What Does Affair Partner Mean?
In the past, affair partners tended to fall into one of two camps. On one side was the willing sexual partner in an extramarital affair. On the other was someone offering enduring emotional intimacy, an almost-platonic alternative to a spouse. These types of affairs are still common, with an emotional affair not requiring actual physical contact to be classed as infidelity. Let’s be honest, having affairs can be a reaction to defying the problem of right person, wrong time.
What Does Affair Partner Mean?
Before we look at what an affair partner is, I guess it would be wise to define exactly what does an affair mean or rather what is an affair? An affair is the love child of wanderlust and broken promises, a sneaky rendezvous often born in the shadow of a committed relationship.
It’s the not-so-secret handshake between forbidden desire and opportunistic temptation, typically involving at least one partnered individual straying for emotional or physical thrills. This covert operation of the heart (or loins) is a cocktail of secrecy, excitement, and inevitable guilt.
While it can range from a fleeting kiss to a saga of secret texts, the fallout is usually a drama-filled script of betrayal and hurt. In short, an affair is what happens when “I do” becomes “I did, but not with you.”
Nowadays, the internet and smartphones have made it easier for unfaithful men and women to pursue sexual and romantic relationships away from their marriage or primary relationship. The type of partner sought out ultimately depends on the kind of extramarital affairs people are looking to embark upon. Below, we break down the different types of affair partners people seek out to meet their needs.
Casual Sex and One-Night Stands
For many couples, a one-night stand isn’t a relationship-ending event. It’s usually a one-and-done event, with the guilty party unlikely to become a repeat offender. A one-night stand is the most common type of affair that couples have to contend with, however it lacks many of the hallmarks of other extramarital affairs. Generally speaking, there’s no emotional intimacy involved. This makes it easier for the wronged partner to forgive their spouse should they admit to wrongdoing.
One-night stands are almost always the result of an ill-judged decision. Usually, the guilty partner has consumed too much alcohol or become inebriated with other substances. They may have headed for a night out on the town with friends or overindulged during a business trip. Whatever the leadup, the end result remains the same.
Because one-night stands are almost always unplanned, it’s not really accurate to call the other party involved an affair partner. However, this all changes when a one-night stand becomes a succession of sexual encounters.
It’s Not Always Simply About Sex
Some people may also choose to pursue sexual connections with other men and women outside of a committed relationship. This can be a natural progression to an online affair and an evolution from sexting via social media and other platforms (Ashley Madison Tricks to Find Your Perfect Match). Affair partners involved in this kind of relationship are usually in the market for no-strings sex.
Although there’s very little chance of them causing trouble for a marriage or long-term relationship, other risk factors need to be considered, such as the threat of sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancy. Furthermore, there’s also a chance that these types of affairs could lead to an emotional connection being formed. Although fairly rare, it’s not unheard of for casual sex to turn into something more serious. So if you are asking yourself what does having an affair mean, it doesn’t always have to be sexual as we will see.
Emotional Affairs
An emotional affair doesn’t necessarily have to include a sexual aspect. In fact, many people embarking on emotional affairs with their affair partners would have a hard time admitting to themselves that they’re actually doing anything wrong. It could be an unexpected transition from a platonic friendship into something more serious.
Although those involved in the relationship might not think they’re doing anything wrong, these emotional connections can often be viewed as romantic affairs. Because of this, it’s easy for a spouse to feel as though they’ve been betrayed. Women in particular have a hard time dealing with emotional infidelity.
A romantic affair, even one that doesn’t include a physical aspect, can be devastating to a relationship. Many people find themselves falling into romantic affairs at the workplace. This is understandable. Many of us spend just as much time with our colleagues as we do with our spouses and family. Over time, connections are established as coworkers learn more about what makes us tick.
Misdirected Emotional Investment
Emotional infidelity is a complex issue. Although things don’t need to evolve into a physical affair, an increasing level of emotional intimacy makes these relationships just as threatening to a spouse as a sexual one. Over time, those involved in emotional infidelity may reconsider their primary relationship. They may be comparing their spouse with an emotional affair partner without even realizing it. This simply isn’t fair.
If you feel as though a friendship is veering toward emotional affair territory, it’s time to take a step back. The level of emotional attachment you have to this person isn’t healthy. This level of focus isn’t normal for a platonic friendship and many of the feelings you’re harboring and investing should be redirected to your spouse.
You’ve Fallen in Love with Someone Else
Marital affairs are incredibly complex and people cheat for a multitude of reasons. Although some of us pursue extramarital affairs to satiate our sex drives, others are actively looking to sabotage their primary relationship. Maybe you’re not happy with your current lot and are looking for affair partners to test the waters for a new relationship. If you’re confident that your marriage or current relationship doesn’t have a long-term future, you may be comfortable being reckless. In other words, you want to get caught so you have a free pass to move on with someone new.
Sometimes, people simply fall out of love with their partner. In real life, many people simply drift apart. If you’re feeling disenchanted with your partner and romantic life, it’s easy to let your gaze drift and attention be captured by someone else. You might not be actively looking for an affair partner but the moment a suitable candidate presents themselves, your head will be turned.
Other times, the one doing the cheating will use love, or the absence of it, to justify their actions. They might put too much focus on minor altercations at home, using this as a green light to pursue sex and relationships outside away from their marriage. Other times, they might claim to have fallen in love with their affair partner.
It’s Not Always Genuine
However, it’s important to recognize that every relationship enjoys a rose-tinted honeymoon phase. The casual nature of an affair makes it a welcome treat from the humdrum of married life. As such, you might feel as though you’re a lot more invested in someone than you actually are. Those intense emotions might feel real, but once divorce proceedings are triggered and the reality of your new situation settles in, you might not feel so head-over-heels in love.
In many cases, someone who has walked out on a spouse to pursue a new romantic relationship with someone else will quickly realize they have made a mistake. This can lead to them changing their minds constantly. They may quickly decide they want to repair their broken marriage, before swinging their attentions back to their original affair partner. This can lead to a never-ending cycle. This kind of back-and-forth behavior is not good for everyone. It’s unfair to affair partners and spouses. What’s more, it’s an unhealthy frame of mind for the guilty party to remain in.
Addictive Sexual Behavior and Physical Affairs
Sexual addiction doesn’t always lead to someone having an affair, but it’s often a key cause of infidelity affairs. If you’re constantly seeking out pornography or feel that your current sex life is nowhere near sufficient for your needs, you could be exhibiting low-level sex addiction behavior. If you’re compulsively masturbating or pursuing casual sex with multiple partners, you’re almost certainly someone suffering from an addictive personality and an unhealthy relationship with sex.
Affair partners sought out by this type of person usually aren’t selected with any specific criteria in mind. Provided they’re willing to engage in sexual activity and help satiate fantasies, they tick the right boxes. In some ways, this can make it easier for the wronged partner to accept and overcome infidelity. However, this ultimately depends on the frequency of infidelity and the guilty partner’s willingness to commit to change.
A lot of the time, someone suffering from sex addiction is open to the idea of changing their ways. They’re quietly resigned to the fact they have a problem and, if faced with an ultimatum, will agree to therapy.
The Best of Both Worlds
This is arguably the most selfish type of affair. It typically involves one partner pursuing multiple affairs, while still maintaining a marriage or long-term relationship. The affairs themselves aren’t an accident. They’re a secondary relationship that the guilty partner wishes to continue with no sense of guilt or shame attached.
If an affair partner agrees to such an arrangement, they’re usually lacking in empathy. Alternatively, the arrangement could be a purely transactional one. Other times, the affair partner will themselves be being lied to. The cheater might be telling them that they’d prepared to leave their spouse and eventually want to pursue a conventional relationship with them. All the while, a poor wife or husband remains at home, completely oblivious to what’s going on behind their back.
We’d all like to have our cake and eat it, but this type of infidelity rarely works out for anyone. A cheater committed to this kind of behavior is unlikely to change their ways of their own volition. It’s only when they’re caught out by their spouse or given an ultimatum by their affair partner that they’re forced to make a decision. Most of the time, the cheater will choose to stick with their primary relationship and cut ties with their affair partner. Why? Well, their spouse was easy enough to cheat on in the first place. Once they’ve closed the book on their extramarital affair, they can always start looking for their next affair partner.
You’re Addicted to Love
Romantic addiction might sound like a fictional concept, but it’s a genuine phenomenon that is the driving force behind many extramarital affairs. In many cases, it presents in women who are unhappy with their marriages or relationships. It’s also usually built on infatuation, rather than any logical thought or genuine emotional attachment.
Unfaithful wives or husbands may see the target of their affections in a glowing light. They’ll focus on physical perfection and superficial details, rather than consider the realities of living with that person full-time.
This is an unhealthy and obsessive way to go about pursuing affair partners. Even if you find someone willing to engage in an affair with you, the fact that you’ve put them on a pedestal puts you in a precarious situation. They may themselves get off on the ego-boosting displays of affection that you provide them. No life-affirming relationship can ever develop from this kind of dynamic. What’s more, should you see sense and decide to call things off, you run the risk of them making trouble for you.
How to Deal as the Betrayed Spouse
Infidelity is the root cause of around a third of all divorces. However, an unfaithful partner doesn’t have to lead to the dissolution of a marriage. Has your partner been unfaithful? It can be difficult to continue in a relationship if you’re the betrayed spouse, but it’s certainly possible.
For starters, don’t try and move past the issue as quickly as possible. Nobody likes dwelling on the fact that they were cheated on, but it’s important to let all your feelings boil to the surface. If you leave things unresolved, thoughts can fester and cause years-long problems that will limit your quality of life and relationship. Feelings can change from day to day. This is normal and to be expected. Don’t let your other half accuse you of being irrational or volatile, just because your perspective is changing.
Next, consider whether your relationship is actually worth saving. If you’ve been happily oblivious the entire time your spouse was cheating, you may think your home life is a good one. Ask them the reasons for their betrayal. If it was purely based on one-time sexual attraction or an ill-judged hookup with a stranger, moving beyond the betrayal is possible.
Sometimes, it makes sense to step back from a relationship. A trial separation can be a healthy compromise between calling things off completely and attempting to pretend as though nothing happened. If you’re thinking about a short-term separation, make sure you’re setting clear boundaries. How long will you stay separated? Will you be living in separate residences for the duration? Are you free to see other people and engage in extramarital sex during your time away from each other? Having clear answers to all of these questions will ensure nobody’s left feeling hard done after the trial is over.
Finally, think about getting professional help. It’s hard to talk things over when you’ve been betrayed. Furthermore, the guilty partner may not understand the root cause behind their infidelity. A marriage and family therapist is an expensive option, but it will provide you with a forum to talk out your problems.
FAQ’s
What’s an “Affair Partner” in the World of Love and Loopholes?
An affair partner is like the secret ingredient in a forbidden love recipe. They’re the other half of a clandestine romance, often sneaking around with someone who’s already in another relationship. Think of them as the co-pilot on a flight to “It’s Complicated” city.
Is the Affair Partner Just a Side Dish or the Main Course?
In the grand menu of relationships, the affair partner often starts as the side dish, a sneaky little extra. But sometimes, they end up as the main course, especially if emotions get super-sized. Remember, in the affair bistro, the servings are unpredictable!
How Does an Affair Partner Differ from a Regular Partner?
It’s like comparing a blockbuster to a secret indie film. The regular partner is the big, public love story, full of shared Netflix accounts and holiday photos. The affair partner? They’re the underground hit, often hidden away and known to a select few, featuring private rendezvous and hush-hush messages.
Can an Affair Partner Turn into a Life Partner?
Sure, an affair partner can level up to life partner status, but it’s like upgrading from a trial version to the full software – it’s tricky and not always guaranteed. Some affair partners do end up in long-term relationships, but they often have to navigate a maze of trust issues and judgmental stares.
What’s the Exit Strategy for an Affair Partner?
Exiting an affair can be like trying to leave a pop-up ad – it’s not always straightforward. Some affair partners ghost into the night, while others confront the drama head-on for a clean break. Then there are those who simply morph back into friends, like magicians turning back the clock.
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