someone’s name from your brain. If you feel as though you’re likely to make contact via Twitter or Facebook in the future, think about removing yourself from social media entirely.
Feel like you need to talk to someone about what happened and how you’re feeling? Whatever you do, don’t confide in a friend. Even a best friend you’ve known all your life is a no-go. When someone cares about you, they’re far more likely to tell you what you want to hear. Even those people who pride themselves on their direct, no-nonsense style of support are out of the question. If you really need to talk it out, speak to a therapist instead.
Worried That Your Partner is Cheating Again?
There’s another person in this equation to consider. For many people who’ve been cheated on, the worry that their other half will get back to their old tricks can be crippling. While many relationships survive infidelity, they don’t emerge unscathed. It takes years of therapy and a commitment to change to restore trust.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. That’s what most people think when they know someone has played away, regardless of whether they’ve agreed to take them back. However, if you’re the wronged party and want your relationship to continue, you need to move beyond this line of thinking.
The reality is that a lot of unfaithful people will cheat again, especially if they were never caught out in the first place. However, it’s very unlikely that they’ll pick up where they left off with the same person. Instead of fixating on the idea that your spouse is going to get back with their previous affair partner, you need to be thinking in broad strokes.
Make your other half commit to change. This can be as simple as being more open and talking about their grievances, to agreeing to make significant changes to their day-to-day lives. If you’ve been cheated on and agree to take someone back, you have some leverage here. You don’t want to turn into a dictator at home, however. You can’t honestly expect someone to ditch their social circle or agree to a curfew to bring you peace of mind.
If you’re genuinely worried that your spouse is going to return to their adulterous ways, lay down the law. Tell them that if they cheat again, that’s it. Remind them that you’ll be giving them zero ground if they re-offend. If you’re married, you can even propose drafting a postnuptial agreement so that you benefit financially if your partner cheats again in the future. This may seem pretty aggressive, but you have the moral high ground in this situation. Don’t be afraid to stand on that hill.
However, don’t let paranoia and distrust destroy a relationship. Recovering from an affair takes work and is one of the most painful things you can go through emotionally. That being said, relationships that weather the storm and come out the other side are often stronger for it.
FAQs
How Often Do Affairs Start Up Again?
Affairs can restart for various reasons, but there isn’t a definitive frequency for how often this happens. The likelihood of an affair rekindling often depends on the underlying reasons for the affair in the first place, as well as the circumstances of both parties involved. If the root causes, such as emotional dissatisfaction or personal issues, haven’t been resolved, there’s a higher risk of the affair starting up again. This can also be influenced by the level of contact maintained between the individuals after the affair ends. If they remain in close proximity or contact, such as in a workplace setting, the chances may increase. Additionally, the emotional attachment formed during the affair can play a significant role. However, it’s important to note that every situation is unique, and the dynamics vary greatly depending on the individuals involved.
Do Affair Partners Ever Come Back?
Affair partners may come back, but this is not a certainty and varies significantly from case to case. The decision to return can be influenced by a variety of factors including emotional attachment, the nature of the relationship with their primary partner, and the circumstances under which the affair ended. In some cases, the end of an affair might be seen as a wake-up call, leading to a re-evaluation of priorities and decisions. However, it’s also possible that once an affair ends, the individuals involved move on without revisiting the relationship. The complexities of personal relationships and individual choices make it difficult to predict whether affair partners will reunite.
Do Affairs Ever Work Out?
The success of relationships that began as affairs is a contentious topic. While some affairs may transition into long-term, stable relationships, they often face significant challenges. These challenges include trust issues, as the relationship was founded on secrecy and betrayal. There’s also the stress of societal judgment and the impact on existing familial relationships, particularly if children are involved. Statistically, relationships that start as affairs have a lower success rate compared to relationships that start under other circumstances. This is partly due to the problematic foundations on which these relationships are built. However, success is subjective and varies depending on the individuals’ commitment to resolving underlying issues and building a healthy relationship.
How Long Do Affairs Last?
The duration of affairs can vary greatly, ranging from brief flings to long-term relationships that last for years. Many affairs are short-lived, often ending when the excitement fades or when the complications and risks become too significant. The nature of the affair, the depth of emotional involvement, and the circumstances of the individuals involved (such as their commitment to other relationships) play a crucial role in determining the affair’s lifespan. Some affairs may last only a few weeks or months, while others can continue for years, especially if they are well-concealed or if both parties are deeply emotionally involved.
How Long Do Affairs Last After They Are Discovered?
After an affair is discovered, its duration can vary based on several factors, including the reactions of the betrayed partner and the intentions of the individuals involved in the affair. Some affairs end immediately upon discovery, particularly if the discovery leads to a significant emotional fallout or a decision to recommit to the original relationship. In other cases, the affair may continue or even intensify, especially if the discovery leads to the end of the original relationship or if the affair partners feel more compelled to stay together. The aftermath of an affair’s discovery is often a period of intense emotion and decision-making, which can significantly impact the affair’s trajectory.
How Often Do Affair Partners Come Back?
The frequency with which affair partners come back to each other varies widely and is influenced by numerous personal and situational factors. Some individuals may return to their affair partners, driven by unresolved feelings or dissatisfaction with their current situation. In other cases, the end of the affair may be definitive, with no desire from either party to rekindle the relationship. The decision to return can be influenced by the depth of emotional connection, the reasons for the affair, the impact of the affair on their other relationships, and personal growth or changes in circumstances since the affair ended. As with many aspects of human relationships, there is no one-size-fits-all answer, and the dynamics are unique to each situation.
In the age of swiping right, DMs, and cryptic emojis, it’s no surprise that many men are scratching their heads, wondering how to navigate the complex world of online dating. Welcome to “Online Dating Uncovered: Navigating the Digital Love Maze,” where we’ll be your trusty guide through this sometimes-confusing, often exhilarating, and occasionally bizarre landscape of modern romance.
Remember the good old days when you could simply walk up to someone at a bar, strike up a conversation, and see where it led? Well, those days might not be entirely gone, but they’ve certainly taken a backseat to the digital revolution that’s swept the dating scene. Today, love is often just a swipe or click away, with countless dating apps and websites promising to help you find your perfect match.
But with great power comes great responsibility, and online dating isn’t as simple as posting a few pictures and waiting for the love of your life to show up in your inbox. It’s more like an intricate dance, where you’ll need to learn the steps, get the rhythm, and avoid stepping on any virtual toes along the way.
Before we embark on this thrilling journey, let’s have a moment of honesty. We’ve all been there—staring at our phone screens, wondering why our witty opening line didn’t elicit the enthusiastic response we were hoping for. Or, perhaps worse, scrolling through an endless parade of profiles and feeling like we’re window shopping for human companionship. It’s enough to make you question the very nature of romance itself.
But fear not, brave digital daters! In this guide, we’ll help you find your footing in the digital love maze, and, dare we say, even have a little fun along the way. We’ll dive into the nitty-gritty of crafting the perfect profile, teach you the art of conversation that keeps potential partners intrigued, and share the secrets to navigating niche dating platforms like a pro.
And let’s not forget about safety, which is just as important as finding a great date. We’ll provide tips on protecting your personal information, recognizing and avoiding scams, and ensuring your real-life encounters are as safe as they are enjoyable.
So, gentlemen, it’s time to buckle up and get ready for a wild ride. The world of online dating may sometimes feel like the Wild West, but with the right tools and a sense of humor, you’ll be well on your way to finding the perfect partner—or, at the very least, some entertaining stories to share with your friends.
In the end, it’s all about embracing the adventure that is online dating. It’s a digital frontier filled with potential love interests, a few interesting characters, and the occasional plot twist. So, let’s uncover the mysteries of this digital dating space together, one swipe at a time.
Ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime? Let’s dive in and uncover the secrets of online dating success!
Online Dating Success
Choose the right platform for your dating goal
With a vast array of online dating apps and websites to choose from, it’s essential to pick the one that aligns with your goals and preferences. Are you looking for something casual, or are you on the hunt for your future spouse? Don’t be afraid to experiment and find the app that fits your style like a glove. Remember, Cinderella didn’t settle for the first shoe she tried on!
Craft an irresistible profile
Your dating profile is like a movie trailer, providing just enough tantalizing details to pique interest without giving away the whole plot. Keep it light, fun, and genuine. According to a study by Finkel et al. (2012), a well-crafted profile is critical for online dating success. Remember, more and more people are turning to professional online dating profile writers. That’s right, it’s a thing!
Snap a picture-perfect profile photo
Your profile photo is the digital equivalent of a firm handshake and a winning smile. Opt for high-quality photos that show off your best features, and don’t be afraid to let your personality shine. Ditch the sunglasses and include a mix of shots—close-ups, full body, and action shots (bonus points for including a cute puppy!).
Master the art of the opening message
First impressions matter, and in the world of online dating, your opening message is like a virtual pick-up line. But don’t worry, we’re not suggesting you use cheesy lines like,
“Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at your profile, everyone else disappears.”
Instead, try personalizing your messages based on the other person’s profile, showing that you’ve taken the time to read their bio and genuinely want to know more about them.
Keep the conversation flowing
Now that you’ve got their attention, it’s time to make some digital small talk. Maintain engaging conversations by asking open-ended questions and sharing tidbits about yourself. Remember, the goal is to keep the conversation balanced and fun, not to turn it into a job interview.
Avoid common online dating pitfalls
As tempting as it might be to send a flirty emoji or two, try not to rely too heavily on these digital symbols of affection. Keep your messages lighthearted but genuine, and never resort to sending unsolicited explicit content. Trust us, no one wants to see that surprise in their inbox!
Set boundaries and manage expectations
Navigating this space also means setting boundaries and managing expectations. Be upfront about what you’re looking for and don’t be afraid to communicate your needs. Remember, it’s better to be honest and risk rejection than to lead someone on.
Rejection is a natural part of the online dating process, and it’s essential to remember that it’s not personal. If someone doesn’t respond to your message or decides to stop chatting, it’s their loss! Keep your chin up and move on to the next potential match, knowing that you’re one step closer to finding the right person.
Embrace the art of patience
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a lasting relationship. Online dating is a numbers game, and patience is the name of the game. Keep swiping, messaging, and engaging in conversations, and eventually, you’ll find someone who clicks with you.
Be true to yourself
In the online dating space, authenticity is the key to success. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, as it will only lead to disappointment down the line. Be genuine and embrace your quirks, because your perfect match will love you for who you truly are.
Know when to take a break
Online dating can be exhilarating, but it can also be exhausting. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or burnt out, don’t be afraid to take a step back and recharge. Your future partner isn’t going anywhere, and you’ll be in a better headspace to connect when you return.
Explore niche dating platforms
If you’re looking for a specific type of connection or have unique interests, consider exploring niche dating platforms. From pet lovers to avid gamers, there’s likely a dating app out there tailored to your interests, making it easier to find someone who shares your passions.
Learn from your experiences
Every online dating encounter, whether successful or not, is an opportunity to learn and grow. Reflect on your conversations and dates, identifying areas where you can improve and celebrating your victories, no matter how small.
Keep your sense of humor
Navigating the online dating can be challenging, but maintaining a sense of humor will make the journey more enjoyable. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself, and remember that online dating is supposed to be fun!
Stay open-minded
Online dating is full of surprises, so it’s essential to stay open-minded and be willing to adapt. You might find that your perfect match doesn’t fit the mold you initially had in mind, but that’s what makes the journey so exciting!
Don’t be too hard on yourself
We all make mistakes, and it’s easy to get discouraged when things don’t go as planned. But don’t beat yourself up—remember that online dating is a learning experience, and every misstep brings you closer to success.
Keep up with emerging trends
The world of online dating is constantly evolving, with new technologies and trends shaping the way we connect. Stay informed by reading up on the latest online dating research and be ready to adapt your approach as needed.
Enjoy the adventure
Lastly, remember that online dating is an adventure filled with twists and turns, successes and failures, and plenty of laughs along the way. Embrace the journey, and who knows, you might just find the love of your life—or at the very least, some fantastic stories to share.
By following these 20 secrets to online dating success, you’ll be well-equipped to navigate the digital love maze and increase your chances of finding a meaningful connection. Happy swiping!
Celebrities Who You Have Used Online Dating Apps / Sites
In today’s digital age, online dating has become a popular way for people to connect and find love. The allure of finding a perfect match at the comfort of one’s home has attracted not only the everyday individual, but also a surprising number of celebrities. From actors and musicians to sports stars and socialites, these well-known figures have embraced the convenience and anonymity provided by dating apps, offering a glimpse into the universality of human connection.
Demi Lovato – The singer and actress has mentioned using the exclusive dating app Raya.
Ben Affleck – The actor has been reported to have used Raya as well.
Lizzo – The singer-songwriter has shared her experiences on Raya.
Channing Tatum – After his separation from Jenna Dewan, the actor was rumored to have joined Raya.
Hilary Duff – The actress and singer has openly discussed her use of Tinder.
Sharon Stone – The iconic actress revealed that she used Bumble, but her account was temporarily suspended due to being mistaken for a fake profile.
Chelsea Handler – The comedian and talk show host has mentioned her use of Tinder and other dating apps.
Katy Perry – The pop star has admitted to using Tinder during a radio interview.
Amy Schumer – The comedian and actress met her former boyfriend, Ben Hanisch, on the dating app Raya.
Eric Stonestreet – The “Modern Family” actor has shared his experiences on Tinder.
Kourtney Kardashian – The reality TV star was rumored to have used Bumble after her breakup with Scott Disick.
Ronda Rousey – The MMA fighter and actress has mentioned using Tinder under a pseudonym.
Keke Palmer – The actress and singer revealed that she had tried Raya but later deleted her account.
Jenny McCarthy – The actress, model, and TV host used an online dating site before meeting her husband, Donnie Wahlberg.
Keep in mind that celebrities often use exclusive, invite-only dating apps like Raya, where they are more likely to match with other high-profile individuals. However, some have tried mainstream apps like Tinder and Bumble, as well.
Raya: The Exclusive Dating App for the Stars
Raya is an exclusive, invitation-only dating app that has taken the world of celebrities and high-profile individuals by storm. Launched in 2015, this elite app has gained a reputation for being the go-to platform for famous and influential people seeking meaningful connections. But what exactly is Raya, and what makes it stand out from the crowd?
Often referred to as the
“Tinder for celebrities,”
Raya sets itself apart by maintaining a highly selective and private community. To join Raya, prospective members must first be referred by an existing user and then undergo a rigorous screening process. The app’s committee reviews each application, evaluating factors such as the applicant’s social media presence, career achievements, and personal network. This meticulous vetting process ensures that Raya’s user base remains exclusive and tight-knit, catering to the needs of its high-profile members.
One of Raya’s most alluring features is its commitment to privacy. The app has strict rules against sharing screenshots or discussing the platform publicly, providing a safe space for its users to explore connections without the fear of unwanted media attention. Raya’s dedication to discretion has made it a favorite among celebrities, who can comfortably mingle with like-minded individuals while avoiding the prying eyes of the paparazzi.
Furthermore, Raya sets itself apart with its creative and artistic user interface. Each profile features a slideshow of images set to a chosen soundtrack, allowing users to express their personality and taste in a unique and engaging manner. This emphasis on self-expression and creativity has made Raya a hub not only for romance but also for networking and collaboration among artists, entrepreneurs, and other creative professionals.
In conclusion, Raya’s exclusivity, commitment to privacy, and unique features make it a highly sought-after platform for celebrities and high-profile individuals in search of meaningful connections, both romantic and professional. While it may not be accessible to the general public, Raya’s success in catering to its niche market has solidified its reputation as the ultimate dating app for the stars.
7 most popular dating sites & app
Tinder
Tinder is arguably the most popular dating app, known for its iconic “swipe” feature that allows users to accept or reject potential matches. Launched in 2012, Tinder revolutionized the online dating scene with its simple and addictive interface. It’s geared towards casual dating and hookups, but many users have also found long-term relationships through the app. Tinder’s massive user base and location-based matching make it a top choice for singles seeking a wide variety of connections.
Bumble
Bumble, founded by a former Tinder employee, puts a unique spin on online dating by requiring women to initiate conversation in heterosexual matches. This empowers women and promotes a more respectful environment for both genders. Launched in 2014, Bumble has expanded its features to include Bumble BFF for making friends and Bumble Bizz for professional networking, making it more than just a dating app.
OkCupid
OkCupid, launched in 2004, is a dating site and app that uses a comprehensive questionnaire to match users based on compatibility. The platform allows users to search for and filter matches by various criteria, giving them more control over their dating experience. OkCupid is known for its diverse user base and its commitment to inclusivity, catering to people of various sexual orientations and gender identities.
Match.com
Match.com is one of the oldest and most well-established online dating platforms, founded in 1995. It’s a subscription-based service that uses a detailed profile and a proprietary algorithm to connect users based on shared interests and values. Match.com caters to singles seeking serious relationships and offers various features, such as “Match Events,” where users can meet in person at local gatherings.
Plenty of Fish (POF)
Plenty of Fish, founded in 2003, is a free online dating platform that offers a variety of features, including advanced search options and a chemistry test to improve match compatibility. POF caters to a wide range of users and relationship goals, from casual dating to long-term relationships. Its large user base and free access make it an attractive option for many singles.
Hinge
Hinge markets itself as a dating app “designed to be deleted.” Launched in 2012, it aims to help users find meaningful connections and long-term relationships. Hinge uses a unique profile format with prompts that encourage users to showcase their personalities and engage in more in-depth conversations. Its “Your Turn” feature also nudges users to continue conversations and reduce ghosting.
eHarmony
eHarmony, founded in 2000, is a dating platform focused on creating long-lasting relationships and marriages. It uses a comprehensive questionnaire and a patented matching system to connect users based on 29 dimensions of compatibility. eHarmony’s guided communication feature helps users build connections gradually and comfortably, making it a popular choice for those seeking serious relationships and commitment.
Best Affair Sites For Affairs
The world of online dating is vast and varied, catering to a wide range of relationship styles and preferences. For those seeking discreet connections outside of their primary relationship, affair sites have emerged to provide a safe and secure platform for like-minded individuals. Whether you’re exploring an open relationship or exploring cheating on your wife, the following list of best affair sites will guide you towards finding the perfect platform to satisfy your desires, all while maintaining your privacy and anonymity.
Best Affair Sites:
Ashley Madison
Ashley Madison is one of the most well-known affair sites, specifically designed for those seeking extramarital relationships. With a tagline of
Victoria Milan is another popular site for discreet affairs, boasting a user base of millions of members worldwide. With features such as anonymous blurring tools and a “panic button” for quick profile concealment, Victoria Milan prioritizes user privacy and security.
Adult Friend Finder – Our FAVORITE SITE *
While not exclusively an affair site, Adult Friend Finder is a popular platform for casual encounters and extramarital connections. With a vast user base and a range of features designed to facilitate discreet encounters, Adult Friend Finder is an ideal option for those seeking affairs.
Gleeden
Gleeden is a women-driven affair site, created by women for women. It offers a secure and private platform for married individuals to connect with others in similar situations. Gleeden emphasizes discretion and user safety, ensuring a comfortable environment for extramarital exploration.
No Strings Attached is a discreet dating site designed for individuals seeking casual encounters and extramarital affairs. The platform offers features such as video chat and anonymous browsing, ensuring users can connect safely and privately.
Marital Affair
Marital Affair is a popular affair site that connects users with others seeking discreet, extramarital relationships. The platform focuses on user security and privacy, offering features such as anonymous browsing and secure messaging to protect user identities.
Remember, discretion is paramount when exploring affair sites. Always take necessary precautions to protect your privacy and maintain the safety of your primary relationship while enjoying the excitement and thrill of your clandestine connections.
Why Adult Friend Finder AFF Is My Fave
Adult Friend Finder (AFF) stands out as my preferred choice of dating sites for several reasons. The platform caters to a diverse community of open-minded individuals seeking casual encounters, flings, and even lasting connections. Its versatility and inclusivity create an environment where anyone can feel welcome and find exactly what they’re looking for.
AFF’s extensive range of features, such as live video streams, chat rooms, and blogs, make it more than just a dating site. The platform encourages users to explore their desires and fantasies while fostering a strong sense of community. This interactive aspect of AFF adds a unique dimension to the online dating experience, making it a more engaging and fulfilling endeavor.
Furthermore, the platform’s user base is vast, which significantly increases the chances of finding a compatible match. With millions of members worldwide, the pool of potential connections is virtually limitless. This abundance of options makes AFF an exciting and dynamic platform to explore and connect with like-minded individuals who share similar interests and desires.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the world of online dating is an ever-changing landscape, full of opportunities and challenges. It’s a digital playground where love, laughter, and adventure await those who dare to venture into online dating. But fear not, gentlemen! By following the advice shared throughout this article, you’re well on your way to mastering the art of online dating and significantly increasing your chances of success.
As you navigate online dating, remember that humor and positivity are your greatest allies. Keep a lighthearted approach to online dating and embrace the fact that, at times, it can be a wild ride. After all, every rollercoaster has its ups and downs, but it’s the thrill that keeps us coming back for more.
You’ve learned that authenticity is your secret weapon in the quest for love. By being true to yourself and showcasing your unique personality, you’ll attract like-minded individuals who appreciate your quirks and idiosyncrasies. And gentlemen, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want to be with someone who loves them for who they truly are?
Patience, my friends, is a virtue, and it’s no different in the realm of online dating. Stay persistent in your search for love, and always remember that good things come to those who wait. In the meantime, enjoy the journey, learn from your experiences, and don’t forget to have a little fun along the way.
As you explore various dating platforms, don’t be afraid to think outside the box. From mainstream apps like Tinder and Bumble to niche platforms and exclusive celebrity-filled playgrounds like Raya, there’s a world of opportunities to discover. And who knows, you might just find that perfect someone on a platform you never even considered.
When it comes to the darker side of online dating, like affairs, always tread carefully and remember that discretion is key. While it’s essential to respect others and their relationships, it’s also crucial to prioritize your own safety and well-being in any romantic escapade you choose to pursue.
At the end of the day, gentlemen, the the world of online dating is a treasure trove of experiences and connections waiting to be discovered. By following these tips and insights, you’ll be better equipped to navigate this new world of romance, forging meaningful connections, and creating lasting memories along the way. So suit up, put your best foot forward, and embark on the adventure of a lifetime.
As you traverse the twists and turns of online dating, always remember that the journey is just as important as the destination. Whether you find your perfect match or simply enjoy a series of entertaining encounters, the lessons learned and the stories gathered will make for a fantastic tale to share with friends and loved ones.
Now, go forth, brave gentlemen, and conquer dating online. May your swipes be swift, your conversations engaging, and your connections filled with laughter, love, and endless possibilities. Happy dating!
7 FAQs about this topic
How do I choose the best dating platform for me?
When selecting the ideal dating platform, consider factors such as your relationship goals, preferences, and lifestyle. Evaluate each platform’s features, user base, and reputation to find the one that best aligns with your needs. Don’t hesitate to try multiple platforms and explore niche sites tailored to specific interests or communities.
How do I create an effective and engaging dating profile?
To create a successful dating profile, focus on showcasing your authentic self. Use high-quality photos that represent your personality and interests. Craft a unique and interesting bio that highlights your best qualities and incorporates some humor. Be honest about your intentions and what you’re looking for in a match.
How can I initiate conversations and maintain engagement with potential matches?
When starting a conversation, use personalized openers that reference the other person’s profile or photos. Ask open-ended questions to encourage discussion and show genuine interest in getting to know them. Maintain engagement by responding promptly and thoughtfully, using humor and maintaining a positive attitude.
What are some red flags to watch for in online dating?
Be cautious of potential matches who avoid answering personal questions, seem overly eager to meet in person, or request money or financial information. Additionally, watch for inconsistent or vague information in profiles and conversations, as well as profiles with few or low-quality photos.
How do I stay safe when meeting someone from a dating app for the first time?
To ensure your safety, always meet in a public place and inform a trusted friend or family member about your plans. Trust your instincts, and don’t hesitate to end the date early if you feel uncomfortable. Consider using video chat to get to know the person better before meeting in person.
How can I improve my chances of success in online dating?
A: To increase your chances of success, be patient, persistent, and open-minded. Regularly update your profile, engage in meaningful conversations, and maintain a positive attitude. Don’t be afraid to explore different platforms and utilize the tips and tricks provided in this article to optimize your online dating experience.
How can I maintain privacy while using online dating platforms?
To protect your privacy, use a unique username that doesn’t reveal personal information, and avoid sharing sensitive details such as your full name, address, or workplace. Limit the amount of personal information on your profile, and consider using separate email and phone number for online dating purposes. Additionally, be cautious when sharing photos that could reveal your location or identity.
Flirting with women can seem like a daunting task, almost too frightening to try. It’s really not that complicated. All you have to remember are a few steps and you’ll be on your way to getting the girl of your dreams.
First things first, the eyes have it – or something like that. When you spot that beautiful women in the room, you want to go for it, but you don’t want to over do it. Look her directly in the eyes for that split second, just long enough for her to notice, and then look away. You want her to know that you’re interested, but you don’t want to come on too strong!
Next, you want to initiate the conversation. You want to be confident, but relaxed and still keep the mystery. Try to make an observation comment like,
“That dress looks really good on you,” or “I really like your shoes,” or “What do you think of this party?”
Show her you are paying attention and you appreciate her.
Now that you have her attention, its time to show off your sense of humor. Make her laugh, if you can. Just keep it light, laid back, and you’ll get the job done.
Make sure to give her compliments – without being cheesy. Let her know you’re interested, but still keep it real. You want to come across as genuine and sincere, so avoid coming across as fake or insincere.
It’s important to ask her questions too. You want her to know that you do care what she has to say. You don’t have to get too personal or anything either – just ask her how her day was, or what she been up to lately. Just make sure to truly show an interest in her.
Once you’ve started warming up to each other, you want to be affectionate. Try putting your arm around her, perhaps give her a gentle squeeze on her shoulder, and make sure she feels comfortable with you.
Finally, you want to finish with a smiling and genuine comment. Make sure she knows you had a great time with her. Something like, “It was really so nice to meet you. I’m really glad I got to meet you at this party,” would be perfect.
How To Flirt With A Woman
There you have it! Flirting with a woman can be a nerve-wracking experience, but with the below suggestions – you’ll be sure to make an impression. Take it easy, and have fun!
Step 1 – Make Eye Contact
Making eye contact with the object of your affection can often be the most challenging step of the flirting process. Without the right kind of approach your advances toward that special someone may come off as more creepy than cute. That’s why it’s important to get the basics of eye contact down and then let the rest of your flirting prowess take over.
First and foremost, when making eye contact with the person you’re trying to win over, keep your gaze relaxed and natural. Staring someone intensely in the eyes won’t do you any favors and instead comes off as both intimidating and intense. You want to make her feel at ease and like you’re just two people enjoying each other’s company, not like you’re about to launch into a lengthy lecture or interrogate her about her life choices.
Initiate the eye contact from across the room with a gentle, casual gaze. You don’t want it to be overbearing, so try to start off with a glance that lasts 1-2 seconds before slowly turning away. See if she reciprocates your eye contact, and if she does then you know you have her attention. If your initial gaze went over well, you can extend the eye contact a bit longer and perhaps raise your eyebrows as if to silently express your interest. Do not, however, leer or linger your eyes on her; that may work in movies but in real life it usually just terrifies people.
When speaking directly to her, remember to keep your eyes focused on her. This step of the flirting process can be a bit more challenging as it requires a deep level of confidence and engagement. To pull it off, try to focus on her lips when she starts speaking then gradually move your gaze up to her eyes. Once there keep your gaze for about 2-3 seconds, or until her eyes start to show signs of discomfort. The goal is to create an intimate exchange that shows you are both intently and lovingly listening to the other.
Remember, that when it comes to flirting with a woman, eye contact is key. Be sure to put conscious effort into observing her body language and engaging her with your eyes well enough that it conveys how much you care about her. Following these steps should ensure that your flirt game is strong and you come off as a gentleman, not a creep.
Step 2 – Initiate Conversation
Well, brother, we’re hitting the ground running now, so here’s Step 2–initiating conversation with a woman. Now, the first obvious rule here is don’t be scared, because getting to know someone can be terrifying. So, try not to show it when you go to talk to her. Keep cool.
I noticed that the easiest way is to just make a simple remark about the situation you’re in. For example, if you’re in the line at the grocery store, you could simply say:
“This line isn’t moving too fast, huh?”
Or, if you’re at a party or social gathering you can always ask her: “Hey, do you know anybody here?” That way she knows you’re friendly and not just sneaking up on her like some kind of weirdo. It might feel strange to do this, but remember that most women are open to conversations with strangers.
But really, even if she’s not interested in talking to you, don’t let that stop you from trying elsewhere. Just don’t take it personally.
Once you’ve initiated the conversation, make sure to keep it light, friendly and fun. Don’t make it too serious. It should be a kind of banter between you two, the main idea being to get each of you comfortable and at ease.
Also, don’t talk about yourself the entire time. Pay attention to what she’s saying and if appropriate, throw in a joke or two. Ask her opinion on things and when you can, mention something she seems passionate about. And remember, it should be focused on her, not you.
So, now that we’ve got the conversation going, you should be able to pick up on whether or not she’s interested in you. If she’s responding to your comments and asking questions, then you’re likely on the right track.
Step 3 – Show Your Sense of Humor
Remember, flirting starts by getting her attention. Show your sense of humor. Making her laugh can help break the ice and scoring a few points with a woman. As the famous saying goes, laughter is the best medicine!
Let’s face it—girls just love guys who can make them laugh. It makes them feel attractive, attractive and attractive. So, if you want to flirt with a woman, show off your humorous side. Try doing some of the below.
First of all, be lighthearted and have a sense of humor. Try not to take yourself too seriously, and don’t be afraid to be silly! Women like men with a sense of humor—don’t be scared to make jokes and have a few laughs. But don’t be over the top—keep it balanced and moderate.
Secondly, be creative and use your imagination. Look out for the funny side of life—everyday situations, small observations, odd coincidences. These can be great sources of material, especially if you’re struggling to think of funny stories.
Thirdly, don’t be afraid to put yourself down and make lighthearted jokes about yourself. Women appreciate a guy who’s confident enough to laugh at himself occasionally. If you’re getting to know her, make a joke or two about your bad habits and quirks. You can even joke about your past mistakes and how you learned from them!
Lastly, keep it natural and avoid using too many cheesy pick-up lines. They’re not cool, they’re not funny and they’re definitely not attractive. Instead, rely on your own wit and charm to wow her.
Step 4 – Compliment Her
Complimenting a woman can make her feel special, and it’s a great way to start flirting with her. But you can’t just lay it on thick – you want to make sure your compliments are genuine and tailored to her specifically.
When giving her a compliment, make sure it’s genuine and sincere. Don’t trot out a generic line – think of something that you genuinely like about her, or something specific she has done, and make your compliment about that. Women can generally tell when you’re BSing, so make sure you mean what you say.
Once you’ve got your compliment ready to go, it’s time to deliver. Making direct eye contact and speaking clearly is important – don’t mumble or look away. You can also use body language to support your comment – for instance, smiling and inclining your head towards her. This shows her that you mean the compliment, and makes her feel special.
They say flattery will get you everywhere – and it’s true! Women love to be complimented, and it can be a great way to start a conversation and let her know how you feel. Paying genuine attention to her and making her feel special can also be a great way to get her to take notice of you.
Step 5 – Ask Questions
If you liked how the conversation was flowing, now’s the time to start asking her relevant questions to get to know her better. Questions can be tricky when it comes to flirting, though — you don’t want to be too direct and come off as nosy, so aim for something more along the lines of,
“What do you like doing on the weekends?”
The key here is to keep things light. Talk about fun things you both can relate to, like favorite hobbies and pastimes, particularly on topics you have in common with her. Ask her what her favorite movies are, or even more open-ended questions like, “What would you do if you had a day off work next week?” Not only do you get to know her tastes, you also get to see how creative she is with her answers!
If you’re feeling bold, you can even use compliment-based questions like,
“What do you think sets you apart from other women?”
Not only does this show her you think highly of her, you also get to hear her talk about her amazing qualities.
It’s important not to bombard her with too many questions in a row – this is meant to be a conversation, not an interview! Remember to break up the flow with questions answers with interesting stories, jokes, and witty comments of your own.
Step 6 – Be Affectionate
When you’re flirting with a woman, being affectionate is a great way to show that you’re interested. Affection is a powerful thing — it can be reassuring and comforting, it can make her feel special, and it can make her feel like she’s connected to you. For example, you could lightly touch her arm or hand when you’re talking or give her a light hug if appropriate. You could also reach out and hold her hand while you’re talking or give her a gentle kiss on the cheek.
Now don’t go full-on H.G. Wells and try to turn her into your Mrs. Hyde! Slow and steady wins the race. Nobody likes an overeager water buffalo trying to hug all the ladies in sight. Subtlety is the name of the game and a light touch, some casual hand-holding, a gentle hug, and a light kiss on the cheek can do wonders!
Just remember this golden rule and you won’t go far wrong: A lady usually likes it when a man takes his time, respects her personal space, and is gentle and kind. That’s how you can come off as both confident and respectful.
And on the subject of respect, it pays to remember this too: Show her the same level of respect that you would show your mother, sister, or best friend. That’s the kind of things that will set a good first impression and make her like you even more.
Step 7 – Finish with a Smile
When it comes to flirting with women, it’s all about the finishing touches. After all the build up of making eye contact, initiating conversation, showing your sense of humor, complimenting her and asking questions, you need to ensure that you finish with a smile. After all, no one wants to be left feeling awkward.
Smiling is always one of the best ways to end an interaction with a woman. Smiling not only shows that you enjoyed yourself and are confident, but it also leaves her with a positive impression of you. A genuine smile means far more than any words can say. So don’t be shy and let that beautiful smile of yours shine through.
Another way to finish with a smile is to ask her out. Of course, only do this if you feel that the interaction has gone well. There’s no rule of thumb when it comes to asking someone out. Take your time and read her body language before you take the plunge. To ensure that you make a good impression, just be yourself and show her that you enjoyed your conversation with her.
If you’re feeling funny, why not go out with a joke? Research has shown that women love a man with a good sense of humor, so why not make her laugh by sharing a joke? Just make sure that you don’t overdo the jokes, since it may come off as being forced.
Finally, make sure to end with a positive remark. Whether it’s a compliment about her intelligence or her good looks, show her that you appreciate her and you respect her as a person. It doesn’t have to be anything big—a small “It was nice talking to you” will do the trick.
At the end of the day, flirting with a woman should be fun and enjoyable, for both of you. So, finish your flirting session with a smile to make the best impression. Remember, make them laugh, make them feel appreciated, and make them smile.
I don’t know why, but I get emailed 2 questions a lot on this site. The first one is if I feel guilt cheating on my spouse. The second one usually says:
‘would you tell your partner you cheated?’
It’s something that people always want reassurance with or want to know my opinion about. So let’s get to it and let me give you my answer now. If you happen to be in a rush and don’t have time to read this entire post, let me just save you some time and be helpful.
Should you tell your partner if you cheated; fuck no, no way, no way Jose, never, nada, etc, etc, etc.
Never ever tell your partner. Don’t ever tell your partner you cheated (even if you feel terrible)! The risk is too great. I mean what’s the point in telling your partner? If they don’t know, it’s almost like it never happened. In the instance you intend to confess, then read this article because I could save you a whole heap of trouble.
“Now Go Home And Get Your Fucking Shine Box”
I’ve been there. Only once but I’ve been there. I broke up very badly with an affair partner who I cheated with. I never felt guilty – but it was a bad breakup. And I don’t know how it happened, but somehow the stupidest thought crossed my mind. I felt like telling my wife all about it. For a flash second I believed that telling her would help me get over my affair partner.
Stupid I know. I remember running it past a friend in jest and his response was for me to go home and get my shine box.
What Happens When You Tell Your Partner You’ve Cheated
Let’s assume for a second that you’ve cheated and gotten away with it. Let’s assume the girl you cheated with isn’t pregnant or blackmailing you, but for some reason you still feel guilty. It’s consumed you. You know it’s wrong and you want to come clean.
So what happens next. You sit your partner down and tell her you made a mistake, you tell her it’ll never happen again, you promise it was a mistake, you say it was a one time thing, blah blah blah…. You know, usual cliche lines you’ve seen in every movie that involves cheating.
She flips the fuck out, shouts, cries and needs space. You’ve gone from looking for absolution to having caused a substantial amount of pain….. You get yourself into a 50/50 position where she either forgives you or ends it.
But whichever way it’ll go – she’ll never forget it.
Why You Should NEVER Tell Your Partner You Cheated
Now maybe I’m so fucked and beyond guilt that I’m a narcissist. I get a fair bit of hate mail on this site about my infidelity, and that’s ok – I probably deserve it. But here’s why I like to keep things secret and would never ever tell my partner that I’ve cheated on her:
She’ll Never Forgive Me
My partner will 100% never forgive me. Knowing her the way I do, the anger would take over She would hire a lawyer, kick me out the house, keep my kids and wish me good luck. There’s no amount of begging, crying, excuses that would keep me in the house.
She’ll Never Trust Me Again
Even if my some miracle, I managed to stay in the house, every single time I go out with friends, there’s no way she’ll 100% believe that I was where I said I would be. At the back of her mind she’s always going to think that I’m out having another affair. She’ll find herself checking my phone, smelling my clothes, plain old looking for evidence to prove that a leopard never changes its spots.
She’ll Blame Herself
When the dust settles, there’s going to be some part of her that starts to blame herself. She’ll question everything about herself, from her looks, to her weight, to how she treated me. And whilst my cheating has nothing to do with her, it’s only going to be a natural reaction.
She Will Develop Trust Issues
Even if she kicks me out the house, keeps the kids, gets all my money and moves on – she’s going to start generalising. She’s going to develop trust issues and will start doubting all men. Any future men that come into her life, she’s always going to think that all men can’t be trusted. She’s going to believe that all men cheat, and it’s going to take a miracle and the right guy to assure her that that’s not true. But she’ll always in the back of her mind never ever fully trust a man again.
Toughen The Fuck Up
Let’s say you had a one night stand, a one time indiscretion – it’s natural that you’ll want to come clean, it really is. I get it. We’ve all been there. However, by confessing, any future true intimacy will be over with your partner. Relationship experts will tell you that one night stands can be gotten over, but having a full time relationship with an affair partner is most certainly something that’s impossible to forgive. The continued betrayal of a long term relationship with another women is harder to get over. The emotional toll of having an affair is so much worse than having a one night stand or a fling.
Your current relationship will come to an end in a heartbeat. It may make you feel better but you will completely destroy your partner. Any intimate relationship with your current partner will come crashing down and become non existent. And of course you could try a sex therapist, you could try couples therapy, you could bleat on about how honest you are generally and how you feel bad – but do you really think it’ll help?
No it won’t. Your current relationship will come crashing down faster than you can say boo. A foolish part of you may believe that by coming clean you are doing the honourable thing. That by no longer lying and telling the truth, you somehow think your instance of cheating will be forgiven. It won’t be. I promise you that. The feelings that your partner will develop towards you will change in a heartbeat. They will punish you in the process whilst they try and deal with this new reality.
It can be boredom, lack of sex, lack of attention, adventure, a drunken mistake, the stress of a family etc..
It’s easy to justify why you cheated to yourself, but despite being the owner of this blog – let’s not get it twisted, cheating is wrong. I absolutely believe this. Some people think it’s a sign that you would out of your existing relationship, the that’s not the case. People like me want to have my cake and eat it. I know I’m not in an open relationship so I need to go above and beyond to hide my affairs from my wife. My relationship isn’t that honest.
Cheating in my world won’t be tolerated. An affair will be met with legal papers. My wife expects honesty and a confession to her wouldn’t be seen as the truth coming through, it will be met with brut force.
Now I know not every spouse is like mine. But from past experience, I can tell you that infidelity in a lot of relationships just won’t be accepted.
Why I Cheat
I cheat because I like attention. There’s a high that comes from an affair that makes my infidelity exciting. I like risk by nature and the secrecy and the sneaking around adds to the excitement. I’m not necessarily saying what I do is a good thing. I always say this and say I’m broken. There’s clearly a void inside of me that needs filling and perhaps cheating is a form of filling that void.
My cheating isn’t about having multiple sexual adventures. No. It’s about having someone to talk to, someone to listen to. Finding good affair partners is rare but when you do, it’s like being on cloud nine.
My Advice
So here’s the deal. If you are the cheating sort, learn to keep your mouth shut. Never tell a soul. Never tell your friends, don’t tell your priest, don’t tell your work colleagues and most definitely don’t tell your spouse that you cheated. Keep that shit secret and take it to your grave (or of course see a therapist).
Die with the lie. Don’t see it as a burden, just see it as something that happened and deal with it. And don’t let it affect your behaviour. Partners are very intuitive and will notice if something is off with you.
A spouse or partner will tolerate a lot, but cheating just isn’t one of them. The honesty thing may make you feel better but it will leave a trail of destruction in its wake.
It’s not just bad people who cheat, many of us do, but the best policy is secrecy. There are plenty of good reasons to confess to infidelity but the sad truth is the crime has already been committed. If confession was such a strong tool, our jails would be empty.
Conclusion
In the instance you are deciding to grow a conscious and decide to disclose to your partner that you cheated, admit it all and confess about a secret relationship; stop, slap yourself in the face and go home and get your fucking shine box.
Guys often get bad press as being the instigators of affairs. This isn’t fair. After all, it takes two to tango and affair partners aren’t exactly innocent parties. Admittedly, more married men than women cheat, but the difference is marginal and getting smaller.
Whether you’re a single guy looking for your next hookup or a hitched man in the market for an affair, married women are worth considering. I’ve found that married women are far more open to pursuing an affair than you might think. What’s more, when you’re dealing with someone with a marriage to protect, you don’t have to work as hard to keep the whole thing a secret.
Looking to connect with married women? Read on for tips on how to make quick work of finding someone to cheat with.
Where to Meet Married Women Offline
Before we look at some of the usual online networks for connecting with married women, let’s consider the offline world. I know a lot of people think that dating apps and hookup sites are a hassle-free way of finding someone for no-strings sex, but the truth is, not everyone’s using them.
If you want to make the right connections, you’ve got to get yourself out there. Consider all the usual hunting grounds. First, start with bars and clubs. One thing you’ve got to consider here is that the average bar isn’t going to be flooded with married women falling into the over-40 category. There’s always the chance you’ll stumble upon the occasional barfly sipping on a martini, but these women are going to be the rare exception.
To increase your odds of landing a married woman, you’ll need to do your homework ahead of time. Look for ladies’ night events at nearby bars and drinking holes. Most of the time, men are more than welcome to these events. You just don’t be benefiting from those cut-price drinks menus. Expect a good mix of singles and married women at these events. However, don’t assume every woman is fair game. Some married women might be attending alone to get a feel of the place and scout for someone to hook up with. However, most of them are going to be in groups. You’re not going to have much luck convincing a married woman to join you on the dancefloor if she’s surrounded by friends. To make your life easier, look for those lone she-wolves instead.
While booze can help grease the wheels, bars aren’t your only option for finding married women to cheat with. I’ve had just as much luck with places like coffee shops and cafes when connecting with older women and married ones. If you’ve got a morning or afternoon spare, think about putting on your sharpest smart-casual threads and heading out for a cup of cortado. The great thing about these kinds of places is that women don’t usually have any problems visiting them solo. In other words, neither of you need to worry about her friends casting prying eyes on you.
Of course, without alcohol flowing, you need to up your game with casual conversation. Unless you’re chatting to a highly-sexed married woman who’s prepared to jump into bed with the first man who shows her interest, any connection you make in this type of venue needs to be nurtured slowly.
Looking for more offline options? Just about any class or group with a high female-to-male ratio is a good shout. If you’re a regular at your local gym, check out which classes are running throughout the week. Yoga sessions tend to be maxed out with women, meaning you’ll have less competition.
Best Online Sites Apps for Meeting Married Women
Not in the mood to head out and search the usual spots for married women? If time is of the essence, there’s always the online world. You can use all the usual apps to find curious married women looking for a little extra, but some are better than others. We’ve picked out a handful of the best online sites and apps for you to try.
1. Adult FriendFinder
Adult FriendFinder is one of the more established hookup sites on the web. As of 2023, the site has more than 60 million users worldwide. While many of these are singles looking for no-strings encounters, you’ll find plenty of married women looking to dive into the sack here.
As the name suggests, Adult FriendFinder doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to finding eager partners to get down and deity with. There’s also a great range of ages on offer here, making it a more mature-friendly platform than the likes of Tinder. While you’ll have to pay to unlock advanced features with a premium subscription, this service does offer a full-featured free trial.
2. OneNightFriend
OneNightFriend looks and feels very much like Tinder. However, people here are far more upfront about what they’re looking for. It’s quick and easy to create a profile while searching for potential matches is a breeze. This is one app to check out if you’re looking to speed up the search for your next encounter. You can be fairly specific with search criteria, while most of the features are available without you having to pay for a premium account.
Another great feature of OneNightFriend is that you can draft a general message and send it out to multiple people at once. If you’re tired of spending hours pursuing random women online, only to get knocked back by a time-waster, this is a game changer. If you’d rather leave things to the matching algorithm, you’ll be glad to know that OneNightFriend has a pretty reliable system. However, one issue I’ve found with this app is that there are quite a few fake profiles in the mix.
3. SpDate
Compared to other dating apps, SpDate is pretty small. However, there are still more than 1.4 million active users to engage with. Anyone over the age of 18 is welcome here, with plenty of married women on the table if that’s what floats your boat. The big draw of SpDate is that it’s completely free. There aren’t any paywalls here, so you won’t have to hand over your credit card details to unlock premium features.
Although it’s free, this app is pretty impressive. You can add a surprising amount of detail to a profile, while the matching algorithms are pretty reliable. What’s more, you can make video calls to people you’re chatting with, without having to convince them to hand over their phone number and start talking off-platform. One downside here is that it’s a strictly no-NSFW destination. This might put some people off if they’re looking for more eager users with no boundaries.
4. Together2Night
Together2Night is another app that caters to those looking for an affair. It’s popular in the US and US, with more than 1 million people using the service every month. One thing holding this one back is that you need to pay to unlock premium features. However, it’s one of the more affordable affair hookup networks out there.
While the user base may seem small, just about everyone using Together2Night is looking for the same thing, meaning you won’t be wasting your time here. What’s more, you get some pretty reliable features. The matching algorithm is great and I’ve had great success securing a hookup with this app. It’s also intuitive, meaning the app learns what you like incredibly quickly. Profiles are also exhaustive, with every user needing to upload a minimum of three photos. In other words, you know what you’re getting, long before you start putting in the hours talking to someone.
5. Passion
In the market for no-strings fun with married women? Give Passion a try. This is one of the best networks out there for younger men looking to connect with slightly more mature women. You’ll have no trouble finding a cougar here. As of 2023, more than 30 million people use this network regularly, with a fairly balanced female-to-male ratio.
One thing to bear in mind is that Passions requires you to pay to use the service. It’s not the most expensive dating app out there, but you’ll need to be active on it to justify the cost. What’s more, even though this is an app, you need to first create an account online via the Passions website. If you’re a guy who’s already involved and wants to keep your indiscretions a secret, this can give the game away.
6. Cougar Life
With a name like this, it’s pretty obvious who Cougar Life caters to. This dating app is a dream destination for any guy looking to land an older woman. While women on this site are single, there’s a fair amount of married ones using it daily. Currently, around 7 million people are active on Cougar Life, meaning the odds of you landing a meeting are strong.
It’s a pretty new app, but it stands apart from the competition thanks to its rich features and interactivity. Cougar Life actively encourages users to add things like voice memos and videos, which tell you far more about someone than a carefully curated photo gallery ever will.
7. Tinder
While Tinder is open to everyone, don’t count it out if you’re on the hunt for married women. However, you have a lot of competition to contend with if you’re using Tinder, especially if you’re based in a major town or city. If you want to stand out and save those married women for yourself, you’ll need a first-rate profile that sets you apart from all the other guys in your neighborhood. Ideally, you’ll also want to upgrade to a premium account to give your profile the edge.
If you’re using Tinder solely to seek out married women, make sure you’re tweaking your profile accordingly. Women in marriages and long-term relationships aren’t going to be saying as much in their profiles, but they’ll respond well to male users who make it clear they’re all about discretion and no-strings fun on the down low.
Find a Match Today
You don’t have to look hard to find a married woman who’s looking to cheat. If you want to cast your net wide, use online apps to see what’s around. If you’re looking to beat the online crowds and make a more meaningful connection, there are plenty of offline haunts packed to the rafters with married women looking for younger guys to cheat with.
Have you ended up as the other woman in an affair? Some of us are happy to play the dutiful girlfriend and go the extra mile for our married partners. However, it’s not always to keep a married guy hooked on the line. Eventually, guilt can start eating away at them, driving them back into the arms of their spouses. Other times, cockier guys start getting itchy feet and want to spice things up by seeing who else they’re capable of landing. If they’ve already snagged a side piece once, they won’t have any reservations about ditching you for someone else.
Struggling to keep a married man interested? The good news is you don’t have to pull out the stops to keep a married guy coming back for more. In fact, many of the same tricks you’ve tried on single guys can be used here.
1. Make an Effort
When I’ve dealt with married guys before, the simplest tricks are often the most successful. If you think that your married boyfriend is looking elsewhere for something better, simply up your game. Guys who cheat on their wives tend to be driven by physical attractiveness. If you’re worried he’s looking elsewhere for a younger, sexier model, make a point of taking things to the next level with your outfit choices. Dress like you’re trying to be noticed. If he spots other guys giving you a second look, he’s going to reconsider weighing up his options and pursuing other women.
2. Shower Him With Attention
Even if a guy is playing away because he’s looking for a better sex life, he’ll still crave some emotional connection. A lack of emotional intimacy is often a big factor in affairs coming to a close. You’ll need to work hard to keep him interested by showering him with affection. This can be as simple as listening to his problems and letting him know he always has a willing ear. However, you’ll also want to target his fragile ego. Compliment the clothes his wearing, let him know you’ve noticed that new fragrance he’s spritzed on, and generally dish out credit like it’s going out of fashion.
3. NSFW Texts
I’ve found that some married guys like to put up barriers when it comes to messaging between dates. This is understandable if he’s paranoid about an affair being brought out into the open. However, if your affair partner maintains open lines of communication with you, make sure you’re utilizing them. A daily text will go a long way in letting him know you’re thinking about him. Want to go the extra mile? Dial things up a notch by sending flirty texts. If you’re feeling adventurous, the occasional naked selfie will also work wonders and ensure he doesn’t even consider looking elsewhere or going back to a life of monogamy.
4. Be the Damsel in Distress
Guys like to feel like they’re a superhero. Play up to this if you want to keep a married man interested. Men are preprogrammed to be the knight in shining armor, even if they’re useless in the role. Try and come up with scenarios where you need his help. The idea here is to make him think he’s the only man on the planet who can be called upon to play the hero. You can keep things simple and ask for advice, or make out you need his help with an urgent DIY project.
5. Remind Him That Other Guys Are Interested
This one can be hard to pull off successfully. I’ve already touched upon how dressing sexy can pique other guys’ interests, but you need to go even further than this if you want to remind a married man about how desirable you are. However, you need to be careful with this one. Whatever you do, avoid telling him outright about how desirable you are. Instead, take a subtle approach. Drop the occasional hint that a colleague or casual acquaintance is showing an interest in you. You don’t want to come across as keen or open to the idea. Instead, make a joke about it, pointing out how good you already have it. You gently remind a married man that other guys are out there, but you also get to feed his ego.
6. Don’t Be the Demanding Other Woman
A lot of married men cheat because they’re trying to escape demanding wives and home lives. Therefore, you don’t want to replicate the issues he’s trying to distance himself from. Your relationship should be an oasis away from the hell he’s experiencing at home. Follow his lead as much as possible. Is he a casual customer who doesn’t play to a schedule? Don’t be the kind of girl who wants plans laid out a month in advance.
This can be tricky, especially if the affair has been going on for some time. As the months turn into years, it’s fair to expect a certain level of commitment from a married man. However, until he leaves his wife and agrees to make things official with you, you’re never going to be able to demand all of his time.
7. Mind Your Temper
If you want to keep a married man interested, you need to avoid losing your cool, no matter how volatile a situation is. Admittedly, sometimes the mask can slip, but there’s a difference between getting pissy for a moment and erupting in public. Men need to know that their affair is going to remain a secret, no matter how heated an exchange can get. Even men that don’t cheat admit that they’d happily do it if they could guarantee that an extramarital relationship wouldn’t be discovered.
Guys’ minds always drift to thoughts of Fatal Attraction when considering affairs. While they probably don’t think you’re going to start boiling their pets and attempt to drive them off the road, there’s always that nagging worry that a wronged woman is going to try and destroy their marriage when rebuked.
8. Don’t Introduce Him To Your Friends
The longer an affair carries on, the more normal it starts to feel. If you’ve been seeing a married man for many months, you might want to start doing more conventional things like overnight stays and introducing him to your friends. Even if he’d be open to the idea, this is something to avoid. Why? An affair should be something that can be compartmentalized. Bringing friends and casual acquaintances into the mix complicates things. Ultimately, he knows you have a life of your own, but married guys rarely think about the ins and outs of the lives of their affair partners. Once he starts seeing you interacting with close friends, things get real. It can make him think twice about his own situation and what he stands to lose.
9. Let Him Do the Deciding
Guys respond well when they feel like they’re in control. If you want to keep the affair going, you’re going to have to be pretty submissive. This can be as simple as letting him decide where the two of you will meet. If he’s worried about getting caught out, you’ll also need to let him take the lead when it comes to physical intimacy. Behind closed doors and in the bedroom, all bets are off. However, when you’re out in the real world, it’s a different matter entirely.
Whatever you do, don’t initiate physical contact when you’re in public. This rules out everything from a playful touch to handholding. You can still do these things, but let him decide when it’s safe to do so. This way, he’s not going to stress out about being seen by someone he knows. This not only takes away those nagging feelings of anxiety but leaves him quietly feeling like he’s in constant control of the situation.
10. Playing Hard to Get
This might seem counterintuitive, especially if you’re trying to keep a guy with wandering eyes and a short attention span. However, I’ve found the hard-to-get routine can be useful in reminding a guy what he’s missing out on. If you’re overly keen and ready to go when he is, he might start thinking that this is standard with all women. In other words, he’ll feel primed to go out and look for other women who are just as keen.
Just because you’re the other woman, doesn’t mean you have to lose your mystique. Avoid responding to him within seconds of receiving a text. Does he want to meet this afternoon for a last-minute session at a hotel? If you’re really up for it, go ahead. However, don’t feel obliged to give in to every demand. If he really wants it, he’ll wait.
11. Put Yourself in His Shoes
If you’re itching for commitment or want a married man to put you first, it’s easy to forget about the people in this situation you don’t see. I’m talking about his wife and family. While you’re not responsible for getting him to cheat, you should think about what a married man has to lose if an affair is revealed.
While you shouldn’t shoulder his guilt, thinking about what he has to lose will help you understand him more. Any resistance he’s feeling or flighty behavior is often the result of guilt and anxiety, rather than a lack of interest in you.
Making an Affair Official
Have you been hoping an affair turns into the real thing? Although most affairs burn out within a couple of months, others carry on for much longer. If you’ve been seeing the same man for 12 months or longer, genuine romantic feelings have likely developed. Some women choose to wait it out and continue the affair, hoping that their married partner will eventually come to his senses, get a divorce, and make a commitment. However, this rarely happens in reality.
If you want to turn an affair into an actual relationship, you need to be upfront with a married man. Don’t give him an ultimatum and never ask him to choose. Why? The simple answer is that he’ll almost always choose his wife and bring the affair to a close. If you’re particularly forceful, he’ll take this as a sign that you’ll do anything to maintain the relationship and cut contact altogether. Instead, focus on your feelings. Tell him what he and the relationship mean to you. Be as syrupy as you like with your wording, but drum home all the positives you’re both getting from the relationship. Once he knows that this affair has legs, he’ll be a lot less anxious about his marriage ending.
Have you become involved with a married woman? Many younger men love the thrill of being the other guy in a relationship. While some are happy to play it cool and see how things progress, other men do eventually find themselves falling for their married partner. If you ask me, it’s best to step back and ask yourself some questions before making some bold declaration of undying love.
Getting involved with a married woman is messy enough before you start trying to take things up a notch. However, sometimes it’s hard to fight your feelings. If you feel there’s a genuine connection there and you want to turn an affair into a genuine relationship, you need to be careful about how you approach things.
How Did the Relationship Start?
Let’s get this out of the way first. Think about how your relationship actually began. Did you meet your married partner on a dating site for married women? Although it’s entirely possible for genuine feelings to develop, remember that this whole thing started with two people talking to a stranger in an attempt to get their rocks off.
You might have met at work or through friends. In these cases, affairs tend to start more gradually. Emotional intimacy is established before sex becomes part of the deal. If your affair has some emotional bedrock, then your feelings are probably genuine. More importantly, there’s an increased chance of her feeling something similar to what you’re wrestling with.
Does She Feel the Same Way?
Nobody wants to embarrass themselves by admitting to someone they’re in love with them, only to be rejected. Before you even consider risking it all, think about how the other person in the affair actually feels.
Has she been pretty frank about her feelings? If she’s consistently told you that the relationship is a physical one and she doesn’t want emotions to get in the way, accept that you’re the outlier in the situation. Has she made it clear that she has no intentions of leaving her husband? Take her at face value and don’t try to convince her otherwise.
Of course, some married women can change their minds about things once an affair is underway and she’s spent months with another guy. If her tone has changed and she seems more receptive to the idea of a future with someone else other than her husband, you can be a little more direct with your next steps.
Testing the Water
If your feelings are strong enough, it can be hard to fight the urge to blurt them out in the heat of the moment. In my experience, this is never a good idea. It can seem rushed and erratic. Married women will only keep an affair going if they feel like they have your discretion. If you’re suddenly throwing declarations of love into the mix, they’re almost certainly going to back away from the relationship. At best, you’ll find yourself seeing them less and less before they cut ties altogether.
To save your sanity and preserve the relationship for what it is, be more delicate about things. You can ask questions about her marriage, but don’t be too probing. Married women and men don’t like to be reminded about what they’ve got going on at home. If they’re cheating to escape a loveless marriage devoid of passion, bringing up their uninterested spouse is a real mood-killer. If they’re cheating for more selfish reasons, mentioning their family and home life is only going to lead to them feeling guilty. This often leads them to reconsider the affair. If the guilt takes hold, they may decide to stop cheating altogether.
See How She Responds to Compliments
If you want to avoid telling a married woman outright that you’re in love with her, let her know gradually in other ways. Start with compliments. It can be casual comments made over dinner or drinks, or more sexually-charged talk after an afternoon session. Working these into your everyday exchanges will do wonders for her self-esteem, slowly warming her up to the idea of a long-term future with you.
Hint That You’re on the Market
Unless your arrangement is a particularly strange one, a married woman can’t expect you to be off the market while you’re seeing her. It’s not fair that she can indulge her sexual appetites away from her marriage, but you have to live like a monk when you’re not with her. I’m not suggesting you start boasting to her about your sexual exploits and one-night stands, but some gentle reminders that you’re a viable option for other women are worth considering.
Drop the occasional mention of colleagues who might have shown an interest. Delicacy is key here. You don’t want to make her irate with rage, but you want to sow the seeds of jealousy. If these feelings become too much for her to bear, she’ll likely want to cement her status with you. Ultimately, it’s about giving yourself more leverage when you decide to tell her that you love her.
Be Realistic About the Shelf Life of Your Situation
One of my aunts carried on an affair for the best part of three decades without her husband knowing. Then again, my uncle was a dimwit.
However, most affairs last nowhere near as long as this. Most are going to fizzle out within a few months. At best, you’ll get a year out of one before anxiety takes hold or the risk of getting found out becomes too much to bear.
During the early stages of an affair when the cheater’s high is in full effect, an affair seems endless. However, the honeymoon stage doesn’t last forever. By all means, enjoy those first few weeks when everything feels fantastic. After that, you need to be upfront with each other about the shelf life of your affair.
The occasional conversation about the inevitable end of your relationship will have her thinking twice. If you’re too heavy-handed about this, you can send her packing. If you’re more delicate with the topic, you’ll have her reconsidering whether or not it’s worth sticking it out in an unhappy marriage or taking the plunge with you.
Just Say It
If gentle probing and casual compliments haven’t warmed her up to the idea of leaving her husband and starting a future with you, consider just being upfront about things. Just don’t make a huge song and dance about it. She might share your feelings, but might not be quite ready to ditch her marriage and go forward with you.
If you’re too over-the-top with things, you can sour a good thing. She might think that you’re unpredictable or so consumed with love that you’ll do anything to keep her. While a few women might be flattered by this, most will start to worry that you’ll sabotage their marriage to continue the affair. In other words, they’ll be terrified they’re dealing with an “If I can’t have you, no one will” kind of guy.
Should You Tell Her?
Sometimes, it’s best to wait things out. Think about your situation and where both of you stand before you progress any further. For starters, remember that you willingly entered into this arrangement as the other guy. You didn’t enter into a relationship with the promise that one day, you could supplant her husband as the only man in her life. You’re the one who’s changed the rules, not her.
You should also consider whether or not you’re actually in love with her. Are you just besotted with her because your affair is taking up so much of your time? Are you confusing passion and obsession with love?
Next, consider the consequences of telling her you love her. Unless she instantly agrees to ditch her husband and get with you on a full-time basis, you’re going to be saddling her with extra anxiety. She now not only has to deal with managing an affair and all the secrets that entails, but also manage her feelings. If the affair continues, her behavior towards you could change to try and temper your romantic feelings. This can be hard to deal with.
Conclusion
Most guys who find themselves in this situation should really think about looking elsewhere. After all, you’re not falling in love with the only woman in the world. Instead of putting all your eggs in one basket and pursuing someone unattainable, try and establish a healthier relationship elsewhere.
You’re one half of an adulterous relationship. In other words, nothing’s stopping you from getting your kicks elsewhere. Get out there and meet other women. Whether it’s one-night stands and casual sex, or something more serious, it’s always a good idea to leave your options open. If this doesn’t dampen your feelings for the married woman you’re seeing, it can still leave you with a healthy perspective. If you do decide to tell her you love her and she turns you down flat, you know that there are plenty of other women out there you can pursue.
Finally, remember that the woman you’re obsessing over is another person. She might be cheating on her husband, but that doesn’t make her an inherently bad person. If you think that you genuinely love her, don’t make her life more difficult by throwing a spanner into the works by telling her you’re in love with her. If the love is genuine and your feelings are shared, things may fall into place. Think about putting some distance between the two of you if you need to. Sometimes, distance can make the heart grow fonder. Other times, it’s the only remedy for forcing you to rethink your situation and move on to greener pastures.
People cheat for a whole host of reasons. What’s more, there’s no one-size-fits-all profile for an affair. Some people become emotionally entangled with colleagues, while others realize a long-time friend is someone they want to cheat with. Others are proactive in the hunt for an affair partner, heading online or seeking out strangers during nights out with friends. Although there’s a huge amount of risk involved when pursuing affairs, they can be pretty rewarding for those who manage to keep their indiscretion a secret. However, even the best affairs don’t last long.
Some affairs last for a matter of weeks, while around half of all of them are done and dusted within a year of getting started. Other affairs can last for much longer, crossing the 12-month mark and heading into the two-year territory. In rare situations, affairs can last for many years, even decades. However, you need to be realistic about things and realize that extramarital relationships have a shelf life. Looking to bring an ill-judged affair to a close? Worried about a good thing ending earlier than you’d like? Let’s explore some of the ways that affairs usually come to an end.
How Affairs Usually End?
Most people assume that affairs only come to a close when the infidelity is discovered. However, it’s pretty rare that a cheating partner is caught out by their other half. In my friendship circle alone, half a dozen people have cheated, and only one of them has ever been caught in the act.
In actual fact, many affairs die off for the same reasons that normal relationships do. One of the main reasons why these relationships fail is that the thrill wears off. That initial fire you feel for someone new quickly becomes familiar. After a few weeks or months, even the ecstasy of great sex can’t justify all the effort needed to keep an affair secret. What’s more, people quickly realize how hollow an affair can be. If there’s little emotional connection there, maintaining an affair doesn’t really seem worth it.
Guilt and Anxiety
Other people can’t deal with the guilt of cheating on their partner. It can be a massive relief for a cheater to find out their affair partner wants to draw things to a close. Sometimes, cheaters take a proactive approach and call things quiet because they can’t deal with the constant feelings of anxiety.
If you’ve kicked off an affair because your spouse isn’t treating you well, you might not feel outright guilt about the situation. However, the stress of trying to keep things secret can be detrimental to your mental health. Even if you think that your other half deserves to be betrayed, the payoff you have to suffer saps any thrill out of things.
Misery Loves Company
Have you hooked up with a person who’s also engaged or married? I’ve found these pairings to be one of the safest ways to maintain an affair and keep it a secret. You’re both in the same boat and both parties know the consequences of an affair becoming common knowledge. However, you’ve got to be careful with this kind of entanglement.
Why?
If you’re both cheating because you have a long list of complaints about your other halves, it’s easy for those gripes to become the main conversation topic. Whether you’re raking over old ground to justify your actions or just want to chew the fat, this negativity can be consuming. An enriching affair should make you feel better, not bring you down to earth and depress you. In many cases, affair partners choose to call things off once the arrangement becomes too much of a downer to deal with.
You Realize You’re Dealing With a Complete Stranger
Short-term affairs can be thrilling, especially if the sex is great. However, any affair that lasts longer than a few weeks needs to be built on firmer ground. Once you’ve been seeing someone for more than a month, you’ll start to see how different you are.
In my experience, having wildly different interests isn’t really an issue if your sole focus is sexual gratification. However, if you’re looking for something more meaningful, there’s no point flogging a dead horse. Why bother spending months trying to make an affair work if you’re already turning away from the marital bed because of relationship issues? If you want your affair to have mileage, you need to think twice before getting involved with someone who isn’t your spouse.
While affairs seem shiny and new at first, the veneer quickly wears away. After a month or two, you’ll have a clear idea of how well things are working and whether or not to proceed. If infidelity still appeals but you don’t see your current affair partner working out, cut your losses and look elsewhere.
You’ve Been Found Out
This is a nightmare scenario and one you want to avoid at all costs. Sometimes, people openly admit to their affairs because they can’t cope with the crippling guilt. Other times, the issue is taken out of their hands and their infidelity is discovered.
There are many ways you can be caught out. Have you become involved with someone at work? Make sure you’re playing nice with all of your colleagues. Bad blood can lead to a world of pain if an irate coworker who knows about your affair decides to let your spouse know what’s going on.
You also need to think about other people who know what you’re up to. A lot of people in affairs decide to confide in a friend so they can share the emotional burden of cheating. While this can be an instant stress reliever, it ultimately makes things more complicated. You’re simply spreading the guilt around. If your friend is someone who crumbles at the first sign of conflict, they’re the best person to confide in. Once again, you also need to be sure you’re keeping them sweet. A simple falling out over something trivial can turn into a marriage-ending fiasco when they decide to make your secret common knowledge.
Other times, your partner is the one to discover your affair. This can happen in a variety of ways. When I’ve played away, I’ve been meticulous about keeping my affairs secret by using a burner phone. However, a lot of people don’t do this. If you’re keeping in touch with your affair partner with your usual device, make sure this never leaves your side. A single message popping up on your home screen can bring everything out into the open if your partner spots it. Your spouse might also catch you in a lie. Keeping an affair secret is an art form. If you can’t cope with remembering a long list of lies and alibis, you’ll find yourself backed into a corner in no time. Sometimes, you can dig your heels and lie your way out of the most impossible situation. Other times, you’ll crumble and admit to what’s been happening.
Of course, the worst possible way of being found is your spouse catching you being intimate with someone else. Naturally, this rules out using your place as a staging ground for sex. However, avoiding the marital home doesn’t go far enough. Keep your meetings out of the zip code if possible.
What Happens to a Marriage When Affairs End?
Has your affair been discovered? If you’re massively unhappy in your marriage, I’d suggest taking stock of things and deciding what to do next. If your affair partner is open to the idea of a conventional relationship, now might be the time to split from your spouse and pursue a new relationship with someone who actually interests you. If not, consider whether the single life might still be a better future for you.
A lot of the time, affair partners aren’t interested in a conventional relationship. This means a lot of people are at the mercy of their betrayed partner. Divorce is something a lot of people have to deal with. Even if the divorce papers aren’t brought into play immediately, a trial separation might be called for. For some people, a divorce is the way forward. However, it becomes more difficult for people who’ve been in relationships for years. If you’re tied to a mortgage and numerous financial commitments, you can end up walking away with your bank balance in the red. It’s even more of a headache if you’ve got a family and need to fight it out in court for custody.
Can a Marriage Be Saved After an Affair?
Just because your infidelity has been discovered by your spouse, doesn’t mean that your marriage is doomed. The statistics vary between studies, but it’s thought as many as 20% of marriages impacted by divorce survive for five years or longer. However, keeping a broken marriage on life support takes effort.
You’ll need to admit your guilt and be accepting of change. Marriage counseling isn’t for everyone, but spending some time with a therapist can help both partners reengage and find their voice. You also benefit from a neutral party laying down cold, hard truths. As the partner who did the cheating, you’ll have to take the brunt of this. However, if you were driven to cheat because of a lack of intimacy, physical and emotional, a therapist won’t allow your other half off the hook entirely.
Do You Want to Carry on Cheating?
A recently discovered affair doesn’t have to be the end of your extramarital adventures. Unfortunately, a lot of people end up stuck in a relationship they’d rather not be in, but the long list of gripes with their partner remains. As such, finding their kicks elsewhere is the only way to save their sanity. If you’ve been found out or had to admit to an affair, you’re going to have to work extra hard to keep your next indiscretion a secret. If you were lazy about keeping these text exchanges and calls a secret, you’ve got to be more meticulous next time around. Invest in a second phone, or at least a second SIM card. Did you previously hook up with someone you knew from everyday life? Don’t even consider anyone who falls within that work-life-friends Venn diagram the next time you want to cheat.
There is no denying that the internet has revolutionized the dating world. As social media has become a more accepted and mainstream way of meeting people, it was only a matter of time before dating websites targeting specific niches sprang up. Two such sites are Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison, both of which cater to adults seeking casual relationships or extramarital affairs.
Adult Friend Finder: A site for open-minded individuals (and my fave)
Adult Friend Finder (AFF) is one of the most popular adult dating websites on the internet. It was founded in 1996 and has since grown into a massive community with over 80 million registered users worldwide. This site is not just for singles; it welcomes couples, groups, and individuals who are looking to explore their sexuality, even those looking to have an affair. Without sounding too biased, it is my favourite site.
The site offers its members various features such as chat rooms, forums, blogs, webcams, live streams, etc., which allow users to interact with others who share similar interests. The search engine makes finding potential partners easy by allowing users to filter based on age range, gender identity, sexual orientation, physical attributes and much more.
One reason people use AFF is because it provides them with a platform where they can be themselves without fear of judgment or ridicule from others. The site encourages open-mindedness and celebrates diversity.
Despite the controversy surrounding it at that time (and afterward), Ashley Madison remains an incredibly popular website with over 60 million members worldwide. The site’s discreet messaging system and photo-hiding options make it easy for users to remain anonymous while communicating with others.
The website has a reputation for being a playground for bored, married individuals looking to spice up their lives. People use Ashley Madison because it provides them with the excitement and thrill of being in a relationship without the commitment or emotional baggage that comes with it.
People use Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison for various reasons. Some are looking to explore their sexuality, while others seek excitement or escape from their daily routine. For some, it’s about finding like-minded individuals who share similar interests and values, while for others, it’s about fulfilling specific fantasies.
Both websites offer users an opportunity to connect with people they might not have met otherwise and provide them with a safe space to explore their desires without fear of judgment or societal pressures. Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison cater to different niches within the online dating world.
While they both may have had controversies in the past, millions of people continue to use these sites today. Whether you’re seeking casual hookups or extramarital affairs, there is no doubt that these two sites provide unique opportunities for adult fun and romance.
Adult Friend Finder
History and Background of the Site
Adult Friend Finder (AFF) has been around since 1996 and was one of the first online dating sites developed for adults. The site has gone through many changes over the years, but it remains a popular choice with millions of users across the globe.
AFF is owned by FriendFinder Networks, which also owns a network of other adult-oriented websites. Initially, Adult Friend Finder was created as a platform for swingers to meet other like-minded individuals.
However, as time went on, the site evolved to cater to straight and LGBTQ individuals seeking casual hookups or long-term relationships. Today, it boasts over 80 million registered members worldwide.
Features and Benefits of Using the Site
One of the main draws of AFF is its comprehensive list of features. Members have access to chat rooms, forums, blogs, instant messaging services, live webcams and more. The site is designed to be user-friendly and offers various search functions that allow users to narrow their results based on location, age range or sexual interests.
Another benefit of using Adult Friend Finder is its diverse user base. The site attracts people from all walks of life who are looking for various types of relationships ranging from casual hookups to long-term commitments.
One unique feature that sets AFF apart from other dating sites is its Sex Academy feature. This section provides educational resources on topics such as sex tips and techniques or how to have better communication with partners in bed.
Chat Rooms, Forums & Blogs
Chat rooms are one way that Adult Friend Finder allows members to communicate with each other in real-time. These chat rooms are categorized by topic or interest including specific sexual fetishes or kinks.
Forums are another interactive feature that allows users to engage in discussions about various topics related to sex or relationships. These forums are moderated by AFF staff members to ensure that they remain respectful and appropriate.
Blogs provide individuals with a platform to share their experiences and thoughts on a range of topics. Members can interact with blog writers through comments or private messages.
User Demographics
Adult Friend Finder has a broad user base, but the majority of users are between the ages of 25-34. The site is popular among both men and women, with male users slightly outnumbering female users. Users are primarily from the United States, but there is also a significant user base in the United Kingdom, Canada, and Australia.
Types of Relationships Sought on the Site
As mentioned earlier, AFF caters to those seeking various types of relationships ranging from casual hookups to long-term commitments. However, given its roots in the swinger community, it may attract more people looking for open relationships or non-monogamous arrangements.
In addition to traditional dating relationships, some members may also use Adult Friend Finder as a platform for finding partners for group sex or other sexual activities outside of monogamous partnerships.
Ashley Madison
The Infamous Site for Extramarital Affairs
Ashley Madison is a dating website that specializes in extramarital affairs, catering to individuals looking for discreet encounters outside of their committed relationships. It was launched in 2001 by the Canadian company called Avid Life Media Inc. The site’s tagline “Life is short. Have an affair,” became a cultural icon and the slogan was plastered on bus stops and billboards across major cities.
The site has become infamous for the controversy it stirred up soon after its launch, with people expressing outrage over its promotion of adultery. Despite facing multiple legal challenges and protests, Ashley Madison remains one of the most successful dating websites, with over 60 million members from all over the world.
Features and Benefits
Ashley Madison boasts several features that make it attractive to its users. Its main selling point is that it provides a discreet platform for users to engage in extramarital affairs without risking exposure or judgment from their partners or society at large. The site offers a range of privacy options such as anonymous browsing, photo hiding options and a discreet messaging system.
The website also provides various communication tools such as instant messaging, chat rooms, email services and virtual gifts which allow users to connect with like-minded individuals who seek similar experiences. Members can access different search filters to find potential partners based on age, location, interests, etc.
User Demographics
According to data gathered by Ashley Madison itself, its user base consists mostly of married men between the ages of 35-44 seeking affairs with younger women aged between 18-29 years old. Women make up only about 15% of registered users on the site but are free to use all features without any cost restrictions.
The site caters mostly to people from Western countries like North America and Europe, with the highest number of users from the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom. The site has recently expanded its services to include Latin America and Asia as well.
Types of Relationships Sought on the Site
Ashley Madison caters mainly to individuals seeking extramarital affairs and casual hookups. However, some members may also be interested in more serious relationships or friendships outside of their marriages. The site provides a platform for people who feel dissatisfied or unfulfilled in their current relationships and want to explore their options.
Overall, Ashley Madison offers a unique experience for those interested in an extramarital affair or casual fling while ensuring that their privacy is respected at all times. However, it is important to remember that engaging in such activities can have significant consequences on one’s personal and professional life if uncovered.
Comparing Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison
Pros and Cons for Each Site
When it comes to Adult Friend Finder, one of the biggest pros is the sheer number of users on the site. With over 80 million registered users, there are plenty of people to connect with.
Additionally, the site offers various features such as chat rooms, forums, and blogs that encourage socializing among members. However, a downside to this site is that it has been criticized for allowing fake profiles and bots on their platform.
On the other hand, Ashley Madison’s main selling point is its emphasis on discreet relationships. The site allows its members to blur their photos or use masks to ensure anonymity while browsing or chatting with others.
Furthermore, their messaging system is designed to protect user privacy by only revealing personal information when both parties agree to communicate further. Nevertheless, Ashley Madison has faced scrutiny regarding its security infrastructure after a major data breach in 2015 revealed sensitive information about its users.
Privacy Concerns, User Interface and Pricing Structure
Privacy concerns are a pertinent issue for online dating sites; both Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison have had their fair share of privacy controversies over the years. Adult Friend Finder was hit particularly hard by a massive data breach in 2016 that exposed sensitive information about millions of its users including usernames, email addresses and passwords. In terms of user interface design, both sites offer fairly intuitive platforms that allow easy navigation between different features.
However, some people may find Ashley Madison’s interface more straightforward due to its focus on messaging as opposed to socializing with multiple people simultaneously like on Adult Friend Finder. Pricing structures differ greatly between these two sites.
While Adult Friend Finder offers free registration with limited access to some features (such as viewing profiles), premium membership plans start at $19.95 per month up to $239.95 for a full year. Ashley Madison’s pricing model is pay as you go with credits used to purchase various features such as sending messages and virtual gifts.
Differences in User Experience
One of the most significant differences between Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison is how they approach matchmaking. Adult Friend Finder allows users to search for potential partners by various criteria such as location, age, appearance, and interests.
This site also emphasizes the social aspect of online dating with features like chat rooms and forums where people can connect based on shared interests. Ashley Madison, on the other hand, relies heavily on its messaging system to facilitate connections between users.
Members can browse through profiles but don’t have an option to search for specific criteria like on Adult Friend Finder. Instead, they can send messages to anyone they find intriguing – though credits are required for this feature.
Both Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison have their own unique advantages and disadvantages depending on what type of relationship you’re seeking and what level of privacy you require. It’s important to do your research before deciding which site is right for you.
Controversies surrounding both sites
It is no secret that both Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison have been involved in some controversial incidents over the years. These range from accusations of fake profiles, to data breaches resulting in the exposure of users’ personal information. Let’s take a closer look at these controversies.
Fake Profiles
One common criticism of Adult Friend Finder is the alleged use of fake profiles on their site. Users have accused the company of creating phony accounts to make it appear as though there are more active members than there really are.
This creates a false sense of activity that can trick users into paying for a premium membership. Ashley Madison has also faced accusations regarding their use of fake profiles.
In 2015, a journalist from Gizmodo published an article claiming that up to 90% of female profiles on Ashley Madison were fake. The company denied these allegations, but it did little to quell concerns about the veracity of user accounts on their site.
Data Breaches
Perhaps the most damaging controversy surrounding both sites is the series of data breaches they have experienced over the years. In 2016, Adult Friend Finder suffered a massive breach that exposed millions of users’ personal information, including email addresses and passwords. The hack was so severe that it even led to lawsuits against the company.
Ashley Madison was also hit by a major data breach in 2015, which exposed users’ names, addresses, and credit card information. The breach was particularly damaging because Ashley Madison marketed itself as a site for people seeking extramarital affairs; thus, many users were understandably concerned about their privacy being compromised.
How each company responded to these incidents
Given how serious these controversies are, it’s important to examine how each company responded when they were faced with them.
Adult Friend Finder’s Response
After the 2016 data breach, Adult Friend Finder issued a statement acknowledging the incident and urging users to change their passwords immediately. The company also released a series of videos in which they apologized for the breach and promised to implement more robust security measures going forward.
Ashley Madison’s Response
When news of the 2015 data breach broke, Ashley Madison initially denied that any user information had been stolen. However, it soon became clear that this was not the case, and the company was forced to issue an apology.
They then offered a $500,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of those responsible for the hack. Both Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison have been embroiled in some serious controversies over the years.
While these incidents may give some users pause, it’s worth noting that both companies have taken steps to address these issues and improve their security going forward. Ultimately, it is up to individual users to decide whether or not they are comfortable using these sites given their respective track records.
Conclusion | Recap of similarities and differences between Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison
Both Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison offer unique features that cater to individuals seeking non-traditional relationships. While Adult Friend Finder focuses on promoting sexual exploration among its users, Ashley Madison emphasizes discretion and privacy for individuals seeking extramarital affairs.
Both sites offer free registration but require paid subscriptions for full access to features. Additionally, they both have a large user base with millions of members worldwide, making it easier for users to find potential matches.
Adult Friend Finder has a wider range of features such as chat rooms, forums, blogs and live webcams that encourage its users to engage with each other. On the other hand, Ashley Madison has a more discreet messaging system with photo hiding options that provide additional security for its users. Final thoughts on which site may be better suited for certain individuals or relationship goals
Choosing between Adult Friend Finder and Ashley Madison ultimately depends on an individual’s personal preferences and goals in their non-traditional relationships. If someone is looking to explore their sexuality in a safe environment with like-minded individuals, then Adult Friend Finder could be the better option.
However, if someone is seeking an extramarital affair without being caught or exposed publicly, then Ashley Madison would be the wiser choice.
It’s important to note that using either site comes with risks such as privacy concerns due to past data breaches. Therefore, it’s essential to use these sites cautiously while taking proper precautions to keep your personal information safe.
Whether you choose Adult Friend Finder or Ashley Madison ultimately depends on what you are looking for in your non-traditional relationships. Whatever you decide upon though – remember always stay safe and protected out there!
The definition of cheating is pretty simple. If you’re pursuing romantic or sexual relationships with anyone other than your spouse, you’re cheating. Admittedly, there are a few exceptions to this rule. However, if you didn’t say your vows after agreeing to an open marriage, you’ve no excuse for playing away.
People cheat for many different reasons, but most affairs fall into a few key categories. A general feeling of unhappiness in a marriage can cause people to cheat. In fact, even feeling disconnected from a long-term relationship can cause someone who’s never considered cheating to look elsewhere. However, unhappiness is a fairly broad feeling that could be many things. You may actually simply be unsatisfied emotionally or sexually. Some people may even be suffering from clinical depression and misunderstanding the root of their feelings.
A healthy relationship needs to be built on strong foundations. Clear communication is key here. If you and your husband aren’t actively talking to each other, a lot of stuff is going to be left unsaid. This creates distance in a relationship and the emotional gulf between the two of you will gradually widen. Over time, you may feel like your spouse simply isn’t interested in you. If you’re having trouble at work, you may not feel comfortable engaging your husband about it. This all compounds, leaving you feeling even less valued than before.
Nobody wants to feel unfilled. If your spouse is failing to meet your needs, be it emotionally or in the bedroom, the urge to cheat can increase. Again, communication plays a role here. If you don’t feel like you can bring up the topic of a lackluster sex life, the issue isn’t going to resolve itself. Eventually, you may find it easier to simply look elsewhere to have your needs met, rather than brave the subject with your partner.
Maybe you’re simply feeling curious. This is relatively common, especially with people who’ve been in relationships for many years. If you got married at a young age and have little sexual experience with other people, you may feel like you’re missing out on something.
If you’ve pursued an affair with someone else, the threat of being exposed is a constant worry. This can take the fun out of their arrangement, no matter how fulfilling the affair is. However, it’s often the associated guilt that causes the biggest headache.
Feeling guilty about cheating is perfectly normal (unless you’re broken like me and never feel guilty cheating). Unless your other half has given you good reason to stray, you’re betraying them, and your marriage vows. However, don’t give yourself too much credit if you’re feeling guilty. Many people feel guilty because they’re worried about getting caught (read our piece on the places to cheat on your spouse without getting caught) out or that they’re being judged by other people. This can be their affair partner or a friend they’ve confided in. Guilty feelings can often give way to shame. For many people, this is too much to deal with and they eventually end the affair.
You need to be able to lie well and know how to cover your tracks if you want to keep your affair a secret. According to some studies, more than half of people who’ve entered into affairs report never being found out. For serial cheaters, this leads to a repeated pattern of infidelity. However, for most people, the worry of being found out leads to crippling guilt that takes all the thrill out of extramarital relationships.
Your self-esteem can also take a beating if you’re struggling with guilt from carrying on an affair. If your spouse has given you no reason to play away, then these feelings are yours to deal with. That being said, not everyone who cheats is leaving a loving and attentive partner in the dark. If you’ve been driven to cheat because of abusive home lives or emotional neglect, your infidelity is arguably justified.
This doesn’t mean you won’t have to contend with guilty feelings. Because you’re carrying on a secret relationship, it’s easy for you to accept and carry the blame for the entire situation. You become the sole reason a marriage isn’t working and, in your mind, your affair becomes the thing that could ruin a family. Ultimately, your mental health suffers and you emerge from the affair with dramatically lowered self-esteem.
Coping With the Guilt
Dealing with guilt is a tall order. However, you can make things easy on yourself by taking a step back and paying attention to your feelings. This is usually easier once you’ve brought an affair to a close and have some distance between you and your infidelity.
If you’ve moved past an affair, try and consider why you cheated in the first place. Was it because you won’t get enough attention at home? Was your sex life non-existent? If the reasons are clear, you can focus on repairing damage to your marriage before the urge to stray rears its head again.
Sometimes, there might be no chance of overhauling things at home. In these cases, consider whether it’s best to cut your losses. You don’t necessarily need to start talking about divorce, but some time apart can do wonders for a relationship that’s hanging by a thread. Most of the time, these breaks lead to permanent separations, but more than 1 in 10 couples do manage to patch things up.
If you can’t deal with your feelings by yourself, remember that a problem shared is a problem halved. Talking it all out with a trusted confidante is something to think about. However, you need to be absolutely sure the person you tell will keep your secret. Involving mutual friends and family members is never a good idea. If your affair is exposed and their involvement becomes known, you’re ruining more relationships besides your marriage. What’s more, there’s also a chance that these confidantes will end up having to deal with feelings of guilt themselves.
If money allows, think about talking to a therapist. Not only do you benefit from the doctor-patient privilege, but you also get the insights of an expert who can help you identify the triggers that caused you to cheat in the first place. If you want to address the reasons for cheating and change your behavior, a therapist is a valuable investment. A good counselor will take you to task, forcing you to accept responsibility for your own actions and assign blame where it’s due.
Whether you’re looking to end an affair or have brought one to a close already, now’s the time to make amends with your husband. Even if you don’t see a long-term future for the two of you, making peace will help you deal with feelings of remorse down the line. The last thing you want to do is walk away from a broken marriage feeling like you destroyed it through reckless behavior.
Finally, it’s important to forgive yourself. It doesn’t matter whether you cheated because you were driven to it, or played the field just because you could. Once you’ve reflected on the situation and delved deep into your feelings, the only way forward is self-improvement. Forgiveness is one of the most important steps to take. Regardless of whether you’ve admitted to your indiscretions or not, you can’t honestly guarantee that you’ll remain faithful without forgiving yourself.
Is Cheating Worth It?
People cheat for a multitude of reasons. You might be feeling unfilled or have a long list of unmet needs. If communication is non-existent at home, this can make any existing problems much worse. The greater the emotional distance between you and your husband, the more attractive the prospect of an affair becomes. Sometimes, people are simply curious. Other times, affairs just happen. If you’re currently engaged in an extramarital relationship, there’s a good chance it began at the office. After all, the vast majority of affairs do.
Regardless of what triggered your affair, the one constant that unfaithful partners have to deal with is guilt. The fear of being exposed is a constant presence. After all, you’re betraying your spouse, so you’ll never escape the feeling that you’re doing something wrong. This constant nagging feeling can destroy your self-esteem and mental health if you’re not careful. Even if you bring an affair to a close on your own terms, guilt remains. More often than not, this turns into remorse.
You can use coping mechanisms to justify continuing an affair or make sure you don’t strike up a new one. Reflection is a must. Step back and consider what really happened. Why did you cheat? What caused you to cheat? If you can’t resolve it by yourself, talk things out with someone you trust. If you don’t want to bring someone else into the equation, speak to a professional. Not only does what you say remain confidential, but you’ll also benefit from some home truth a lifelong friend probably isn’t going to tell you. The main thing here is that you need to be accountable for your actions. If you can’t shoulder the responsibility for what happened, you’ll almost certainly act on the urge to cheat again.
Boy oh boy, there’s a phrase for everything these days, am I right? Well, the 80/20 rule in marriage is no exception. It’s been around for a while, too. Before I get into the nitty-gritty, let’s start by covering the basics.
So what is the 80-20 Rule in marriage? The 80-20 rule in marriage essentially states that you should get 80 percent from your partner and give the other 20 percent to him or her. This means that 80 percent of the time, you should be able to provide the majority of your needs with little to no assistance from your significant other. The other 20 percent should focus mainly on an effort that comes from your partner.
So, why is this rule so important? Well, it helps to minimize the amount of stress that can come with a marriage. This is because it helps couples to focus on each other’s strengths instead of their weaknesses. As a result, couples can better appreciate the individual differences that make a marriage successful.
When it comes to the benefits of the 80/20 rule in marriage, there are plenty. For starters, it encourages couples to take a look at themselves and assess their personal needs. This encourages self-reflection because it forces couples to really think about what they need and why they need it. Additionally, it also prevents partners from taking advantage of one another, which is great for keeping the peace and ensuring that each partner feels as though their contributions are appreciated.
Now, it wouldn’t be fair to talk about the rule without discussing the drawbacks. Unfortunately, the 80/20 rule in marriage can often make it difficult for partners to delegate tasks and agree on shared commitments. This is because it encourages couples to place the majority of their effort into individual needs, which can make it tough to coordinate plans or come to a consensus on how to divide up responsibilities.
There you have it! That’s my take on the 80/20 rule in marriage. It’s an interesting concept that has a lot of potentials if it’s implemented correctly. Just remember to be mindful of your partner’s needs and work together to make sure that your roles are balanced and work toward the same end.
The Basics
Hey there, so if you are here, you are likely wondering what the heck is the 80/20 rule in marriage. Well, you’ve probably seen the phrase thrown around, but what does it really mean?
The 80/20 rule in marriage is based on the Pareto–Minimax theorem, which states that the optimal decision-making process comes from minimizing the maximum regret.
But don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that you need to be a scientist or math whiz to understand the 80/20 rule in marriage. Put real simple, the 80/20 rule suggests that in any relationship, you should spend 80% of your time doing the good stuff (like saying ‘I love you’ and having date nights) and only 20% of your time dealing with the difficult stuff.
So how does this work in practice? For example, when it comes to finances, it means that 80% of your energy should be spent on positive activities like budgeting and saving money and only 20% should be spent on arguing about money and trying to find ways to make ends meet. This way, you both get to enjoy the positive experience of saving money and working together towards a common goal instead of having to deal with the stress of being in debt.
In order to make sure that the 80/20 rule is working for you, it’s important to set some ground rules for yourself. This could mean limiting the amount of time that you and your partner spend arguing, scheduling regular date nights and only talking about finances once or twice a month. It’s also important to monitor how much time each of you is spending on the positive versus the negative so that you both can strive to make the most of your relationship.
So there you have it! That’s the basics of the 80/20 rule in marriage. Hopefully, this article has demystified the concept for you and strategies to help you and your partner work together to make the most of your relationship. Good luck!
The Benefits
When it comes to the benefits of the 80/20 rule in marriage, man, there are so many! First off, it’s all about balance, right? You’re partners, not one person’s assistant. This means that 80 percent of the time, you each get to do what you want and enjoy what you like without needing to worry about the other person’s opinion. Of course, the other 20 percent of the time you have to be considerate.
The beauty of the 80/20 rule is that it doesn’t impose an onerous burden on either partner. You get the majority of the time to do what you want, when you want to do it, without feeling guilty about it. For example, during the 80 percent, you can attend a football game or rock concert with your buddies, while your partner can skip it and attend in-laws dinner to please the family. What you gain in terms of freedom and flexibility is truly amazing.
What’s more, the 80/20 rule in marriage also fosters a better understanding of each other. Sure, you may get your own way 80 percent of the time. But that means that 20 percent of the time, you are putting aside your own wants and needs to consider the other person, which can be a great way to get to know each other better.
And all of this happens without the other person feeling neglected or taken advantaged of because you get an equal amount of time for yourself and for being together. With the 80/20 principle, you create a healthy balance in your relationship and have an equitable measure of control over who does what and when.
By following the 80/20 balance in marriage, you can enjoy shared activities without having to feel guilty all the time. And same applies to spending time apart, which allows you to maintain personal interests while keeping your partner happy, thereby keeping the peace in your marriage.
It’s win/win! With the 80/20 rule, you both get to have your cake and eat it too. Sounds perfect, right? Well, that’s why it’s kicked around as one of the best tools for marriage around.
The Drawbacks
Are you ready to get the bad news? Unfortunately, not everything about the 80/20 rule in marriage is sunshine and roses. This rule can backfire pretty badly in certain situations. Here are some of the drawbacks to consider before you decide to adopt the 80/20 rule in your own marriage.
First, the 80/20 rule can be a bit too extreme. Couples who employ this rule often find themselves practically living separate lives. While some autonomy is necessary in any marriage, if you spend too much time on your own projects, then it can be difficult to connect with your partner. Also, if the 80/20 rule isn’t applied properly, then one partner can feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of the marriage while the other partner can take more liberties.
Second, this rule can be difficult to maintain. It requires a certain level of self-awareness, discipline and communication. If any one of these three elements isn’t in place, then it can be hard to make the 80/20 relationship work. A couple must know each other’s likes, dislikes and expectations in order to remain balanced.
Finally, one of the major drawbacks to the 80/20 rule is that it can easily lead to infidelity. If one partner is too busy pursuing their own interests, the other partner may start to feel neglected and seek outside interests. This leads to temptation and sometimes dangerous situations. Before entering into the 80/20 relationship, both partners must be aware of the possibility for extramarital affairs and make sure that their marriage is strong enough to withstand them.
As you can see, the 80/20 rule isn’t perfect and there are some potential drawbacks that couples should be aware of before jumping in. But don’t worry, if you’re careful and understand the potential pitfalls, then there’s no reason the 80/20 rule can’t lead to a perfectly balanced and happy marriage! Keep your communication open and honest and you’ll be on the right track.
Ahh, romantic relationships. Some are blissful, like a ride for two on a cupid’s bow. Others, well, not so much. It’s normal to think that your special one may not feel as special anymore, and you’ve noticed little things that make you worry she’s got someone else on her mind.
You’re noticing signs she has someone else, but you don’t want to be paranoid. Maybe if you’re lucky you can find a smoking gun and see if it’s really true. So if you are starting to be suspicious, here are some things she does that may make you worry.
The first thing on the list – she won’t answer your calls. You’re checking your call log and seeing that the call duration is minimal, or worse… She’s not returning your calls at all.
Another sign is she seems to be more distant to you. She doesn’t talk to you as much, not really reliable to make plans or touch base. Maybe it’s because she’s been hanging out with new friends, they seem kind of shady, who knows?
You’re with her and suddenly she gets a call that she needs to take? That’s happened before when both of you were hanging out. But now it feels different, it just doesn’t feel the same.
Trust your gut. It doesn’t feel right, and you can’t shake the feeling. You don’t want to appear clingy but the truth is when your important person is not fully there for you, it’s hard not to be suspicious.
It’s normal that you’re feeling this way. If you’re picking up on some signs she’s got someone else, it’s time to take a deep breath and take the necessary steps to move forward.
She Become More Distant To You
You know when you have been with someone for a long time and suddenly, they become a totally different person? That’s exactly what happens when your significant other starts to become distant from you. It usually starts with simple gestures, like slowly becoming less responsive to your messages, opting out of social events or gatherings instead of going with you, or not paying as much attention to you when you’re together.
That’s not to say that everyone has someone else if they start to become distant from you. There could be a variety of reasons they might be going through something and just need some space. But it could also be the first sign that they are no longer interested in the relationship and their focus has shifted elsewhere.
It can be really tough to make sense of it if you’re really into someone and you think the feelings are mutual. It’s a bit like a puzzle, trying to figure out what the signs mean. It doesn’t help that people tend to be subtle about this sort of thing – you could be seeing an abundance of signs and still feel like you aren’t sure about the conclusions.
So if your girl is acting distant and is ignoring you, it might be time for you to put on your detective hat and start asking some questions – maybe then you can begin to piece together what is going on.
She Won’t Answer Your Calls
So you’ve noticed that when you call her number you get no answer. You keep trying to reach her and thinking maybe she’s busy and can’t pick up the phone right now or that the phone is out of charge or something equally plausible. But the next day – and the day after, and the one after that, and the one after that – still no answer.
You start to wonder if she actually has someone else because, for once, your calls don’t seem important enough to be answered. Maybe it’s not the phone itself – maybe the problem is that she’s just not that interested in speaking to you anymore.
Maybe she’s with someone else who she finds much more entertaining that you. She would rather stay in his company and let your calls go unanswered. To be honest, you’re starting to feel a bit frustrated, maybe even a bit angry.
You feel like you’re being played and the only thing you know is that you don’t appreciate it at all. You know that if you were the one who wouldn’t pick up the phone, you’d find yourself in hot waters. But here you are, a proper gentleman waiting for the phone to be picked up, knowing nothing except that she’s avoiding you.
It’s like she’s using your unanswered calls to communicate her innermost feelings. Every unanswered call feels like a slap in the face. Yes, you start to believe that she’s found someone else and she doesn’t have time for you anymore.
The only thing we can say is that if you suspect that she has someone else and she’s not answering your calls, you should definitely consider that it may be true. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care about you at all, maybe it’s just that she has different priorities now and you’re not at the top of the list.
She Started Hanging Out with Her New Friends
Oh boy, if the woman of your dreams suddenly seems to be hanging out with this whole new group of “friends,” you should be concerned. This could be one of the biggest indicators that she’s seeing someone else.
When you two were together, she usually just hung out with you and a few of your buddies from time to time. Now, however, there are these new people in her life, and she starts spending more and more time with them.
You begin to ask yourself, who is this new crew of people? Are they really friends she’s suddenly so close to, or are they the new additions to her boo’s crew?
“I’m meeting with friends from work,” and “It’s a special outing with my friends from school.”
All these new pals, though, while they may be buddies, they may also be her new love interest and his group of friends.
Subtle Signs That Show She has Someone Else
If there’s one thing a good man stands for it’s being a good judge of situations – including signs that your girlfriend might have someone else. Here’s what to look out for if you suspect your girl has someone else in the picture.
Things that you thought were cute in the beginning might just become signs that she has someone else if you pay attention. You know, those inside jokes that she talks about with her friends? Don’t think they’re innocent; they’re just way too funny and only she and her new friends understand it.
One of the most obvious signs that she has someone else is when she starts hanging up the phone faster than usual. We all know how a regular phone call typically ends for couples, so once you notice that things are getting a lot shorter, it can be an indication.
If you had initially planned to do something together but she suddenly has no time, there’s something else at play here. It could be that she’s too busy with her new found love. Better be mindful of that.
Another sign that she might be seeing someone else is if she’s always hiding her phone from you and won’t even let you touch it. That’s a huge red flag and not something to be taken lightly.
Oh, social media? That’s another major giveaway. If she’s having secret conversations or liking images posted by someone that’s unfamiliar to you, something isn’t right.
Finally, if she’s suddenly canceling plans with you at the last minute every other time, there’s also a good chance that she’s putting someone else as first priority.
Before it all gets out of hand and you two part ways, it’s important to get to the bottom of it and find out what’s really going on. Talk to her about it in a calm manner. Listen to her and try to be understanding and don’t get too upset or jealous. If, in the end, you find that there’s someone else, you’d just have to accept it and move on. That’s just the nature of things, I’m afraid.
She Hangs Up The Phone Faster Than Usual
Now, of course, with all relationships there are ebbs and flows. You’re at one spot with communication while another day you feel like you can talk forever on the phone. It’s a relationship! It’s normal to have different levels of communication throughout the night.
But, if the phone calls you two shared suddenly become much shorter than usual, it might mean something else is at play. If your girl is hanging up the phone after just a few minutes, it could be a sign that someone else has her attention. Maybe you two were having a great conversation and then, suddenly, she just hangs it up? That could be a sign that you need to start asking questions.
Maybe she can get away with this one-time and blame it on being tired or busy. But if this is happening more often and you start to suspect that she’s hanging up on you because someone else caught her attention, it might be time to bring it up. More concerningly, it could be a sign that she’s talking to someone else while talking to you.
The best thing to do when it comes to this one is to pay attention and have faith in yourself. If you think that something is not right, then it’s time to check in with her and ask if there’s something going on. But if she continues to hang up on you faster and faster, it could be a sign that she has become interested in someone else. So, don’t be afraid to go up and question her about it. After all, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
You Hear Random “inside jokes” That You Are Not Included In
What do you do when you hear your own girlfriend telling a joke to another guy that you don’t understand? It’s a sure sign she’s got someone else.
It’s a situation that we’ve all been in before — you’re sitting at home, and then you hear your own girlfriend laughing at something that a guy she knows is saying. You can tell it’s a joke, but you don’t get it — she’s giggling heartily, and you have no idea why.
It could be a simple case of her catching up with an old friend, but more often than not, it’s a sign that she’s got someone else in her life. After all, humans love to share inside jokes — it’s how we bond with people. When a woman has a beloved someone that she shares private jokes with, it usually means she’s got somebody else to turn to.
It’s one of those subtle signs you won’t see coming but is pretty painful when you finally realize what has happened. If you find yourself in this situation, be prepared to face the truth – your beloved has moved on and is now sharing jokes with someone else.
It’s easy to jump to conclusions in these situations, and it’s crucial that you remain calm. Instead of becoming angry and accusing her of cheating, let her know that you feel left out and would like to join in on the joke. A good sign would be if she’s willing to explain it to you — if that’s not the case, then chances are someone else is involved in the picture.
Jealousy can be a powerful emotion, and it can cloud our judgement and consume us. The best way out of this situation is to try and focus on yourself and leave the investigation for later. If you can find it within yourself to remain supportive, then kudos to you — it will help you deal with the situation better when your suspicions are confirmed.
Whether or not your partner really has someone else in her life, the fact that you’ve caught her out in the midst of an inside joke with another person probably doesn’t sit well with you. It is important to note that it may not necessarily be something nefarious — she could just be a social butterfly. But either way, something needs to be done.
The best thing you can do is talk to your partner and find out what’s really going on. Remember to stay calm and Listen carefully. If your suspicions turn out to be true and she really has someone else, then get prepared to accept what has happened and move forward with your life.
She Gets Busy When You Both Have Planned To Do Something Together
Ah, the age-old classic that really should be an official sign she has someone else. We’ve all been there – you make plans with your lady, you’re both looking forward to it, and then… boom! Something else suddenly comes up and she’s unavailable. This could be a dead giveaway that she’s seeing someone else.
Let’s say you and your lady had plans for a movie night, or a fun lunch at her favorite spot. You’re both looking forward to it and nothing can bring you down… until she suddenly tells you the plans will have to be cancelled. Instead of you two enjoying whatever you both planned, you are left on your own, with a feeling of confusion and disappointment.
Most likely, when this happens it’s because she’s busy with someone else. All of the sudden, something more important comes up that she can’t miss out on. This is a five-finger slap in the face which should tell you that she has someone else in her life.
It could even be that she’s cancelled plans with you for a few times in a row, like a lunch here and a movie night there. Or, perhaps she’s cancelling plans with you even when she booked it with you in advance. If this is the case, you should try to look elsewhere for an explanation.
I’m not saying she’s cheating, and I’m not trying to make accusations. However, if this keeps happening and you can’t make heads or tales of it, it could be another sign she’s got a special someone in her life that is taking precedence over you.
At the same time, it could be that she’s just putting other things first, like her work, her family or her health. That’s why it’s important to talk to her about it, if you feel like something is off and to take into account all of the possibilities.
Now, if it turns out she does have someone else, come on… cut her some slack. After all, two hearts are involved here and it doesn’t mean she’ll never come back to you. Just make sure to keep it cool and see how things go from there.
Red Flags You Should Not Ignore
When it comes to relationships, red flags are the warning signs that tell you something may not be right. If you suspect that your girlfriend has found someone else, these red flags should never be ignored.
Perhaps one of the most obvious red flags is when your girlfriend starts hiding her phone from you. Of course, she’s entitled to her privacy – but not at the expense of making you feel uncomfortable. If she’s suddenly locking her phone and being extra secretive around you, it’s probably because she has something to hide.
It’s also a red flag if you catch her having her own “secret” conversations on social media. If you are seeing a lot of “flirty” or “intimate” messages going to another man or if she is talking to someone online that she never introduces you to, something could be up.
On top of that, if your girlfriend keeps canceling plans with you at the last minute, it’s definitely something to take note of. It could mean she has lost interest in the relationship, or she’s preoccupied with someone else. Either way, it’s a huge red flag that something is not as it should be.
If you’re getting a bad feeling about your relationship, it’s important to pay attention to the red flags. Don’t ignore them. They might just save you from a whole lot of heartache down the line.
She Hides Her Phone From You
Now if you thought that was kind of suspicious, wait until you hear this one: She hides her phone from you! Yes, if your girl is acting shifty, like she’s always got her nose buried in her phone, then she may very well be hiding something from you.
One day you’ll notice that, when you go to grab the phone to look at pictures of the two of you, it’s not there! Suddenly, you realize that your girl NEVER keeps the phone in the same area for more than a few minutes. You’ve seen her keep the phone in her lap, her handbag, her vanity table, and even her pants pocket, in order to keep it away from your prying eyes.
That’s a classic sign that she has something to hide! But trust me, it doesn’t necessarily mean she has someone else. She could just really enjoy her privacy. Though if she does have someone else on the side, it could certainly count as one of the red flags that she’s not being faithful.
What if you grab the phone and she flips out? That’s another strong sign that there’s something going on. Your girl’s probably protecting her conversations and you’re in the dark about what they’re talking about. Be careful with this one, because it could seem like you’re infringing on her personal space if you don’t handle it the right way.
Still, better safe than sorry. It’s better to be aware of the signs that she has someone else, rather than be blindsided with a big surprise of infidelity. Take the initiative to talk to her about your suspicions and give her a chance to explain. It might not be what you expect to hear, but it may be that your girl is just a lower tech type and likes to keep her phone disconnected from the rest of the world.
She Has Her Own “secret” Conversations On Social Media
Do you know how when you’re scrolling through your partner’s social media and you see those conversations that you were never supposed to find? Well, I’m sorry friend, but if you come across something like that, it’s a pretty big sign that your partner may be cheating on you.
It’s one thing if your partner chats with a few people here and there, but if you’re noticing a lot of conversations that you never knew about, it’s worth asking some questions. What kind of conversations are these? Who are they with? Are you even part of the group?
If your partner is a social media butterfly, it’s possible that she is just having fun with new people and chatting with them. But if you’re seeing back and forth messages that have a flirtatious tone and the conversations appear to be more than just friendly, it’s a sign that something else is going on.
Maybe your partner has started keeping secrets on social media and won’t allow you to see certain things. That sends a clear message that she isn’t being open and honest with you and that there is something else going on.
If you see your partner’s calls and messages constantly being redirected or if you happen to see messages where someone is saying,
“Don’t tell her,”
you should be asking some serious questions. The bottom line is that if you see something out of the ordinary when it comes to your partner’s social media activity, it means that there is something going on that you need to take a closer look at.
If your partner has her own secret conversations, she may be talking to someone else and keeping things from you. Even if she is just having fun chatting with friends, she should come clean and be honest about it, because it can be a significant cause for concern. If you think that she has someone else, then it’s time to find out for sure.
She Cancels Plans With You At The Last Minute
Ah, the absolute nightmare of being stood up just before the big date night. You had everything planned, from the restaurant you would eat, to the clothes you would wear. But at the last minute, she cancels the plans and it’s all for nought. Well guess what? She might be doing it for a reason. Maybe, just maybe, she has someone else.
Now, there’s a difference between your girl being a bit busy and actually having another man in her life. If you often have plans with your girl and she suddenly starts canceling them at the last minute, that might mean something else is going on. It could mean that she’s found someone else that interests her more than you.
But before you make any wild assumptions, try talking to her. Maybe she has another commitment or that she underestimated the amount of time the event would take. You never know, the truth might reveal itself when you ask her.
To make sure that your suspicions are well-founded, watch her body language. If your sweetheart looks away and starts fidgeting with her hands when you talk to her, that could be a sign that she’s hiding something. The same goes if she’s evasive with her answers or if she never gives you a clear answer.
If after converse with her you are still suspicious of her behavior, it’s time to move forward with investigating the situation. Check her social media accounts and look for any hint of a new man in her life. If you find one, then chances are she has someone else and is not being truthful to you.
The unwritten rule of relationships is that your significant other should remember to respect your time and dedicate it exclusively to you. If she often cancels plans with you, your is probably not the only one she’s seeing. If this is the case, it might be time to cut losses and move on. No one deserves to be strung along by a liar.
So when it comes to your beloved canceling last minute, make sure you’re paying attention. If it keeps happening, it’s time to stop and think about what is really going on. That way, you can move forward and do what is best for you.
What to Do if You Suspect She Has Someone Else
We’ve all been there. You’re in a relationship and suddenly, you start to see a lot of signs that make you think something might be going on. You start to suspect she might have someone else. It’s a terrifying thought, and it can be hard to know what to do if that’s the case.
First and foremost, if you suspect she has someone else, talk to her about it. This can be a difficult conversation, and it might be tempting to avoid it. But if you really want to get to the bottom of it, you need to be honest and upfront. Ask her about the signs you’ve been seeing, and see where the conversation takes you.
You also need to try and remain understanding if the conversation does not go the way you had hoped. Your relationship might be in trouble, and it might be hard to accept it. You may feel hurt, angry, or betrayed. But try not to take it out on her. Instead, stay as calm as you possibly can, and seek out support from your friends if needed.
Finally, if your conversation does confirm that she has someone else, you need to accept what’s happening. There’s no denying that it’s a difficult situation to be in, but there’s no point in wasting your energy trying to change her mind. The best thing you can do right now is to focus on your own wellbeing and acceptance.
It’s hard enough when you suspect she has someone else, but what comes next is even more important. It’s all up to you, and although it won’t be easy, it’s something you can do if you try.
Talk To Her About It
If your gut is telling you that your girl got someone else’s number in her phone (and maybe even her heart), then it is time to do something about it. There is a two way street when it comes to communication and this is one of those moments when it’s time to put the foot on the pedal and drive straight into it.
First and foremost, don’t panic. Okay, maybe panic a tad but definitely don’t let those thoughts of panic ruin the conversation. These are the times when candid conversations are very important and words need to be chosen carefully. You can get her to open up if you stay calm even if all the evidence points out towards the fact that she is indeed seeing another man.
That being said, definitely not the time to act on any emotion other than calmly talking about it. Believe it or not, sometimes misunderstandings and petty issues can spiral out of control and the ball ends up on the other side of the court. It is only fair that you give the benefit of the doubt and allow her to explain the situation.
Start off the conversation with her by talking about how things have been lately. Let her know that you have noticed a few changes and you want to understand why. Explain how it has been making you feel and if necessary, explain how you don’t want to feel this way. Allow her to open up and tell you the truth even if it means sacrificing the relationship.
This is the time to be a man. We don’t want to admit it, but the truth can hurt even the most experienced of us. Maybe her having someone else isn’t something you guys can overcome and she has already decided that. Talk to her and discuss what both of you can do in this circumstance. Find common ground.
Don’t pressure her into anything and have a long and honest conversation. The truth can be hard to accept but there are plenty of ways it can be delivered. Most girls will be surprised and even stunned at the fact that someone actually noticed the subtle signs. That you actually sat down and trusted your intuition enough to ask her.
If your girl has moved on, things are as they are and there is nothing you can do to change them.
Try To Be Understanding
Hey there, so you think she has someone else, huh? Well, before you say or do anything you should try to be understanding. Now, this might seem like an odd thing to say-I mean it’s not like you should just sit there and let her do whatever she wants-but when it comes to situations like this, it’s the only sensible thing to do.
First off, you have to understand that she could be doing this for a number of reasons. She might be feeling like she needs some space and is looking for affirmation from someone else. Or, she could simply be wanting to gain some different experiences and is exploring other people. Whatever it is, it’s important to try not to get too judgemental.
When it comes to discussions about her other person, don’t go into it with a confrontational attitude. After all, you don’t want to drive her away-you want to understand the situation. Talk to her calmly and from a place of curiosity, not from anger or resentment. She needs to be able to confide in you and let her know that you’re there to listen, not lecture.
Invite her to tell you more about the situation. Ask questions without immediately jumping to conclusions and try to put yourself in her shoes. Take the time to really try to understand what’s going on in her mind instead of immediately jumping to a negative judgement. If you can be patient and not rush to any conclusions, you may be better able to handle the situation.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that whatever she is doing is her own business. You don’t have to agree with her or condone her choices, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be understanding. Love and respect her, no matter what. Be supportive and let her know that you’re there for her. And above all, remember that it’s not the end of the world- things will get better!
Accept What Is Happening
Ahh, the hardest pill to swallow – accepting the uncontrollable. As cliche as it sounds, it’s true: when it has to do with someone else, you can’t control it. At this point, it’s almost obvious that she has someone else, and the hardest part isn’t realizing it, it’s accepting it.
This doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world, or the end of your relationship, the bottom line is that you have to accept it. The more you try to control it, the more it’s going to control you. And trust me, it’s not worth it.
The first step to accepting it is further investigating. Find out who they are and if they truly matter to her. Once you do that you can start rationalizing the situation in your head. Start preparing yourself to handle the conclusion of the relationship, depending on whether it was a serious relationship to begin with.
The idea of accepting what’s happening may seem absurd and scary, but if you don’t accept it, it’s going to control you and wreak havoc on your life. The reality does not have to be such a dreadful one. It can be a transformation instead of a closure. A way to move from something that wasn’t working into a new chapter of your life.
No matter how hard it is to accept it, know that you still have choices. Acknowledge the pain, accept it and make decisions that are best for you. Do whatever you need to do make the situation bearable and make sure it’s only temporary.
Getting past this obstacle is going to hurt – it’s natural and it’s okay to hurt. Acknowledge and sit with the hurt and make decisions that are productive towards releasing that hurt.
You can grieve, but also learn to live with it and keep it in perspective. Once you truly accept it, you’ll be able to open yourself up to different opportunities and experiences. You’ll be able to take the knowledge of what happened and learn from it and lastly you’ll find the strength to start afresh.
So, go ahead and accept that she has someone else. It won’t be easy, but I assure you, it’ll be worth it.
Otherwise known as cheating, infidelity refers to the act of one partner being unfaithful to the other.
In most cases, it typically applies to sexual activity, but there’s no strict definition of what constitutes infidelity. More people are becoming aware of the concept of emotional infidelity, with these emotional betrayals often just as devastating for a relationship. Infidelity is also incredibly common.
Nowadays, the issue of infidelity has become something of a gray area. As more of us explore non-traditional relationships and place different expectations on our partners, defining infidelity and understanding why it happens has become more difficult. To get a handle on the situation, it’s a good idea to explore the different types of infidelity in detail.
In most cases, there’s no real lead-up to this type of event. Both partners can be completely happy in their relationship, with no desire to pursue sexual connections with anyone else. However, all it takes is one ill-judged drink at an impromptu social event for one partner to make a life-changing decision.
Because this type of infidelity isn’t premeditated, it’s often easier for couples to overcome the betrayal. The wronged partner might feel angry and hurt, but they don’t feel emotionally betrayed. The cheating partner hasn’t actively gone out to seek sex with a stranger, they’ve simply acted at an opportune moment.
Although nobody should be looking to cheat if they’re in a loving long-term relationship, it’s often best to keep a one-night stand a buried secret. If the guilty party knows they’ve done wrong and makes a promise to themselves never to do it again, it’s usually a good idea to let sleeping dogs lie and move on.
However, while the wronged partner carries on with their lives oblivious to the fact they’ve been cheated on, the unfaithful partner needs to carry the weight of that guilt. Many times, it’s not the guilt itself that causes the most concern, it’s the anxiety that now that they’ve cheated, they have to contend with the reality that their partner might do the same in the future.
Romantic Affairs
This is the most traditional form of infidelity and potentially the most damaging to a relationship. These entanglements typically begin life as an emotional affair, usually with a close friend or colleague. As romantic feelings develop, the prospect of an emotional affair boiling over into a sexual relationship becomes more likely.
Extramarital affairs can be devastating to couples and families. Why are they so catastrophic? It all comes down to their element of secrecy and cloak-and-dagger nature. Some affairs come to a head within a month, although around half of them can last for up to 12 months. Some affairs go on even longer, with around 30% of them enduring for more than two years.
Some people enjoy the thrill of carrying on two lives. Others might harbor very real feelings for both their spouse and their affair partner, making it impossible to choose between the two. No matter how you slice it, both mentalities are selfish.
Sometimes, people pursue affairs with other people because they’re not happy with their present relationship. We’re not simply talking about a situation where someone feels unfulfilled at home. Rather, we’re talking about long-term relationships and marriages that have zero emotional attachment.
Some people end up in marriages at a young age. They might have felt thrown together with their partner due to economic circumstances and forced to marry to become more financially secure. In many cases, people simply don’t think through the long-term commitment involved with saying “I do“.
Occasionally, emotional attachments can develop over time, although a growing feeling of discontent is far more likely. In these relationships, pursuing romantic and sexual connections with other people can seem entirely justified.
In the case of married couples, there’s still the murky issue of those marriage vows. Chasing romance and sex with other people outside of the home is a definite betrayal. However, things aren’t as cut and dry if both parties are completely disinterested in a long-term future. In fact, there’s a good chance that both partners will be actively looking for connections outside of the marriage in this scenario.
What is emotional cheating? Essentially, it’s when one partner develops an intimate and emotional attachment to someone who isn’t their spouse. This might be a casual acquaintance or close friend, although co-workers are also common participants in emotional affairs.
Sex might not be part of the equation, but the willingness to open up to someone who isn’t a spouse can be incredibly damaging to a relationship. The partner carrying out the emotional affair may discuss incredibly personal details with their affair partner, admitting things they’ve never considered bringing up with their actual spouse.
Sometimes, emotional affairs can progress to more conventional relationships. While sexual activity isn’t a staple of this type of affair, low-key physical intimacy isn’t entirely unheard of. When an emotional affair is discovered, the ramifications can be serious.
Women tend to have a harder time forgiving a partner for emotional infidelity. Moving past a single act of sexual infidelity isn’t always easy, but it tends to be far more manageable than dealing with the fact a spouse has become more emotionally attached to a relative stranger than you. Emotional infidelity suggests that something is fundamentally wrong with a relationship.
Can Relationships Move Past Infidelity?
This all depends on the nature of the affair itself. Romantic affairs don’t have to be the end of a long-term relationship or marriage if they’re brought to an end within a few weeks. However, the longer they continue, the more fallout you can expect once the infidelity has been discovered.
One-night stands are also fairly easy to move past. Many men and women are guilty of giving in to their sexual urges from time to time. Some choose to admit their indiscretion, while others attempt to keep their affairs a secret. If you’re guilty of opportunistic infidelity, it’s up to you how you play your next move.
Can you live with the guilt of knowing what you did? Will you now be haunted by the prospect that your partner, just like you, has the capacity for engaging with one-off sex with someone else? Moving beyond this type of cheating is easier for those just starting a relationship, but those who are genuinely in love with their partner and in it for the long haul may have a harder time managing their guilt.
Finally, there’s the issue of emotional infidelity. Those engaged in an emotional affair might not realize the potential betrayal they’re committing. In fact, an emotional affair is often just a highly-charged friendship. However, there are warning signs to look out for to ensure you’re not straying too far into emotional infidelity territory. Is the person you’re engaging always taking your side? Are they going out of their way to paint your spouse in a bad light? We all need a little encouragement from time to time, but there’s a difference between having someone fight your corner and maintaining a clandestine friendship with someone who’s actively sabotaging your relationship.
For me, I never did any of the above. Whilst I did mess around on business trips – I loved being the random guy in a bar and meeting wonderful women. I could be whomever I wanted. I got to change my name, pretend I was single, meet new and exciting people – and it was perfect.
I’ve always found that hotel bars are an excellent place to find potential hookups for the night / trip. Of course, wearing a wedding ring is going to get you nowhere, but without one, you can be anyone. Think of an amazing cover story. Be someone interesting, makeup a fascinating job – be whomever you want to be and stick to that story.
The beauty is if you get to the bar early enough, you may even find someone to have dinner with. And if you’ve been having affairs as long as I have, it’s harder to have a relaxing dinner with an affair partner than it is to have sex. Being seen is the ultimate fear.
Roma
Just recently, I found myself at the bar of an Internationally Branded Hotel in Rome. Of course I had hoped to hook up with a nice young Italian thing, but lo and behold – very few Italians were staying there. After about an hour, I was beginning to realise that perhaps I was going to have no luck. Just like a movie, right before I was about to head out and hit the local bars, a group of air stewardesses checked in and immediately hit the bar.
Within minutes, I’d found some sort of pretext to go over and chat to them, and before long, I was buying a few rounds of drinks. Initially, I wasn’t sure which of them would like me. Let’s be fair, they have their pick of men, but before long, one of them was getting overly flirty, whilst the other 2 were encouraging her to go out for dinner with me.
To cut a long story short, dinner was excellent. The fables that stewardesses have will blow your mind, and of course heading back to the same hotel we were holding hands. It was inevitable that we ended up back in her room for a night of steamy sex.
Looking To Meet Locals
When it comes to meeting locals, it always comes down to local bars or clubs. Both work really well. I’ve had luck in the past in Paris at a local bar. In this one bar, there were these local group of women would go there every Saturday, and whilst they enjoyed each other’s company – everyone in the bar was a regular; which meant they already had escapades with some of the people in there and new people were a breathe of fresh air.
And that’s what I am and was. A breathe of fresh air.
I have no shame or fear of going over to a group of woman and starting a conversation. The worst that has ever happened is that they’ve told me that they’re busy and I should disappear. But typically, they view it as a bit of fun, and as long as you’re generous enough to buy a round or two – chances are they’ll get you to sit and join them.
I’d even go as far as to stay that if you get a few of them laughing, someone is coming back to your hotel room, I can promise you that.
Hooking Up In Clubs
I’m 40. I feel I’ve long past stopped enjoying clubs. I’m not embarrassed to say but they’re just too loud. However, only a few years ago, you’d find me in the middle of the dance floor dancing away. Why, not because I love dancing, but because women do. And whenever I’d be dancing away, I’d always catch the eye of some young, pretty thing wanting to dance with me.
And once they’re dancing with me, it wasn’t too out the ordinary to be putting my hands on them. Whether I was holding their hips to make sure we danced to the same rhythm or having them grinding on me. And every time I danced with a girl, whilst they may not have always come back with me to my room, it always led to some very steamy make out session in a dark corner of the club. Sadly, I’m not sure I could do that nowadays.
Cheating Whilst Away On Business
I don’t often have business trips away. For me I wait till life gets on top of me and I’m craving a solo trip away, and then I invent an imaginary business trip for a few days. It cures of all of life’s stresses.
Up until now, I’ve tried to keep this blog upbeat, funny and lively. But the truth is, affair partners losing interest, affairs ending and coping with those breakups is a big part of cheating. If you’re reading this very article, you’re probably going through a breakup and have turned to google for ways of coping.
Let me just start by saying ‘I hear you!’
Whether you’re a man or a woman, the emotional pain of breakups are truly awful. Before I write any piece for this site, I always google my title just to see what information is out there. And as usual, half if not all of the articles on page 1 are utter garbage.I wrote an article not long ago titled Even Cheaters Feel The Pain Of Break Ups, and that’s because at that time, I was going through the worst breakup ever.
Remember to check out our blog on how to know when it’s time to breakup with someone.
I would wake up to the usual ‘morning babe’ message, followed by a phone call after I’d drop my kids off to school, followed by plenty of loving messages throughout the day, most of which sounded like ‘got nothing to say, was just thinking about you’. And of course neither her or I could go to bed without texting each other ‘night babe x’
We even had our own song, and given my latest affair ended only last year, our song was the popular track Peaches by Justin Bieber. And whenever either of us would stumble upon a DJ remix of the song on Insta, we always sent it to each other.
We were totally in love. And when it ended, which like all great things can happen, I was crushed.
I felt totally empty. I was lost. I was gutted. I was broken. I felt all alone. I felt like I was back in high school and it was my very first breakup. And despite being a serial cheater for over ten years, if not longer, I couldn’t legislate my feelings and being crushed was tough.
To make matters worse, I had to keep a straight face at work and continue to run my company and I had to go home and deal with my own family without anyone knowing that a part of me inside had completely died.
I missed being with that person. I missed the messages, the warmth, the way she made me feel, the love, I missed it all.And every time I thought I’d gotten over her, I’d be driving along happy with my life, that darned song Peaches would play on the radio and I’d be miserable all over again.
So if you’ve gotten this far, and anything I’m saying above resonates with you, then believe me when I tell you, I hear you!
Now I’m no dummy. Very soon after this love affair was over, I tried everything. I went from missing her to hating her and every emotion in between. The intelligent part of me realised that I was grieving an amazing relationship, whilst the emotional part of me just wanted to call her up and cry!
I even turned to Google for advice, however the sites I found give you these step by step guides on things you should consciously to get over your affair partner, but they’re all rubbish and clearly written by either cold hearted motherfuckers or paid writers who imagined what it’s like vs have actually been in that position.
But to be in it, to have it and to lose it, really knocks the wind out of you.
I tried everything, but quickly realised that there wasn’t an instant fix. Or at least for me there wasn’t.I exercised, I spoke to my closest friends, I had plenty of flings and one night stands – but the pain just didn’t go away. My breakup had very simply taken away my confidence and I felt reduced. I was mostly angry at myself that I had allowed someone into my life and my heart that would ultimately shatter it into a million pieces.
And here was the kicker, my last bad breakup was with a massive Instagram influencer. Someone who had over 100k followers. And whilst I’d blocked her from every channel, it was only natural that other people shared her videos which inevitably ended up on my feed. It was like there was no getting away from her. And seeing her happy and with her husband all smiling and dancing just made matters worse.
So trust me, I hear you.
It didn’t help that when I spoke to my friends who didn’t play away from home or were single would say things like;
Jesus buddy get over it. You’re married with kids. You have everything in your life I want.
They just didn’t get it!! They were a completely unsympathetic audience. And let’s be fair, you can’t exactly broadcast the breakup to your family and all your friends because loose lips sink ships.
If you’re still with me, and you’re still reading, then you’ll relate to each of the words I’m saying.
How to stop thinking about your affair partner
I’d love to tell you I have the magic fix, I don’t. Cos if I did, I wouldn’t have lost the last few months thinking about her, and knowing she’d probably have forgotten about me altogether. No, I don’t have the instant fix.
All I can do is share what has helped me, share with you what has eased the pain, and share with you how I eventually got over her and the breakup.
Exercise. Whilst at the time it didn’t feel like it was helping, going to the gym, cycling and boxing was very therapeutic. They say motion creates emotion and it really does get you out of a funk. For me, I train with a couple of friends and have done since lockdown. I’m not the type of guy that lets my friends down ever, and they’re the type of friends who would let me miss workout sessions, despite whatever the latest dramas in my life were. Exercising kept me looking good, kept my focus in check and most of all really did help me seeat away the jealousy and anger I had towards her. Most of which stemmed from having a bruised ego.
Meditating. I’ve been meditating for a while and it truly helps. There are so many amazing videos and below is one I’ve done for a while.It wasn’t a fix, it didn’t take away the pain, it didn’t help me forget about her but without it I feel I would have been broken. State management is so important and affair or no affair I was still a CEO, a husband and a dad. And I know that without meditation I would have taken so much out on either my staff or my family – which Wasn’t fair on anyone
Reading – I’ve always been a big reader but reading books like xyz kept my brain in check. It distracted me from thinking about her and filled my brain with knowledge.
Clothes. The beauty about exercising, is that invariably you lose weight. And when you lose weight, most of your existing clothes will stop fitting you. I really did enjoy buying some new clothes. It helped me look better, which definitely increased my confidence.
Comedies on TV. Nothing beats taking your mind of stuff than avoiding it altogether. I found that out of all the crap that was on Netflix, the Stand Up Comedy portion of it worked best. It had me in stitches most of the time, and the beauty about great comedians, is even with utterly tragic events, they had this ability to make light of it all and put things firmly back into perspective.
Time. I know it’s cliche, but time is a big healer. I do discuss this a little bit more in detail below.
Things I Wish I Hadn’t Done To Try And Ease The Pain Of A Breakup
The trouble is there’s a bunch of things I did thinking it would help ease the pain, and it really didn’t.
I continued to follow her from another account on Instagram. I’d watch all her videos and stories. I don’t know why I did, but it became almost excessive. Nothing good came from it, other than I wish I was still with her. Seeing her happy and with her family, literally made my feel like shit.
Talk to my single friends. I have a few friends who are either divorced and single – and for some reason I thought they’d be a sympathetic ear. I couldn’t have been more wrong. They literally just could not relate. Not even in the slightest. They’d look at my life and see a family man with a business and they’d keep wondering what was wrong with me. They didn’t want to know about the side chick ending, as long as everything was ok on the home front.
After a few months, I got back in touch with my ex suggesting we be friends. Obviously I didn’t want to be friends, I was hoping that through a friendship I could win her back. But of course within a couple of days, we’d be back to arguing and it was a stupid idea to begin with. She saw straight through my idiotic strategy and it just made things substantially worse.
Mental Health – What I Wish I Would Have Done
This situation, this breakup totally destroyed me and having to play the happy boss and family man to boot was making things even harder. There was no doubt that my mental health was taking a hit like never before. I couldn’t turn to my friends, I obviously couldn’t talk to my wife – there was just no way of dealing with this. It turned out there was even a term out there for all of this; breakup depression.
What I wish I would have done was talk to a therapist. A trained professional who wouldn’t judge me – and would help ease the burden of carrying this secret around. It would have made things substantially easier and after starting this blog – I’ve spoken to quite a few people who did just that and felt so much better for it. It sped up the timeline of getting over things and if I ever find myself in a situation like this before, then it’ll be my first and only port of call.
There are so many discreet therapists who work over Zoom and are fully trained in helping people get over breakups. There was a time where seeing a therapist was considered Taboo, but in this day and age, it’s become something very normal to do. And it’s something I wish I would have considered at the time.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over An Affair Partner
Now this is going to sound so cliche. And if you’ve gotten this far and really are in pain, you’re absolutely going to hate this answer and will want to scream at your computer. But it’s time.
Time is an incredible healer. Whilst a lot of the above things truly helped keep me sane, it didn’t take away the pain and anguish. That feeling of being empty and almost grieving didn’t go from exercise or clothes or chatting to my friends. But time is what took me to a place of feeling indifferent about her,it took me to a place where I don’t miss her and nor do I hate her. It took me to a place of not hating all women and wanting to give up affairs.
In addition to this, I spent much more time being attentive to my wife and children. This particular breakup gave me a sense of perspective and gave me back an attitude of gratitude, for having a beautiful family, with whom I just wasn’t fully present with. I became immersed with all of them again and truly realised that whilst I do what I do on the side, I’m blessed to have them in my life. And as long as that part of my life remains discreet, then I will never hurt them.
If you are reading this article, I do hear you, truly. And get in touch with me and I’m happy to be a sounding board as well as introduce you to the right therapists. I’ve been there plenty of times before and I have no doubt that I’ll be there again. I just feel the next time it happens, I’ll be so much better equipped at dealing with the next breakup.
I’m a pragmatist. Finding women to have an affair with is tough enough but being able to cheat on your wife and get away with it is an art. And when you’re seeing one or multiple women, it’s pretty tough to remember all those names and not accidentally spit the wrong name out at the worst of times. Saying babe has always been my get out of jail card, because I call everyone from my wife to my affair partners babe.
But before writing this piece, I cast my mind back to when I was single and hitting on women and started to make a mental note of why I used to call the ladies babe even then.
Below Is Why I’ve Always Done It (Mostly Over Text)
1) Being in the friend zone is the worst place to be. It’s awful. It’s like being cast into the wilderness and when I’m with my friends discussing their dating life, it’s not uncommon for the teasing to begin once they realise that they’ve been put in the friend zone. I’ve always been aware of this, and in my early days have been placed there before. And having experienced it, I would consciously make sure that right off the bat, the ladies I was chatting with knew that friendship wasn’t on the table. I had enough friends. Women are so intelligent that when they want to put you in friendzone, they don’t quite say, ‘hey I’m moving you there.’ They say it subtly and say things like ‘you’re like a brother to me.’
Kill me know I’d think. So after having heard that a couple of times, I used to make sure that I’d start using the phrase babe very early on. If they ever questioned it I’d always reply with ‘I call all my female friends babe.’ Of course this wasn’t true, but I set the tone from day 1. And that was I was chasing her. I was into her and it was my subtle way of saying I wanted her.
2) I like to please women. I suppose most men love the chase and I’m no different. From many conversations, there’s something quite strange that came up. And that’s that women loved to be called babe. Maybe they’d pick different words, but they loved the comfort it gave them, they loved how it made them feel and they loved how the attention.
Whilst of course some women were like ‘don’t call me babe’. Many of the ones I chased never even questioned it, they just liked it. And if for whatever reason we’d get into a fight and I stopped saying it, they’d start to ask why I stopped. It made them feel warm and fuzzy and I liked that.
3) It’s a term of endearment. There’s no denying it’s a nice phrase. It’s not tacky or undermining. There are so many tacky words that you woman have been called and I’ve always found, then even when I start a relationship with whomever I’m chasing, I still call them babe. Sure in part it’s so that I don’t screw up and get caught, but long before I was married, long before I saw affair partners, I always used the term babe.
In fact, once I was in a relationship, I used to call them babe or better yet baby. I’m a loving person, I’m tactile. I like being affectionate. And if I can do that with words as well as actions then at least I feel like I’m being congruent.
What does it mean when a guy calls you babe?
To put it plainly, it means he likes you. It’s his way of ensuring that you know he likes you. A guy wouldn’t call his sister babe, or his sisters friends babe, unless of course they lived in Essex, England. But it’s said so that women know he’s interested. It’s a whole lot easier than saying ‘I like you‘.
It’s our version of being subtle. And whilst it’s not so subtle, you’ve got to read between the lines. If a guy worked for a female boss, the last thing on earth he’d ever call her is babe. Unless of course he’s looking to get fired.
Is It OK To Call A Girl You’re Not Dating Babe
Let’s for a moment ignore the fact that I use the word babe very strategically. The question of is it ok to call a girl that you’re not seeing babe is entirely up to you. Introduce it early and make it seem normal. Never discuss it, unless she brings it up. If she takes issue with it, then of course it’s not at all ok to call her babe or anything else she doesn’t like. But get it in early and use it often. Use it on the phone, via text and in person and before long, she’ll miss when you don’t say it.
Babe Vs Baby
If I’m honest, I think it’s not right to call a lady you’re not seeing baby. Baby has a stronger meaning behind it, almost assuming she’s yours already. In fact using it without being in a relationship is simply going to make you come across as a little bit presumptuous and very sleazy.
Final Words
I’ve always used the word babe. You could argue perhaps too strategically but I’ve always done it because most women have loved it (in my experience.) But if you’re a female reading this, rest assured it’s his way of saying he likes you. And what women don’t understand is that men, when it comes to dating, suffer from 2 things above all:
Recently, it turns out there’s also now the trauma that most men face when it comes to picking out outfits for a first date.
And so whilst this is something many of us do work on, understand that we also have our own subtle ways of showing you how much we like you. And saying babe is most definitely one of them.
It’s interesting to me that people still use the word mistress. Nowadays, it’s been replaced by the phrase affair partner. Maybe because there’s no word for a male mistress. But to save you time and energy to dig out the answer, I can tell you right now, it’s all the time. When I had a mistress/affair partner – I thought about her all the time.
How Often Does A Married Man Think About His Mistress
In fact I couldn’t stop thinking about her. There’s something about the forbidden that’s just so intoxicating. We used secret channels to communicate and I would be like a high school child, checking my phone all the time to see if she had replied.
We want our cake and we want to eat it too. Having a strong relationship with my wife is what gives me the confidence to go out and cheat (as counter intuitive as that sounds). But having a strong marriage and seeing other women is literally the definition of having your cake and eating it.
And in that journey of cheating, sometimes you’ll meet a woman that you become completely infatuated by, maybe even worse – you fall in love. Having strong feelings for other women that come into your life can be totally dangerous. Almost debilitating.
When affairs turn to love
I stupidly fell in love with my last affair partner. Head over heels in love with her. I never called her my mistress, but she was married as well but her husband, whilst a nice guy, was dull. What she wanted was some excitement in her life. And to her, the answer was me.
Like me she loved being married, but understood it was possible to develop feelings for someone else. And once things got serious between us, our relationship grew stronger and stronger. We were talking all the time and the affair was getting quite intense. She was constantly thinking about me and I was her.
Married Men Take Their Wives For Granted
It’s not uncommon that married men can take their wife for granted. And her husband was just like this. Their marriage was strong but he was taking her for granted a lot. There were quite a few signs that his behaviour was never going to change – and whilst she accepted it, she needed some sort of thrill.
Our feelings for each other grew to the point where we were completely in love.
And despite us talking all the time and constantly messaging each other throughout the day, like non stop, I still thought about her all the time.
Why Do Married Men Think About Their Affair Partners All The Time?
Married guys live pretty monotonous lives. Despite starting off their marriage being wildly in love, chances are ten years later, the feeling of in love has just been replaced by regular old love. And with kids, life and work – it’s a fair assumption to say they live pretty monotonous lives. I mean isn’t that true of most people?
The point about having an affair partner is that it’s exciting. It’s like having this secret that no one knows about and yet you want to shout about it from the rooftops. You want to show her picture to your closest of friends and watch them melt endlessly with jealousy.
You just can’t.
But this excitement is why so many of us have affairs. Being single and seeing multiple women just wouldn’t have the same buzz.
So to iterate on some of my points above, we think about our mistress all the time. We want to talk to them all the time, we want to be with them all the time, we just can’t get enough. I would liken it to having a crush on someone. There’s a certain level of infatuation that takes over.
My Current Affair Partner
I’ve recently started seeing someone new. She’s a journalist, she’s hilarious and I just can’t get enough. I’m completely besotted by her and at every opportunity I’m messaging her. She’s single (and knows I’m a married man) and typically answers my messages almost instantaneously. I’ll constantly look for excuses to carve out a few minutes, even when I’m home (fake visits to the toilet, etc..) – to just check in with her.
I’ll generally send one of my cheeky but charming messages:
I sensed you were thinking about me, just wanted to check in and say X
That’s it. Of course the sarcasm and irony comes through and gets an equally funny response:
What makes you believe I was thinking about you and not the pile of washing that I need to tend X
And on and on the banter would go, back and forth. Whether I’m at work, at the gym or sometimes at home, I can’t get her out of my head. I can’t stop myself thinking about her. I’m mentally planning our next date, the restaurant, the hotel, the cover-up – I’m figuring it all out.
The Real Question
There’s a strong possibility that given the title of this blog, logic would tell me that the 2 type of people who are reading this are:
i) someone having an affair and in the same boat as me, wildly think about his mistress
ii) a wife, someone who has either caught or suspects their husband is seeing someone else.
The Married Man Having An Affair
If you are having an affair and are wondering if it’s normal to be spending more time thinking about your mistress than your life – then I get it. Don’t worry. It’s totally normal.
I’ve been there. I am there right now. However I will say this, if you are thinking about your affair partner a lot, if and when you go through a breakup, I can tell you from experience, that this too will weigh on your mind and occupy your thoughts for a long while.
It works both ways. And if you’re foolish enough to fall in love with her, then that breakup is going to be even harder to deal with.
Wife Reading
If you are a wife reading this post – as sad and hard as this is to understand, thinking about one’s mistress is normal. It’s normal for him to think about his mistress. You can’t legislate his thoughts. If you’re sure he’s seeing someone else, then address the bigger problem. Get help, see a therapist and deal with the matter head on.
First World Married Man Problems
I like attention. It’s pathetic but true. I need it, I crave it and quite often I shower my affair partners with attention like they’ve never had. And why? Not because I love doing it, thought I’m great at it, but because some twisted part of me feels that by giving so much, I’ll start to get some back.
Having an affair is going to lead you down a rollercoaster of emotions. You’ll feel things that you haven’t felt in years. From butterflies in your stomach to being reminded of what heartbreak feels like. So as I always say, do meditation. Learn to manage your state as best as you can, if not – you’re going to get caught out.
I wish there was an answer. The right answer. That would stop you letting your imagination run away with you, but I don’t. In fact I’ve told you quite the opposite. And that is if you are a married man having these thoughts, it’s ok. It’s normal.
The truth is when you think about how often does a married man think about his mistress, the actual question should be, when doesn’t a married man think about his affair partner. A married man can’t help himself.
Having an affair is amazing. If you go about it the right way, with the right affair partner, there are simply no words to describe what an amazing experience it is. The rush, the excitement, the sex, the love, the secrecy – that magical combination keeps you locked on cloud nine making see life in full colour.
But sadly, like so many good things in life, not everything lasts forever. It can go from love to breakup quite quickly and sometimes the signs your affair partner is losing interest are staring you in the face.
My last full blown affair wasn’t too long ago. It lasted for months and we were both deeply in love. We texted each other cheesy messages every morning, we spoke multiple times a day, met at least once a week and ended each night with an hour of messaging. It was heaven! We had met on Instagram, I had somehow smoothly slide into her DMs. This was a huge change from using all those dating websites for affairs.
However, out the blue, I could sense that she was behaving a little different. At first it wasn’t something tangible, but I could just sense something was off. Not long after, everything just became less and less. The texts went from being predictable to sporadic. The calls were happening less and less. There were more excuses not to meet. I knew the breakup was coming and I started acting out.
Her Losing Interest Made Me Mean
I’d go from being over loving to picking fights. I was being defensive and going out of my way to make her feel bad for making me fall for her. Just thinking about it now, it still hurts. She was the only affair partner I’d ever had whom I’d fallen in love with. She was the only affair partner I’d ever have that I’d considered leaving my wife over. She was the only one, I’d ever let see me so vulnerable. I was angry and lashed out at practically every opportunity. I’d go out of my way to make her feel guilty and her distancing herself from me turned me into a really nasty person.
It was obvious things were never going back to how they were and I cut contact with her immediately after recognising that. The trouble is I missed her so much and every couple of months would look to get in touch with her.
But that was a futile exercise. She was over it and the last person on earth she ever wanted to hear from was me. It was well and truly over. And whilst I’m filled with anger when I think about her, or at least angry about her pulling away – I try not to think too hard of the good times because then I fear I’d do something stupid and pick up the phone and call her.
Healthy Relationship
In a healthy relationship there’s always going to be this balance. When you have a committed relationship with your affair partner, it’s real. It may be secret and no one can ever find out but it’s still real. Emotions are still at play and an emotional affair is a powerful thing! But it’s still an affair and your partner’s life will also be just as busy as yours, maybe even more. As much as they may want to spend time with you, it may not be possible.
Signs your affair partner is losing interest
The Rhythm Is Off
There’s a certain rhythm to a relationship. This reliability that happens between a couple, a pattern. This back and forth that makes a good relationship so amazing. It could be a morning message, an X after every message, an emoji, a phrase, that’s so predictable and so amazing that you can bank your life on that happening.
But suddenly, you can wake up one morning and the morning message isn’t there. Or they’re no longer putting an X after every message. It’s gonna start off small – but generally is a STRONG indication that they’re pulling back.
They’re Busy
I used to speak to my last affair partner at least 3-4 times a day. It was regular. We would both look forward to the calls. Sometimes we had nothing to talk about, but just being on the phone made us feel closer together. It fuelled the relationship. So when she started not calling as much or returning my calls – I knew something was wrong. I’d text and make a joke about it, but her response would be snappy ‘I’m busy‘ or worse still ‘I can’t spend my whole day talking to you.’
Arguments
Generally when you’re having an affair, there’s very few arguments. You save those for the wife. But when you start arguing with your affair partner, you can bank on the fact that things are starting to go bad. I used to argue with my affair partner at the end of the relationship loads – mostly because I wasn’t the apple of her eye anymore.
Guilt
My last affair partner started to feel guilty a lot before it ended. She’d moan about not being able to look her kids in the eyes, she felt guilty that she could no longer orgasm whilst having sex with her husband. She was getting completely consumed with guilt. It was obvious what was coming next ……. And she kept making a point of reminding me of her guilt.
The Sex
The sex changed, it was almost like she wasn’t there. Again the sex had a pattern to it too. We both knew what each other liked and always obliged. And when that started to change, it was another sure fire sign that things were off.
Being Secretive
My ex would tell me every nuance about her day, her work, her home life – everything! And when she started holding back some of this information and worse still being secretive, I knew the end was in sight. It was a tell tale sign your partner was losing interest.
Planning Ahead Stopped
Having an affair takes a certain degree of discipline and planning. Being spontaneous and impromptu is a quick way of being caught. And so we’d always plan ahead so we knew we would have cover stories in place. However, when the planning stopped, or went from definitive to tentative, was a sign that things were fast heading into a brick wall. Future plans would always make me feel confident in our relationship, but when those future plans ended – I just knew it was coming. Making plans together was one of the things I loved doing with her the most.
They Stopped Asking About Your Day
When she stopped asking about my day, I’d always get nervous. She used to go out of her way to make sure I was having a good day and better yet, would try and cheer me up if it wasn’t. I used to always feel jarred that she stopped asking.
Your Feelings No Longer Matter
There was a time where my feelings to her mattered a lot. Like truly mattered. And then suddenly, not only was she not asking how my day would go, but when I’d obviously be upset about something, she’d just ignore it. It was very much out of character for her, which made it more painful to deal with.
Everything You Did Was Wrong
Somehow, we got into the position where everything I did was wrong. It was almost like I was her husband. She was constantly irritable at me, and would often be eye rolling when we’d be in person. I was on this slippery slope that I could do no right.
They Want To See A Therapist
At one point, she began reflecting on her marriage and wondering why she was even having an affair in the first place. She kept going on and on about wanting to see a therapist with her husband. I really didn’t want to hear about all this, and of course it was clear that my precence wasn’t needed.
She’d Read Your Messages And Not Reply
Nothing is more frustrating to me than someone, anyone reading my message and not replying. So annoying. But when someone I’m in a committed relationship with me does that, it would drive me absolutely bananas. I used to tell her all the time that I’d hate when she did it, but nonetheless, it was her unconsciously pulling back.
Your Opinion No Longer Mattered
There was a time where she wouldn’t make a decision without checking in with me. Whether it was a work decision, a life decision, even a haircut – it all got run past me. But suddenly, not only was my advice not being asked for, when I volunteered it, it was quickly ignored.
They Accuse You Of Cheating On Them
I remember being ever so shocked when she started questioning me about cheating. We met on Instagram and often she’d see me liking other women’s pictures. This lead to huge arguments and accusations that because I cheat on my wife, I’d cheat on her too. And whilst none of this was ever true, the fact that she was doubting me was not a good sign.
Gut Feeling
There’s something about being intuitive that isn’t always good. But when you know it’s over, it’s really over. It could be a combination of all of the above, or simply just a feeling in your stomach that won’t go away. We all have a certain degree of intuition and when you start to even think it’s over – chances are it probably is. Sometimes having an open conversation can help, but the truth is, it won’t really.
Letting Go Of Your Affair Partner
I used to love spending time with my ex affair partner. But when she went from losing interest in me to completely having lost interest, was heart breaking. I couldn’t get over how disposable I was to her. I felt nothing but anger. A friend of mine is a family therapist and whenever I speak to him (of course he doesn’t know I have affairs), he always says that for a lot of people, breakups can be worse than going through mourning. It’s similar in that you’re losing someone from your life for good. And whilst he wasn’t giving me relationship advice, he made the valid point of highlighting to me that once an emotional connection breaks, everything breaks. Physical intimacy changes, date ideas become dull, open conversations become not so open are all tell tale signs your affair partner is losing interest. And it’s tough to deal with. Both men and women suffer equally knowing that an impending breakup is on the cards.
A long term relationship with an affair partner is already one of the biggest juggling acts that exists. A date night in a hotel room, a weekend getaway, spending quality time together under the radar all takes a huge amount of covering up and planning. Especially when you are trying to keep your marriage safe. But romantic relationships outside of your marriage are generally hard to juggle. Emotions are always running high.
No matter how in love with you are, having an affair takes effort. But when you know it’s coming to an end, and the above signs almost put you on notice of an impending breakup – I would find it tough to deal with. That feeling of rejection would wash over me and my behavior would go from charming to terrible. I’d lash out and be mean, because let’s be honest, who really ever wants a great thing to end. And all the name calling in the world wasn’t going to fix things.
My feelings for my last affair partner were so strong, I contemplated leaving my wife over her. In the short period of time we were together, I fell for her hard. I was truly in love. And that’s not something I’ve ever felt with past partners. My ex was different. But for a relationship to work, you both have to be in sync. And when the warning signs start to show up, it’s a red flag, a huge red flag that things are going to end and end abruptly.
If you are reading some of this, then it all may just sound familiar. Perhaps too familiar. It doesn’t matter how much mutual interest you have with them, how much you’re in love – when it’s over, it’s over.
In this game, going from a booty call to a relationship happens all the time. But if you’re as lucky as I’ve been and have found love outside of your marriage – it’s a beautiful thing. That said, when it’s time for the curtain to close – nothing you say or do will change that, or that’s certainly been the case in my world.
Conclusion
If you sense they’re pulling back, it’s time to bow out and move on gracefully. Easier said than done I know. You’re not the only person in the world who has had an affair partner start to lose interest and you won’t be the last. But remember, you still have to go home and put on a brave face.
You still have to go home and see your wife and kids and act like nothing has happened. So if you really are struggling with this, don’t do what I do and deal with it alone – see someone. Have a frank conversation with a therapist, a clinical psychologist, speak to someone so you don’t suffer in silence. And whilst I’m no relationship expert, all I can impart on you is things I’ve learnt along the way.
You will move on, you will meet someone new, you will be physically attracted to someone else, it’ll just take a bit of time. Often, someone losing interest in you in the cheating world has very little to actually do with you. It’s typically their own guilt or demons that are clouding their judgement. Fighting for them as I did, will just act as a catalyst for it to end even faster.
Give it time and you’ll be back out there flirting and dating and having sex before you’re next amazing affair comes along!
But there’s so many different types of cheating. Not all cheating is physical. Some can be emotional, some micro, others can be one night stands, office flings, texting an old-ex and everything in between.
All of which I’ve tried. However, I’ve come to appreciate that for me, the best form of cheating is having an affair, and ideally with someone who is married (this way they have as much to lose as I do).
Affairs Are The Pinnacle Of Cheating
There’s something about that girlfriend experience that beats all the other forms of cheating. And whilst it is deep and more emotionally involved, there’s a level of maturity to an affair that a one night stand just doesn’t have.
Hearing patients who have been cheated on, day in day out, had really taken its toll on him. He went on to tell me that the worst type of cheating was the affair. He explained that in his experience, a wife could forgive an office fling or a drunken one night stand; but what they can never get over is the betrayal of an affair. Not because of the sex, no, because of the emotional cheating. That emotional connection with another woman, that emotional intimacy, would break her more than knowing you were in bed together.
Emotional Infidelity
Whilst we have talked about this and micro cheating in past blogs, there’s something for me that’s very profound about being emotionally connected with an affair partner. It makes the relationship better and it sure as hell makes the sex better. And let’s be honest here, it’s nice to actually have deep and meaningful chats with a beautiful woman without her reminding you when to pick up the kids or to take the trash out.
There’s many reasons why men cheat, but married men who have affairs have been known to hook up with whomever is the lowest hanging fruit – which is why office romances and trysts are rampant. Most of them never get to have full blown affairs.
What I Learnt About Myself
There’s 2 huge things I learnt about myself over the last 10 years:
1) I prefer affairs over all other forms of cheating. By a long shot.
2) It’s so much easier to say to your affair partner that you’re married, and if they are too they’ll get it. They’ll respect the time you need to spend with your family without getting jealous and will know their place in your life automatically. Just as I know my place in their world.
3) There’s a maturity to it all which you can’t put into words, but I now understand more than ever why so many French Politicians have full time mistresses. Many of whom have told their wife; which is perhaps one step too far for me.
Advantages Of Having Affairs
1) They know the score. You’re married, they’re married – everyone has to keep their mouths shut.
2) Given she knows you’re married too, she’s never going to show up to your house and turn your life upside down.
3) It’s like dating and having a girlfriend all over. It’s exciting.
4) The conversations are much deeper.
5) The sex is so much better.
6) There’s no nagging.
7) They’re less needy.
The Disadvantages Of Affairs
1) It can get too emotional. Affairs can turn to love so quickly, sneak up on you and bite you in the ass before you even realise.
In the early days, when I was on the hunt for a cheating partner, anyone would do. Beggars can’t be choosers. I’m married, I have kids – I needed to just take what I could get. In those days, these were mostly flings and one night stands.
And yes, they were great. Like super great. I’m hardly complaining that I had sex with a bunch of hot women – no sir.
But they were emotionless, robotic and had short lived. My sex life would thank them, but not my brain. These meaningless relationships (if you could even call them that) just weren’t aligned with my personality.
I love learning from people and once they’re out of your life within a week (or sometimes 24hrs) – it’s hard to build that relationship into that.
My Last Affair
My last affair was amazing. She was a doctor, drop dead stunning, intelligent and I loved her to pieces. I truly loved her with all of my heart. She was the first affair partner I ever had that made me consider leaving my wife. We would debate against one another, share common interests, laugh together and learn together. I would encourage her with some of her projects and she would support me in the things I was doing.
We were perfect partners.
And of course like any relationship, we would also argue and stop talking to each other for days. Yet somehow, we managed to get past all of that and would always run back to each other. Sometimes in the moments we weren’t talking, we’d see it as a sign to reflect and wonder whether or not what we were doing was right. Often our fights would serve as a red flag, to the cheating. The bold faced cheating.
The Beginning Of The End
Sadly, one day, she started to pull back a little. I was the first person she’d ever had an affair with and I could just sense something strange was happening. She’d read messages and not reply, she’d call me less, our calls were shorter and lacking in romance. It was clear that this was the beginning of the end. Our arguing increased and I was struggling to deal with the new reality.
I kept asking her if this was over, but I knew it was heading that way. She was feeling more and more guilty each day and was struggling to look her own children in the eye. She’d also stopped having orgasms whilst having sex with her own husband. It was going to be obvious soon if it wasn’t already that she was up to something. There was simply no point in continuing.
We don’t talk. Which is a shame but also a blessing. There was going to be no happy ending to this situation. And as much as I find myself sometimes feeling anger towards her for pulling back, for distancing from me – I remind myself of how much good came from being together. How amazing the good times truly were, how much I learnt, how much I felt love and being loved again. She was the best affair partner I’d ever have and I’d do anything to have that back again.
But sadly, it is true, sometimes good things do come to an end and not everything lasts forever. What we had, when we had it was the best. The possibility of it ever happening again are less than zero and even knowing that is a blessing.
Since Then
Since then I’ve had a string of flings and one night stands. But none of them have even come close to having an affair.
The right affair partner is almost like having the perfect girlfriend. They boost your confidence and they truly are there for you every step of the way. I’ve heard of some affairs lasting for years and years, and after having had quite a few affairs, I can actually see how that’s possible.
People assume that people like me cheat just for the sex. That we simply aren’t getting it at home and so we go out hunting. That’s a completely unfair assumption.
The actual truth is many of us cheat because there’s something about getting that attention exclusively from someone that is absolutely so undeniably addictive.
Warning About Affairs
If you’re the type of person that already cheats but is just in it for the sex, then this article really isn’t for you. But if you are looking to take your cheating to the next level, then you are 100% my target audience.
But be warned. I’ve had 2 amazing affairs in the last 3 years. They were truly incredible. Like going out with my first ever girlfriend incredible. However, with all that happiness, when it all goes wrong, the breakups are just awful. And it will feel like someone has ripped your heart out off your chest and shattered it into a million little pieces.
Now you may think it’s worth it; thinking that going through that pain is worth having the amazing feeling that an affair brings. And for people like me it’s definitely worth it and been worth it – every time.
But what you have to ask yourself is this, whilst going through a breakup, are you still able to go home and act normal around your wife and kids without attracting attention? Now I wish I had a tip, trick or strategy to making that part easier – but I’m also lost here.
For me, the end of every affair is emotionally draining, yet somehow, I have to go home and play the happy husband and dad, because if I don’t, it’s going to be obvious. As if breakups aren’t hard enough. And remember you can’t share it with anyone (other than maybe a therapist), which I’ve never done. But you can’t tell your friends, you can’t tell your work mates, and of course you can NEVER tell your wife.
You simply suffer in silence.
Are You Ready For An Affair?
If you think you are ready for having an affair, be sure to play it all the way through in your mind. Of course it’s like being on cloud nine. But at some point even the best affairs end, and do so abruptly and badly.
And when I look back at my last 2 affair partners, what I miss the most, more than the chats and the sex and the laughter, is the emotional intimacy.
I didn’t know what to expect when I started down the sexual affairs route. I used to love my flings. I thought my future would be flings and one night stands only. And whilst that did happen often, they were unfulfilling. No one prepared me for what a life of emotional affairs and intimacy would look or feel like.
No one warned me that feelings would even be involved. That people would get hurt.
My Advice About Having Affairs
So here is my advice, if you ever consider having an affair, please read this post again. Please take into account the pitfalls as well as the highs. Committed relationships with an affair partner isn’t always for everyone. When looking outside your marriage, some people like variety and a primary relationship with just one person may not even be appealing.
However in real life, it’s easy to get sucked into an affair. It can make you reckless and arrogant and lead to suspicious behavior and raise suspicions at home.
My gut feeling has always been the thing that I follow in my life. And whilst I’ve always had plenty of short term flings, that’s never really done it for me. I’ve never really wanted to make more effort with someone I had a one night stand with, but for the perfect affair partner I’d go to the ends of the earth.
It’s a beautiful thing and if you’re ever lucky enough to find someone that gives you all the things that are missing from you life and fills you with happiness and makes you want to spend time with them, like all the time – then by all means, go for it. Just be careful. And know, after it’s all over, it’s hard.
Approach anxiety is actually a thing – it’s almost a phobia. That said, I never realised it had a term. The best definition I found online said:
Approach anxiety is an irrational fear which can stop you from engaging in conversation with strangers. It causes you to overthink and therefore, fear most interactions. The root of the issue can stem from inexperience, low self-esteem, past negative experiences, or the overall inability to turn off the racing thoughts in our head. While approach anxiety usually used in regards to relationships and dating world, it can be applied to a large majority of social circumstances as well.
And if this is something you have, then I promise you this is the article for you. We’ve helped tons of men get over this quite easily, and whilst it’s not something I have myself, I actually witnessed it firsthand just the other day. I got to see how crippling it was for someone so confident that I was shocked.
Just The Other Day
Just the other day, I was on a boy’s night out. I was with 6 good friends, some of them married, some single and a couple of them divorced. An eclectic bunch and whenever we’re together, it’s always a big night. Lots of booze, lots of laughter and a lot of chatting about women – typical guy stuff.
We’re sat at the back of this bar and a couple of tables away sat the most attractive lady. She can’t have been much more than 30 and looked Mediterranean. I was guessing Greek.
There wasn’t a guy in the place that hadn’t seen her. And as each of my friends shuffled in to reach our table, almost all of them said the same thing when they arrived:
‘did you see that girl? how hot is she!’
She sat with a group of people who didn’t really look like friends. I guessed given it was a Friday night, she was probably with her work bunch. It started off large, but as the night went on, their group dwindled until there were only 3 of them left. She was giggling away and would only stop to take her next shot!
One of my friends (single), kept looking at her. He would constantly turn around and just stare. It got to the point that he was making me feel uncomfortable. I couldn’t help myself, I had to say something:
‘bros, just go over there and talk to her. what’s the worst thing that can happen?’
Now this guy is successful, single, good looking, well built and stylish – he has everything going for him, but to my utter surprise he started to reel off the reasons he wouldn’t go over. He would say things like:
‘I’m scared, what if she laughs at me, she’ll just ignore me, her friends will laugh at me …..’
There’s this great scene in the movie Hitch where Will Smith’s character walks over to a stunning lady in a crowded bar surrounded by men, and very artfully pulls her away from them and has her get interested in him. He made it look so easy. And that’s because if you know what you’re doing it really is.
My Turn / My Ego
There’s something about being with a group of guys that when you pull off something epic like that, it’s not just about getting a number or a kiss that’s amazing, it’s about doing it in front of them so you get to keep that legendary status.
Looking like a hero in front of the boys is one of the best feelings in the world. And just from sheer frustration at my friend, it was time to go and be a legend, to show him that even if I didn’t get anywhere, the worst thing that would happen was something I could live with.
And so I did it. I stood up and before I bowled over, I remember saying the cliché line:
‘watch and learn boys.’
Now I’ve never had approach anxiety. I’d been rejected so many times in my teens that I had just become immune to it. I’d learnt to never take it personally and realised anything short of her throwing a drink in my face, I could live with.
As I headed over, I could feel my friends watching me and burning a hole in my back. I almost sensed they wanted to see me crash and burn just for the fact that I gave my friend such a hard time for being a ‘pussy.’
What Happened Next?
As I walked over, our eyes met and I gave her a cheeky smile which she reciprocated by the time I got to her table. I introduced myself to all 3 of them and asked if they were celebrating or if this was just a standard Friday night. They said they were on a work do. I explained that I was on my way to the bar and noticed that they were having shots and if I could get them another round.
They politely declined. I couldn’t have been with them for more than a minute.
I headed over to the bar and bought myself 4 shots and came back with the tray. I never use chat up or cheesy lines. I generally just say what comes to mind, but I was 100% focused on getting her details. So I came back with the tray and said something like:
‘you’re all having such a good time, I just want to be a part of it for a minute’.
They were grateful for the shots and we slammed them together almost immediately. I then looked ‘my lady dead in the eye’ and said:
‘chances are I’ll never see you again and I’m not one for wasted opportunities.’
I handed her my phone and asked if she was on instagram. She smiled and said ‘of course‘. And I said:
‘just stick your details in there and follow yourself please.’
I then had her pull out her phone and accept my friend request.
I didn’t ask for permission, I didn’t ask if she wouldn’t mind giving me her details, I effectively told her just to give them to me. And before I wandered back to my table like an even bigger hero, with my chest puffed out, I told them to come and join us for some more drinks whenever they were free….
Legendary status complete
My friends saw it all and as I headed back the sounds of shouting and banging the table filled the bar. I sat down to an array of compliments and pats on the back. I simply looked at my friend (the one who didn’t go over) and said :
The night ended at 3am and I was on Cloud Nine. Not because I had gotten an attractive lady’s number. No. But because I had done it with ease, class and speed in front of my friends.
Of course, the next day was hell.
The hangover had kicked in and I was feeling sorry for myself. My wife had no sympathy as it was all self inflicted and I found myself almost forced to get back to my kids’ activities and homework, which I dutifully did.
To my surprise, typically I spend the next day thinking about the lady whose details I’d scored. But not this time.
This time, I started to really understand and appreciate the crippling effects approach anxiety had on someone. And whilst I’ve helped loads of guys get over it, witnessing it first hand made me understand just how many amazing women that men were missing out on simply because they just didn’t take that first step (literally and metaphorically).
When I had a moment, I called my friend and decided to have the chat. I asked him why he didn’t go over and he made a valid point:
‘If I was in a group and she was there, I’d have been just fine. I’d have shone and flirted and would have probably got her details, but that fear of rejection…’
And he couldn’t finish his sentence, but it all made sense.
Fear Of Rejection
There’s something about rejection that is just so awful. It’s almost impossible to not take it personally and for many people, can bring up some awful memories and feelings.
As kids not getting to play with certain people, not being invited to a party, not being picked for the right team – it leaves painful scares and a lot of people hate that feeling so much that it impedes them trying new things. It stops them from taking risks and chances, because to hear the word NO can be so destructive.
Believe you me, I’ve been there. I’ve been rejected by women, friends, teams, clubs, jobs, breakups, you name it – I’ve had it all. And each of those times I took it personally, I would think to myself I wasn’t smart enough, cool enough, handsome enough, etc…
It’s almost impossible not to go inside and have your ego shattered and your self worth devalued. I get it!
And yet I got over it, how come others couldn’t?
How To Overcome Approach Anxiety…
If you’ve ever read any of my articles on this site, the one thing you’ll learn about one of my pet hates is that I hate generic advice.
Before even writing this piece I bounced around google to see what advice men offered. In part to find something helpful and non generic that I could send to my friend. And all I could find was utter shit. The internet was filled with just theory and methods that in real life would simply never work.
What’s never ever going to work is tactics and magic chat up lines, or even copying what I said to that lady when I met her. No. And why? It’s because to think that all women are the same way, or all of them respond the same way is just foolish!
Overcoming any anxiety comes from a place of working on yourself. Whether it’s with a coach or through meditation or whatever, the answer lies in how you respond to dealing with rejection.
It’s almost like interrupting the Pavlov’s Dog Theory. So your default reaction isn’t to go inside and feel bad, feel sorry for yourself and devalue yourself. God no. It’s about breaking that habit.
I’m never going to deny that walking over to any woman is hard. But then again so is cold calling, knocking on people’s doors, sales etc.. All of these things require you to have a certain degree of thick skin.
So how do you go about getting over approach aniexty?
Meditation – I’ve noticed that meditation has greatly improved my life. It’s not just been a calming effect. What I noticed, is that one of the most profound effects was that other people’s opinions of me didn’t matter. In the martial arts world, they teach you about being grounded and centred. They teach you that your emotional brain is in your stomach. So when you have extreme responses, you always feel them in your tummy. So start meditating. And I don’t care whether or not this will help you get more women, meditating will improve all aspects of your life and will attract more of what you’re looking for to you.
Feel good – Don’t get it twisted, whether you’ve sold anything in your life or not, when you’re flirting you’re selling yourself. And the simple trick to selling anything, be it a product or a service or even yourself is simply this: illicit a good feeling in your prospect and associate that to yourself or your product/service. And how do you go about doing that? Well it’s about feeling good first. Have you ever been round a group of people or spoken to someone that’s having a good time or laughing away. It’s practically contagious. Here’s a little trick for you; the brain doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. So if you were to vividly remember what’s it’s like to be on the front of a rollercoaster as it whizzes around the track, your smartwatch would clearly show you that your heart beats would go up. Don’t believe me, try it! And the same is true about feeling good, if you’re not in the best frame of mind, remember a good memory. Stop and remember what it was like, what you heard, saw and felt and just allow that same good feeling to come back. Only when you are in a state of feeling good is it time to make your approach. Every rejection from a woman I ever had, the one thing in common was that I was being mechanical, going through the motions but I wasn’t in the right state. Never underestimate how contagious feeling good is.
Posture / confidence – there are so many studies that have linked good posture to confidence. Always work on your posture. If you have a desk job or are on your phone a lot, the chances are your posture will have taken a bit of a hit. And when you think about all the people who you know in your life that lack confidence, you’ll notice that their posture isn’t great. Good posture makes you feel better, standing taller makes you feel more confident. And to a lot of women, being confident is a turn on. And if you’re reading this and thinking well I’m a shy person – then my response to that is this: be confident about being shy! Always play to your strengths, don’t change your personality to impress someone. So if you’re shy, stand tall and be shy confidently. There’s nothing wrong with shyness, just be the best at it.
Deal With Rejection Better / Don’t take it personally – I’m the first to admit, that even though I see multiple women, many of whom are so far out my league it’s laughable – when those relationships comes to an end, it breaks me. Not for long, but it’s difficult to not take it personally. However when it comes to approaching women at say a bar cold, and you bowl over there feeling good, with the right attitude and posture, and they say no! It’s ok. It’s not personal. They may be busy, dealing with something themselves, be in a relationship, having a bad day at work, etc.. There’s a gazillion reasons why a woman may say no. All gazillion of those reasons may have nothing to do with you at all. It’s just bad timing. But as long as you’re polite and charming, you’re rarely going to get a rude response. All you’ll get is a no. And that’s ok, because you’ll live. You’ve heard plenty of NOs in your life. I’m sure even Brad Pitt has gotten some NO’s. Apparently Leo DiCaprio did hundreds of auditions before he got his first job. But if you’re the type of person that’s scared to hear that word, then you definitely don’t deserve to get the girl’s number. Which brings me swiftly on to my next point:
Dating Is A Numbers Game – Even if you have got it down, it doesn’t mean you’re going to have a 100% success rate. In fact in the dating world, I’ve told all of my clients that if you get to 50/50 you’re in the top 1%. Because that’s a pretty good batting average to have in this game. The fact is dating like sales is a contact sport, meaning the more people you contact, the better your chances.
Perceptive – I’ve always been super perceptive. Even as a kid I would see things that most people didn’t. But when it comes to women, I noticed that like all communication, being observant really paid dividends. And as much as I hate teaching chat up lines or treating all women like they’re the same (cos they’re not, we are all unique), using the phrase, ‘I noticed ….’ worked wonders. Just those 2 words would let them know that I paid attention and they generally felt very flattered. Like in my above story, I made a point of saying ‘I noticed you guys are doing shots, blah blah blah‘…All it said to her was I was paying attention. And whilst I didn’t say anything, I did notice her watch and handbag brand. I did notice she wore her watch on her right hand and took her shots with her left (indicating to me she was a leftie). I noticed it all…. Paying attention pays dividends and you can take that to the bank!
Take Action – Staring gets you nowhere – You have to just take a leap of faith but if you do all of the above, I promise you, it doesn’t matter how it goes, you’ll feel good no matter what. This blog post isn’t about picking up more women, no! It’s about getting over any internal issues you have so you’re indifferent either way. I get numbers from women all the time, I put myself out there, that’s why. But I also get a heap of rejections. And whilst the yes’s make me even happier, the no’s do too. As strange as that sounds it’s true.
Get Help – Don’t think for a second because you’re born or programmed to respond a certain way, it has to be like that forever. If you’re unable to make those internal changes yourself, get some help. Whether it’s from me, or a therapist, or a confidence coach or a meditation class – get the right help to push you in the right direction. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, it makes you smart and strong! I’m constantly evolving. Each day that goes by, I upgrade myself and improve myself. I’m always learning. And you should too!
So How Did It Go With The Girl
Well, we chatted for a few days back and forth, but very quickly, just from my Instagram account she realised I was married. And she shut it down. I’ve convinced plenty of women to cheat with me, but I made a cardinal error by not saying I was married from the get go. And in her eyes, I was both a liar and an adulterer. Two traits she didn’t want to see in a guy. And that’s ok, because I’m out again next week and I’ll undoubtedly get another number.
Ah, marriage. The blissful union of two hearts, two souls, two laundry baskets overflowing with mismatched socks. It’s a beautiful thing, like a perfectly balanced margarita – sweet, tart, and with a little kick that keeps things interesting. But let’s be honest, folks, sometimes that margarita gets a little…stale. The ice melts, the lime wedge wilts, and suddenly you’re staring into a lukewarm glass of disappointment.
Now, some folks might ditch that sad excuse for a cocktail and order something new. But me? I’m more of a tinkerer. I like to add a splash of something unexpected, a forbidden fruit garnish, maybe even a sneaky shot of tequila under the table. You see, I’m a serial sidecar. A happily married man who, well, enjoys the occasional…extracurricular margarita.
Before you grab your pitchforks and yell ‘adulterer!’, hear me out! My marriage is far from a shipwreck. My wife, the queen of my piña colada paradise, is smart, funny, and the kind of woman who can rock a power suit like nobody’s business. We have kids, a dog with questionable fashion sense, and a mortgage that could make a grown man weep. It’s the good life, the picket fence and minivan kind of good life. But like any well-worn appliance, even the best marriages can get a little…dusty.
That’s where the sidecars come in. They’re not replacements, mind you, but rather delightful little diversions that keep the engine purring. Think of them like nitro boosts for the soul, brief bursts of excitement that leave you grinning like a kid on a sugar rush. They’re not about dissatisfaction with my wife, but a thirst for something different, a craving for that exotic fruit garnish that the local supermarket just doesn’t stock.
Now, I’m not saying I’m some Casanova with a permanent wink and a pocketful of phone numbers. My sidecars are carefully curated affairs, fleeting flirtations that never threaten the main course. They’re like those fancy amuse-bouches you get at a Michelin-starred restaurant – bite-sized pleasures that whet your appetite but never spoil the main event.
But why, you ask, why go through all the trouble? Why risk it all for a taste of the forbidden margarita? Well, my friends, the answer is as complex as a well-aged daiquiri. It’s a cocktail of reasons, each one adding its own unique flavor to the mix:
The Thrill of the Chase:
Let’s face it, there’s something undeniably exhilarating about the pursuit. The stolen glances, the coded texts, the hushed phone calls that sound suspiciously like you’re ordering pizza (pepperoni only, please, with extra secrecy). It’s like playing a high-stakes game of cat and mouse, except the mouse wears killer heels and can quote Nietzsche.
The Fountain of Youth:
Remember that feeling of butterflies in your stomach on your first date? The nervous energy, the anticipation, the hope that maybe, just maybe, this is the real deal? Sidecars, in their own twisted way, are a chance to recapture that youthful buzz. They remind you that you’re still alive, still desirable, still capable of making hearts skip a beat (even if it’s just your own).
The Validation Buffet:
Let’s be real, men are simple creatures. We crave validation like a hummingbird craves sugar water. And while my wife showers me with compliments and affection (bless her patient heart), sometimes you just need a different voice to tell you you’re the bees-knees. Sidecars offer that external validation, a temporary buffet of ego-boosting flattery that reminds you you’re not just a grumpy husband who forgets to take out the trash. You’re also a charming rogue, a mysterious dark horse, the kind of guy who could write a haiku about a sunset and make it sound like Shakespeare.
The Spice of Life:
Marriage, like any good dish, benefits from a dash of unexpected flavor. Sidecars are that secret ingredient, the pinch of cayenne pepper that adds a little heat to the familiar comfort of a home-cooked meal. They keep things interesting, prevent the routine from becoming a rut, and remind you that life, even married life, can be full of delicious surprises.
Master of the Mixology:
Being a successful sidecar enthusiast requires a certain finesse, a delicate balancing act between thrill and responsibility. It’s like crafting the perfect daiquiri – too much rum and it’s a shipwreck, too little and it’s just a glass of lime juice.
The Firewall of Friendship:
My sidecars are always platonic. Think flirty banter with a barista, not full-blown salsa dancing with a stranger. It’s all about the intellectual and emotional connection, the spark of conversation that doesn’t cross the line of physical intimacy.
The Alibi Artistry: My wife isn’t a detective, but I’m no Jason Bourne either. My alibis are airtight, my schedules meticulously planned. ‘Late meeting at the office,‘ I’ll say, channeling my inner Clark Kent,
Look, even the most masterfully crafted sidecar leaves a bit of a sour aftertaste. To combat the inevitable pangs of guilt, I make sure to shower my wife with extra affection after each “detour.” A surprise bouquet of flowers, a candlelit dinner cooked by yours truly, a spontaneous foot massage (complete with cucumber slices and questionable jazz music). It’s all about keeping the marital margarita well-balanced, ensuring the sweetness outweighs the occasional tang.
The Inevitable Hiccups:
Let’s be honest, no sidecar journey is smooth sailing. There are bound to be bumps along the road, moments when your carefully constructed margarita threatens to spill all over the kitchen floor. Here are a few near misses from my own escapades:
The Near Miss-terpiece:
There was that time I accidentally texted a flirty message to my wife instead of my sidecar du jour. Let’s just say, the ensuing conversation was less “spicy” and more “scorched earth.” It took a day of groveling, a lifetime supply of brownie points, and a heartfelt apology (complete with interpretive dance moves) to get back into her good graces.
The Brush with Reality:
Sometimes, a close call with another woman serves as a harsh reminder of what you truly have at home. Witnessing a particularly nasty fight between a sidecar couple, or seeing the emptiness in the eyes of someone constantly chasing the next thrill, can be a sobering experience. It’s a wake-up call, a reminder that the real magic lies not in fleeting flings, but in the deep, enduring love you share with your partner.
The Bottom Line:
Being a serial sidecar is a risky business, a tightrope walk between excitement and disaster. But for some, like myself, it’s a dance we’re willing to do, a secret ingredient that adds a unique zest to the marital cocktail. Just remember, like any spice, use it sparingly, with respect, and always, always prioritize the main course. Because at the end of the day, a well-made margarita, shared with the one you love, is still the most satisfying drink of all.
Cheers to that!
And there you have it, a glimpse into the (mostly) lighthearted world of a serial sidecar. Remember, this is just one man’s perspective, a single pebble on the beach of marital experiences. Your journey may be entirely different, filled with different flavors, twists, and turns. But no matter what your recipe for happiness looks like, always savor the good, learn from the bumps, and never forget the importance of keeping that marital margarita fresh, exciting, and most importantly, shared with the one you love.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with my wife, a plate of homemade nachos, and a movie marathon starring Humphrey Bogart (because even sidecars need a little classic romance sometimes). Until next time, cheers!
Why This Sidecar Stays Parked in the Same Driveway: A Conclusion (Sort of)
Ah, the burning question that lingers like the ghost of a spilled margarita: why, oh why, would a man like me, a self-proclaimed sidecar enthusiast, choose to stay hitched to the same amazing woman day after day? Well, folks, as you’ve hopefully gleaned from my spicy confession, the answer isn’t as simple as a squeeze of lime. It’s a complicated cocktail, shaken with equal parts love, fear, convenience, and maybe a splash of guilt for good measure.
First and foremost, let’s be clear: my queen, my piña colada paradise, she’s not the problem. She’s the sunshine on my beach, the cherry on my daiquiri, the salsa to my chips (guacamole extra, please). It’s not dissatisfaction with her that drives me to flirt with forbidden fruit, but rather a thirst for something…different. A dash of adventure, a whisper of intrigue, a chance to play a game not everyone gets to play.
Then there’s the practical side, the ever-present fear of losing what I already have. Divorce? Ugh, it’s enough to give even the most seasoned cocktail shaker a tremor. The kids, the house, the mountain of paperwork that could drown a whale—it’s a daunting prospect, one that keeps my wheels firmly parked in the driveway.
Of course, comfort plays its part too. Marriage, like a well-aged whiskey, becomes familiar, dependable. It’s the worn-out armchair you sink into after a long day, the predictable melody you hum in the shower. While sidecars offer a burst of novelty, it’s this familiar song that truly soothes my soul.
Finally, there’s the ghost of consequences, the hangover that lurks after every illicit sip. The guilt, the fear of discovery, the potential to shatter the very thing I’m trying to spice up. Trust me, friends, a single tear from my queen is enough to make any tequila sunrise taste like regret.
So, there you have it, the messy, complex cocktail of reasons why this sidecar chooses to stay in the same garage. It’s not a black-and-white answer, nor one I claim to be universal. Every marriage is a unique brew, with its own blend of ingredients and its own preferred level of fizz.
But as for me, with all my flaws and detours, I’m content to keep my main margarita bubbling away, adding a few forbidden fruits here and there for a bit of extra zest. It’s a balancing act, sure, but hey, who doesn’t enjoy a good juggling show with flaming margaritas? Cheers to that, and remember, always drink responsibly, both your cocktails and your sidecars.
Since then, MILFs have become even more stunning. Ladies of lunch have been replaced by women going to the gym and ageing down through exercise, yoga and sometimes a little botox.
Personally, I’ve always been into older women. Even when I was single. There is always something so attractive about them, the maturity, the experience the ‘having gone around the block‘ that younger women just don’t have.
Dating Younger Guys Is Now Cool
What’s become so fascinating is whenever I read the entertainment section of various magazines, what was frowned upon years ago, has now become the norm. And that is older women stepping out with young guys. It’s almost like it’s sense of achievement older women have garnered. The most famous of course of them being Marcon and his wife. She used to be his teacher and now she’s married to him.
And just when I thought I was alone, the trend amongst many younger guys is to bag themselves or at least have an experience with an older woman. And I can tell you from firsthand experience, it’s the best. Of course I’m never going to not admit that having fun with younger 20 something year old hotties isn’t fun too, but once you’ve actually slept with them a couple of times, their inexperience in that department is super evident.
The Difference Between A Milf And A Cougar
Now I could be entirely wrong here, but from my own adventures with both, cougars revel in the attention and often go out of their way to land guys younger than them. Whilst MILFs are just very attractive mums that don’t seek out relationships or the attention. Cougars are a bit like me, they go through relationships faster than you can imagine, validating their good lucks by dating different guys.
Cougars are substantially easier to pickup too. They’re out at night, partying with the youngsters, acting like they’re teenagers again, wearing very suggestive clothing and actively looking to get hit on. With the right Cougar if there’s an attraction, you can buy them a drink and before you know it you’re in the cab on the way back to theirs. You’ll catch them at lady’s night of most clubs and they very sexually liberated. They’re less into the talking and more interested in the sex only. And for the most part, Cougars factor your age into everything. For them to feel validated, they prefer guys substantially younger than them – the younger the guy the greater the achievement. So if you’re a young guy, looking to pick up older women, Cougars are 100% the way to go.
Cougars are very proud of being cougars, they bask in knowing that younger men want to sleep with them. And the ones I’ve slept with are generally divorced. They’re also experts in getting married guys to chase them.
MILFs on the other hand are quite the opposite. They’re more often shy, and even if they’re drop dead attractive, they still somehow convince themselves that they’re really not. They’re not into chasing or being chased by guys and most of them are so into their families that to convince them to have a relationship let alone an affair is so far out of the realm of possibility for them.
A Cougar is proud of her age, a MILF is conscious of her age.
You’ll never catch a MILF out in a club (rarely), let alone on dating sites or dating apps. They’re not at all susceptible to flirting and cheesy pickup lines have no effect on them. MILFs have huge emotional maturity and will always pick hanging out with their kids than hanging out with friends. When a young men try and hit on MILFs – they tend not to get very far, and MILFs (unlike cougars) – will laugh it off and say things like ‘oh you’re sweet‘ or the classic ‘I’m old enough to be your mother‘.
Whilst older women can be hot as hell, many of them looking dramatically younger than they really are, they tend to either fall into either the MILF camp or the cougar camp. And given guys like me love the chase, want that emotional attachment as well as the physical, MILFs are a far better choice.
Where To Find These MILFs
So where do you find these MILFs if they’re not hitting the town at night or doing the whole online dating thing. Well of course they go out, but you’re hardly going to be able to pick them up on a mum’s night out. Just imagine how quickly that would get back to her husband, her chatting to you. No, you have to be smarter than that:
School Gates – if you’re a married man like me, with young kids, chances are you’ll always meet MILFs during the school drop offs or school pickups. It’s a non threatening environment, and whilst you may not be able to approach some of these attractive mums randomly, the school is the perfect place. Because the one thing you’ll have in common is that your kids attend the same place. It’s easy to start a conversation be it about the kids, the school or even having a little bitch about either the teachers or some of the more weird parents. In fact that last MILF I had a fling with, this is exactly where I met her. We saw each other twice a day for months to the point that it was normal to speak as much as we did.
In the park walking the dog – I live in a part of the world where I’m next to several parks. And every day I see older, attractive women out there walking their dogs. In fact they’re so regimented about their timings that you can almost bank your watch on it. So if you don’t happen to have a dog, borrow one. If you can’t, be sure to be exercising around the same time everyday so that you become a familiar face. Easier to say hi and strike up a conversation from there.
The gym – after dropping of the kids, a heck of a lot of MILFs head to the gym. They’re more conscious about their weight and pyshcique than they ever have been and so many have become so disciplined they look better now than they did before having kids. I did discuss this in a post on how to pick up married women at the gym because for me, I’ve had THE MOST success in this area.
Supermarkets – you tend to see a lot of MILFs doing their weekly or daily shop at the same supermarket. Now whilst I’ve never tried or had success hitting on women in the supermarket (only because I find it’s a bit too intrusive) I’ve heard of plenty of success stories from men that have had huge success here. They’ve found that women seem to be less guarded, easier to get eye contact and strike up a conversation. I live in hope that this happens for me one day.
Work – lots of women work. And many of them are married with kids. The fact that they work in an office tends to mean that they’re very well dressed and pay huge attention to looking on point. Having an affair with a co-worker is so common. If you think about how much time you spend at work it’s not abnormal to become very attached to people in your office. Some of my best flings have derived from some of the women I’ve met at work.
That’s just to name a few, but there’s always shopping malls, health food shops, the beach, the car wash, etc, etc, etc…
Things To Appreciate About Older Women (especially if they’re married).
What I love about MILFs is that they don’t always know they’re hot. It’s rare that their husband tells them they are, and the truth is, if you’ve been married for a while there’s a strong chance that life and kids and everything else has taken front and centre.
It’s rare for them to feel sexy or to even get a meaningful conversation with their significant other because everyone’s always rushing around, working or exhausted. They don’t get to spend as much alone time with their partners as they used to and visits to the local bar are very infrequent.
In fact, like for so many people out there, life has become monotonous. It’s got a routine. And whilst a MILF may walk the dog and do school runs and the shopping and maybe even go to work – there’s still something that’s very routine about it. Having kids will force a routine into your life because it’s exactly what they need.
My System On Picking Up MILFs
Before I share my system, let me just say this is unique to me. You’re more than welcome to copy me if you think you can pull it off. In writing this piece, I did a cursory glance around the internet and as usual found one article with tips (which were too general and too generic) – and then a whole bunch of other articles that simply re-wrote and reworded the same article. To be really honest, when I read every other article on internet about how to date MILFs, I found that they just had been written from a place of theory. It struck me that most if not all of the authors and no real world experience in the real world on how to pick up hotter, older, attractive women.
My advice to you is follow my structure a bit, but stick to your strengths. So if you’re funny, be funny, if you’re handsome, play on that, if you’re sporty, play on that, etc, etc, etc..
My Approach – AIDA
I pick up women the same way I do deals in business, by following the simple steps of AIDA. Attention, interest, decision, action.
It’s hard to get someone to jump into the sack with you if you can’t get their attention, then garner their interest, then lead them into making a decision (eg having a drink – dinner) with you and them taking action (going all the way).
How To Pickup MILFs – My System
It’s my nature to chat to anyone. I’m a chatty person. I could strike up a conversation with a tree if I had to, and boy oh boy, after a few drinks you’d be hard pressed to shut me up. I also happen to think I’m pretty funny. I pride myself on making people laugh. And it doesn’t hurt that I’m uber perscitpive. Like frighteningly perceptive.
So I take these 3 qualities and I put them to good use.
Attention
So here’s what I do, I make sure I chat to someone who is used to seeing me daily. If it’s a MILF I’m after, I stick to the school gate or the gym. It’s where I have had my biggest luck.
I start by making sure I get their attention. Whether it’s a smile, a hello or small talk. And every day I see them, I make sure I’m consistent. Part of my process is to go from being a random guy to a familiar face. In the early days whatever I do, I don’t rush in and have these huge chats or get them laughing – NO SIR. All I do is make sure I just being familiar.
Interest – Flattery
Backhanded compliments get you everywhere. Remember married women don’t get hit on that much and chances are their own husbands will rarely compliment them. Making them feel attractive is going to get you very far. And so for me, I love using flattery, but not outright compliments but slight ones. For example I took my kids to football practice the other day. There’s this one Pervy horrendous dad always diving in to talk to the mums. Well he actually focuses on the nannies but sometimes he talks to the mums. So I met this one mum there that I was totally besotted with. She would see me every Saturday and like I mentioned above, I’d always make a point of saying hello and smiling at her. After a few Saturdays, I was no longer some random person.
Somehow we got into a conversation and I pointed out this creepy guy to her. I made some jokes about him, she laughed. Then I turned to her and asked her if he had started to hit on her yet. She quizzically looked at me and shook her head.
I then said:
“I’m really surprised, he always hits on all the hot women”
And there it was, I called her hot without quite saying I find you hot. I noticed her blushing ever so slightly and the second she did, I asked which coffee she wanted from the coffee cart.
From then on every Saturday it went from chit chat, to both of us looking forward to seeing each other, to her saving me a chair next to her and waiting for me. All this in just a few weeks. I always paid her compliments on her shoes or her clothes, or the type of mother she was, but again, not always overt.
Then, the next step in my process is to talk outside of seeing each other. And that means Instagram. I’d always make sure they’d give me their Instagram handle and I’d get them to follow me back whilst I was there.
Each day I’d post or reshare other people’s stories and check to see if they were watching. Instagram allows you to see who sees your stories and for me that was a further sign they were interested. I may forward them something of interest to them and see if they respond, etc..
All of these are signs that there’s some level of interest. It may not be romantic yet, but I’ve come a long way from being a random guy.
I know all this sounds crazy. But once there’s a certain level of familiarity and trust there, I start with this confession. I explain that I love the attention, how I love my family, but I need that bit extra outside of my marriage. I tell her that I’d never leave my wife, but whilst my kids are young it’s only fair they get most of her attention.
Interestingly, what typically happens is a few things:
Now a few things can happen here. Firstly they become completely shocked and almost turn religious on me and try and fix me. They’ll advise I need counselling or therapy. They live in this idealistic world of what marriage should be and try and impose that on me. If this happens, I know nothing will ever happen for a while with them and me. It can later by the odds are hugely diminished.
OR
Fascination takes over:
They become TOTALLY curious: Chances are they are so fascinated and ask me so many questions like, why, how, where and how do I get away with it, etc…
Fascinated: They want to here all the stories of the women, the escapades, what I say, how I do it – they want to almost live vicariously through my stories.
Younger Women: Even through it’s not true, I want them to feel relaxed around me and so I make a point of saying that I only date younger women, single women.
I then amp up the communication on Instagram – every now and then I may send them a good morning message, or a good night message – I get to the point where I send daily messages and so that they’re now used to it. It’s become normal to communicate with me normally. I may even send them profiles of younger looking women and asking them for advice on how to bag them… (all part of the plan).
After a bit of time, they’ve gone from not knowing me, to looking forward to our chats to almost expecting it. Without even realising it, I’ve become a daily part of their life.
At this point, they may even start telling me more about their life and sharing their problems with me. I become their shoulder, their confidant, someone they’ll run ideas past. At this point we’re micro cheating and almost verging on having an emotional affair.
Action – Time To Make A Move
What happens next is, unless I take action, push for a drink or dinner, I will stay in this no mans land or friend zone. I need a sign that she’s ready to take it forward a bit more.
It’s time to suggest dinner or food. Anything to get her out alone with you.
Remember, once you’re out for dinner or drinks at a discreet bar – it’s all about flirting.
The smiles, the gentle touches – the odd sexual innuendo. She’s only there because she’s fascinated, wants you to make a move and knows that you know how to have affairs discreetly and not get caught. She wants to be guided into this world by someone who’s successful in it.
Be observant and pay attention to the signs. She’s there for a reason. And if she’s lied to her husband about where she is then that’s an even bigger sign she wants you to make a move.
A young man will rarely have the patience to go after a MILF. If they like an older woman a Cougar is a far easier to close than a MILF. They have to wait less and given we live in an instant society, waiting weeks or months to bed a MILF may just be too hard. Especially when younger guys are used to dealing with young girls. Remember to learn what older women want in bed, and it’s not what you think.
There’s no easy way to pick up a MILF. It’s a process. And convincing someone to have an affair with you is going to take some time. It’s a matter of patience. Have faith in the knowledge that somethings really do take time. But believe you me, the relationship with a MILF is the best type of relationship you can have.
That said, there’s of course a risk. You don’t want to damage lives and you need to make sure both you and her are careful. You don’t want to get caught. It’s a balancing act.
I wish I told you I had an easy answer in how to pickup MILFs – but whenever I’ve rushed it in the past they’ve just shut down and seen me as sleazy. Play it cool, be cool, be kind, observant, flattering and genuine and it’ll happen.
Most women want attention and want to feel sexy, despite their age or what she’s wearing. Knowing and appreciating this will get you having relationships with women you never thought possible.
The good news is that it’s pretty easy to keep your affair a secret. Provided you’re selecting the best places to cheat on your spouse, you can carry on enjoying casual sex for months, if not years. From afternoon sex sessions at a friend’s house to dirty weekends in a motel with a stranger online, there’s no shortage of options when it comes to cheating locales. Need some inspiration to keep your indiscretions a secret?
Read on for everything you need to know.
Use a Friend’s House
When carrying on an affair, many of us try to keep our cheating as secret as possible. However, it’s not a bad idea to bring a trusted friend in on the ruse to broaden your options. This is particularly true if you’re looking for the perfect place to have no strings sex without your partner finding out.
Do you have a close friend or coworker you trust completely? Think about using their place as a location for cheating. If your friend is particularly relaxed about the issue, you’re in luck. You can pick up last-minute squeezes on a dating site and head over to have fun in private. Ideally, you’ll want to use a friend’s house that’s not overflowing with roommates. The fewer witnesses to your affairs, the less likely it is you’re going to get caught out.
It’s also a good idea to pick a friend who’s been in the same situation as you. While a trusted friend is unlikely to ever sell you down the river, there’s always the chance your friendship could hit the rocks in the future. To avoid a scenario where they can spill your secrets and derail your marriage, pick a friend with who you’ll have mutual collateral.
Book a Motel / Hotel
If friends are a no-go, there’s always the option of booking a motel. For many married people carrying on an affair, motels are without doubt one of the best places to cheat on your spouse. They’re cheap, easy to book, and you won’t have to worry about a motel clerk or maid running their mouths off to your other half.
However, it’s not as simple as booking a motel room and penciling in a time for a hookup. Ultimately, you’ll need to be smart when using a motel as your base of operations.
If you’re a married man who travels regularly for work, a motel is an ideal place for casual sex and last-minute hookups. A motel is also a good bet if your wife is away, but you don’t want to run the risk of a nosy neighbor blowing your cover.
Even if you’re using a discreet motel, always make sure it’s situated a fair distance from your home. The last thing you want is a casual acquaintance or a colleague of your spouse spotting you pulling into a motel parking lot and raising questions. A few extra driving miles are more than worth it for the peace of mind it will bring.
Make Sure Your Motel Charges Remain a Secret
Worried about spending too much money on an affair? Motels are an inexpensive choice. Although you won’t find too many places offering by-the-hour room rates nowadays, most motels offer budget rates that won’t break the bank. However, bear in mind that most locations will only accept credit cards. If you’re worried about paper trails, this can prove a problem.
Never use a shared account credit card to book rooms for affairs. Instead, seek out a prepaid credit card as an alternative. If you’re using a secret card, make sure you’re only receiving electronic statements. Alternatively, ensure all your mail is being rerouted to a P.O. box your spouse does not know about.
Use Your Car
If you’ve ever enjoyed a late-night tryst in the back of a car, you’ll know it’s the most practical place to have sex. However, if you’re short on places to cheat, it can be a good option. Using your vehicle as a mobile base of operations for cheating has plenty of advantages.
For starters, the only thing you’ll have to explain to an eagle-eyed spouse is your mileage. If they’re not a driver themselves, this is unlikely to even come up in conversation. Provided you’re keeping the gas tank full and you’re not leaving any evidence behind in the back seat, you’re all good.
Admittedly, the back seat isn’t the best place for an hours-long sex session. However, if you’re looking for an impromptu place to blow your load after a late-night hookup, you could do a lot worse. If you’re browsing dating sites for sex-only meets or using escorts, nobody’s going to turn their nose up when you suggest using your car as a venue.
Obviously, a few basic rules need to be followed. For starters, avoid parking up in plain sight. Aside from the outside chance of someone you know passing by, you could fall foul of law enforcement and find yourself slapped with an indecent exposure chance. A secluded parking lot, or better still, an out-of-the-way rest spot is your best bet.
Using Your Own Home
This is a particularly risky venture for anyone who cheats regularly. However, if you’re sensible about things, using your own place can make life a lot easier.
Ultimately, you should only be using your own place to host your cheating partner if there’s no other option. You’ll need to be sure you’re not going to be bothered. If you share your home with a spouse, this means waiting until they’re out of the house for at least several hours. However, don’t assume you can get your business done and dispose of any evidence before they get home from the office. For peace of mind, it’s better to wait until they’re going to be away from home for several days. Wait until they’re away visiting family or enjoying a vacation with friends.
Even then, you’ll need to be careful to keep up appearances. If your spouse calls the house to check in on things, don’t let the phone ring out. If there’s a knock at the door from a casual acquaintance or family member, make sure you’re answering to give the impression that everything is normal. Your aim here is to limit suspicion. Anything that might raise a red flag should be avoided.
Use Their House
Don’t want to take the risk of getting caught out in your own home? Why not use their place instead? Although not always ideal, using the home of your cheating partner limits any chance of your spouse finding out what’s going on.
Try and avoid rocking up to a stranger’s home after meeting them online. You’ll want to build up a clear picture of who you’re dealing with before diving straight in. A busy house or apartment packed with kids or roommates should be avoided. Besides not being a great atmosphere for carrying on an affair, you’re asking for trouble with all those potential witnesses. For a fuss-free life, only use the home of an affair partner if they’re single and unattached.
At the end of the day, using someone else’s home is something you should only consider once you’ve built up a casual relationship with them. You’ll need to be able to trust no husband or ex is lingering about. What’s more, if you notice any signs your affair partner has growing feelings for you, they could even be filming your rendezvous to blackmail you. Being able to hot-tail it to someone else’s apartment for casual sex might seem convenient, but it can lead to all manner of hell in the long run.
Other Venues for Casual Sex
If you’re only interested in one-off encounters, you can be a little more creative when it comes to cheating venues. If you have little trouble hooking up on a night out, a club restroom is always a last resort for a casual encounter. Just make sure you’re not socializing with any friends or colleagues who are likely to gossip about what you’ve been up to.
Do you visit the gym regularly? This is another great place for picking up casual sex partners. If you’re visiting late at night, there will be fewer people around, leaving you with plenty of opportunities to get down and dirty without being disturbed.
Best Dating Sites for Finding a Cheating Partner
There’s no point considering venues for an affair if you haven’t yet singled out a cheating partner. Thankfully, there’s no shortage of places you can pick up someone for no strings sex or something more serious.
For casual encounters, there’s Adult Friend Finder. With millions of users in dozens of countries, you’ll be able to find willing cheating partners in no time at all. It’s a little expensive, but if you want to cut through the crap and secure a no-strings-attached arrangement, this platform is the way to go.
If you’re after a dating site that puts a premium on discretion, Illicit Encounters should appeal. This site boasts plenty of useful features that make it easy to keep your identity concealed until you’re ready to nail down a meeting with a new partner. See our tips and tricks for Illicit Encounters here.
The good thing about all of these sites is that you’ll find no shortage of like-minded people who see nothing wrong in extramarital affairs and casual sex. What’s more, you’ll be able to keep invaluable suggestions on the best places to cheat on your spouse.
To keep your activities a secret, make sure you’re using a secret account or prepaid credit card to pay for any service subscriptions. If you’re making a lot of calls or sending messages to potential meets, it’s also a good idea to invest in a burner phone that’s not going to fall into the hands of your other half.
Picking the Perfect Place to Cheat
At the end of the day, you need to consider the kind of sex partner you’re seeking before you settle on a venue for casual sex. Are you looking to make casual connections for one-off sex sessions? You can use their place in a pinch, but for peace of mind and maximum discretion, it’s probably best to bite the bullet and book a motel room.
Want maximum mobility? Use your vehicle. This way, you can drive as far as you need to pick up a potential squeeze. What’s more, provided you park up in a secluded rest stop, there’s zero chance of anyone finding out what you’re up to.
As a rule, try and avoid using your own place to host sex partners. Even if your spouse is away for long periods, there’s always the chance they will turn up unannounced. This is even more likely if you’ve not been careful to cover your tracks in the past and they’ve already sniffed a rat.
Alternatively, think about turning to a friend or acquaintance you can trust. Do you know someone who’s pretty relaxed about extramarital affairs? Speak to them about using their place as a venue. However, just be careful about keeping those friendships on track. You don’t want a minor falling out about something trivial to turn into a relationship-ending revelation.
If you’re traveling away from home, you have a little more freedom. A holiday with friends provides you with the perfect opportunity to get down with strangers and fulfill your fantasies. However, approach with caution. Your other half is likely going to be on high alert, even if they’re thousands of miles away. Be prepared for an inquisition upon your return home and keep suspicions to a minimum by answering your phone whenever they call. Finally, make sure your alibis are always rock solid.
I’d love to sit here and act like I move from girlfriend to girlfriend without emotion. I really would. In fact, I wish I was like that. Sadly, I’m not built that way. It’s a major flaw in my personality, that sometimes, when I like someone a lot, I can fall for them. In fact, it turns me on when they fall for me too. And to make matters worse, I take the breakups very badly. It can take me months to get over.
When Affairs Turn To Love
Last year, I fell head over heels in love with the lady I was seeing. She was beautiful, kind and funny. She too had a great job and was an amazing mum. Everything about her was simply perfect. We’d talk for hours and every time we’d meet-up, just being near her was electric. We couldn’t get enough of each other. I thought it was just a crush to begin with, but when I noticed she had feelings back, it ended up leading to a full blown affair.
Now this particular lady had never had an affair before, which added to the excitement, and she’d constantly be asking me what was normal and what wasn’t in the affair world. I specifically remember her asking me
what happens when you start falling for someone…
Before she could even finish the sentence, I replied
I love you. I’m totally and completely in love with you.
Thankfully she said the same back, and we went on for a few months feeling like we were floating on cloud 9. Occasionally, she would ring me up crying as it was all getting a little too overwhelming. And of course sometimes if we didn’t get give each other enough attention we’d fight.
But as much as I loved her with every fibre of my body, I started to get scared. I realised that she was the type of woman I could leave my wife for – and she was thinking of leaving her husband. We both knew deep down it couldn’t happen, but it didn’t stop us wanting it.
This situation was not ideal. And the more we couldn’t do what we wanted to, the more it just lead to more and more arguments to the point that it broke us apart. We both said things that we couldn’t take back, and it ended in a way where we could never speak again. We blocked each other on WhatsApp, Instagram and Facebook. There was no going back.
Once in a while, I’d look at her instagram from a dummy account, but all I felt was a combination of anger and hatred for her. When the truth is it wasn’t her I was angry at. It was the situation. And as much as her and I were good together – perhaps us actually being together, with children logistics and divorce cases, was just something that neither of us would ever want to go through. Her amazing personality and good looks didn’t help – and I’d keep asking myself if I’d ever meet someone as good again.
I lost a best friend and a girlfriend all in one go. And for the first time in my life, it made me realise why and how men would leave their wives for their lovers. Caught up in emotion, it’s easily done!
I always promised myself that I’d never put myself in a situation where I leave my wife and not see my 3 kids everyday. It would break all 4 of them, but mostly the kids.
Was I really that selfish?
I just never expected to find myself so deep in love! This was a first.
I still think about her almost everyday, and it’s taken every part of me to stop looking at her instagram stories, and keeping some sort of tabs on her. It just wasn’t and isn’t healthy.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, I’d love to sit here and act like I move from girlfriend to girlfriend without emotion. And most of the time that’s been the case. But this time it wasn’t and it’s jarred me. It’s been one of the most ecstatic and frightening experiences I’ve had to date.
When Affairs Turn Into Love – My Takeaway
And as you can probably tell, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. Perhaps an unhealthy amount of time reflecting. The truth is you can’t legislate your feelings. But I wish I had nipped it in the bud earlier, or I wish she had. We both got in too deep, and once we admitted we fell in love with each other, alarm bells should have been going off! And they didn’t and for that I’m angry at myself. I’m angry I lost control, I lost common sense and I lost some level of reality.
We had somehow fooled ourselves into thinking we could keep a lid on this, and continue together for years and years. But we couldn’t. And it broke us both. And right now, I’d do anything to hold her, hug her and kiss her again, anything. But what good would come of that? Nothing. Just more confusion, more pain and more hurt!
I don’t know how common it is for men who have affairs and fall in love with their affair partners. It’s not something I can ask people, and even if I could, we’re all a bunch of alpha males who wouldn’t admit it to each other. But the beauty about a blog like this is that I can admit it to you!
My Advice
My advice is such; if you find yourself in a similar position to myself, and you find yourself falling head over heels in love, believe you me – it’s better to pull the handbrake than to dive in! Take it from me, the pain and the arguments and the hurt, simply isn’t worth it!
As a keen poker player, I realise it’s hard to walk away from a winning hand – but it’s these types of errors that get people caught! Trust me. And this isn’t as clear cut as poker, my definition of winning hand is truly a losing hand.
Whilst some of us do what we do, it’s still and always will be family first, and no matter what, nothing or no-one will ever change that.
I was working out with a friend of mine the other day at the gym. I usually like to train alone but for some reason had got dragged along by him. About 30 seconds into walking in, I was focused on my workout, whilst his eyes and mind was everywhere but on the machines. He was staring at all the married women, and smiling at them in vain. At one point, he even went over and approached a couple of them and got shot down within seconds.
It was embarrassing.
Nonetheless, I continued with my workout, whilst he continued to get shot down time and time again. It got to the stage where I didn’t even want to be seen with him. I just put my music up super loud and pretended I didn’t know him. I just sensed, that I’d be guilty by association.
He pretended to do a workout, and would keep lifting ridiculously heavy weights in an attempt to get women’s attention, and despite being good looking and having a good physique, he came across looking like both a perv and a freak!
I rushed through my routine and went to the jacuzzi to relax. I was praying he wouldn’t join me there. I figured, if he came there and continued to hit on women, I’d have no place to hide (except underwater).
Luckily for me it was late, it was a Sunday, and I was the only guy in there. Lo and behold he joined me and I had to ask:
Buddy, what the fuck was all that about?
This guy was madly obsessed with the book The Game and all things PUA. He told me he had read some article online about how to pickup women in the gym and wanted to test some of the advice he had gotten. I told him to send me the link and later that night, I read the article. It was terrible.
The advice was so bad and had clearly been written by someone who had picked up one woman one time, and perhaps in a place like California where everyone was so friendly. But there’s no way it would have worked in cities like New York or London, where women generally have their guards up (for good reason).
I felt he needed some better advice. He did well with women whilst out and about but for obvious reasons, he would keep failing in the gym over and over again.
His failed and embarrassing futile attempts, coupled with the fact that I did ok with women from my gym, encouraged me to write this very article. I almost feel it’s a public service…..
Why (Married) Women Go To The Gym
For those of you who think picking up women in the gym is a good idea, I’d ask that you take a moment to just think about why they come to the gym in the first place. Given that I know and speak to plenty of women, and can only talk from my experience, I can tell you that women go to the gym for one or more of the following reasons:
Lose Weight / Tone / Maintain
Let’s start with the obvious. Women, like many guys, go to the gym to look after their bodies. Whether they’re looking to lose weight with some cardio, maintain their physique, get back into shape or just tone up – the gym is an obvious place to start. With a combination of machines and classes, where better to go to achieve this.
Feel Good
There’s no denying, the rush of serotonin after a workout is almost addictive. You feel so good after some training that it sets you up for the rest of the day. Your confidence goes through the roof, your skin glows and overall you feel amazing. Which woman wouldn’t want that.
The Social Aspect
Some of the women I know come to the gym just to be around people. Whether it’s training around strangers or working out with their friends – there’s something quite social about working out in a gym and not at home.
What Married Women Are Not Looking For In The Gym
From the conversations I’ve had with women from my gym, what they are not looking for is to be hit on. The gym is meant to be a safe space for them to workout. In fact, many of the women I’ve spoken to are always in a rush. They don’t have all day to hang about and squeeze their 45 – 60 minute workout in so they can get back to their day as quickly as possible. Some of them wear minimal makeup, their hair is all over the place – and they couldn’t care less because getting hit on is the last thing they’d want happening to them.
And let’s be honest, if married women wanted to be hit on, there’s a million other places, like a bar, where they could go and be swarmed. But the gym is meant to be a safe space and the last thing they want is for men (even good looking, ripped guys) ogling them or interrupting their rushed workout.
Whilst I’m no expert and only do some dating coaching, I’ve certainly had some amazing affairs and relationships from women that I’ve met in the gym. However none of them stemmed from harassing women on the gym floor. That said, I have developed 2 systems that work well for me. Method 1 is more of a long shot and works some of the time but I found that Method 2 has a higher probability of working more of the time.
Method 1 – Using Instagram
In all gyms, it’s not just the guys who stand around in front of mirrors taking pictures of themselves. If you keep your eyes peeled, there’ll also be a handful of women taking photos of themselves too.
Why you may ask?
Sure, some of them are tracking their progress and using it to see how well they’ve done, but more often than not – it’s for social media, namely Instagram. And what do these women do once they’ve taken a picture for Instagram? They of course post it but they also tag their gym.
So I would check my gym daily, to see which women had tagged it as a location, follow them and start approaching them online. Now I wouldn’t be as sleazy as sliding into their DMS, but I’d do a number of things.
I’d say things like:
‘hey, I go to the same gym, I’ve always wanted to come over and say hi but never want to disturb anyone’s workout. Let me know if you’d be up for a coffee at some point.’
OR
‘hey, I noticed we both go to the same gym. I think I’m hitting a plateau and have been asked to find a workout buddy. Let me know if you think this is something you’d be interested in.’
Now of course, I’d be lying if I said this works all the time. I’d say honestly speaking it would work maybe 25% of the time, but at least it would break the ice, and if nothing else, I’d get a smile and a hello when I saw them on the gym floor the next time. Sometimes maybe even a coffee and on a couple of occasions it led to something more intimate.
It seemed like a softer approach than working straight up to them cold, and it always gave them the easy option to ignore me if they wanted to.
Method 2 – The Apple Watch Method
I think the reason I do better with women more than most is simply because I understand psychology. Cities like London and NYC can be scary places to live in. Women are inherently taught to have their guards up and to break it needs to have a softer more subtle approach. I discovered this method totally by accident.
My boxing instructor told me that I needed to do more cardio outside of boxing sessions. I hate running and I did plenty of skipping at the boxing gym. But in my regular gym I decided to join a spin class.
Given my life, I didn’t necessarily need to be at the gym at the exact same time everyday. Whenever I found myself free, I’d hit the gym. Until of course I stumbled on a spin class at 10am where a hoard of school mums would attend. That for obvious reasons became my regular class 3 days a week. I was only 1 of 4 guys in the class and the rest were women.
Before long, I was a regular fixture and face, and with all of our stats published on a screen in real-time, it wasn’t too hard to walk over to some of the attendees and joke about how they beat me and how I’d better my results the next time. I wasn’t a stranger anymore. I wasn’t some random guy anymore.
I’d never hit on them, but I’d always make a point of saying, hello, goodbye, and perhaps even a self deprecating joke. I’d often ask them for advice, and I was completely congruent when I did, because I genuinely wanted to get better.
But the bit that really changed everything was connecting with those who also wore Apple Watches. Now you may or may not know, but if you wear an Apple Watch, you can automatically share your workout stats with your friends. And so I’d ask the women who wore Apple Watches to share their stats with me, and me with them, in an attempt to stay motivated. To my surprise most of them loved the idea. The beauty was, in order to share their stats with me, they’d have to first give me their number (BINGO!).
And every time they’d finish a workout, it gave me a notification and the perfect excuse to text them and give them the old thumbs up.
Now here’s what I discovered, the women who wrote to me once I finished my workouts, were the most likely to engage in conversations and meet-up outside of the gym.
And once they were willing to do that, I was of course in my element and knew exactly how to turn those casual meet-ups into casual relationships. Ironically, mostly with married women.
Conclusion
In my experience, the women I know want to feel safe in a gym. They don’t want to be hit on there. They want to be hit on when they’re looking their and feeling their best, not when they have no makeup on and are sweaty.
But if you’re anything like my friend and you’re determined to give it a go – try the above 2 methods and contact me to let me know how you get on.
As I said, Method 1 has had some success but Method 2 really does work. I use it all the time.
And even if you don’t get to date them, what’s the worst that’ll happen?
You get fitter, faster and get to workout around some very pretty women. Not a bad consolation prize if you ask me!
He talks about it all the time. I wouldn’t be surprised if he dreams about it. And whilst he doesn’t have affairs, I know for a fact he sees escorts quite regularly.
He’s on plenty of dating apps but doesn’t use them right and is generally terrible with technology. Consequently, he has this terrible habit of taking screenshots of the women he likes, with a view to messaging them later.
I do feel bad for him. He tries so hard, but he doesn’t really take good care of himself. My friend is overweight, dresses poorly and really has no game. What to him feels like flirty freaks most women out.
And whilst he doesn’t seem to realise he’s living the definition of insanity, whenever we meet for a drink, he’s always eager to show me the screenshots of the women he’s attempting to talk to.
Couldn’t Stop Laughing
However, the other day it all backfired on him. Even I found myself laughing to tears. His wife was helping their 6 year old with his homework and using the iPad was part of it.
Somehow they found themselves looking through the pictures. And lo and behold, she stumbled upon dozens and dozens of screenshots of these women on dating sites.
My friend was so bad at technology and couldn’t quite get his head around how the Apple ecosystem worked. And so every photo he took, every screenshot he took, was being synced to his sons’ iPad and their home computer.
As he told me what happened over some mojitos, I pissed myself laughing. I still do.
Just the thought of his son stumbling upon all these women, some topless……I can’t even finish this sentence because I’m laughing so much, suffice to say, that’s a new definition of education.
Imagine getting in trouble with your wife for screenshots of hot women, without actually being able to have an affair with any of them! A combination of hilarious and ironic.
They say it’s never the crime that gets people caught, it’s the cover up. But in the cheating game, it’s the cover-up that’s key. A large number of affairs are discovered by women, simply by going through their man’s phone. And there it is, tons of text messages and WhatsApps with full on detailed conversations that make for an interesting read.
How Cheaters Communicate
And knowing this from day 1, I’ve always been very careful to communicate with my affair partners with discretion. Below are a list of my 3 favourite apps to use, which are unlikely obvious choices. And remember, if you happen to use any of them, remember to switch off the notifications so they don’t show up on your phone’s Home Screen at inopportune times.
Telegram – whilst I do love all things geeky, Telegram is like WhatsApp on steroids. Sometimes you can get added to groups you don’t want to but it does mask your actual phone number, you can use an obscure screen name, and there’s no chance in hell your wife is going to even know what it is. The beauty about telegram is that if has a feature that auto deletes messages after a few seconds, leaving no trace.
KIK – I absolutely hate this app, but for sites like Ashley Madison (Discover Hidden Features: Ashley Madison Tricks Exposed) and Illicit Encounters, it seems to be the go to app. Similar to Telegram, you can mask your number and identity. However, it has the worst functionality and feels buggy. Almost like a broken version of WhatsApp.
I have a very active Instagram account, and for some reason, I love using DM. I’m on IG quite a lot, and am usually most responsive when chatting on DM. However, the downside is, you have to remember to manually delete the messages as well as ensuring the notifications are off. That coupled with the fact that your affair partner may be able to see too much about your personal life is something to keep in mind. They do have a habit of then asking a lot of questions about your wife. Best to avoid if possible.
Even though having an affair is exciting and it’s very easy to get caught up in the moment (believe me, I’ve been there), don’t let yourself get stupid. Be smart, discreet and leave no trace.
I’ve never been good at breakups. Ever. Even when I broke up with my first girlfriend at 17, I was a wreck. Firstly I got dumped!!
And at the time, so many things went through my mind. That overwhelming fear of rejection surrounded me and I was convinced I’d never meet anyone as good ever again.
I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just couldn’t shake it!
I did everything to win her back. I sent her cards and flowers, I was even pathetic enough to record myself onto a cassette tape (remember those) and send it to her. Looking back, I cringe at my attempts…
It took me a long time to get over her. And in that dumping, I felt deflated. I felt that my confidence had been knocked so badly, I had even lost what little game I had back then completely. I had lost my ability to speak to other women, and I just kept comparing them to her.
It was all just so pathetic. I was pathetic.
But here’s what so strange. I never changed. Every breakup I went through, I felt exactly as I did above, but I had learnt to completely cut out the grovelling part. Effectively I just suffered in silence.
I was great at chasing women and making them feel special, but I was a terrible boyfriend. Once in the comfort of a relationship, I’d always be out with my friends, often speaking to and hooking up with other girls, but knowing I had the security blanket of a girlfriend.
And that meant I was the guy who got dumped quite a lot vs the guy who ended it.
I had even perfected the line, when people would ask me who ended it, I’d always say
it was a mutual decision.
I never had the strength to be the one to end it and I always just waited for it to end. And often, despite knowing the relationship wasn’t for me, I still took the breakups really badly.
The flings were easy to forget and the one night stands were even easier, but those darned relationships – I always struggled. Remember to check out our article on how to know when it’s time to breakup with someone.
Now if you’ve read some of my other posts, there’s no doubt I’m a playboy, a player, a womaniser – I’m not even going to be crass enough to tell you the number of the women I’ve slept with – but don’t think for a second it doesn’t come with its own emotional baggage. In my very first post I said:
Beyond all the texts, and butterflies, and sex – there’s an emotional toll. And you have to learn to deal with that, or it’s going to be obvious the second you get home!
Your wife will sense it, your kids will sense it – shoot, I’ve even seen guys come home and just confess their sins because they couldn’t live with the guilt.
This game isn’t for everyone, and it’s certainly no game! The stakes are high, the risk is high! And yes, for me the reward at the end of it is worth it, but I’ve developed the stomach for this!
And I meant every word of it.
However, I came to accept that that was how I was built and I would just get used to the pain, ride it out, have more one night stands and flings until the next great relationship came along.
And the meaningless sex between waiting for the next relationship was meant to take the hurt away – but for me, it never did!! As popeye said:
I Yam Who I Yam
Little did I know the pain of breaking up amplified ten fold after I got married.
About 6 months ago I got out of a relationship that had gotten too serious. Not only was I married but so was she.
She was funny, pretty, intelligent and had a great career. Everything about her was perfect. We both fell in love with each other. Both of us would carve out an hour a day just to chat over the phone and we’d be messaging each other non stop. I was verging on getting sloppy but I was so in love and so was she. And don’t even get me started on the sex. It was all so perfect.
In Too Deep
We’d both made the cardinal mistake in an affair, we fell for each other hard and fast! It had gotten so bad, that she had stopped being able to have orgasms when she was having sex with her husband (which strangely made me feel very happy).
Neither of us could imagine a life without each other and both of us had contemplated leaving our spouses for each other. But she knew the rules from day 1, I’d never leave my wife and more importantly my 3 kids for anyone. Not even for the love of my life.
Finally, after realising that this was only going to cause hurt and pain, she was the one who mustered up the strength and ended it. The only outcomes were bad and she knew this. I so desperately didn’t want it to end, and when it did, all those loving conversations turned into huge shouting matches to the point where we cut contact with each other.
And what happened when it ended? Pain all over again. Gut wrenching pain. But this time it was harder because I had to go home and play happy husband and father, as if none of this had ever happened.
Things were made even worse because she was hugely active on social media and so I kept watching all her videos thinking I couldn’t even speak to her. There wasn’t this out of sight out of mind policy. She was literally on my phone and I couldn’t stop looking. And every time I watched one of her videos, I would miss her more and then hate her for ending it.
In those 6 months since the breakup, I had several flings, several one night stands and yet until recently, all I could think about was her.
I’m Sorry
Now I want to apologise because I have kept the tone of this website generally upbeat, even funny at times. But my posts have been nothing but honest and as I always said on day 1 – I don’t glamourise cheating. I know it’s wrong. I’m not sitting here encouraging men to cheat.
No sir!
My mission has been to protect men from their families being hurt from our selfish behaviour. What they don’t find out will never hurt them.
So let me leave you with this.
Yes, cheating can be fun. It can put you on Cloud 9 and give you a confidence that you’ve never possessed before.
But when it ends, there’s truly a toll.
It almost alters your DNA and if you can’t manage your state properly, you’ll end up taking out your frustrations on your family – which will leave them confused and wondering where your bad mood is coming from! It may even get you busted or somehow make you think that confessing will make the pain go away. Which it won’t.
I occasionally watch my ex’s videos online of her out with friends or worse still her husband, but now I’m thankfully indifferent. It doesn’t both me at all. But it took me 6 whole months to get here.
Let me just tell you gents, that if you’re reading an article like this one, you’re probably looking to increase the number of matches you get, which will get you that one step closer to finding your next affair partner. Believe me, I get it. Ashley Madison is famous. I mean not just for getting hacked (you can read about the Ashley Madison Hack here), but for being the dating site that so braizantly provided a platform that facilitated having an affair.
As someone who is a serial cheater (so much so that the newspapers asked me to writer for them. My feature in the Sun and Metro here,) I’ve always been a little too obsessed with checking out sites that encourage affairs. At the top of that list is of course Ashley Madison. Years ago when I first started using it, it was head and shoulders about everyone else. Of course, now Adult Friend Finder is (by a long shot), but Ashley Madison used to really rock it. Now and then I still do use it.
In fact just last year I had an amazing (short-lived) affair with someone from the UK. She was going through a messy divorce and was looking for an outlet. Me, I was just looking for an outlet 😉 But with quite a lot of experience on AM, I thought writing an article about Ashley Madison Tips & Tricks seemed apt.
When I first Joined Ashley Madison
When I first joined, I thought it would be easy. Of course, what drew me to the site was how it pushed extramarital affairs, but beyond that, the thought of meeting link-minded women was simply hard to resist. But it was hard. It wasn’t as easy as I thought to get matches. I learnt as I went on. I didn’t get it straight it away. It took plenty of getting it wrong, learning the lingo and going out and failing before I started to discover my own set of tricks that worked for me.
It goes without saying, that in all dating websites, there’s an element of trial and error. And what of course may work for you, may not work or feel natural for someone else, but effectively, I started to discover tips that would work for me more often than not. And once I started to get more matches, it led to more conversations, more phone calls and even the occasional coffee and FINALLY, an affair!
Fast forward a few months and I had met my first Affair Partner. It was great! She was great! And we both wanted some extra excitement in our lives and didn’t want to wreck our home life.
The beauty of Ashley Madison was that it goes without saying. It goes without saying that never rocking the boat at home was paramount. As obvious as this sounds, with other apps like Tinder, you’d often meet single people, and then have to explain to them that you’re married and you’ll never leave your wife, etc, etc.. And even if you got past them not thinking you’re a complete sleaze for wanting to cheat on your wife, there was always a small part of me that would wonder if they’d show up to your house and ruin your life. Sound extreme? Trust me, it’s been known to happen. If Tinder happens to be your jam (risky as it is), there is a secret method to having affairs on there.
Want To Cheat, Need To Cheat
So, if you’re one of those daring Casanovas seeking more matches on this notorious website, you’ve come to the right place! Our article, “50 Ashley Madison Tips and Tricks,” will guide you through the treacherous yet tantalizing world of digital infidelity with humor, wit, and practical advice.
In this article, we’ll cover everything from crafting an irresistible profile that’ll have women swooning over your virtual persona to ensuring that your clandestine escapades remain on the down-low. After all, discretion is the name of the game on Ashley Madison (especially when you are cheating on your wife), and I’m here to provide you with top-notch tips to help you maintain your privacy while exploring new romantic opportunities.
As you delve into the depths of the platform, you’ll become well-versed in navigating its features, utilizing filters effectively, and making the most of the unique ‘Traveling Man’ feature. This feature allows you to connect with potential matches in other cities, making your business trips a tad more interesting. And if you’re worried about managing your digital tokens of affection, fear not! We’ll also give you the lowdown on understanding Ashley Madison’s credit system, and maybe how to get message without even having to pay.
Before I go ahead and share my 50 tips, I will say that writing this article, the landscape has changed a lot. People like me have gotten bored with their site, their UX and overall the number of choices on there. For me it seems to have lost its excitement and a large swath of its customer base. Times have moved on and there’s a plethora of new alternatives to Ashley Madison, with my most recommended being Adult Friend Finder. For me, this has been my go to site, but I have friends you have had huge success using many more.
So, buckle up gentleman and prepare to embark on a journey filled with excitement, intrigue, and maybe just a touch of danger. As you explore the world of Ashley Madison, always remember our golden rule: “Life is short, so make the most of these 50 tips and tricks!”
50 Ashley Madison Tips & Tricks From A Seasoned User
1) Choose an appealing and unique username
Your username is like the opening credits to the movie of your dating life on Ashley Madison. It sets the stage and creates intrigue, making it crucial to choose a memorable and distinctive one. Avoid clichés and overly suggestive names, which can make you come across as desperate or unoriginal. Instead, craft a username that reflects your personality, interests, or even your favorite TV shows and movies.
A witty and clever username can make potential matches chuckle and pique their curiosity. For example, if you’re a fan of “Game of Thrones” and enjoy hiking, you could opt for something like “MountainKingInTheNorth.” Or, if you’re a dog lover with a penchant for 90s sitcoms, consider “BarksAndRecreation.” These types of usernames not only showcase your interests but also exhibit a sense of humor.
Injecting a bit of wordplay into your username can be an excellent strategy. For instance, if you’re into photography, “LensAndChill” could be a fun spin on the popular phrase “Netflix and chill.” Alternatively, if you’re a fan of both “Star Wars” and cooking, you might try “DarthCulinary.”
When crafting your username, remember to keep it light-hearted and engaging. By making it a conversation starter, you’ll increase the likelihood of potential matches reaching out to you. Just think how much more memorable “JurassicParkourEnthusiast” would be compared to the all-too-common “JohnDoe123.”
2) Select a high-quality, captivating profile picture
Your profile picture is like the movie poster for the blockbuster film of your dating life on Ashley Madison. It should be eye-catching, enthralling, and leave potential matches wanting more. A high-quality, well-lit photo that showcases your best features is essential for making a lasting digital first impression.
Avoid the “Where’s Waldo?” effect by steering clear of group photos or images where your face is obscured. You don’t want potential matches squinting at your picture, trying to decipher which person you are, like they’re stuck in a scene from “Sherlock Holmes.” Make sure you’re the main attraction, front and center, in your profile picture.
Take inspiration from the famous “Mona Lisa” smile – it’s enigmatic, engaging, and keeps people guessing. A genuine smile can make you appear approachable and friendly, and as a bonus, it showcases your pearly whites. You don’t need to go full “Friends” Ross Geller with an overly bright smile, but a warm, inviting grin can go a long way in attracting connections.
When choosing your profile picture, think about what story you want to tell. Are you the adventurous Indiana Jones type, with photos from your latest escapades? Or do you prefer the suave James Bond vibe, posing in a sophisticated outfit? Whatever your style, let your personality shine through and captivate potential matches.
Don’t be afraid to get creative and think outside the box. Take a cue from classic sitcom “Seinfeld” and consider a photo with a quirky background, like Kramer’s infamous portrait – just remember to make sure your face is still the focal point.
3) Write an intriguing and witty bio
Your bio is like the opening monologue of your favorite late-night talk show – it sets the tone, showcases your personality, and gets potential matches interested in what you have to say. This is your opportunity to grab their attention, infuse your bio with humor, and leave them wanting more.
When crafting your bio, think of it as a mini-stand-up comedy routine. Keep it concise and engaging, peppered with amusing anecdotes or clever quips. Perhaps you’re a fan of “The Office” and want to mention how you’re seeking the Pam to your Jim on Ashley Madison. Or maybe you’re a die-hard “Star Wars” enthusiast looking for someone to explore galaxies far, far away with.
Mention your hobbies and interests in a creative way that showcases your unique personality. For instance, if you’re a foodie, you could say, “In search of a partner to help me on my quest to try every pizza joint in the city – must love pineapple as a topping!” Or if you’re a fitness enthusiast, you could write, “Looking for someone who can keep up with me on hikes and won’t mind me quoting ‘Rocky’ every time we conquer a new trail.”
Avoid negativity or excessive demands in your bio, as these can come across as off-putting and reminiscent of a villain in a Disney movie. Instead, focus on what you can offer and the kind of connection you’re seeking. This positive approach will make you seem approachable and more likely to attract like-minded matches.
Incorporating pop culture references can be a great conversation starter and showcase your shared interests. For example, you could say, “Seeking the Ron to my Hermione for a magical adventure,” or “Looking for a partner in crime to binge-watch ‘Breaking Bad’ with and debate the merits of Walter White’s decisions.”
4) Be honest about your intentions and relationship status
Honesty may be the best policy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun and witty as well. When it comes to your intentions on Ashley Madison, think of yourself as the protagonist in a romantic comedy – you’re on a quest for love (or lust), and you want your potential matches to know exactly what you’re looking for.
Being transparent about your desires is like laying out the plot of your own personal rom-com. Clearly state whether you’re seeking a casual fling worthy of a “Friends with Benefits” storyline, an ongoing affair reminiscent of “The Affair,” or something else entirely – perhaps a “When Harry Met Sally” connection that defies expectations.
By injecting humor into your intentions, you’ll not only make your bio more engaging but also ensure that you attract compatible matches. For example, you could write, “Searching for my very own ‘Fifty Shades’ experience, but with more laughter and less brooding,” or “Ready to embark on a ‘Bridget Jones’-style adventure, minus the diary entries and blue soup mishaps.”
Don’t shy away from your relationship status either – embrace it with wit and honesty. If you’re married and looking for some excitement, you might say, “I’ve got my very own ‘Mr. & Mrs. Smith’ situation going on, and I’m looking for someone to spice things up.” Or if you’re single and seeking a unique connection, consider writing, “Navigating the dating world like a ‘Sex and the City’ character, but in search of my own unique story.”
5) Regularly update your profile with fresh information and photos
Think of your Ashley Madison profile as a long-running TV series – to keep your audience engaged, you’ll need to provide fresh content and new twists regularly. By updating your profile with new information and photos, you’ll keep potential matches intrigued and showcase your evolving interests and experiences.
Spice up your profile like a new season of your favorite show – add a plot twist with a recently discovered hobby or an exciting trip you’ve taken. For instance, if you’ve recently taken up salsa dancing, you could write, “Just started channeling my inner ‘Dirty Dancing’ moves on the salsa dance floor. Care to join me for a dance?” Or perhaps you’ve recently explored the culinary world and could mention, “Currently on a mission to master every dish from ‘Chef’s Table’ – any brave taste testers out there?”
Swapping out old photos for new ones is like releasing a fresh teaser trailer. It keeps your audience on their toes and showcases different aspects of your life. If you’ve recently attended a themed party, share a picture of your creative costume – it could be anything from a “Game of Thrones” ensemble to dressing up as your favorite “Avengers” character. Or if you’ve taken up a new sport, share an action shot that highlights your newfound passion.
6) Use a separate, dedicated email address for your account
Creating a dedicated email address for your Ashley Madison account is like assuming a secret identity in a superhero movie – it helps you maintain your privacy and keeps your online dating life separate from your everyday existence. This way, you can ensure better discretion and minimize the risk of an accidental “Spider-Man revealing his identity to the world” moment.
Consider this new email address your very own Batcave – a private, secluded space where you can manage your dating escapades without any unwanted intrusions. Much like Clark Kent’s glasses, this dedicated email address will act as a clever disguise, allowing you to keep your personal and professional correspondence separate from your dating adventures.
When creating your dedicated email address, have some fun with it – channel your inner “Men in Black” agent and create a name that’s both amusing and untraceable. For instance, if you’re a history buff, consider something like “AlexanderTheDiscreet” or “IncognitoNapoleon.”
7) Enable two-factor authentication for added security
In the world of online dating, protecting your privacy is as crucial as Agent 007 safeguarding classified information. By enabling two-factor authentication (2FA) for your Ashley Madison account, you’ll be adding an extra layer of security that even Q would approve of.
Think of 2FA as the top-secret password-protected briefcase in a spy movie – not only does it provide an extra level of protection, but it also makes you feel like you’re part of an elite team of undercover operatives. When you enable 2FA, you’ll be required to enter a verification code sent to your phone or email each time you log in, ensuring that only you can access your account.
Enabling 2FA is like equipping yourself with Batman’s utility belt – it’s a valuable tool that can help keep your online dating life safe from nefarious characters lurking in the shadows. Much like Tony Stark’s Iron Man suit, 2FA is a powerful defense mechanism that helps protect your privacy and maintain the integrity of your Ashley Madison account.
8) Be cautious when sharing location information
Navigating the world of online dating can sometimes feel like stepping into a thrilling spy thriller – filled with intrigue, adventure, and the need for discretion. When it comes to sharing location information on Ashley Madison, adopting the cautious mindset of a secret agent like Jason Bourne can be a wise approach.
Think of your location data as the top-secret headquarters in a blockbuster spy film – revealing too much too soon could put your mission at risk. Much like Ethan Hunt from “Mission: Impossible,” it’s essential to maintain your anonymity and be cautious when sharing your whereabouts with potential matches.
When discussing your favorite local spots or planning a meet-up, be as vague as the ending of “Inception.” Instead of giving away specific details, use broader terms to describe your location, like saying you live “near a popular park” or “just a few blocks from that famous landmark.” This way, you’ll maintain an air of mystery while still providing a general sense of your whereabouts.
9) Avoid oversharing personal details in your profile or early conversations
Navigating the world of online dating is like walking the fine line between Ross Geller’s “We were on a break!” and Chandler Bing’s “Could I BE any more vague?” Much like these iconic “Friends” characters, you’ll want to strike a balance between sharing enough information to be interesting and maintaining your privacy by not oversharing personal details.
Picture your profile and early conversations like a trailer for an upcoming movie – you want to give potential matches a taste of what’s to come without revealing all the juicy plot twists. Be mindful of the information you share, and keep in mind that even small details can inadvertently reveal your identity, much like a “How I Met Your Mother” clue that eventually leads to the mother’s unveiling.
Instead of divulging specifics about your occupation, try a more general approach – say you work “in the tech industry” or “in the world of finance.” This way, you’ll keep your potential matches intrigued without giving away your LinkedIn profile in a single sentence.
10) Consider using a VPN for additional privacy
Venturing into the realm of online dating can feel like embarking on a quest for the “One Ring” in “The Lord of the Rings” – a journey filled with adventure, unexpected twists, and the need for utmost discretion. When it comes to protecting your privacy on Ashley Madison, utilizing a VPN (Virtual Private Network) is like summoning the power of the “cloak of invisibility” from “Harry Potter.”
Much like the intrepid hobbits hiding from the ever-watchful Eye of Sauron, a VPN helps you maintain your anonymity online by masking your IP address and encrypting your internet connection. With a VPN, you’ll be as stealthy as a ninja in a “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” episode, ensuring that your online dating activities remain private and secure.
11) Familiarize yourself with Ashley Madison’s features and functions
Mastering the ins and outs of Ashley Madison is like learning the rules of Jumanji – it’s essential to unlocking the full potential of the game and ensuring you stay ahead of any surprises that come your way. By familiarizing yourself with the platform’s features and functions, you’ll be like Tony Stark in his Iron Man suit – a dating powerhouse equipped with the latest technology and capabilities.
Much like assembling a team of “Avengers,” Ashley Madison offers a plethora of features designed to help you connect with your ideal match. From private messaging to chat rooms and virtual gifts, you’ll find plenty of tools at your disposal, all aimed at helping you build connections and boost your dating success.
12) Use search filters effectively to find compatible matches
Venturing into the world of online dating can sometimes feel like sifting through countless profiles in search of the perfect match – much like Indiana Jones hunting for lost artifacts in “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” To streamline your quest for dating success on Ashley Madison, using search filters effectively is the key – it’s like having your very own “Sorting Hat” from the “Harry Potter” series to guide you to compatible connections.
Think of search filters as your dating GPS – they help you navigate the vast landscape of potential matches and zero in on those who share your interests and desires. Just like Sherlock Holmes using his powers of deduction, you can apply filters to find profiles that align with your preferences, from age and location to specific interests and relationship goals.
13) Take advantage of the ‘Traveling Man/Woman’ feature when visiting other cities
Navigating the world of online dating while traveling can feel like stepping into a thrilling “James Bond” mission – a globe-trotting adventure filled with excitement, romance, and the allure of new connections. To make the most of your dating experiences on Ashley Madison when visiting other cities, embrace the ‘Traveling Man/Woman’ feature – it’s like having your very own “Doctor Who” TARDIS to transport you to exciting new destinations and encounters.
Picture the ‘Traveling Man/Woman’ feature as your personal dating teleporter, much like the one used by the X-Men’s Nightcrawler, allowing you to connect with potential matches in other cities before you even arrive. By using this feature, you’ll be able to pre-plan your dating escapades, ensuring you have a roster of exciting connections waiting for you at your destination – just like Bond meeting his local contacts in exotic locales.
14) Understand and manage the platform’s credit system
Navigating the credit system on Ashley Madison can feel like playing a strategic game of “Monopoly” – it’s all about managing your resources wisely to maximize your chances of success. By understanding and effectively managing the platform’s credit system, you’ll be like a “Wolf of Wall Street” trader, skillfully leveraging your assets for the best possible return on your investment.
Think of Ashley Madison’s credit system as your personal dating currency, much like the coins used in “Mario Kart” to unlock new features and opportunities. By purchasing and utilizing credits, you can access premium features like initiating conversations, sending gifts, and boosting your profile visibility, all aimed at enhancing your dating experience.
So, don your “Ocean’s Eleven” poker face and embrace the world of credit management on Ashley Madison. By understanding and effectively managing the platform’s credit system, you’ll be well on your way to becoming a dating powerhouse, maximizing your opportunities for connection and romance while keeping your investments in check.
15) Send engaging and personalized first messages
Crafting the perfect first message on Ashley Madison can feel like penning a witty one-liner for a sitcom – it’s all about striking the right balance between humor, intrigue, and personalization. By sending engaging and personalized first messages, you’ll be like a master wordsmith on a hit TV show, capturing the attention and interest of your audience with your clever wit and charm.
Picture your first message as an icebreaker at a “Friends” Central Perk-style coffeehouse, setting the stage for a captivating conversation with your potential match. Instead of relying on generic pickup lines or copy-pasting a generic message, take the time to read their profile and tailor your opening line to their interests or something unique about them. It’s like the “How I Met Your Mother” playbook – the more thought and effort you put into your message, the better your chances of sparking a connection.
16) Ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation flowing
Keeping a conversation flowing on Ashley Madison can feel like being a contestant on “Jeopardy!” – it’s all about asking the right questions and engaging your potential match in a lively exchange of ideas. By asking open-ended questions, you’ll be like a skilled interviewer on a late-night talk show, effortlessly guiding the conversation and creating a genuine connection with your guest.
Picture your conversation as a dance routine from “La La Land” – the key to success lies in the intricate interplay between you and your partner. Instead of firing off a barrage of yes-or-no questions that can quickly bring the conversation to a standstill, opt for open-ended inquiries that encourage your match to share more about themselves, their interests, and their experiences, much like a captivating story arc in a critically acclaimed drama series.
17) Be genuine, respectful, and attentive in your interactions
Navigating the world of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like stepping onto the set of a reality TV show – it’s all about building connections, creating chemistry, and showcasing your best qualities. By being genuine, respectful, and attentive in your interactions, you’ll be like the fan-favorite contestant that captures the hearts of both your potential matches and the audience at home.
Picture your online interactions as a heart-to-heart conversation in a romantic comedy – the key to winning over your potential match is authenticity and sincerity. Instead of trying to adopt a persona or impress with exaggerated claims, embrace your true self and let your unique qualities shine through, much like the memorable characters in a coming-of-age drama.
18) Know when to take the conversation off the platform
Once you’ve established trust and rapport with a potential match, consider moving the conversation to a more personal platform, such as email or phone. This can help create a more intimate connection and show that you’re serious about taking things to the next level.
19) Establish boundaries and expectations with potential matches
Clear communication is key to a successful dating experience. Discuss your boundaries, preferences, and expectations with potential matches to ensure that you’re on the same page and can navigate your connection with mutual understanding and respect.
20) Look out for red flags and potential scams
Setting the stage for a successful online dating experience on Ashley Madison can feel like carefully crafting the plot of a riveting mystery novel – it’s all about clarity, communication, and ensuring that everyone is on the same page. By establishing boundaries and expectations with potential matches, you’ll be like the skilled detective in a thrilling whodunit, expertly piecing together the puzzle of your romantic connections.
Think of your dating journey as a captivating “choose your own adventure” story, where you and your potential match navigate the twists and turns of your unique relationship. Instead of leaving things to chance or misinterpretation, take the time to discuss your boundaries and expectations openly and honestly, much like the candid confessions in a gripping memoir.
21) Trust your instincts and prioritize your safety
Navigating the online dating landscape on Ashley Madison can feel like embarking on an epic journey through a fantasy novel – it’s full of excitement, adventure, and the occasional unexpected challenge. By trusting your instincts and prioritizing your safety, you’ll be like the wise and resourceful hero in a thrilling saga, expertly maneuvering through the twists and turns of your romantic quest.
Consider your dating experiences as an intricate labyrinth, much like the ones featured in a gripping sci-fi thriller. As you explore the various connections and conversations, rely on your intuition to guide you through the maze of potential matches. If something feels off or raises a red flag, trust your gut and proceed with caution, just as a skilled secret agent would in a high-stakes espionage mission.
22) Arrange initial meetings in public places
Embarking on the journey of meeting potential matches from Ashley Madison can feel like stepping into the world of a captivating romantic comedy – it’s filled with anticipation, excitement, and the hope of discovering a genuine connection. By arranging initial meetings in public places, you’ll be like the savvy and safety-conscious protagonist in a feel-good film, ensuring that your romantic encounters are both enjoyable and secure.
Picture your first in-person meeting as a scene from a charming, heartwarming movie. As you and your potential match prepare to meet, choose a location that’s both comfortable and public, much like the bustling café or scenic park featured in a blockbuster romance. This ensures that your meeting takes place in a safe, neutral environment, setting the stage for a memorable and secure rendezvous.
23) Practice safe digital communication and maintain discretion throughout your interactions
Delving into the world of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like navigating a thrilling spy thriller – it’s full of intrigue, clandestine encounters, and the need for discretion. By practicing safe digital communication and maintaining discretion throughout your interactions, you’ll be like the skilled and cautious secret agent in a gripping espionage saga, ensuring that your romantic adventures remain under wraps and secure.
Consider your dating journey as a high-stakes game of cat and mouse, with each interaction requiring a delicate balance of openness and confidentiality. As you communicate with potential matches, embrace your inner 007 and employ secure messaging practices, just as a seasoned spy would when transmitting classified information in a suspenseful spy caper.
24) Be open to exploring different types of connections and experiences
Venturing into the world of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like embarking on a thrilling journey through a captivating anthology – each connection and experience offers a unique story, brimming with potential for excitement, growth, and discovery. By being open to exploring different types of connections and experiences, you’ll be like the adventurous protagonist in a fascinating collection of tales, ready to embrace the unexpected and revel in the unknown.
Consider your dating journey as a vibrant mosaic, much like the tapestry of characters and narratives featured in a spellbinding TV series. As you engage with potential matches and explore various relationships, approach each encounter with curiosity and openness, just as a daring explorer would when venturing into uncharted territories in an enthralling adventure flick.
25) Keep a sense of humor and stay light-hearted in your conversations
Navigating the world of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like tuning into an engaging sitcom – it’s filled with witty banter, amusing anecdotes, and the occasional dose of awkwardness. By keeping a sense of humor and staying light-hearted in your conversations, you’ll be like the charismatic lead in a beloved comedy series, setting the stage for fun and laughter-filled connections.
Think of your dating journey as a laugh-out-loud comedy sketch, with each interaction offering the chance for playful repartee and entertaining exchanges. As you chat with potential matches, embrace your inner comedic genius and let your sense of humor shine, just as a hilarious character would in a side-splitting stand-up routine.
26) Show genuine interest in getting to know your matches
Venturing into the world of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like stepping into the pages of a compelling novel – each connection offers the opportunity to learn about someone’s unique story, filled with intricate layers, captivating anecdotes, and the potential for shared adventures. By showing genuine interest in getting to know your matches, you’ll be like the attentive and empathetic protagonist in a heartwarming tale, fostering meaningful connections built on understanding and curiosity.
Visualize your dating journey as an intriguing mystery, with each interaction revealing new clues and insights into your potential match’s personality and history. As you engage in conversation, embrace your inner detective and ask thoughtful questions, just as a skilled investigator would when piecing together the puzzle of a captivating whodunit.
27) Be patient and understand that finding the right match may take time
Embarking on the journey of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like joining the cast of a captivating reality show – it’s full of intriguing personalities, unexpected twists, and the quest for a perfect match. By being patient and understanding that finding the right connection may take time, you’ll be like the level-headed contestant in a thrilling dating competition, staying the course and keeping your eye on the ultimate prize: a meaningful and fulfilling connection.
Visualize your dating journey as an enthralling treasure hunt, with each interaction offering clues and hints towards discovering that elusive and priceless gem – a compatible and lasting match. As you engage with potential partners, embrace your inner Indiana Jones and exhibit patience and perseverance, just as a determined adventurer would when seeking the hidden riches of a legendary lost city.
28) Don’t be discouraged by rejection or setbacks; stay persistent
Diving into the world of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like participating in an exciting game show – it’s full of thrilling challenges, unexpected obstacles, and the pursuit of a grand prize: a meaningful connection with someone special. By not being discouraged by rejection or setbacks and staying persistent, you’ll be like the tenacious competitor in a high-stakes contest, overcoming hurdles and keeping your eyes on the end goal.
Envision your dating journey as an exhilarating obstacle course, with each interaction offering opportunities to learn, grow, and adapt. As you connect with potential matches, embrace your inner Rocky Balboa and exhibit resilience and determination, just as a committed athlete would when training for a championship bout.
29) Celebrate your successes and learn from any challenges
Embarking on the journey of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like taking part in a captivating personal growth story – it’s full of opportunities for self-discovery, celebrating triumphs, and learning valuable lessons from setbacks. By acknowledging your successes and using challenges as learning experiences, you’ll be like the self-reflective protagonist in an empowering tale of transformation, evolving and growing with each new encounter.
Picture your dating journey as a riveting adventure, with each interaction providing chances for personal development and growth. As you engage with potential matches, embrace your inner Luke Skywalker and approach every experience with an open heart and mind, just as a courageous hero would when facing the unknown in a spellbinding epic.
30) Keep a balance between your online dating life and other aspects of your life
Venturing into the realm of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like stepping onto the set of a thrilling TV series – it’s full of captivating characters, engaging plotlines, and the pursuit of romantic connections. By maintaining a balance between your online dating life and other aspects of your life, you’ll be like the well-rounded protagonist in a compelling drama, juggling multiple facets of life while keeping your priorities in check.
Consider your dating journey as a gripping narrative, with each interaction adding depth and color to your personal storyline. As you connect with potential matches, embrace your inner Don Draper and approach your dating life with a sense of equilibrium, just as a multifaceted character would when navigating the complexities of work, relationships, and personal growth in a riveting period drama.
31) Respect the privacy and boundaries of others on the platform
Just as you value your privacy, be respectful of the privacy and boundaries of your matches. Be mindful of the information you request and the expectations you place on others.
32) Be open to giving and receiving feedback to improve your dating experience
Exploring the world of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like participating in a transformative reality show – it’s full of opportunities for self-improvement, meaningful connections, and candid feedback. By being open to giving and receiving feedback, you’ll be like the growth-minded contestant in a captivating social experiment, continuously learning and adapting to enhance your dating experience.
Think of your dating journey as a stimulating personal development workshop, with each interaction providing valuable insights and lessons. As you engage with potential matches, embrace your inner Ted Lasso and approach feedback with an open mind and heart, just as a supportive coach would when fostering growth and development in a heartwarming sports comedy.
34) Maintain a positive attitude and focus on the potential for exciting new connections
Navigating the world of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like stepping into a heartwarming romantic comedy – it’s full of surprising twists, engaging characters, and the promise of exciting new connections. By maintaining a positive attitude and focusing on the potential for meeting interesting people, you’ll be like the optimistic protagonist in an enchanting love story, ready to embrace life’s adventures and unexpected romances.
Picture your dating journey as a delightful narrative, with each interaction offering the chance to discover new connections and exciting possibilities. As you engage with potential matches, channel your inner Amélie Poulain and approach your dating life with a sense of wonder and optimism, just as a whimsical character would when exploring the magic and charm of a captivating French film.
35) Stay informed about changes and updates on Ashley Madison
Delving into the world of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like joining a suspenseful mystery series – it’s full of unexpected developments, evolving storylines, and the potential for thrilling connections. By staying informed about changes and updates on the platform, you’ll be like the resourceful detective in an enthralling whodunit, always ready to adapt and uncover new opportunities for romance.
Envision your dating journey as an intriguing puzzle, with each update and change presenting new pieces to explore and fit together. As you interact with potential matches, channel your inner Sherlock Holmes and approach the ever-evolving landscape of Ashley Madison with curiosity and determination, just as a brilliant investigator would when solving a captivating case in a gripping crime drama.
36) Be adaptable and willing to adjust your approach if needed
Venturing into the world of online dating on Ashley Madison can feel like being part of an exhilarating reality show – it’s full of unpredictable challenges, shifting dynamics, and opportunities for growth. By being adaptable and willing to adjust your approach, you’ll be like the resourceful contestant in a high-stakes competition, always prepared to pivot and seize new chances for romantic connections.
Picture your dating journey as a thrilling game, with each interaction offering valuable insights and opportunities to refine your strategy. As you engage with potential matches, channel your inner “Survivor” contestant and approach the ever-changing environment of Ashley Madison with determination and flexibility, just as a skilled competitor would when outwitting opponents in a riveting tropical adventure.
37) Keep an open mind and be willing to explore new aspects of your desires
Embarking on your Ashley Madison journey can feel like stepping into a captivating fantasy series – it’s full of fascinating characters, uncharted territories, and opportunities for self-discovery. By keeping an open mind and being willing to explore new aspects of your desires, you’ll be like the curious adventurer in an enchanting saga, ready to embrace the unknown and uncover hidden treasures.
38) Practice effective time management to make the most of your Ashley Madison experience
Navigating the world of Ashley Madison can feel like starring in a thrilling time-travel adventure – it’s full of exciting encounters, unexpected twists, and opportunities to make the most of every moment. By practicing effective time management, you’ll be like the ingenious time-traveler in a gripping saga, adept at seizing opportunities and making the most of your exhilarating journey.
Envision your dating experience as an exhilarating race against the clock, with each interaction offering valuable lessons and chances to refine your approach. As you engage with potential matches, channel your inner protagonist from a pulse-pounding thriller, and tackle the challenges of Ashley Madison with strategic planning and a keen eye on the clock, just as a skilled operative would when diffusing a high-stakes situation.
39) Know your own limits and communicate them clearly to your matches
Venturing into the world of Ashley Madison can feel like embarking on an epic journey of self-discovery – it’s full of intriguing encounters, valuable lessons, and opportunities to learn more about yourself. By knowing your own limits and communicating them clearly to your matches, you’ll be like the self-aware protagonist in a captivating narrative, adept at expressing your needs and forging meaningful connections.
Picture your dating adventure as a poignant coming-of-age tale, with each interaction offering the chance to grow and understand yourself more deeply. As you engage with potential matches, channel your inner hero from a heartfelt drama, and approach your journey with honesty and self-awareness, just as a wise protagonist would when navigating the complexities of life and love.
40) Be honest with yourself about your expectations and desires
Embarking on your Ashley Madison adventure can feel like stepping into a mesmerizing character study – it’s full of fascinating encounters, illuminating moments, and opportunities to delve deeper into your own motivations and desires. By being honest with yourself about your expectations and desires, you’ll be like the insightful protagonist in an engaging narrative, adept at understanding your own needs and pursuing fulfilling connections.
Envision your dating journey as a rich exploration of the human experience, with each interaction offering the chance to learn more about your authentic self. As you connect with potential matches, channel your inner lead from a compelling drama, and approach your journey with sincerity and introspection, just as a perceptive character would when grappling with the intricacies of their own heart.
41) Utilize the platform’s resources and support options if needed
Diving into the world of Ashley Madison can feel like embarking on a thrilling adventure – it’s full of captivating encounters, unexpected twists, and opportunities to make the most of the platform’s resources. By utilizing Ashley Madison’s resources and support options when needed, you’ll be like the resourceful protagonist in an exhilarating tale, adept at overcoming obstacles and forging meaningful connections.
Picture your dating journey as a riveting quest, with each interaction offering the chance to learn more about the platform and its various features. As you engage with potential matches, channel your inner hero from an action-packed blockbuster, and approach your journey with a willingness to seek help and guidance, just as a fearless adventurer would when facing seemingly insurmountable challenges.
42) Keep track of your interactions and follow up with potential matches
Navigating the realm of Ashley Madison can feel like unfolding a complex and intriguing plot – it’s full of captivating encounters, meaningful connections, and opportunities to keep track of your interactions. By staying organized and following up with potential matches, you’ll be like the attentive protagonist in a riveting drama, adept at maintaining meaningful relationships and fostering deeper connections.
43) Remain discrete and considerate of others’ privacy, both online and offline
Venturing into the world of Ashley Madison can feel like entering a sophisticated and enigmatic narrative – it’s full of intriguing encounters, delicate situations, and opportunities to practice discretion. By remaining discrete and considerate of others’ privacy, you’ll be like the diplomatic protagonist in an engrossing story, adept at handling sensitive matters and fostering trust with those around you.
44) Embrace the learning process and strive for self-improvement
Embarking on the journey with Ashley Madison can feel like stepping into an inspiring and transformative narrative – it’s full of enriching experiences, personal growth, and opportunities to embrace the learning process. By striving for self-improvement and continually evolving, you’ll be like the dynamic protagonist in an uplifting tale, adept at overcoming challenges and discovering your true potential.
Picture your dating journey as a coming-of-age story, with each interaction offering the chance to learn more about yourself and the world of online dating. As you engage with others on the platform, channel your inner adventurer from a beloved film and approach your journey with a commitment to growth, just as a determined character would when facing life-changing experiences.
45) Create a sense of mystery and intrigue in your interactions
Diving into the world of Ashley Madison can feel like immersing yourself in a spellbinding and enigmatic narrative – it’s full of tantalizing encounters, captivating connections, and opportunities to create a sense of mystery and intrigue. By weaving an air of mystique into your interactions, you’ll be like the charismatic protagonist in a riveting tale, adept at piquing curiosity and drawing others into your captivating world.
Envision your dating journey as a mesmerizing romance novel, with each interaction offering the chance to learn more about your potential matches while keeping them guessing. As you engage with others on the platform, channel your inner charmer from a popular series and approach your journey with a flair for the mysterious, just as an alluring character would when weaving a web of enchantment.
46) Set realistic expectations for your online dating journey
Embarking on the adventure with Ashley Madison can feel like stepping into a captivating and insightful narrative – it’s full of eye-opening experiences, valuable lessons, and opportunities to set realistic expectations. By managing your expectations and adopting a pragmatic outlook, you’ll be like the wise protagonist in an enlightening tale, adept at navigating the world of online dating with a clear and grounded perspective.
47) Practice active listening in your conversations
Delving into the world of Ashley Madison can feel like embarking on a compelling and emotionally rich narrative – it’s full of heartfelt exchanges, genuine connections, and opportunities to practice active listening. By honing your listening skills and genuinely engaging with your matches, you’ll be like the empathetic protagonist in a moving tale, adept at forging deep connections and understanding others on a profound level.
Picture your dating journey as a poignant drama, with each interaction offering the chance to learn more about your potential matches and their unique stories. As you engage with others on the platform, channel your inner confidant from an emotionally resonant film and approach your journey with a commitment to active listening, just as a compassionate character would when providing solace and support.
48) Be prepared for the ups and downs of online dating
Venturing into the world of Ashley Madison can feel like embarking on a roller coaster ride – it’s full of exhilarating highs, challenging lows, and opportunities to embrace the ups and downs of online dating. By preparing yourself for the inevitable twists and turns, you’ll be like the resilient protagonist in a thrilling tale, adept at facing the unexpected and remaining adaptable in the face of change.
49) Stay open to feedback from your matches
Navigating the thrilling world of Ashley Madison can feel like a gripping TV series, full of plot twists, character development, and unexpected revelations. As you explore this exhilarating landscape, it’s essential to stay open to feedback from your matches. By doing so, you’ll be like the ever-evolving protagonist in a binge-worthy drama, ready to learn from experiences and grow as a person.
Envision your dating journey as an engrossing story arc, where each interaction offers a chance for self-reflection and growth. As you connect with others on the platform, channel your inner lead from a critically acclaimed show and embrace the opportunity to learn from your matches’ feedback, just as a multifaceted character would when facing life’s challenges and triumphs.
50) Enjoy the journey and have fun
Diving into the world of Ashley Madison can be like jumping into a fun-filled, feel-good sitcom, brimming with laughter, surprises, and memorable moments. As you embark on this lively adventure, remember to enjoy the journey and have fun. By adopting a lighthearted attitude, you’ll be like the lovable characters in your favorite comedy series, finding joy in the unexpected and embracing the lighter side of life.
Picture your dating experience as an entertaining episode, where each interaction presents an opportunity to laugh, learn, and make lasting memories. As you engage with others on the platform, channel your inner sitcom star and approach each encounter with a playful spirit, just as the quirky characters in a long-running comedy would when navigating life’s twists and turns.
Conclusion
Armed with these tips and tricks, you’ll be like Neo in “The Matrix,” dodging dating disasters and outsmarting the obstacles on your way to success. From crafting an irresistible online dating profile (think James Bond meets Ryan Gosling) to mastering the art of engaging communication, you’ll have the skills to woo your matches like a seasoned pro. Studies have shown that having a well-written profile can make a significant impact on your dating success, with 52% of users finding profiles with well-crafted bios more attractive.
In summary, these tips and tricks will have you feeling as confident as Tony Stark at a tech conference, charming your way through the exciting world of AM. So suit up, gentlemen, and get ready to make the most of your experience on this discreet dating platform. With a little luck and a lot of savvy, you’ll be well on your way to creating your own blockbuster love story. Let the credits roll!
FAQs
How can I improve my profile to attract more matches?
To improve your profile, use high-quality photos that showcase your personality and interests. Write a concise and engaging bio, highlighting your unique qualities and what you’re looking for in a match. Update your profile regularly to keep it fresh and interesting.
What should I include in my opening message to grab attention?
Craft a personalized and engaging opening message by referencing something from the recipient’s profile. Show genuine interest and ask open-ended questions to spark conversation. Avoid generic or overly forward messages that might come across as insincere or pushy.
How can I maintain discretion while using Ashley Madison?
To maintain discretion, use a separate email and phone number for your Ashley Madison communications. Limit conversations to the platform until you feel comfortable sharing contact information, and exercise caution when connecting with matches on social media.
How can I optimize my search to find the best potential matches?
Use the platform’s advanced search features to filter your matches based on specific criteria such as location, age, interests, and relationship status. Experiment with different search combinations to find the best potential matches for your preferences.
How do I spot and avoid scams or fake profiles on the platform?
Be vigilant and trust your instincts when interacting with profiles or users. Look for signs of authenticity, such as verified profiles and well-written bios. If something feels off, disengage and report any suspicious activity to Ashley Madison’s customer support.
How can I make the most of the features Ashley Madison offers?
Explore and utilize Ashley Madison’s features like Priority Man, Traveling Man, and customizable search filters to enhance your experience on the platform. These features can help you increase your visibility, connect with matches in new locations, and refine your search for the ideal partner.
What can I do to ensure a successful in-person date with a match?
For a successful in-person date, choose a neutral and public location, communicate openly about your expectations, and remain respectful and considerate throughout the encounter. Always prioritize safety by informing a trusted friend of your plans and trusting your instincts during the date.
I recently re-watched the movie Focus. What an amazing movie. It’s about a team of con artists, running a series of small and big scams. There’s something about this movie that I can relate to so much and let’s be honest, hard to hate a movie with Margot Robbie.
In the movie – Will smith gives Margot Robbie advice. The most crucial advice in the whole movie:
You Never Drop The Con, You Never Break. Die With The Lie
And whilst that was in the movies, the most famous Mafia Boss, John Gotti would say to his crew:
If there was a church robbed and I had the steeple stickin’ out of my ass, I still wouldn’t tell them I did it.
This leads me on to my next topic.
What do you tell your new squeeze? How do you approach your next affair?
Do you tell them that you’re married, have kids, living with someone, have a long-term girlfriend, or nothing at all?
Now remember, who am I to judge what you say, I’ve tried them all. I’ve said it all, I’ve done it all. This is me wearing the mother fucking t-shirt.
There’s this great scene in Spy Game, where Rob Redford is teaching Brad Pitt how to be a spy and how to extract information from strangers.
Brad Pitt approaches this women to get information from her, and in the process, he gives her 4 lies about himself just to get one piece of information out of her.
The most amazing thing about the scene is when Rob looks at Brad and says
what if she were an asset, you told her 4 lies that now have to be true.
And that’s completely relevant here. When coming up with the cover story, there’s a lot of juggling to do, a lot of remembering to do, and all of the lies you may have told, now have to hold true. Let me share some of my experience:
1) ‘I’m single’
Married with 3 kids, and I would go out there and be like I’m single. But in today’s world, social media, WhatsApp is such a big part of it – that the first thing a single lady is going to do is look you up.
And if they see family photos on your Facebook, they won’t be impressed, further still, they now know who your significant other is and how to get hold of them.
I hated the I’m single approach. I used a fake name, I needed a burner phone with a different WhatsApp ID, I created a fake Facebook and twitter page – and it simply was too much work.
Hard to say you’re single when the wife is texting you the shopping list for the house and the kids!
I once dated an Australian TV Reporter. She was gorgeous and we met at a wine tasting. After the event, I walked her to the bus stop, where we found ourselves kissing until her bus eventually arrived. It wasn’t long after when I got an abusive text from her after she had discovered I was married – she was already planning on cooking for our first date! Crash and burn!
2) ‘I’m married but I’m separated’
I decided to use this approach for a while. To my utter surprise, it ended up being an aphrodisiac, and somehow I had fallen into certain women’s rescue fantasy – where they felt the need to save me.
I’m not going to lie – I kind of liked this.
It worked really well. Except when things got too serious, and somehow, some of the women were hanging around until the ‘divorce‘ went through. Ultimately, I didn’t find this that fair on them and decided to cull this approach. Not to say this wasn’t an amazing approach – but it did have its disadvantages.
3) ‘I’m married with kids’
So after nearly 2 decades of cheating, since being married and having kids (last 10 years) – I realised how much experience I had in cheating.
I had experience in reading women and attracting the right type of partner into my life. I decided how about being honest?
Maybe that was the way to go; dispense with all the lying, all the fake profiles, all the juggling acts, and just be real. And whilst I do date married women (MILFs) as well as single ones, I had an interesting response to this approach.
Married womenloved it because they too didn’t want to ruin their home lives and, both them and I had an equal amount to lose if it ever came out – thereby guaranteeing the discretion that I crave! It also helps lower the risk of having the affair discovered.
This line of course didn’t work on loads of single women, with many of them labelling me as disgusting or a sleaze. The other half loved it – they got to have the fun of a relationship without any of the baggage. They were realists and pragmatists and it also fit a purpose for them too.
Whichever approach you take, remember to always keep your cover story intact. Die With The Lie (unless of course you copy me and go with Option 3).
There’s something about cheating which is truly quite addictive. The build up to it, the cheating and the getting away with it – it’s thrilling! There really are no words to describe it. I remember the first time I cheated on my girlfriend, I was 18. I had somehow gotten into this crazy love triangle, of dating my ex at the same time. And I just couldn’t get enough!
The attention from both these girls filled me with that warm and fuzzy feeling and let’s not forget how amazing the sex was. In my teens I struggled to get one women, and here I was at 18 with two very attractive girls. And whether you want to call it greed, or stupidity or any other adjective, I wanted more. I wanted to see if I could just keep on collecting more and newer girls.
I was simply hooked!
And 22 years later, I’m still hooked. And still cheating and still want more!
Was I Alone? Was Time To Look At The Data
I turned to the infidelity stats. It’s estimated up to 57% of men cheat at least once in their lifetime. Why? Because casual sex with no strings attached is one of the greatest pleasures known to man. In fact, it’s thought that around a quarter of married men have enjoyed long-standing affairs on the side. If you’re thinking about playing away from the marital bed, there’s usually no such thing as a one and done. Once you’re in, you’re in it for the long haul.
The Science Behind Sleeping Around
If you’ve become addicted to cheating, you’re not alone. What’s more, you’ll be glad to know that science has a name for that compulsion to keep chasing sex with casual partners. It’s called “flame addiction“. Looking to ease any feelings of guilt? The good news is that you’re not really in control of your actions. Once a man’s interest has been piqued by a new piece, hormones and neurochemicals take over.
Do you feel like there’s adrenaline rushing through your veins as you drive to that hotel for your next hookup? Well, it sort of is. There’s also a significant drop in serotonin levels, which loosens up your inhibitions. Most importantly, the brain gets flooded with dopamine. Otherwise known as the reward chemical, it’s dopamine that puts the cherry on top of every sexual encounter.
This rush, combined with the inevitable ecstasy that comes at the end of an hour-long session, is like nothing else. But like any chemical-induced euphoria, there’s the inescapable crash. Eventually, that feeling fades and you’re left pining for your next hit.
Sometimes, the same routine isn’t enough to scratch that itch. Casual sex and cheating are often a case of diminishing returns. To make sure you reach that blissful high more often than not, you need to keep on top of the more compulsive side of cheating. And if you’re any good at reading when married women like you, then you’re going to be on this ferris wheel a long time.
Dealing with the Compulsion
If you’re good enough to keep getting away with it, carrying on with multiple partners indefinitely is a no harm, no foul situation. That being said, you still need to keep your compulsions in check. Itching to empty your load in the middle of the day? If you have an alibi in place and there’s zero chance of you getting found out, go for it.
However, that impromptu rendezvous could be incredibly risky. If you don’t have time to preplan your line of defense, keep it in your pants for the time being.
It might seem like it’s taking the fun out of things, but establishing some ground rules for yourself is a good idea. Be realistic about when you’re realistically free to go off and chase a one-nighter.
Feel something stirring at noon on a Saturday? You’ve zero chance of styling that one out once you return home stinking of sweat and someone else’s perfume.
Got an hour to kill after an early finish at the office? Bingo.
Of course when I was 18 there were no smartphones, no apps, just good old fashioned calls and texting. The type of texting where you had to press the number a few times to get to the right letter.
I recently asked myself what specifically about cheating I was addicted to. Was it the flirting with someone new, or was it the sex, or was it the the getting away with it.
And what I concluded was that it was a combination of all 3, but all 3 stages had within them their own highs…
Let’s for a moment assume that you had that pen that Will Smith so amazingly demonstrated in Men In Black – you know the pen that flashes out green light and makes you have amnesia.
Now, for the sake of this post, let’s say you have that pen, and it only works on your significant other to erase any memory of you cheating…..
You’ve now got in possession with you, something better than a Hall Pass. What will you do with your new found power?
Would you cheat? Would you ask out the girl at the office you’ve been starring at for years? Would you go out on a boy’s night and let loose? Would you grab your phone and download the latest dating app in an attempt to find that girl?
It’s insane to me to think that there’s all these people out there cheating, they effectively get away with it, but somehow let their guilt consume them – which effectively leads to them making a confession. See below, our advanced mathematical formula of what I’m trying to say:
GUILT = CONFESSSION
I know a guy just like this. John was a corporate executive. You know the type, wore nothing but polo shirts, made like $300k a year, had a nice car, a lovely family, membership down at the countryclub, friends with influence, etc, etc… From the outset, John’s life was perfect.
He graced us once a month for our Poker Game. We called it the Executive Game (sorry Uncle Junior) – and it was set in stone. Even if one of the players was busy or away for work, they’d always fly back for this game.
Despite the name, the stakes were small, but it was our chance to shoot the shit, to drink, to smoke up, to talk about men stuff! Which mostly involved moaning about politicians and the state of the planet! But nonethelesss, we thought it was men’s work!
Anyway, at out last game, John looked glum. It was clear something was wrong. He wasn’t himself. He wasn’t bragging about who he knew, or the latest Mercedes he wanted to buy – he was quiet. John being quiet meant something was wrong, hang on, I have another formula below to explain my hypothesis:
QUIET JOHN = WE HAD PROBLEMS
We kept teasing him, wondering if he didn’t get his promotion at work, or if he had just lost his latest round of golf. But before we could really up the harrasssment, he just blurted out:
‘I’m getting a divorce!’
That was it. Complete silence hit the room, punctuated by the cigar smoke rising from the ashtrays and the sound of poker chips being shuffled nervously. None of us knew what to say.
I finally found my tongue and sheepishly asked ‘what happened?’
He went on to explain that he and his assistant had been having a torrid affair for a few months and that he was deeply in love with her. She’d been travelling with him from city to city and at some point it happened.
It kept happening.
However, the assistant knew he was married and also realised that for her it was also a win. She’d get all the fun out of the relationship without any of the headaches and complications. He pointed out that there was a clear win for both (at least when it started).
But John, being as John is, started to fall for his assistant. He started to profess his love for her, fantasising about running away with her. Instead of being flattered and excited at that prospect, she shit the bed.
She left him, she left her job and refused to return any of his calls!
As he sat there telling his story, each of use was glued. This wasn’t the typical chat we’d find at the Executive Game. It was way deeper. John continued bearing his soul until Jason spoke up. Jason was (and I suppose still is) African American. He was the coolest guy in the group, just like so cool, but he was also no nonsense. He was the guy that would tell us to get to the point! And today was no different.
Jason looked even more irritated, rushing to know the end. BTW Jason was also the guy who’d watch the last episode of any new show on Netflix before starting it from the beginning.
Jason started laughing ‘Bros, I’m so confused! Why are you getting a divorce?’
And this is when it really hit me. Because what he said next taught me and everyone so much about guilt.
John foolishly said ‘My wife didn’t catch me. I was so upset about my breakup that I told my wife all about the affair thinking it would make me feel better to come clean. And she just instantly asked for a divorce ………… and half of everything!’
The room erupted. We were all shouting at John at the same time, you could hear words like pussy, dickhead, idiot being thrown in his direction.
He just sat there, taking it all in! Finally, once the commotion had calmed down – I composed my myself.
‘John, why on earth, when you’ve gotten away with it, would you be stupid enough to confess.’
John was articulate. He did presentations for a living, and with those skills, he went on to calmly explain to us that the guilt was consuming him. Even whilst he was having the affair and getting carried away with it all – he just kept feeling like shit. That coupled with the fact that the breakup was tearing him apart, and it was clear both at work and at home that something was clearly wrong – he argued that he had no other option but to confess!
Now whilst it was clear that none of us really agreed with him, we also all acknowledged that he was a smart guy and made whatever decision he needed to make at the time.
But of course, that story stuck with me for months! John was smooth enough to have an affair, but not smart enough to manage his emotions.
Of course, whilst I was listening to his story, I too was having an affair at the same time. I couldn’t help be contemplative. The trouble is I never felt guilty.
I’m not sure if I was capable of guilt though. I’d been having affairs for so long, I still question myself. What time of disgusting person am I, that I can cheat so easily without even an ounce of guilt. Not even 1%. Am I soulesss? I’d love to tell you that I’m now so cool that it doesn’t bother me, but the truth is sometimes I think I’m broken inside.
That said, I couldn’t get my head around the fact that Johnny had confessed. And of course, therein lies the moral of his story. If guilt is going to consume you, if you are a really good person – then I hate to break it to you, cheating isn’t for you!
Later on that night, we carried on with our game. The mood was different, and all of us found ourselves not agreeing with John’s choices but we all felt sorry for him. I found myself folding trip Aces just so he would win. And he did. That night, we all unconsciously lost to John and he walked out feeling like a winner.
Why would someone write a blog on cheating? Well, here’s the thing, I’m a married man with 3 young kids and I cheat. There I said it. Let’s be honest it’s hardly something you can shout from the rooftops.
It’s an outlet for me. It’s a source of sanity and excitement mixed together.
I go out of my way to be discreet and yet, have somehow, after years of cheating, found myself in this bubble of having a few women on the go. It’s started to feel normal. Like there’s nothing wrong with it.
And I’d love to tell you I look like Don Juan (like the guy in the picture), or have a 6 pac, or drive a Ferrari – none of these are true.
I’m probably a 7/10 on my very best day! And that takes a haircut a week and 5 weekly visits to the gym.
I drive a Volvo – which fits all 3 car seats and I always always always go home at night.
I’m hardly the catch of the Century!
Nobody on planet Earth gets in the way of me making breakfast for my kids – it always reminds me of that scene in Casino, where DeNiro’s Character says about Pesci’s:
……but around 6:30 in the morning, when he finished his day no matter where he was or what he was doing he always went home to make breakfast for his son, Nicky boy.
That was me, but without the racketeering or murder the night before. But for sure the womanising we had in common.
So how did it go from struggling to getting a girlfriend to juggling many women?
Keep reading, I share all. I will be posting a lot of blogs from which you’ll learn more about me than you’ll want to.
As the protagonist of the story – only you can tell me if I’m the good guy or the bad guy. If I deserve to get caught and have my affairs discovered or if I should keep doing what I’m doing.
Now please know this, at the end of this rainbow, there’s no red carpet.
There’s no Brad Pitt making a movie of my exploits.
I live in the shadows, discretion is key or the jig is up! This very blog is registered with a web design agency with whom I have an iron clad NDA with. I’m not looking for fame or notoriety. I’m not looking to ruin my marriage or those of others. I’m not looking to speak at conferences and do a book tour. That will never ever be the case! I want to remain in the background, whilst sharing my journey.
That said, there are a couple of my friends I do confide in. Partially to brag a little but also to heed their advice:
One of them keeps saying to me:
Be careful, in the end you’ll get caught
or
the truth will come out…
Which if you’re not careful, sloppy or just plain unlucky is true.
However, my rebuttal back is simply this; TV is full of shows where the title is Unsolved.
Because they got away with it. It’s because the truth didn’t come out, and most likely the people involved took those secrets to their graves. Hence unsolved!
In fact it lead me to ask them a question of my own. And for you too, reading this, let me ask you:
If a tree falls in a forest does it make a sound? If someone is never caught stealing are they a thief? If someone is never caught cheating are they actually a cheater?
By definition when people use the words murderer, thief, cheater – there’s this assumption that they’ve been rumbled. Caught. Found out.
But what if that wasn’t the case? What would they be then?
For my marriage, my sanity comes from having an outlet. If no one finds out, what’s the harm?
No different from lying about going out with the boys for a few drinks after work, or smoking that joint on a night out.
I’m no god. I’m not a legend. I’ve just slowly started perfecting how it all works to be able to have the confidence and the know-how to even write all of this!
I learnt so much from the first time I cheated, 20 years ago. And in the last 20 years, I’ve learnt more and more. I’m a serial cheater – I get that.
And even whilst writing this, I know it’s wrong. I know if my wife or kids found out – it would break us as a family.
My goal is to help you not get caught, not get careless, not fall for the side chick and give it all up.
If you’re already cheating, then really, you are my target audience. If you’re simply fascinated, then read this as a cautionary tale because let me tell you something they don’t always show in the movies – cheating isn’t for everyone.
Beyond all the texts, and butterflies, and sex – there’s an emotional toll. And you have to learn to deal with that, or it’s going to be obvious the second you get home!
This game isn’t for everyone, and it’s certainly no game! The stakes are high, the risk is high! And yes, for me the reward at the end of it is worth it, but I’ve developed the stomach for this!
If fascination is your thing, and living vicariously through some of my stories makes for good reading – then buckle up bitches, cos we’re in for a good time!
