I don’t know why, but I get emailed 2 questions a lot on this site. The first one is if I feel guilt cheating on my spouse. The second one usually says:
‘would you tell your partner you cheated?’
It’s something that people always want reassurance with or want to know my opinion about. So let’s get to it and let me give you my answer now. If you happen to be in a rush and don’t have time to read this entire post, let me just save you some time and be helpful.
Should you tell your partner if you cheated; fuck no, no way, no way Jose, never, nada, etc, etc, etc.
Never ever tell your partner. Don’t ever tell your partner you cheated (even if you feel terrible)! The risk is too great. I mean what’s the point in telling your partner? If they don’t know, it’s almost like it never happened. In the instance you intend to confess, then read this article because I could save you a whole heap of trouble.
“Now Go Home And Get Your Fucking Shine Box”
I’ve been there. Only once but I’ve been there. I broke up very badly with an affair partner who I cheated with. I never felt guilty – but it was a bad breakup. And I don’t know how it happened, but somehow the stupidest thought crossed my mind. I felt like telling my wife all about it. For a flash second I believed that telling her would help me get over my affair partner.
Stupid I know. I remember running it past a friend in jest and his response was for me to go home and get my shine box.
What Happens When You Tell Your Partner You’ve Cheated
Let’s assume for a second that you’ve cheated and gotten away with it. Let’s assume the girl you cheated with isn’t pregnant or blackmailing you, but for some reason you still feel guilty. It’s consumed you. You know it’s wrong and you want to come clean.
So what happens next. You sit your partner down and tell her you made a mistake, you tell her it’ll never happen again, you promise it was a mistake, you say it was a one time thing, blah blah blah…. You know, usual cliche lines you’ve seen in every movie that involves cheating.
She flips the fuck out, shouts, cries and needs space. You’ve gone from looking for absolution to having caused a substantial amount of pain….. You get yourself into a 50/50 position where she either forgives you or ends it.
But whichever way it’ll go – she’ll never forget it.
Why You Should NEVER Tell Your Partner You Cheated
Now maybe I’m so fucked and beyond guilt that I’m a narcissist. I get a fair bit of hate mail on this site about my infidelity, and that’s ok – I probably deserve it. But here’s why I like to keep things secret and would never ever tell my partner that I’ve cheated on her:
She’ll Never Forgive Me
My partner will 100% never forgive me. Knowing her the way I do, the anger would take over She would hire a lawyer, kick me out the house, keep my kids and wish me good luck. There’s no amount of begging, crying, excuses that would keep me in the house.
She’ll Never Trust Me Again
Even if my some miracle, I managed to stay in the house, every single time I go out with friends, there’s no way she’ll 100% believe that I was where I said I would be. At the back of her mind she’s always going to think that I’m out having another affair. She’ll find herself checking my phone, smelling my clothes, plain old looking for evidence to prove that a leopard never changes its spots.
She’ll Blame Herself
When the dust settles, there’s going to be some part of her that starts to blame herself. She’ll question everything about herself, from her looks, to her weight, to how she treated me. And whilst my cheating has nothing to do with her, it’s only going to be a natural reaction.
She Will Develop Trust Issues
Even if she kicks me out the house, keeps the kids, gets all my money and moves on – she’s going to start generalising. She’s going to develop trust issues and will start doubting all men. Any future men that come into her life, she’s always going to think that all men can’t be trusted. She’s going to believe that all men cheat, and it’s going to take a miracle and the right guy to assure her that that’s not true. But she’ll always in the back of her mind never ever fully trust a man again.
Toughen The Fuck Up
Let’s say you had a one night stand, a one time indiscretion – it’s natural that you’ll want to come clean, it really is. I get it. We’ve all been there. However, by confessing, any future true intimacy will be over with your partner. Relationship experts will tell you that one night stands can be gotten over, but having a full time relationship with an affair partner is most certainly something that’s impossible to forgive. The continued betrayal of a long term relationship with another women is harder to get over. The emotional toll of having an affair is so much worse than having a one night stand or a fling.
Your current relationship will come to an end in a heartbeat. It may make you feel better but you will completely destroy your partner. Any intimate relationship with your current partner will come crashing down and become non existent. And of course you could try a sex therapist, you could try couples therapy, you could bleat on about how honest you are generally and how you feel bad – but do you really think it’ll help?
No it won’t. Your current relationship will come crashing down faster than you can say boo. A foolish part of you may believe that by coming clean you are doing the honourable thing. That by no longer lying and telling the truth, you somehow think your instance of cheating will be forgiven. It won’t be. I promise you that. The feelings that your partner will develop towards you will change in a heartbeat. They will punish you in the process whilst they try and deal with this new reality.
It can be boredom, lack of sex, lack of attention, adventure, a drunken mistake, the stress of a family etc..
It’s easy to justify why you cheated to yourself, but despite being the owner of this blog – let’s not get it twisted, cheating is wrong. I absolutely believe this. Some people think it’s a sign that you would out of your existing relationship, the that’s not the case. People like me want to have my cake and eat it. I know I’m not in an open relationship so I need to go above and beyond to hide my affairs from my wife. My relationship isn’t that honest.
Cheating in my world won’t be tolerated. An affair will be met with legal papers. My wife expects honesty and a confession to her wouldn’t be seen as the truth coming through, it will be met with brut force.
Now I know not every spouse is like mine. But from past experience, I can tell you that infidelity in a lot of relationships just won’t be accepted.
Why I Cheat
I cheat because I like attention. There’s a high that comes from an affair that makes my infidelity exciting. I like risk by nature and the secrecy and the sneaking around adds to the excitement. I’m not necessarily saying what I do is a good thing. I always say this and say I’m broken. There’s clearly a void inside of me that needs filling and perhaps cheating is a form of filling that void.
My cheating isn’t about having multiple sexual adventures. No. It’s about having someone to talk to, someone to listen to. Finding good affair partners is rare but when you do, it’s like being on cloud nine.
My Advice
So here’s the deal. If you are the cheating sort, learn to keep your mouth shut. Never tell a soul. Never tell your friends, don’t tell your priest, don’t tell your work colleagues and most definitely don’t tell your spouse that you cheated. Keep that shit secret and take it to your grave (or of course see a therapist).
Die with the lie. Don’t see it as a burden, just see it as something that happened and deal with it. And don’t let it affect your behaviour. Partners are very intuitive and will notice if something is off with you.
A spouse or partner will tolerate a lot, but cheating just isn’t one of them. The honesty thing may make you feel better but it will leave a trail of destruction in its wake.
It’s not just bad people who cheat, many of us do, but the best policy is secrecy. There are plenty of good reasons to confess to infidelity but the sad truth is the crime has already been committed. If confession was such a strong tool, our jails would be empty.
Conclusion
In the instance you are deciding to grow a conscious and decide to disclose to your partner that you cheated, admit it all and confess about a secret relationship; stop, slap yourself in the face and go home and get your fucking shine box.
I’ve stood where you’re standing now, looking at the jagged pieces of what used to be a picture-perfect relationship, struggling to understand how and why it was shattered by the unforgiving blow of an affair. The shockwaves of betrayal can leave you feeling lost, angry, and incredibly alone, but I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way forever. Moving on after an affair is not only possible; it’s a journey that can ultimately lead you towards a place of greater strength, understanding, and resilience.
The road that led me here wasn’t easy, nor was it straightforward. It was a painful, winding path, marked with self-doubt and riddled with hard questions. Infidelity, in its cruel irony, is both intensely personal and startlingly common, leaving behind a trail of broken hearts that are seldom seen but frequently felt.
The statistics are staggering. Studies suggest that roughly 20-25% of married men and 10-15% of married women have cheated on their spouses at some point. But numbers alone can’t convey the depth of betrayal, the broken trust, the pain that lingers long after the act, or the crippling uncertainty about what comes next. So where do you go from here? How do you pick up the pieces and start moving on after an affair?
The truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Each journey through all the kinds of an aftermath of infidelity is unique and deeply personal. However, there are common strategies, tools, and insights that can guide you through this challenging terrain, offering you solace and strength as you navigate your path towards healing. Whether you choose to rebuild your relationship or embark on a new beginning, this guide is intended to serve as your compass, pointing you towards understanding, self-care, and ultimately, recovery.
In this comprehensive guide, I will walk you through the initial shock and the swirl of emotions that follow the discovery of an affair. We’ll delve into the complex reasons behind infidelity and its impacts. Together, we’ll explore how to effectively communicate with the partner who cheated, weigh the decision of whether to stay or leave, and grapple with the challenging process of rebuilding trust or moving on. Rest assured, each step of this journey will be met with empathy, compassion, and an unwavering respect for your personal experience.
But remember, this isn’t just about surviving; it’s about thriving. It’s about growing through what you go through, transforming pain into power, and channeling your energy towards rebuilding a brighter, more authentic life for yourself. You may not feel it now, but believe me when I say, you’re stronger than you know.
So take a deep breath, steady yourself, and remember, you’re not alone on this journey. My aim is to offer you not just solace, but empowerment. I’m here with you, ready to illuminate your path as you start moving on after an affair. I’ll share the lessons I’ve learned, the strategies that have worked for me, and the wisdom I’ve gathered from others who’ve walked this same path. Because, after all, moving on isn’t about forgetting; it’s about forging ahead with strength, grace, and an unwavering belief in your capacity to heal.
Moving On After an Affair: An Intimate Guide to Healing and Rediscovery
At first glance, the word “infidelity” conjures up a simple image: one partner cheating on another. But delve a little deeper, and you’ll quickly realize that it’s a far more complex concept. Infidelity can manifest in myriad ways, from a physical liaison to an emotional connection, and everything in between.
There’s the obvious kind of infidelity – a physical affair, a clandestine relationship conducted in secret. But there’s also emotional infidelity, which might seem less tangible but can be just as damaging. This is when a partner seeks emotional satisfaction outside of their relationship, forming deep emotional bonds with another, often without any physical involvement.
Many times, it’s the emotional affair that leaves deeper scars because it’s not just about the body; it’s about the heart and mind. And that’s the crux of the pain when we talk about moving on after an affair.
The ‘Why’ of Infidelity: Unraveling the Knots
So, why do people cheat? If only there were a simple answer. In reality, the reasons are as varied as the individuals involved. Some seek thrill or novelty, while others might feel neglected in their current relationship. Often, personal issues such as low self-esteem, addiction, or unresolved trauma play a significant role.
Sometimes, it’s a symptom of deeper issues within the relationship itself – communication breakdowns, emotional or physical neglect, or sheer incompatibility. But regardless of the reasons, the impact of infidelity on a relationship is almost always devastating. Trust, once broken, takes a long time to rebuild, and the emotional toll can be immense. In many cases, moving on after an affair becomes the only viable solution.
The Scope of Infidelity: The Cold, Hard Facts
Now that we have an understanding of infidelity, let’s look at some numbers. You might find these shocking or maybe eerily familiar, but remember, you’re not alone in this journey.
According to statistics, an estimated 15-25% of married men and 10-15% of married women have engaged in extramarital sex at some point in their marriage. When emotional and online affairs are included, these numbers jump significantly.
Factors triggering infidelity are diverse, ranging from dissatisfaction with the marital relationship, a desire for sexual variety, or even situational factors like spending time alone with someone other than one’s spouse. Yet, despite the prevalence and the pain, moving on after an affair is not just a possibility but a pathway to a stronger, more authentic you.
Moving On After an Affair: Navigating the Emotional Storm
Discovering infidelity is like stepping onto an emotional roller coaster, one that you didn’t choose to ride, and now, can’t seem to escape. The initial reactions to such a betrayal are as diverse as they are intense. Shock and disbelief usually strike first, like a cold slap to the face. It’s not uncommon to question the reality of the situation:
“This can’t be happening to me,”
you might find yourself repeating, hoping against hope that it’s all just a bad dream.
Anger usually follows, hot and fierce, fueled by a profound sense of betrayal. You might find yourself ruminating on the affair, consumed by questions:
“Why did this happen?” “How could they do this?”
In some cases, denial steps in as a form of self-protection, blunting the sharp edges of reality.
These reactions are completely normal, a part of the tumultuous process of digesting the painful truth. But remember, while these emotions are intense, they’re also temporary stepping stones on your journey of moving on after an affair.
The Hidden Scars: The Impact on Mental Health
While the emotional impact of infidelity is immediately apparent, its effects on mental health can be more insidious, weaving their way into the fabric of your everyday life. Anxiety and depression can surface, fueled by feelings of inadequacy, guilt, or an overwhelming sense of loss. You might find it hard to sleep, eat, or even carry out your daily tasks. In some cases, the trauma of betrayal can lead to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Acknowledging these potential impacts is an essential step in your healing journey. Ignoring or downplaying your emotions might offer temporary relief, but in the long run, it can hinder your progress in moving on after an affair.
Seeking Shelter in the Storm: The Importance of Help
In the wake of infidelity, it’s easy to feel like you’re adrift in a sea of overwhelming emotions. But remember, you don’t have to weather this storm alone. Seeking help, whether from trusted friends, family members, or a professional counselor, can be a lifeline during these turbulent times.
Therapists or counselors, in particular, can provide the tools and insights to help you navigate your emotions effectively. They can offer strategies to manage anxiety and depression, provide a safe space to express your feelings, and guide you in making decisions about the future of your relationship.
Whether you’re on the verge of a decision or just starting to process your emotions, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It’s a testament to your commitment to healing, to moving forward, to moving on after an affair.
Moving On After an Affair: Navigating the Tangled Aftermath
Once the initial shock of the affair subsides, a storm of questions usually ensues. You might feel an intense need for answers, to understand why and how the affair happened. This is where effective communication comes into play. Remember, this is not about placing blame or venting anger, but about gaining clarity to aid your process of moving on after an affair.
When conversing with the partner who cheated, it’s crucial to express your feelings openly and honestly. However, steer clear of attacking their character. Focus instead on their actions and how they affected you. Seek to understand their perspective without excusing their actions. It’s a tricky balance, but with patience and empathy, you can create a space for constructive dialogue.
Considering the Larger Picture: Children, Mutual Friends, and Financial Dependencies
In the wake of an affair, other significant aspects of your shared life come into sharp focus. If you have children, their wellbeing and understanding become paramount. It’s crucial to present a united front, reassure them of your unwavering love, and limit their exposure to conflict.
The affair might also impact your mutual friends and social circles. It’s essential to avoid pushing friends to take sides or using them as sounding boards for your frustrations. Remember, moving on after an affair also involves maintaining respectful boundaries with those around you.
Financial dependencies can further complicate the situation. Should you decide to separate, consider seeking legal advice to understand your financial rights and responsibilities. However, never let financial considerations trap you in an unhealthy situation.
Creating a Safe Space: The Importance of Boundaries and Emotional Processing
When dealing with the aftermath of an affair, setting boundaries becomes crucial. These could include restricting discussions about the affair to specific times, avoiding blame games, or establishing personal spaces to process your emotions.
Take the time you need to digest your feelings, engage in self-care, and reflect on what you want from your relationship moving forward. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to ask for a temporary pause in discussions about the affair. Remember, healing is not a race, and moving on after an affair takes time.
Creating a safe space for emotional processing is a vital part of your journey towards healing. This could mean seeking therapy, journaling your thoughts, or even engaging in meditation or yoga. Whatever form it takes, ensure it fosters self-love, self-understanding, and self-respect.
Moving On After an Affair: To Stay or To Leave?
Deciding whether to stay in the relationship or leave is undoubtedly one of the most challenging aspects of moving on after an affair. This decision hinges on numerous factors, each carrying its weight. These factors can include the degree of betrayal, your partner’s willingness to make amends, the overall health of the relationship pre-affair, and, of course, your personal feelings and well-being.
The length and depth of the affair can significantly influence your decision. A one-time slip might be easier to forgive than a long-term, deep-seated affair. However, the crux of the decision often lies in whether the cheating partner is genuinely remorseful and willing to work on rebuilding trust.
Your Life, Your Decision: Ignoring the Noise
Societal pressures can heavily influence decisions about moving on after an affair. Society might label you a “fool” for staying or a “quitter” for leaving. But remember, this is your life, your relationship, and ultimately, your decision. No one else can truly understand the intricacies of your situation or the depth of your feelings.
You need to be true to yourself and your emotional well-being. Seek advice, but make the final decision independently, based on what you feel is best for you. If you decide to stay, it should be because you believe in the possibility of a healthier, stronger relationship, not because you fear societal judgment or are afraid of being alone.
Exploring the Paths: Rebuilding or Starting Afresh
Once you’ve made your decision, the process of moving on after an affair takes two distinct paths: rebuilding the relationship or starting afresh.
Rebuilding involves hard work, patience, and a deep commitment from both partners. Therapy can be instrumental in this process, helping you navigate through the pain, understand the roots of the affair, and build healthier patterns of communication.
Starting afresh, on the other hand, can feel like stepping into the unknown. It involves grieving the loss of the relationship, rediscovering your individual identity, and eventually, opening your heart to new possibilities. Self-care, support from loved ones, and time are your best allies on this journey.
Moving On After an Affair: The Journey of Self-Care and Healing
Emotional self-care is a cornerstone of moving on after an affair. This process is inherently painful and can feel like an emotional roller-coaster, making it crucial to have strategies to soothe your heart and mind.
Journaling can be a powerful tool in this regard. Pouring your thoughts and feelings onto paper can provide a safe outlet for your emotions and lend you perspective. You might even spot patterns or triggers that you weren’t aware of before.
Meditation, too, can offer solace. Even if you’ve never tried it before, consider giving it a shot. It’s about focusing on the present moment and accepting it without judgment, which can be immensely helpful when you’re grappling with painful emotions.
Lastly, lean on your loved ones. Share your feelings with them and let them be there for you. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone.
Healing the Body: Physical Self-Care
It’s easy to neglect physical health while dealing with emotional turmoil, but remember, your mind and body are deeply interconnected. Maintaining a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, and ensuring adequate sleep are critical components of moving on after an affair.
A balanced diet fuels your body and mind, providing the energy you need to navigate this challenging time. Regular exercise, besides keeping you physically healthy, releases endorphins – the body’s natural mood boosters. And adequate sleep allows your body and mind to rest and recover, enhancing your emotional resilience.
Seeking Guidance: The Role of Professional Help
Professional help can be instrumental in moving on after an affair. Therapists and counselors are trained to help you navigate your feelings, process the affair, and develop coping strategies. They provide a safe, neutral space to explore your emotions and fears.
Support groups, both online and offline, can also be very beneficial. Meeting others who’ve been through similar experiences can make you feel less alone and provide valuable insights.
Moving On After an Affair: The Path to Rebuilding Trust
When it comes to moving on after an affair while choosing to stay in the relationship, professional counseling is often invaluable. Therapists and counselors can provide an unbiased perspective and facilitate open, productive conversations about the affair and its aftermath.
Counseling can assist you in understanding the root causes of the infidelity, the dynamics that may have contributed to it, and most importantly, how to move forward. Therapists can guide both partners in developing empathy, fostering forgiveness, and rebuilding trust – the pillars for restoring a broken relationship.
Voices Heard, Hearts Felt: Communication Strategies for Healing
Effective communication is the lifeline of moving on after an affair. It’s about expressing your feelings honestly and openly, without resorting to blame games or defensiveness. It’s about active listening, where you truly hear your partner, understand their perspective, and validate their emotions.
Rebuilding trust requires the unfaithful partner to be consistently honest, transparent, and patient. They must understand and respect that the betrayed partner will need time and reassurance to heal.
Moreover, the hurt partner should feel free to express their feelings and ask questions. It’s okay to not have all the answers immediately, but honesty must prevail. This mutual respect and openness lay the foundation for a stronger connection.
Forging Ahead: Setting New Relationship Goals
In the process of moving on after an affair, setting new relationship goals can be a crucial step towards rebuilding a stronger bond. These goals should be centered around improving communication, fostering mutual respect, and cultivating a shared vision for the future.
Creating a “relationship vision” can be a powerful tool. This vision, whether written down or verbally agreed upon, describes what both partners want their relationship to look like and includes actionable steps to get there. It serves as a guiding light, a north star, towards a healthier relationship.
The Sands of Time: Understanding the Long-Term Nature of Trust Building
It’s akin to healing from a physical wound; some days, the pain lessens, some days, it flares up. But with consistent care, patience, and time, healing does happen. The same applies to the emotional wound of infidelity.
Moving On After an Affair: The New Chapter of Leaving
If you’ve decided that moving on after an affair means ending the relationship, and you’re married, you’re likely facing a separation or divorce. This process can be challenging and stressful, both legally and emotionally. Depending on your situation, you may have to navigate property division, child custody, and financial adjustments. Seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities during this transition.
Remember to treat yourself with kindness and patience during this period. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, from relief to sadness, anger to confusion. Give yourself time to process these feelings, and lean on your support system when you need to.
Filling the Void: Coping with Loneliness and Building a New Life
In the wake of a breakup, it’s normal to feel loneliness and emptiness. However, moving on after an affair is not just about surviving the heartbreak, it’s about thriving in spite of it.
Engage in activities that you enjoy or try out new hobbies. Reach out to friends and family. Join clubs or groups with similar interests. Fill your life with positivity and self-care. Now is the time to reconnect with yourself, rediscover your interests, and redefine your life on your terms.
Embracing Love Again: Stepping Back into Dating
Moving on after an affair also means being open to the possibility of new relationships. When you feel ready, step back into the dating world. Remember, there’s no rush. Everyone moves at their own pace.
It’s normal to have apprehensions and fears about trusting someone new. Share your feelings with potential partners when you feel comfortable doing so. Transparency about your past can pave the way for a stronger, healthier relationship in the future.
Lastly, it’s crucial to understand that deciding to leave a relationship after an affair doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’ve made a difficult decision in pursuit of your happiness and peace of mind. It means you’ve chosen to prioritize yourself.
Wrapping It Up: The Journey Beyond Affair
Life isn’t always what it’s cut out to be in fairy tales. Infidelity is one of those harsh realities that pull us abruptly from the dreamy realms of eternal bliss into the real world, a world that can sometimes be harsh and challenging. We undertook the task of writing this comprehensive guide on moving on after an affair because it’s a conversation that is often hushed, a topic that lingers in the corners, faced by many yet spoken by few.
This guide matters because it aims to be more than just a collection of words and advice. It seeks to be a trusted friend, a beacon of light that helps you navigate the dark corners of betrayal and disappointment. It’s a companion that walks with you, offering insights to help make sense of your feelings, strategies to manage your emotions, and even a dash of humor to lighten the weight you might be carrying. Because let’s face it, infidelity is no laughing matter, but a little chuckle here and there sure does help to lighten the heart.
Whether your journey entails rebuilding the relationship with the person who betrayed your trust or forging a new path alone, it’s crucial to remember that this journey is neither about failure nor success. It’s about courage and resilience. It’s about taking the shattered pieces of trust and creating a mosaic of healing and growth. If you’ve read this far, it means you are ready. You’re prepared to embark on this journey, ready to navigate the highs and lows, ready to move forward.
So let’s do this. Let’s embark on the journey of moving on after an affair. Sure, the road might be bumpy, but then again, aren’t the most rewarding paths usually the ones less traveled? Put on that favorite song of yours, the one that gives you strength, that makes you feel invincible, and let’s start moving. Because at the end of the day, it’s all about putting one foot in front of the other, taking it one day at a time, and always, always moving forward.
The journey is just beginning, and you have the power to define what comes next. And with this guide, you will not be alone. We will be with you every step of the way, cheering you on, providing a shoulder to lean on when the days are tough, and celebrating your victories with you. So, as we wrap this up, remember – no matter how challenging it gets, you are stronger than you think. You’ve got this. We believe in you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is moving on after an affair so difficult?
It’s challenging because infidelity disrupts the trust and intimacy foundational to any relationship. It brings a whirlwind of emotions, from anger and betrayal to sadness and confusion. Plus, societal pressure and fear of the unknown can further complicate the process.
Should I stay or leave after an affair?
The decision to stay or leave is highly personal. It depends on several factors, including the nature of the affair, the cheater’s remorse and willingness to change, and your feelings towards them. The key is to take your time and make a decision that’s best for your mental and emotional well-being.
Can a relationship really survive infidelity?
Yes, relationships can and do survive infidelity. It takes time, effort, and often professional help to rebuild trust and mend the emotional wounds. However, the process can lead to a deeper understanding and stronger connection between partners.
How do I cope with loneliness after leaving?
Engage in activities you love, reconnect with friends, and explore new hobbies. Consider seeking help from a therapist or joining a support group. Remember, it’s okay to feel lonely, and it’s a normal part of the healing process.
When should I start dating again?
There’s no set timeline for when you should start dating after an affair. Listen to your emotions and take it at your own pace. Make sure you’ve given yourself enough time to heal and understand what you want in a new relationship.
How can I trust someone new after being cheated on?
Trust after betrayal takes time to rebuild. Be open about your feelings with potential partners. Understand that not everyone will betray your trust. Consider seeking professional help if you find it extremely challenging to trust again.
Does leaving mean I’ve failed?
Absolutely not! Leaving a relationship after an affair is not a failure; it’s a decision made in pursuit of your happiness and peace. It takes courage to prioritize your well-being over societal norms and expectations.
People cheat for a whole host of reasons. What’s more, there’s no one-size-fits-all profile for an affair. Some people become emotionally entangled with colleagues, while others realize a long-time friend is someone they want to cheat with. Others are proactive in the hunt for an affair partner, heading online or seeking out strangers during nights out with friends. Although there’s a huge amount of risk involved when pursuing affairs, they can be pretty rewarding for those who manage to keep their indiscretion a secret. However, even the best affairs don’t last long.
Some affairs last for a matter of weeks, while around half of all of them are done and dusted within a year of getting started. Other affairs can last for much longer, crossing the 12-month mark and heading into the two-year territory. In rare situations, affairs can last for many years, even decades. However, you need to be realistic about things and realize that extramarital relationships have a shelf life. Looking to bring an ill-judged affair to a close? Worried about a good thing ending earlier than you’d like? Let’s explore some of the ways that affairs usually come to an end.
How Affairs Usually End?
Most people assume that affairs only come to a close when the infidelity is discovered. However, it’s pretty rare that a cheating partner is caught out by their other half. In my friendship circle alone, half a dozen people have cheated, and only one of them has ever been caught in the act.
In actual fact, many affairs die off for the same reasons that normal relationships do. One of the main reasons why these relationships fail is that the thrill wears off. That initial fire you feel for someone new quickly becomes familiar. After a few weeks or months, even the ecstasy of great sex can’t justify all the effort needed to keep an affair secret. What’s more, people quickly realize how hollow an affair can be. If there’s little emotional connection there, maintaining an affair doesn’t really seem worth it.
Guilt and Anxiety
Other people can’t deal with the guilt of cheating on their partner. It can be a massive relief for a cheater to find out their affair partner wants to draw things to a close. Sometimes, cheaters take a proactive approach and call things quiet because they can’t deal with the constant feelings of anxiety.
If you’ve kicked off an affair because your spouse isn’t treating you well, you might not feel outright guilt about the situation. However, the stress of trying to keep things secret can be detrimental to your mental health. Even if you think that your other half deserves to be betrayed, the payoff you have to suffer saps any thrill out of things.
Misery Loves Company
Have you hooked up with a person who’s also engaged or married? I’ve found these pairings to be one of the safest ways to maintain an affair and keep it a secret. You’re both in the same boat and both parties know the consequences of an affair becoming common knowledge. However, you’ve got to be careful with this kind of entanglement.
Why?
If you’re both cheating because you have a long list of complaints about your other halves, it’s easy for those gripes to become the main conversation topic. Whether you’re raking over old ground to justify your actions or just want to chew the fat, this negativity can be consuming. An enriching affair should make you feel better, not bring you down to earth and depress you. In many cases, affair partners choose to call things off once the arrangement becomes too much of a downer to deal with.
You Realize You’re Dealing With a Complete Stranger
Short-term affairs can be thrilling, especially if the sex is great. However, any affair that lasts longer than a few weeks needs to be built on firmer ground. Once you’ve been seeing someone for more than a month, you’ll start to see how different you are.
In my experience, having wildly different interests isn’t really an issue if your sole focus is sexual gratification. However, if you’re looking for something more meaningful, there’s no point flogging a dead horse. Why bother spending months trying to make an affair work if you’re already turning away from the marital bed because of relationship issues? If you want your affair to have mileage, you need to think twice before getting involved with someone who isn’t your spouse.
While affairs seem shiny and new at first, the veneer quickly wears away. After a month or two, you’ll have a clear idea of how well things are working and whether or not to proceed. If infidelity still appeals but you don’t see your current affair partner working out, cut your losses and look elsewhere.
You’ve Been Found Out
This is a nightmare scenario and one you want to avoid at all costs. Sometimes, people openly admit to their affairs because they can’t cope with the crippling guilt. Other times, the issue is taken out of their hands and their infidelity is discovered.
There are many ways you can be caught out. Have you become involved with someone at work? Make sure you’re playing nice with all of your colleagues. Bad blood can lead to a world of pain if an irate coworker who knows about your affair decides to let your spouse know what’s going on.
You also need to think about other people who know what you’re up to. A lot of people in affairs decide to confide in a friend so they can share the emotional burden of cheating. While this can be an instant stress reliever, it ultimately makes things more complicated. You’re simply spreading the guilt around. If your friend is someone who crumbles at the first sign of conflict, they’re the best person to confide in. Once again, you also need to be sure you’re keeping them sweet. A simple falling out over something trivial can turn into a marriage-ending fiasco when they decide to make your secret common knowledge.
Other times, your partner is the one to discover your affair. This can happen in a variety of ways. When I’ve played away, I’ve been meticulous about keeping my affairs secret by using a burner phone. However, a lot of people don’t do this. If you’re keeping in touch with your affair partner with your usual device, make sure this never leaves your side. A single message popping up on your home screen can bring everything out into the open if your partner spots it. Your spouse might also catch you in a lie. Keeping an affair secret is an art form. If you can’t cope with remembering a long list of lies and alibis, you’ll find yourself backed into a corner in no time. Sometimes, you can dig your heels and lie your way out of the most impossible situation. Other times, you’ll crumble and admit to what’s been happening.
Of course, the worst possible way of being found is your spouse catching you being intimate with someone else. Naturally, this rules out using your place as a staging ground for sex. However, avoiding the marital home doesn’t go far enough. Keep your meetings out of the zip code if possible.
What Happens to a Marriage When Affairs End?
Has your affair been discovered? If you’re massively unhappy in your marriage, I’d suggest taking stock of things and deciding what to do next. If your affair partner is open to the idea of a conventional relationship, now might be the time to split from your spouse and pursue a new relationship with someone who actually interests you. If not, consider whether the single life might still be a better future for you.
A lot of the time, affair partners aren’t interested in a conventional relationship. This means a lot of people are at the mercy of their betrayed partner. Divorce is something a lot of people have to deal with. Even if the divorce papers aren’t brought into play immediately, a trial separation might be called for. For some people, a divorce is the way forward. However, it becomes more difficult for people who’ve been in relationships for years. If you’re tied to a mortgage and numerous financial commitments, you can end up walking away with your bank balance in the red. It’s even more of a headache if you’ve got a family and need to fight it out in court for custody.
Can a Marriage Be Saved After an Affair?
Just because your infidelity has been discovered by your spouse, doesn’t mean that your marriage is doomed. The statistics vary between studies, but it’s thought as many as 20% of marriages impacted by divorce survive for five years or longer. However, keeping a broken marriage on life support takes effort.
You’ll need to admit your guilt and be accepting of change. Marriage counseling isn’t for everyone, but spending some time with a therapist can help both partners reengage and find their voice. You also benefit from a neutral party laying down cold, hard truths. As the partner who did the cheating, you’ll have to take the brunt of this. However, if you were driven to cheat because of a lack of intimacy, physical and emotional, a therapist won’t allow your other half off the hook entirely.
Do You Want to Carry on Cheating?
A recently discovered affair doesn’t have to be the end of your extramarital adventures. Unfortunately, a lot of people end up stuck in a relationship they’d rather not be in, but the long list of gripes with their partner remains. As such, finding their kicks elsewhere is the only way to save their sanity. If you’ve been found out or had to admit to an affair, you’re going to have to work extra hard to keep your next indiscretion a secret. If you were lazy about keeping these text exchanges and calls a secret, you’ve got to be more meticulous next time around. Invest in a second phone, or at least a second SIM card. Did you previously hook up with someone you knew from everyday life? Don’t even consider anyone who falls within that work-life-friends Venn diagram the next time you want to cheat.
Life can be rough sometimes, and it can be pretty heartbreaking when someone you care about hurts you. Whether it’s a relationship or a friendship, it can leave an ache that won’t go away. Don’t settle for someone who isn’t treating you right and make him regret it. Here are some tips on how to make him regret hurting you.
First and foremost, take some time – a step back – to start the healing process and to fully assess the situation. You don’t have to rush into anything and it’s important to give yourself some time to calm down and digest what happened.
Once you’re ready, don’t be afraid to speak up. You have the right to be heard, so express yourself! Be direct, be honest, and make it clear that you are not open for further hurt. Whether it’s confronting him and saying how you feel, or simply distancing yourself from the person and cutting him out of your life, don’t be afraid to take a stand for yourself.
When a person hurts you, it’s understandable that you’re probably not eager to show them what they’re missing out on. But here’s a thought I’d like you to consider – don’t hold back and give it your all! Show them that life can be so much better without them. Shine on, girl (or guy)!
You don’t have to do this alone, either. It is normal to need support. Focus on your hobbies, find a mentor or life coach, or reach out to a close friend. It’s okay to lean on people, it doesn’t make you any less strong.
Finally, don’t look back. It’s easier said than done, but it’s necessary for your peace of mind – and it’s a great way to make him regret how he treated you. Life’s too short to dwell on the past. Focus on yourself and the future, and don’t forget – it’s never too late to turn that frown upside down.
Take a Step Back
When it comes to getting revenge, the first step is always to take a step back. Seething with fury and anger is only going to drag you deeper into the problem and make him feel worse for hurting you. Taking a step back and giving yourself some space is the key to getting started on the road to revenge.
What can happen when you take a step back? Well, firstly, you have time to breathe and gain some perspective. You can also think back on the situation calmly and decide if it really merited revenge. Most of the time it does and when you take a step back you can gain the tools necessary to make sure you hurt him as much as he hurt you.
Your first step should be to allow yourself some time. Take a day, a week or even a month away from him to really get yourself in the right mindset. You will need to make sure that you are in a place mentally where you can take some positive steps forward and don’t allow yourself to be dragged back into the sense of despair and hurt. This may be tough, but you should also think about how you want to present yourself to him when you approach the problem again. Being calm and collected will be much more impressive than letting your emotions get the better of you.
During the time you are away, you should think about how you want the revenge to play out. What steps do you want to take, and how can you make sure that he really regrets what he did? The way forward will depend completely on the situation you are in, however, it is important to remember that whatever you do, it should not cause further harm to either you or him. It is important to stay within the bounds of the law and to remember that violence can never be condoned.
By doing this, you have successfully taken a step back and can now think about how best to make him regret hurting you. Remembering to stay within the confines of the law is key, and also keep your cool. Don’t let yourself be pulled back into despair and hurt, but instead focus on the positive steps that you can take to make him regret hurting you.
Speak Up
Trying to get retribution and make them eyes pop out of your ex-partner’s head? You need to learn the valued art of speaking up.
Talking is something that us humans learn from day dot. It’s something that’s as natural as breathing. It’s just part of our everyday lives. But we’ve all been in situations where talking can be difficult. It’s natural to want to clam up when in the face of adversity, but if you’re wanting to make someone regret hurting you, then talk it out.
No one wants to open up to someone that they feel has hurt them, not even when they’re trying to grab back a bit of power. This can be especially tough if you used to be close with this person. But tough times call for tough measures.
Find a way to voice yourself. This doesn’t have to be confrontational. Yes, you can tell him he wronged you and how he hurt you, but if direct confrontation isn’t your style, then feel free to do it in a different way. Talk to his friends or family and tell them exactly how it happened and how it made you feel.
If your pain and heartache is too much to bear, then seek out counselling. Find someone who can talk to and can help you process your emotions and feelings. Bringing an unbiased third party in to an uncomfortable situation can help you to regulate your emotions and can help stop yourself from saying something that you’ll later regret.
Just remember, when it comes to really getting someone to regret their wrong doings, even if it’s just a little, you need to speak up.
Show Him What He is Missing Out On
Have you ever had someone hurt you and you find they don’t even care? Do you feel like they haven’t taken a second to consider your feelings or the consequences of their actions? If this sounds familiar, you might feel motivated to want to make them regret and realize what they’re missing out on now that you’re gone. Well, if that’s how you feel then don’t worry, I’m here to help!
Let’s get started with the first step: showing him what he’s missing out on. To do this, you don’t necessarily have to go out and purchase a billboard so that your former flame knows what he’s missing out on. While that may be an option for some, it’s not always an option for everyone. So, what can you do to show him what he’s missing out without breaking the bank?
Well, first of all you can do something simple but powerful and post pictures on social media doing things that you love, things that you’ve never done with him or things that he never took the time to do with you. This will let him know that you’re living a full and enjoyable life and he’s not a part of it anymore.
You can also use emails and text messages to send little reminders of the amazing things he’s missing out on. Stop by your favorite coffee shop, take a picture and send him a coffee with a message like,
“just wanted you to know I’m here and I’m living my best life. Hope your coffee’s as good as mine”.
Another way to show him what he’s missing out on is to go out and paint the town with your friends. Show him that you don’t need him to have a good time. Going out and just having a blast with friends is a great way to let him know that you’re done wasting your life away on someone who can’t even treat you right.
Finally, don’t forget to flaunt your successes in his face. So, whether he hurt you or not, use the moments that matter to you to shine your brightest self in front of him and show him what he’s missing out on not being in your life. With that let him see that you don’t need him and he’ll definitely regret not treating you right.
All in all, the best way to show him what he’s missing is to live your best life and be happy. Don’t let him bring you down or let his opinions be the ones to tell you what you need and who you need to be. Put yourself first and remember that life is too short to chase what isn’t meant for you. So make it known that you’re not willing to entertain any bad vibes and don’t look back. Show him what he’s missing out on and let him regret ever hurting you.
Get Support
When it comes to making your ex regret hurting you, getting support from family and friends is another way to make sure things turn out in your favor. After all, having others to comfort you, encourage you, and hold you accountable is essential for anyone trying to move forward in their lives.
And depending on your situation, getting others involved can also be a useful way of getting an apology from your ex. More often than not, if your loved ones confront him directly or if they make him understand that his behavior was wrong, he’s more likely to apologize and feel remorse for his actions.
So, don’t be shy about seeking out help when you’re still hurting inside. Chances are that those closest to you know exactly how to help you best and the support you get will make all the difference when it comes to making him regret his actions.
But, don’t forget that the pain won’t go away overnight. You’ll need to be patient, kind to yourself, and take things one step at a time. And, at the same time, don’t be afraid to express your feelings. Whether it’s in the form of writing out a list or screaming at the top of your lungs, releasing all that pain to the world can be surprisingly therapeutic.
If you don’t have trusted family or friends nearby, there are tons of other support outlets available to you. Whether it’s going to a therapist or a support group that caters specifically to people who have been hurt in relationships, know that you are not alone and that there are tons of other individuals out there who have gone through the same type of pain.
So, don’t be afraid to seek out help and make him regret hurting you. All it takes is the courage to put one foot in front of the other and eventually, you’ll make it out of this storm and come out feeling much stronger on the other side.
Don’t Look Back
When you’ve been hurt by someone, especially someone you thought you loved, it can be hard to let it go. But one of the most important things you can do for yourself when you’ve been hurt is to try not to look back. No matter what, don’t think about the times you shared together and do your best to move forwards.
Don’t waste your time on wondering what could have been, what you could have done better, and more importantly, don’t spend time thinking about him. If he hurt you, then it’s better for your future if you just keep away, because it’s likely that he won’t change anytime soon.
This doesn’t mean that you have to stop living your life, because one of the best ways you can make him regret hurting you is to show him what he’s missing out on. Don’t wallow in self-pity, don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself, and don’t forget who you are.
Instead, go out and do the things you’ve been wanting to do but didn’t get to because you were too focused on him. Go to a movie with friends, take a random trip, try something you’ve always wanted to. Let him the see what an amazing life you’re living without him, and he’ll sing a different tune.
In order to make sure you don’t look back, it’s important to channel your feelings and use them to your advantage. If you’re feeling angry, find something constructive to do with that anger. Go to the gym, clean up your living space, donate to a charity, or even talk to a mental health expert. Whatever it is that you choose to do, make sure its something good.
The most important thing is to keep moving forward in your life and focus on yourself. Don’t look back and reflect on what could have been, focus on where your life is heading and how you want to reach your goals. That’s how you’ll make him regret hurting you.
When it comes to how to make your ex jealous, it’s all about choosing the right outfit. You want to pick something that will set you apart and make you stand out. After all, you want to make sure your ex notices you!
If you’re a guy, start with a fitted button-down shirt in a bright color or a bold pattern. Make sure it’s tucked in and that there are no wrinkles. Put on a pair of dark, slim fitting jeans, and a nice pair of shoes, like stylish boat shoes or Oxfords.
For the ladies, you can never go wrong with a little black dress. Add high heels for a more sultry look. If you’re going for a daytime look, try a dressy skirt and a nice blouse. Accessorize like crazy—jewelry, scarf, and the works!
Your aim here is to find something that will make you look irresistible — something that shows off your best features. Put on a shade of lipstick or eyeshadow your ex has never seen you wear. Wear something daring and unexpected, like a pair of skinny jeans or an edgy leather jacket.
Now to top it off, you’ll need a signature piece. Something that really makes you stand out in the crowd. This can be a colorful watch, or a bold statement necklace. Get creative!
When you’re done putting together your outfit, you should go grab a mirror and take a good long look at yourself! You should ooze confidence and be one hundred percent sure of yourself when you step out that door. If you have any doubts about your outfit, that will translate in your body language and you won’t be giving off the message you’re aiming for.
Once you’ve nailed your outfit, you’re good to go! Put your best foot forward and don’t be afraid to show off the amazing new you. Make sure your ex sees the eye-catching new you, and watch as their jaw drops! So go ahead, pick out an outfit and set the stage for your mission to make your ex jealous!
Choose Your Outfit
When it comes to making your ex jealous, your outfit is an essential part of the puzzle. Adding the perfect touch of sexiness or swag can really drive them insane!
Clothing can be a great way to express your personality, so make sure to choose something that really stands out in the crowd. Go for something stylish, yet casual and always consider what the occasion is. For example, an outdoor barbecue may call for a flowy maxi dress or some denim shorts. Or if you know you’ll be hitting up a club, rock a tight dress and some killer heels.
If you’re not into dressing up, that’s cool too! Just trade in your lounge wear for some fitting jeans and a stylish top, add some bold accessories, and you’re all set!
To give off extra edge, opt for darker and more mysterious colors like grays, black, and navy. Or, if you want to bring the drama, deepen your outfit with some reds and oranges!
And don’t forget that little extra something like a trendy belt or scarf to draw attention to the outfit! As long as you’re feeling good, you’ll look amazing and have your ex beaming with jealousy.
Get a New Hair Style
Ahhh, nothing turns heads like a new hair style: exes in particular. Showing off a fresh hairdo is the perfect way to make your ex jealous of what they’re missing out on. Here’s how to get that sleek, shiny look that will have everyone talking.
First, decide what kind of style you want. Will it involve a color change or are you sticking to your natural hue? The direction you choose will depend largely on what kind of impression you want to make. If you want to show that you’re wild and daring, go for a crazy split-color look. But if you want to look more serious, you can’t do much better than your standard dark brown, black, or auburn color.
Next, consider length. Are you looking to make a big change or just a subtle update? If you want to go shorter, make sure you understand what kind of maintenance it requires. The last thing you want is a bad hair day when all eyes are on you.
Once you’ve decided on a style and length, it’s time to find a good hair stylist. If you’re doing a dramatic change you might want to go to a professional salon. Otherwise, a friend or family member may be able to help you out. Make sure you trust the person who is going to be wielding the shears and give them a clear idea of the look you’re going for!
Once you have a new ‘do, make sure you show it off! Post endless selfies, get cozy with the Snapchat filter options, or flaunt it at your next social gathering. With your new look, your ex will be drooling over the amazing transformation. And you’ll be the talk of the town, so you can’t lose!
So those are the ways you can make sure to get the perfect hair style to make your ex jealous. Find a style, find the right person to do it, and show it off! With a new look, you’ll be ready to show your ex what they’re missing out on.
Make Sure to Look Your Best
Hey there! When it comes to making your ex jealous, the most important thing is to look your best. Sure, you want to buy a nice new outfit, but what’s even more important than that is to make sure you look your best. Think of it this way – a nice outfit is just a frame for what it’s setting off. So if you walk around with a great outfit but your hair’s a mess, your face is all blotchy and you have bags under your eyes, it won’t do much good.
First of all, and this is the most important step, make sure you’re smiling! Smiling will automatically make you look more attractive. Plus, it’s one of the best ways to show off your happiness, and you want your ex to be jealous of your joie de vie. I know that it’s very difficult to do when you’re still reeling over the breakup, but don’t give in to the tears – put on your best game face and don’t let them see you sweat.
The next thing you want to do is to make sure you’re taking good care of yourself. Exercise regularly and make sure to eat healthy. All of this will help you to look your best, which is the goal you should always be aiming for. And if you don’t know what kind of exercise to do, or you don’t know what kind of healthy foods to eat, don’t worry – just look up some YouTube videos, or even better, ask a friend to help you out.
Last of all, don’t forget to pamper yourself a little bit too. I’m not saying you should go out and buy a bunch of expensive makeup products, but just take a few extra steps to make sure you’re looking your best. Take a nice hot bath, maybe use a nice face mask and make sure you look fabulous!
So now you should be looking your best, and your ex won’t know exactly what hit them. Now it’s time to start showing them off and make sure your ex knows you’re looking great.
Most Important – Smile!
We get it. It’s hard to smile after a tough breakup. You’ve been through the wringer, so the last thing you feel like doing is plastering a happy face on for the world to see, let alone for your ex. But guess what? It’s going to make all the difference, especially if you’re out in public. Show them how sweet life is—without them.
Smile and act like an upbeat, happier person. It will create an atmosphere that your ex won’t have any choice but to notice. This can throw your ex off balance, because they won’t be expecting it.
When you’re out and about in public, give off the subtle but sure signs that you are just living the good life. Laugh out loud when you hear something funny. Give a genuine compliment to a passing stranger. Chain-link some compliments together and make people feel good.
The more you smile and exude confidence, the more you’ll have it, and the more you’ll have people noticing you. If your ex notices you, the more likely it is that you’ll make them feel jealous. Especially if you were always the life of the party when you two were together.
The thing is, don’t be over the top with it. Don’t stuff your face with food during dates or yell at anyone in public. Even if you’re feeling sad, put on a brave face and just melt into the night. Smile, and let the world know that you are doing just fine.
Word will get back to your ex. They’ll have no choice but to ask
“what’s happening in your life, why are people talking about you, where have you been?”
And then, bingo. You’ve got them asking questions—and envying your freedom just a bit. That’s when you know you’ve achieved the goal!
And when it’s all said and done, at the end of the night, your ex might just be a little bit envious.
Exercise and Eat Healthy
Exercising and eating healthy is the secret to making your ex jealous. After all, looking good makes you feel good—and your freshly-strong body and glowing skin will be sure to make your ex regret the decision to break up with you. Let’s get started!
The first thing you need to do is get yourself moving. Start by signing up for a gym membership or two. You should be able to find a gym that fits your budget and your schedule. Look for classes that are outside of your comfort zone—like Crossfit or martial arts to really show off your newly-developed muscles. Take advantage of those membership discounts to make it even more affordable.
Once you’re in the gym, don’t be afraid to ask the instructors for advice. They should be able to tell you what kind of workout routine would be best suited to your level of fitness and what kinds of exercises would benefit you the most. Make sure to listen to their advice and get the most out of every workout.
Eating healthy goes hand in hand with exercising. Start by stocking up on healthy snacks like fruits, nuts and veggies to have on-hand when hunger strikes. Once you have the basics, try looking up some delicious, nutritious recipes that you can whip up in no time. Eating healthy doesn’t have to be boring—you can even spruce up your meals with simple, gourmet options.
Make sure to drink plenty of water throughout the day and if you’re feeling a bit sluggish, try replacing a caffeinated drink with a smoothie or tea. You’ll be surprised at how refreshed and energetic you feel afterwards.
Don’t forget to reward yourself for all the hard work you’ve been putting in. Treat yourself to a massage, or get your nails done. Or, if you want to really show off, invite your ex to join you!
Making your ex jealous might seem like a daunting task—but if you take the time to exercise and eat healthy, it’ll be easier than you think. Take the time to focus on your health and you’ll be on your way to turning those jealous looks into.. well, whatever comes after that!
Show Off
Ah, what better way to make your ex jealous than to subtly remind them of what they are missing! Showing off your new look and sense of confidence is key here.
First things first, make sure your ex sees pictures of you looking your best. Post new photos on social media and update your profile picture regularly. Feel free to partake in some shameless selfies or photos with friends or family. This will show your ex that you are confident, independent, and happy.
You should also show off by sharing details of your exciting life on social media. Post pictures of any events you attend such a movie premieres, gallery openings, or even a simple coffee date with a friend. Your ex would love to know that you are still living life to the fullest, even without them!
The key is to (cleverly!) mention activities without going into too much detail. This will leave your ex with more questions than answers, and if they’re really curious, they’ll reach out to you. Just make sure that you do not make the mistake of oversharing.
The last piece of the puzzle is to give off the vibe that you’re no longer attached to them in any ways. Going out with friends, especially dancing, establishes you as a single person that’s not attached to anyone. Taking some time to also show interest in other people will make your ex jealous, as they’ll be wondering if you’re already dating someone else.
Remember, the point is not to make your ex jealous – it’s to get them to realize they made a mistake and still have a chance to win you back. So don’t go overboard with your efforts. Follow the golden rules of wearing stylish outfits, staying positive, eating healthy and of course, showing off a little bit on social media!
Make Sure Your Ex Sees Pictures of You
If you want your ex to get jealous, one of the best ways to do it is to make sure they know what you’ve been up to! As much as you think it’s a good idea to to post pictures of yourself living your best life in the hottest spots, it’s not always the best idea. You don’t want to come off as bitter and vindictive. That won’t get you anywhere with your ex.
So how do you subtly show off your fabulous life? The answer is simple: social media. It’s the perfect way to let your ex see you living your best (and happiest) life. Whether you’re in the VIP section of the hottest club or sipping a fruity cocktail on the beach, one picture can tell a huge story, and your ex will definitely feel the envy.
But of course, you can’t just post a picture and expect the jealousy to take place. You have to craft an even more powerful message, one that will make them feel like they’re missing out. Commenting on your post with a cheeky remark, like
“wishing you were here, babe”, or “just having a blast with my crew”
adds a bit of subtlety to the situation.
If you’re not a fan of social media, you can always take a more old school route. Pick up that polaroid and take a few snaps of special moments – like when you’re out with good friends, or enjoying a thrilling adventure with your family. Hang the polaroids up in your room and take the time to upload them to your ex later on. It’s sure to send them the message that you’re living your best and happiest life without them.
However you decide to show off to your ex, one thing that remains the same is that you don’t want to come off as spiteful or petty. If anything, you want to make sure that even though you’re living your life without them, you still have their best interests at heart. Just have fun with it, repost old memories and set out on new adventures- your ex will notice and you’ll feel the satisfaction.
Share Details of Your Events
We all know the best way to make your ex jealous is to show them you’ve been having a great time without them. Social media can be your best friend in this situation! Make sure to take plenty of pictures of your events with friends and share them. Make sure your ex sees them. Post pictures of your dinner out with friends and make sure to mention what great food everyone had. Do the same with pictures you take clubbing and events you go to. Make sure your ex sees them to show them what a great time you’ve been having without them.
Take this a step further and share the details of your events. Let your ex know what a great time you had with your friends and how much fun the night was. Talk about the amazing conversations and introduce your ex to the people you’ve been hanging out with. Do a little bragging about any projects or events you’ve been working on that have made you a star in your group of friends. Show your ex that your social life has been booming without them!
Remember that the key here is to be subtle but impactful – you don’t have to go into the nitty-gritty details during every post. Your ex should get the bigger picture without needing to know all the specifics. Think of this as a way to express your post-split zest for life. Show your ex that you’ve still got plenty of energy and that life has been more exciting since you’ve been single again!
Pretend You’re Single Now
I’m sure you’re now asking yourself, ok, great, so I looked good and had fun activities, now what? Now you are ready for the big step: pretending you’re now single. I know, this may sound a little crazy, but it will have a big effect. You have to convince your ex that the break up was the only solution, show that you’ve already moved on and are perfectly fine without them.
The first thing to do is to clearly show your ex that you’re done with them. Make sure they understand that you don’t want anything to do with them anymore. No more calling, texting, emails, voicemails, etc. Don’t answer if they try to contact you, even if it’s just a friendly chat. It may be hard, I know, but if you really want to make your ex jealous this is what you have to do.
Once you’ve made it clear that you no longer want to be in the same orbit as your ex, it’s time to show them that you have a wide variety of activities that can keep you busy. Go out with your friends, have some fun and make sure your ex sees pictures or hears about these outings. After all, why should you stay home pining for a person who clearly doesn’t want you anymore? You deserve to have a great time and if your ex was smart enough to notice, maybe they will come back for you.
And of course, if you’ve got the guts, don’t be afraid to show an interest in other people. Nothing will make your ex jealous like seeing you with someone else. We all have that friend who knows a lot of good-looking guys and girls. Ask them to introduce you and go out with them. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should date them, but it will be enough to make your ex wonder if you’re really single now.
Having fun and looking good are just part of the plan, of course. You also have to show that you can take care of yourself without the help of your ex. Show that your life is full of activities and people who want to spend time with you. This should help to make your ex jealous and really regret the decision of breaking up with you. So, it’s time to go out there and start having a good time!
Show Your Ex You’re Done with Them
What do you do when you want your ex to be jealous? That’s a difficult one, but there’s one thing that might help. Show them that you’re done with them! It’s important to showcase that you no longer have any interest in them and have moved on from them.
You don’t have to stay holed up in your house for the rest of your life, just because your ex may be around! Get out there, have some fun, and live your life as if your ex didn’t exist. Cut off all communication with them, let them know you don’t want to talk to them, and that you’ve moved on.
Do things that make you look happy and independent, like taking classes, joining a club, or going out with friends. Even if those friends are the same ones your ex was there with, don’t be scared! The point is to show your ex that you can still do the same things you used to do without them, maybe even better.
Go to the same places you used to go with your ex, like out to eat at their favorite restaurant or the movies. Have fun, laugh and just be happy! Your ex will get to see that you’re doing great without them and will eventually get jealous.
Make sure to always look and feel your best when you go around town. Put on a dress or a suit and go all out for yourself. This act of self-care will if nothing else make you feel confident and in charge of your life. And that feeling will attract the attention of other people, to show your ex that you can attract attention from everyone, including them.
You don’t need to get into any petty arguments or gossip with them or their friends to prove that message. Just let your actions speak louder than words, by showing them that you’ve moved on in a mature, healthy way. That’s why it’s important to focus on yourself and your goals and not worry too much about what your ex is doing behind closed doors, because pretty soon it’ll be them jealous of you!
Go Out With Friends and Show Interest in Other People
It’s time to make your ex jealous! Going out with your friends is the perfect opportunity to make an impression on your ex and show them what they’re missing. Make sure to dress to impress, bring your most attractive friends, and enjoy the night!
When you’re out, make sure your ex knows you’re having a great time. Post pictures with your friends on social media, even tag your ex if you want to go for the extra mile. Show that you’re having a great time with your friends and that you don’t need your ex to enjoy your life.
When you’re out, make sure your ex also notices that you’re interested in other people. Show that you’re enjoying yourself and that you’re not pining for your ex. Be friendly, chat with people, dance with other people, and let it shine that you’re open to certain possibilities.
And what if your ex comes to the same place you are? Just act natural! Don’t ignore them but don’t be overbearing either. Show them that you have plenty of people to talk to and that you don’t have time to give them all of your attention. Chat with them if they approach you, but don’t linger.
Making your ex jealous isn’t something you should do to hurt them, but rather to show that you’re doing great without them and that you don’t need them to be happy in life. Don’t let them control your emotions and your actions. Go out and have a great time with your friends and show that you’re open to other possibilities. Have fun and make sure your ex knows they are missing out!
Ahh, romantic relationships. Some are blissful, like a ride for two on a cupid’s bow. Others, well, not so much. It’s normal to think that your special one may not feel as special anymore, and you’ve noticed little things that make you worry she’s got someone else on her mind.
You’re noticing signs she has someone else, but you don’t want to be paranoid. Maybe if you’re lucky you can find a smoking gun and see if it’s really true. So if you are starting to be suspicious, here are some things she does that may make you worry.
The first thing on the list – she won’t answer your calls. You’re checking your call log and seeing that the call duration is minimal, or worse… She’s not returning your calls at all.
Another sign is she seems to be more distant to you. She doesn’t talk to you as much, not really reliable to make plans or touch base. Maybe it’s because she’s been hanging out with new friends, they seem kind of shady, who knows?
You’re with her and suddenly she gets a call that she needs to take? That’s happened before when both of you were hanging out. But now it feels different, it just doesn’t feel the same.
Trust your gut. It doesn’t feel right, and you can’t shake the feeling. You don’t want to appear clingy but the truth is when your important person is not fully there for you, it’s hard not to be suspicious.
It’s normal that you’re feeling this way. If you’re picking up on some signs she’s got someone else, it’s time to take a deep breath and take the necessary steps to move forward.
She Become More Distant To You
You know when you have been with someone for a long time and suddenly, they become a totally different person? That’s exactly what happens when your significant other starts to become distant from you. It usually starts with simple gestures, like slowly becoming less responsive to your messages, opting out of social events or gatherings instead of going with you, or not paying as much attention to you when you’re together.
That’s not to say that everyone has someone else if they start to become distant from you. There could be a variety of reasons they might be going through something and just need some space. But it could also be the first sign that they are no longer interested in the relationship and their focus has shifted elsewhere.
It can be really tough to make sense of it if you’re really into someone and you think the feelings are mutual. It’s a bit like a puzzle, trying to figure out what the signs mean. It doesn’t help that people tend to be subtle about this sort of thing – you could be seeing an abundance of signs and still feel like you aren’t sure about the conclusions.
So if your girl is acting distant and is ignoring you, it might be time for you to put on your detective hat and start asking some questions – maybe then you can begin to piece together what is going on.
She Won’t Answer Your Calls
So you’ve noticed that when you call her number you get no answer. You keep trying to reach her and thinking maybe she’s busy and can’t pick up the phone right now or that the phone is out of charge or something equally plausible. But the next day – and the day after, and the one after that, and the one after that – still no answer.
You start to wonder if she actually has someone else because, for once, your calls don’t seem important enough to be answered. Maybe it’s not the phone itself – maybe the problem is that she’s just not that interested in speaking to you anymore.
Maybe she’s with someone else who she finds much more entertaining that you. She would rather stay in his company and let your calls go unanswered. To be honest, you’re starting to feel a bit frustrated, maybe even a bit angry.
You feel like you’re being played and the only thing you know is that you don’t appreciate it at all. You know that if you were the one who wouldn’t pick up the phone, you’d find yourself in hot waters. But here you are, a proper gentleman waiting for the phone to be picked up, knowing nothing except that she’s avoiding you.
It’s like she’s using your unanswered calls to communicate her innermost feelings. Every unanswered call feels like a slap in the face. Yes, you start to believe that she’s found someone else and she doesn’t have time for you anymore.
The only thing we can say is that if you suspect that she has someone else and she’s not answering your calls, you should definitely consider that it may be true. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care about you at all, maybe it’s just that she has different priorities now and you’re not at the top of the list.
She Started Hanging Out with Her New Friends
Oh boy, if the woman of your dreams suddenly seems to be hanging out with this whole new group of “friends,” you should be concerned. This could be one of the biggest indicators that she’s seeing someone else.
When you two were together, she usually just hung out with you and a few of your buddies from time to time. Now, however, there are these new people in her life, and she starts spending more and more time with them.
You begin to ask yourself, who is this new crew of people? Are they really friends she’s suddenly so close to, or are they the new additions to her boo’s crew?
“I’m meeting with friends from work,” and “It’s a special outing with my friends from school.”
All these new pals, though, while they may be buddies, they may also be her new love interest and his group of friends.
Subtle Signs That Show She has Someone Else
If there’s one thing a good man stands for it’s being a good judge of situations – including signs that your girlfriend might have someone else. Here’s what to look out for if you suspect your girl has someone else in the picture.
Things that you thought were cute in the beginning might just become signs that she has someone else if you pay attention. You know, those inside jokes that she talks about with her friends? Don’t think they’re innocent; they’re just way too funny and only she and her new friends understand it.
One of the most obvious signs that she has someone else is when she starts hanging up the phone faster than usual. We all know how a regular phone call typically ends for couples, so once you notice that things are getting a lot shorter, it can be an indication.
If you had initially planned to do something together but she suddenly has no time, there’s something else at play here. It could be that she’s too busy with her new found love. Better be mindful of that.
Another sign that she might be seeing someone else is if she’s always hiding her phone from you and won’t even let you touch it. That’s a huge red flag and not something to be taken lightly.
Oh, social media? That’s another major giveaway. If she’s having secret conversations or liking images posted by someone that’s unfamiliar to you, something isn’t right.
Finally, if she’s suddenly canceling plans with you at the last minute every other time, there’s also a good chance that she’s putting someone else as first priority.
Before it all gets out of hand and you two part ways, it’s important to get to the bottom of it and find out what’s really going on. Talk to her about it in a calm manner. Listen to her and try to be understanding and don’t get too upset or jealous. If, in the end, you find that there’s someone else, you’d just have to accept it and move on. That’s just the nature of things, I’m afraid.
She Hangs Up The Phone Faster Than Usual
Now, of course, with all relationships there are ebbs and flows. You’re at one spot with communication while another day you feel like you can talk forever on the phone. It’s a relationship! It’s normal to have different levels of communication throughout the night.
But, if the phone calls you two shared suddenly become much shorter than usual, it might mean something else is at play. If your girl is hanging up the phone after just a few minutes, it could be a sign that someone else has her attention. Maybe you two were having a great conversation and then, suddenly, she just hangs it up? That could be a sign that you need to start asking questions.
Maybe she can get away with this one-time and blame it on being tired or busy. But if this is happening more often and you start to suspect that she’s hanging up on you because someone else caught her attention, it might be time to bring it up. More concerningly, it could be a sign that she’s talking to someone else while talking to you.
The best thing to do when it comes to this one is to pay attention and have faith in yourself. If you think that something is not right, then it’s time to check in with her and ask if there’s something going on. But if she continues to hang up on you faster and faster, it could be a sign that she has become interested in someone else. So, don’t be afraid to go up and question her about it. After all, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
You Hear Random “inside jokes” That You Are Not Included In
What do you do when you hear your own girlfriend telling a joke to another guy that you don’t understand? It’s a sure sign she’s got someone else.
It’s a situation that we’ve all been in before — you’re sitting at home, and then you hear your own girlfriend laughing at something that a guy she knows is saying. You can tell it’s a joke, but you don’t get it — she’s giggling heartily, and you have no idea why.
It could be a simple case of her catching up with an old friend, but more often than not, it’s a sign that she’s got someone else in her life. After all, humans love to share inside jokes — it’s how we bond with people. When a woman has a beloved someone that she shares private jokes with, it usually means she’s got somebody else to turn to.
It’s one of those subtle signs you won’t see coming but is pretty painful when you finally realize what has happened. If you find yourself in this situation, be prepared to face the truth – your beloved has moved on and is now sharing jokes with someone else.
It’s easy to jump to conclusions in these situations, and it’s crucial that you remain calm. Instead of becoming angry and accusing her of cheating, let her know that you feel left out and would like to join in on the joke. A good sign would be if she’s willing to explain it to you — if that’s not the case, then chances are someone else is involved in the picture.
Jealousy can be a powerful emotion, and it can cloud our judgement and consume us. The best way out of this situation is to try and focus on yourself and leave the investigation for later. If you can find it within yourself to remain supportive, then kudos to you — it will help you deal with the situation better when your suspicions are confirmed.
Whether or not your partner really has someone else in her life, the fact that you’ve caught her out in the midst of an inside joke with another person probably doesn’t sit well with you. It is important to note that it may not necessarily be something nefarious — she could just be a social butterfly. But either way, something needs to be done.
The best thing you can do is talk to your partner and find out what’s really going on. Remember to stay calm and Listen carefully. If your suspicions turn out to be true and she really has someone else, then get prepared to accept what has happened and move forward with your life.
She Gets Busy When You Both Have Planned To Do Something Together
Ah, the age-old classic that really should be an official sign she has someone else. We’ve all been there – you make plans with your lady, you’re both looking forward to it, and then… boom! Something else suddenly comes up and she’s unavailable. This could be a dead giveaway that she’s seeing someone else.
Let’s say you and your lady had plans for a movie night, or a fun lunch at her favorite spot. You’re both looking forward to it and nothing can bring you down… until she suddenly tells you the plans will have to be cancelled. Instead of you two enjoying whatever you both planned, you are left on your own, with a feeling of confusion and disappointment.
Most likely, when this happens it’s because she’s busy with someone else. All of the sudden, something more important comes up that she can’t miss out on. This is a five-finger slap in the face which should tell you that she has someone else in her life.
It could even be that she’s cancelled plans with you for a few times in a row, like a lunch here and a movie night there. Or, perhaps she’s cancelling plans with you even when she booked it with you in advance. If this is the case, you should try to look elsewhere for an explanation.
I’m not saying she’s cheating, and I’m not trying to make accusations. However, if this keeps happening and you can’t make heads or tales of it, it could be another sign she’s got a special someone in her life that is taking precedence over you.
At the same time, it could be that she’s just putting other things first, like her work, her family or her health. That’s why it’s important to talk to her about it, if you feel like something is off and to take into account all of the possibilities.
Now, if it turns out she does have someone else, come on… cut her some slack. After all, two hearts are involved here and it doesn’t mean she’ll never come back to you. Just make sure to keep it cool and see how things go from there.
Red Flags You Should Not Ignore
When it comes to relationships, red flags are the warning signs that tell you something may not be right. If you suspect that your girlfriend has found someone else, these red flags should never be ignored.
Perhaps one of the most obvious red flags is when your girlfriend starts hiding her phone from you. Of course, she’s entitled to her privacy – but not at the expense of making you feel uncomfortable. If she’s suddenly locking her phone and being extra secretive around you, it’s probably because she has something to hide.
It’s also a red flag if you catch her having her own “secret” conversations on social media. If you are seeing a lot of “flirty” or “intimate” messages going to another man or if she is talking to someone online that she never introduces you to, something could be up.
On top of that, if your girlfriend keeps canceling plans with you at the last minute, it’s definitely something to take note of. It could mean she has lost interest in the relationship, or she’s preoccupied with someone else. Either way, it’s a huge red flag that something is not as it should be.
If you’re getting a bad feeling about your relationship, it’s important to pay attention to the red flags. Don’t ignore them. They might just save you from a whole lot of heartache down the line.
She Hides Her Phone From You
Now if you thought that was kind of suspicious, wait until you hear this one: She hides her phone from you! Yes, if your girl is acting shifty, like she’s always got her nose buried in her phone, then she may very well be hiding something from you.
One day you’ll notice that, when you go to grab the phone to look at pictures of the two of you, it’s not there! Suddenly, you realize that your girl NEVER keeps the phone in the same area for more than a few minutes. You’ve seen her keep the phone in her lap, her handbag, her vanity table, and even her pants pocket, in order to keep it away from your prying eyes.
That’s a classic sign that she has something to hide! But trust me, it doesn’t necessarily mean she has someone else. She could just really enjoy her privacy. Though if she does have someone else on the side, it could certainly count as one of the red flags that she’s not being faithful.
What if you grab the phone and she flips out? That’s another strong sign that there’s something going on. Your girl’s probably protecting her conversations and you’re in the dark about what they’re talking about. Be careful with this one, because it could seem like you’re infringing on her personal space if you don’t handle it the right way.
Still, better safe than sorry. It’s better to be aware of the signs that she has someone else, rather than be blindsided with a big surprise of infidelity. Take the initiative to talk to her about your suspicions and give her a chance to explain. It might not be what you expect to hear, but it may be that your girl is just a lower tech type and likes to keep her phone disconnected from the rest of the world.
She Has Her Own “secret” Conversations On Social Media
Do you know how when you’re scrolling through your partner’s social media and you see those conversations that you were never supposed to find? Well, I’m sorry friend, but if you come across something like that, it’s a pretty big sign that your partner may be cheating on you.
It’s one thing if your partner chats with a few people here and there, but if you’re noticing a lot of conversations that you never knew about, it’s worth asking some questions. What kind of conversations are these? Who are they with? Are you even part of the group?
If your partner is a social media butterfly, it’s possible that she is just having fun with new people and chatting with them. But if you’re seeing back and forth messages that have a flirtatious tone and the conversations appear to be more than just friendly, it’s a sign that something else is going on.
Maybe your partner has started keeping secrets on social media and won’t allow you to see certain things. That sends a clear message that she isn’t being open and honest with you and that there is something else going on.
If you see your partner’s calls and messages constantly being redirected or if you happen to see messages where someone is saying,
“Don’t tell her,”
you should be asking some serious questions. The bottom line is that if you see something out of the ordinary when it comes to your partner’s social media activity, it means that there is something going on that you need to take a closer look at.
If your partner has her own secret conversations, she may be talking to someone else and keeping things from you. Even if she is just having fun chatting with friends, she should come clean and be honest about it, because it can be a significant cause for concern. If you think that she has someone else, then it’s time to find out for sure.
She Cancels Plans With You At The Last Minute
Ah, the absolute nightmare of being stood up just before the big date night. You had everything planned, from the restaurant you would eat, to the clothes you would wear. But at the last minute, she cancels the plans and it’s all for nought. Well guess what? She might be doing it for a reason. Maybe, just maybe, she has someone else.
Now, there’s a difference between your girl being a bit busy and actually having another man in her life. If you often have plans with your girl and she suddenly starts canceling them at the last minute, that might mean something else is going on. It could mean that she’s found someone else that interests her more than you.
But before you make any wild assumptions, try talking to her. Maybe she has another commitment or that she underestimated the amount of time the event would take. You never know, the truth might reveal itself when you ask her.
To make sure that your suspicions are well-founded, watch her body language. If your sweetheart looks away and starts fidgeting with her hands when you talk to her, that could be a sign that she’s hiding something. The same goes if she’s evasive with her answers or if she never gives you a clear answer.
If after converse with her you are still suspicious of her behavior, it’s time to move forward with investigating the situation. Check her social media accounts and look for any hint of a new man in her life. If you find one, then chances are she has someone else and is not being truthful to you.
The unwritten rule of relationships is that your significant other should remember to respect your time and dedicate it exclusively to you. If she often cancels plans with you, your is probably not the only one she’s seeing. If this is the case, it might be time to cut losses and move on. No one deserves to be strung along by a liar.
So when it comes to your beloved canceling last minute, make sure you’re paying attention. If it keeps happening, it’s time to stop and think about what is really going on. That way, you can move forward and do what is best for you.
What to Do if You Suspect She Has Someone Else
We’ve all been there. You’re in a relationship and suddenly, you start to see a lot of signs that make you think something might be going on. You start to suspect she might have someone else. It’s a terrifying thought, and it can be hard to know what to do if that’s the case.
First and foremost, if you suspect she has someone else, talk to her about it. This can be a difficult conversation, and it might be tempting to avoid it. But if you really want to get to the bottom of it, you need to be honest and upfront. Ask her about the signs you’ve been seeing, and see where the conversation takes you.
You also need to try and remain understanding if the conversation does not go the way you had hoped. Your relationship might be in trouble, and it might be hard to accept it. You may feel hurt, angry, or betrayed. But try not to take it out on her. Instead, stay as calm as you possibly can, and seek out support from your friends if needed.
Finally, if your conversation does confirm that she has someone else, you need to accept what’s happening. There’s no denying that it’s a difficult situation to be in, but there’s no point in wasting your energy trying to change her mind. The best thing you can do right now is to focus on your own wellbeing and acceptance.
It’s hard enough when you suspect she has someone else, but what comes next is even more important. It’s all up to you, and although it won’t be easy, it’s something you can do if you try.
Talk To Her About It
If your gut is telling you that your girl got someone else’s number in her phone (and maybe even her heart), then it is time to do something about it. There is a two way street when it comes to communication and this is one of those moments when it’s time to put the foot on the pedal and drive straight into it.
First and foremost, don’t panic. Okay, maybe panic a tad but definitely don’t let those thoughts of panic ruin the conversation. These are the times when candid conversations are very important and words need to be chosen carefully. You can get her to open up if you stay calm even if all the evidence points out towards the fact that she is indeed seeing another man.
That being said, definitely not the time to act on any emotion other than calmly talking about it. Believe it or not, sometimes misunderstandings and petty issues can spiral out of control and the ball ends up on the other side of the court. It is only fair that you give the benefit of the doubt and allow her to explain the situation.
Start off the conversation with her by talking about how things have been lately. Let her know that you have noticed a few changes and you want to understand why. Explain how it has been making you feel and if necessary, explain how you don’t want to feel this way. Allow her to open up and tell you the truth even if it means sacrificing the relationship.
This is the time to be a man. We don’t want to admit it, but the truth can hurt even the most experienced of us. Maybe her having someone else isn’t something you guys can overcome and she has already decided that. Talk to her and discuss what both of you can do in this circumstance. Find common ground.
Don’t pressure her into anything and have a long and honest conversation. The truth can be hard to accept but there are plenty of ways it can be delivered. Most girls will be surprised and even stunned at the fact that someone actually noticed the subtle signs. That you actually sat down and trusted your intuition enough to ask her.
If your girl has moved on, things are as they are and there is nothing you can do to change them.
Try To Be Understanding
Hey there, so you think she has someone else, huh? Well, before you say or do anything you should try to be understanding. Now, this might seem like an odd thing to say-I mean it’s not like you should just sit there and let her do whatever she wants-but when it comes to situations like this, it’s the only sensible thing to do.
First off, you have to understand that she could be doing this for a number of reasons. She might be feeling like she needs some space and is looking for affirmation from someone else. Or, she could simply be wanting to gain some different experiences and is exploring other people. Whatever it is, it’s important to try not to get too judgemental.
When it comes to discussions about her other person, don’t go into it with a confrontational attitude. After all, you don’t want to drive her away-you want to understand the situation. Talk to her calmly and from a place of curiosity, not from anger or resentment. She needs to be able to confide in you and let her know that you’re there to listen, not lecture.
Invite her to tell you more about the situation. Ask questions without immediately jumping to conclusions and try to put yourself in her shoes. Take the time to really try to understand what’s going on in her mind instead of immediately jumping to a negative judgement. If you can be patient and not rush to any conclusions, you may be better able to handle the situation.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that whatever she is doing is her own business. You don’t have to agree with her or condone her choices, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be understanding. Love and respect her, no matter what. Be supportive and let her know that you’re there for her. And above all, remember that it’s not the end of the world- things will get better!
Accept What Is Happening
Ahh, the hardest pill to swallow – accepting the uncontrollable. As cliche as it sounds, it’s true: when it has to do with someone else, you can’t control it. At this point, it’s almost obvious that she has someone else, and the hardest part isn’t realizing it, it’s accepting it.
This doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world, or the end of your relationship, the bottom line is that you have to accept it. The more you try to control it, the more it’s going to control you. And trust me, it’s not worth it.
The first step to accepting it is further investigating. Find out who they are and if they truly matter to her. Once you do that you can start rationalizing the situation in your head. Start preparing yourself to handle the conclusion of the relationship, depending on whether it was a serious relationship to begin with.
The idea of accepting what’s happening may seem absurd and scary, but if you don’t accept it, it’s going to control you and wreak havoc on your life. The reality does not have to be such a dreadful one. It can be a transformation instead of a closure. A way to move from something that wasn’t working into a new chapter of your life.
No matter how hard it is to accept it, know that you still have choices. Acknowledge the pain, accept it and make decisions that are best for you. Do whatever you need to do make the situation bearable and make sure it’s only temporary.
Getting past this obstacle is going to hurt – it’s natural and it’s okay to hurt. Acknowledge and sit with the hurt and make decisions that are productive towards releasing that hurt.
You can grieve, but also learn to live with it and keep it in perspective. Once you truly accept it, you’ll be able to open yourself up to different opportunities and experiences. You’ll be able to take the knowledge of what happened and learn from it and lastly you’ll find the strength to start afresh.
So, go ahead and accept that she has someone else. It won’t be easy, but I assure you, it’ll be worth it.
There are a number of reasons why dating a married man is still popular. For one, it can be exciting to have an illicit affair. The secrecy and danger involved can be a huge turn-on for some people. Additionally, many women feel flattered and special when a married man pays attention to them. They may rationalize his actions by telling themselves that he must be unhappy in his marriage and that he is only seeking companionship outside of it.
However, the reality is that dating a married man is fraught with dangers and risks. Not only are you putting your own heart at risk, but you could also be risking the hearts of his wife and children. If his affair is discovered, it could wreck their lives as well. Additionally, you may find yourself in the middle of a messy divorce if things don’t work out.
So why take the risk? If you’re considering dating a married man, ask yourself why. Is it worth the risk to your own heart and soul? Is it worth risking the lives of his family? If you can’t answer these questions with a resounding “yes,” then you should rethink your decision. After all, there are plenty of single men out there who would be happy to date you. Why settle for someone who is already taken?
Understand The Risks Of Dating A Married Man
When you decide to date a married man, you are taking on a lot of risk. While there may be some excitement in sneaking around and hiding your relationship, it can also be very stressful. If the man is unhappy in his marriage, he may be looking for a way out, and that could mean using you as his escape route. If his wife finds out about the affair, she may confront you and try to hurt you. The man may also lie to you about being divorced or separated when he is actually still married. This can lead to a lot of heartache and pain down the road.
You also need to be prepared for the fact that the man may not leave his wife for you. Even if he says that he loves you and wants to be with you, he may not actually follow through on those promises. If you are not prepared to deal with the possibility that he may not leave his wife, then you should not get involved with a married man.
There are many risks involved in dating a married man, so it is important to weigh those risks against the potential rewards. If you are not prepared to handle the risks, then you should not get involved in this type of relationship.
Consider Your Reasons For Wanting To Date A Married Man
When you date a married man, you are putting yourself in a risky situation. There are many potential dangers that can come from such a relationship, including emotional heartbreak, possible legal consequences, and even physical danger.
Before you decide to pursue a relationship with a married man, it is important to consider why you want to do so. Are you looking for something exciting and new? Are you trying to fill a void in your own life? Or are you simply attracted to the man himself?
Understand That You Will Be Putting Yourself At Risk Emotionally.
Dating a married man can be a very emotionally draining experience. You may find yourself constantly wondering if he is really with you, or if he is with his wife. You may also find yourself feeling jealous of the time he spends with her, and the relationship they have.
There is also a very real possibility that the man will eventually leave you for his wife. This can be an extremely painful experience, and one that can take a long time to recover from.
Consider The Legal Risks Involved With Seeing A Married Man.
In some states, it is actually considered a crime to date a married man. If you are caught, you could face serious legal repercussions, including jail time.
Even if you are not breaking any laws, your relationship with a married man could still have legal consequences. For example, if he decides to file for divorce, you could be named as a co-respondent. This could mean that you would have to testify against him in court, and it could damage your reputation.
Think About The Physical Risks Involved With Being With A Married Man.
If the man you are dating is abusive, there is a very real possibility that you could be in physical danger. If he is physically abusive to his wife, there is a good chance that he will be physically abusive to you as well.
Even if the man you are dating is not abusive, there is still a risk of becoming involved in a physical altercation with his wife. If she finds out about the affair, she may confront you, and the situation could quickly become violent.
In conclusion, there are many risks involved in dating a married man. These risks can be emotional, legal, and even physical. Before you decide to pursue such a relationship, it is important to weigh the pros and cons carefully.
Be Discreet – Don’t Tell Anyone About Your Relationship With A Married Man
If you are having an affair with a married man, it is important to be discreet. Don’t tell anyone about your relationship, as it could lead to complications and heartache. Ultimately, it is up to you whether or not to tell anyone, but just be aware of the potential consequences.
Don’t get too attached to a married man
There are a few things to keep in mind if you’re thinking about getting involved with a married man. First, remember that his first priority is always going to be his wife and family. So don’t expect him to be fully invested in your relationship. Secondly, there’s a good chance that his marriage is on the rocks and he’s looking for a way out. But even if his marriage is solid, he’s still cheating on his wife. And that’s not something you want to be a part of. Finally, remember that you’re not the only one he’s seeing. He’s probably got a few other women on the side. So don’t get too attached to him. You’re better off finding a single guy who’s available and interested in you.
Know When To End The Relationship With A Married Man
There are times when it is best to end a relationship with a married man. If you are not happy, if you are being lied to, or if you suspect that he is still seeing his wife, then it is time to move on. Ending a relationship with a married man can be difficult, but it is often the best thing for everyone involved.
If you are thinking about ending your relationship with a married man, here are some things to consider:
If you are not happy in the relationship, then it is time to end it. Unhappiness is not worth staying in a relationship for.
If you suspect that your man is lying to you about his relationship with his wife, it is time to end things. Lying is not a foundation for a healthy relationship.
If you have any reason to believe that your man is still seeing his wife, it is time to end the relationship. A man who is still seeing his wife is not available to you emotionally or physically.
If your man is not willing to leave his wife for you, then it is time to end the relationship. A man who is not willing to divorce his wife is not ready to commit to you.
If you have children with your man, ending the relationship will likely mean that you will become a single parent. If you are not prepared to take on this responsibility, it is best to end the relationship now.
Ending a relationship with a married man can have serious consequences. If you are not prepared to deal with the potential fallout, it is best to end things now.
If you are not sure that you can handle the guilt of breaking up a family, it is best to end the relationship now. Guilt can be a heavy burden to carry.
If you are not prepared for a long-term relationship with a man who is already married, it is best to end things now. A relationship with a married man is not likely to last.
If you do not want to be responsible for breaking up a family, it is best to end the relationship now. Being a homewrecker is not something most people aspire to.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if he is really worth all of the hassle. If the answer is no, then it is time to end the relationship.
Move On With Your Life After Being With A With A Married Man
Being with a married man is never a good idea. It can be so hard to move on after being with someone who is already taken, but you have to try. You deserve to be happy and in a healthy relationship with someone who loves and respects you. There are plenty of other people out there who would make great partners, so don’t waste your time on someone who is already taken. Here are a few tips to help you move on after being with a married man:
Don’t dwell on what could have been or what might have been. It’s important to focus on the present and the future, not the past. Letting go of the past will help you move on and start fresh.
It’s best to cut ties with a married man completely. That means no texts, no calls, and no communication of any kind. Keeping in touch will only make it harder for you to move on.
Talk to your friends and family about what you’re going through. They can offer words of wisdom and support. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone who has gone through a similar experience.
If you’re struggling to move on, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can help you work through your emotions and start to heal.
Now is the time to focus on you. Do things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself. Work on improving your self-esteem and becoming the best version of yourself.
Moving on after being with a married man can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. With time and effort, you will be able to move on and find happiness elsewhere.
Dating A Married Man
Dating a married man can be very challenging and heartbreaking. If you find yourself in this situation, it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are other women out there who have been in your shoes and have found a way to move on with their lives. You can too. Start by reaching out for support from friends or family members. If you need more support, consider seeking out counseling or therapy. These professionals can help you work through your emotions and develop a plan for moving on.
It is also important to take care of yourself during this time. Make sure to eat healthy foods, exercise, and get plenty of rest. Taking care of yourself will help you feel stronger and more capable of dealing with the challenges you are facing.
Finally, remember that it is okay to be sad or angry about your situation. These emotions are normal and expected. Allow yourself to feel them, but don’t let them take over your life. With time, you will be able to move on from this difficult experience and build a happy and healthy life for yourself.
Infidelity is more common than you might think. According to recent studies, around 75% of men in a committed relationship have admitted to cheating on their spouse at least once. Historically, gender differences have meant the rates of female infidelity have been slightly slower. However, the fairer sex is quickly catching up, with infidelity statistics suggesting almost as many women cheat on their partners as men do.
How Common is Cheating in Marriage?
Extramarital sex and the occasional fling aren’t always considered relationship-ending events outside of marriage. However, for married couples, infidelity can be catastrophic. Admittedly, fewer married people commit adultery than those in casual relationships. However, the statistics are still quite striking. It’s estimated that up to 40% of married men have had an affair. Meanwhile, between 20-25% of married women admit to having been unfaithful. However, these are the only people who report cheating. It’s almost certain that the statistics are far higher across all age groups.
Some people might feel neglected by their other half. If they feel as though there’s a lack of love and affection at home, they’re far more likely to pursue emotional affairs. These might seem innocent enough, but they’re still a betrayal. What’s more, many emotional affairs have the potential to evolve into sexual relationships.
When Flirting Crosses the Line
While some affairs may be limited to a one-night stand or ill-judged hookup with a colleague, others take a long time to get off the ground. For many people who cheat, the final decision to embark on an affair isn’t an easy one. It’s usually the result of years-long frustration, emotional neglect, and withering self-esteem.
Many couples may be unhappy with their arrangement from the off. Perhaps a couple rushed into marriage young or decided to tie the knot after an unexpected pregnancy. Both male and female partners may think that they’ve missed out on their sexual prime by locking themselves down to a long-term partner. Over the years, the idea of pursuing extramarital sex may have been lingering in the back of the brain. These urges may have been dismissed for years, but eventually, frustrations come to a boil and a nasty enough altercation could lead one partner to pursue sex elsewhere.
Nowadays, statistics show that both genders pursue extramarital affairs relatively equally. However, men and women tend to pursue affairs and extramarital sex for different reasons.
Why Do Married Men Cheat?
Happily married men can turn into cheating spouses for a multitude of reasons. In most cases, it’s a combination of factors that leads to a married man becoming unfaithful. Most men admit to neglect being key driving factor behind their desire to cheat. They have been happily married for many years, but a lack of emotional connection at home can easily drive them into the arms, and bed, of another woman.
It Takes Two to Tango
Men are more likely to cheat if they’re given the opportunity. Although men are unlikely to pursue sex with mutual friends and female acquaintances, the workplace presents plenty of opportunities for them to connect with single women. Approximately 19% of people have admitted to cheating on their partner with a work colleague. What’s more, more than half of people have enjoyed an office romance at some point in time. If there are issues at home, a booze-fuelled office party provides the perfect conditions for an ill-judged one-night stand.
Why Are Men More Likely to Pursue Extramarital Sex?
Long-term marriages tend to suffer from a declining sex life. In fact, the vast majority of couples are only intimate a handful of times a week. According to some studies, around a quarter of married couples do the deed once a week. However, around 17% of married couples report getting intimate only once in any given month.
Not everyone has an insatiable sexual appetite. Sometimes, however, both partners in a marriage aren’t going to feel the same way. If a man isn’t getting what he needs at home, pursue sexual partners elsewhere. It’s worth pointing out that this isn’t exclusively tied up in the need for sexual activity. If a married man is constantly refused sex by a spouse, feelings of rejection and inadequacy can fester. This compounds the issue, leading men to look for reaffirmation from extramarital partners.
Why Do Married Women Cheat?
Why do women cheat? Researchers speculate that women pursue affairs for different reasons than men. Although some women are indeed chasing sex, others are looking to ignite emotional affairs with men.
Many women feel disenchanted with their marriages, especially if they’ve been with a partner for many years. As husbands become distant and intimacy levels decline, it’s easy for women to feel unwanted and undesirable. People cheat for a variety of different reasons, but women tend to cheat because they’re actively looking to fill a void at the heart of their primary relationship.
Most affairs start because one or both partners are losing interest in a marriage. However, a breakdown in communication or lack of passion isn’t always the main driving force behind the dissolution of a relationship. Research suggests several factors can have a role in one or both partners being driven to infidelity.
Addictive Personalities
Many people suffer from addictive personalities. Generally speaking, this presents as substance abuse. In the United States, around 15 million adults admit to having an issue with alcohol. Many adults also lean on prescription medication and illicit drugs. What does this have to do with cheating? The less clear-headed someone is, the more likely they are to make poor decisions away from their marriage. When sober, someone might never entertain the idea of engaging in an affair. When they’re in the midst of a binge, there’s no moral compass guiding them.
Childhood Experiences
Trauma experienced during childhood can cause all manner of issues down the line. Victims of childhood sexual abuse may have trouble with intimacy as adults. This doesn’t have to be the one cheating. Instead, an innocent partner who is resistant to physical intimacy may unconsciously encourage their spouse to look elsewhere for sexual gratification.
Childhood trauma can also lead to a host of emotional development issues. This can make it difficult for men and women to establish and maintain healthy emotional relationships as adults. It can blur the line between what is and what isn’t acceptable.
Further, adults who experienced infidelity secondhand during their childhood years may be more likely to cheat themselves. Some research indicates that children of unfaithful parents are twice as likely to pursue an affair themselves in adult life.
Intimacy Disorders and Attachment Issues
Attachment disorders often present after difficult childhoods. This might be the result of an absent father or an overly protective mother. In later life, both men and women can develop unhealthy attachment styles that complicate their romantic relationships.
If someone is exhibiting attachment avoidance, they’re likely to push their spouse away, increasing the odds of them looking for sex and emotional connections elsewhere. Furthermore, those with deep-rooted insecurities may choose to pursue affairs to bolster their ego and prove their self-esteem. These disorders can affect any age group and will remain a problem until they’re resolved via therapy.
Psychological Disorders and Mental Health Issues
Those suffering from mental illness may be more likely to cheat. Bipolar sufferers suffering from manic episodes may be compelled toward more unpredictable behavior than usual. This could take the form of a drug or alcohol binge, but may also present as a one-night stand or short-term affair.
In the United States, around half of all marriages end in divorce. According to some estimates, around 17% of divorce proceedings cite infidelity as being the key reason behind the end of a marriage.
However, infidelity doesn’t always have to mean the end of a marriage. If you suspect your spouse is playing the field or you’ve unearthed strong evidence to suggest they definitely have been cheating, take a step back and consider your options.
What Are They Really Trying to Say?
Sometimes, the partner doing the cheating isn’t actively trying to sabotage a relationship. In fact, they may be comfortable with the prospect of being caught out. Sometimes, they may be looking for an excuse to be kicked out of the house to speed along the breakup of a marriage. Other times, there may be underlying issues with the marriage itself that need to be worked on.
If cheating has become an issue in your marriage, decide how you want to progress. If it’s time to cut your losses and move on to greener pastures, don’t be afraid to start divorce proceedings. If however, you feel like fighting for your marriage, take this as nothing more than a rock in the road. It’s time to set new boundaries, redefine dynamics, and carve out a fresh path forward.
How to Cope with Being the Wronged Party
An affair coming to light isn’t fun for anyone. However, for the wronged party, it’s particularly devastating. Some partners react furiously to finding out they’ve been cheated on. Others sink into themselves and quietly take the blame for encouraging their partner to explore their options. While it’s fine to consider the role you might have played, never take on the responsibility of being the chief reason behind infidelity.
For women, emotional infidelity is a major issue and it can be hard for a relationship to recover from a husband striking up a meaningful connection with other women. For men, emotional affairs aren’t typically a dealbreaker, although sexual infidelity can lead to significant issues down the line.
No matter what your initial reaction is, understand that your feelings surrounding the situation will change over time. Most of the time, you’re not simply going to loosen up and forget about it. Niggling thoughts in the back of your mind can fester and turn into deep-set resentment. To nip this in the bud, it’s always a good idea to pursue relationship counseling as soon as possible if you wish to save your marriage.
How Can You Move Forward
Beyond a few rare exceptions, infidelity should be seen as a sign that something is wrong with your marriage. However, a simple one-night stand doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to a decade-long marriage.
Before you decide to proceed with a divorce or commit to moving beyond the issue, it’s important to consider the root causes behind the cheating. Furthermore, you’ll need to consider whether you have the stomach to work out the kinks in your relationship and establish trust with your partner.
For couples suffering in the wake of infidelity, trial separations can be worth considering. This way, the cheating partner gets to explore new entanglements with multiple partners, while the wronged partner doesn’t have to feel like they’re being constantly betrayed. In many cases, the cheater will realize they’ve been chasing superficial attachments and reevaluate their marriage for the better.
Getting involved with a married man is never a good idea. If you’re the other woman, you’ll never be able to enjoy the full benefits of a healthy relationship. Chances are, you’re already under-appreciated, with your married lover spending very little time with you. Being the other woman in a relationship can also damage your self esteem, leading to feelings of unworthiness.
With a few exceptions, affairs are toxic arrangements that will eventually leave a trail of devastation in their wake. Sometimes, we can’t help who we fall for, but if you’ve fallen head over heels for a married man, it’s best to cut your losses and back out as quickly as possible.
Is the writing on the wall for your relationship with a married man? Have you, after much soul searching, decided now’s the time to cut your losses and break free? Read on for a handy guide on how to speed up the healing process and put yourself in a better position to force a strong relationship with someone worthy of you.
Is it Time to End the Affair?
Very few of us who end up in an affair choose to be in one. Unless you’re lacking in human empathy, the thought of getting involved with someone with a wife or girlfriend at home won’t appeal. However, many women find themselves in exactly this predicament. Perhaps the guy in question didn’t reveal his marriage until long after you first hooked up. Maybe he suggested to you that his situation at home didn’t have a long-term future.
Whatever the reason, by the time you find out he’s married, a painless break is usually out of the question. If you feel connected with him and think he’s the right person for you, the fact he has a wife and family at home is only a secondary concern. Does the thought of not being able to spend time with him fill you with dread? Can you not imagine a future without him? Many women convince themselves that the married guy they’ve fallen for is their best shot at a happy life. However, this is rarely the case.
Unless he’s prepared to make a decision and commit to you completely, there’s no point in continuing a relationship with a married man. You’ll also be playing second fiddle to his primary relationship. What matters to you in a relationship? What’s the bare minimum you expect from a guy? You’re not going to get it from someone already involved with a full-time spouse.
Taking the First Steps
Wondering how to get over a married man? The first step is to commit to moving forward. If you’re going to be the one to call things off, you’ve got to put to bed any notion that there’s a future for the two of you.
It’s not easy to put the brakes on an affair. Married men aren’t great long-term prospects, but they can still be engaging partners. Maybe the sex is great. Perhaps you’re guilty of loving the thrill of being someone’s piece on the side. Such women are likely to fall back on old habits or find it difficult to permanently let go.
You have to be rational about walking away from a relationship with a married man. If you’ve been carrying on an affair successfully for many months, if not longer, he’s not going to want to say goodbye just yet. Why would he want to invest valuable time and money into a new woman when he can just play his cards right and convince you to stay?
You’re cutting your losses because you want to secure an enriching relationship with a suitable man. Remember that, no matter how convincing a married guy might be when trying to convince you to continue your dalliance.
Furthermore, commit to putting a lid on your relationship. Even if you’re the one to call time on things, you might find yourself wanting to make contact again in the future. Even though you’re the one to end the affair, unresolved feelings can fester and the urge to get in touch again can present itself. When these urges arise, you have to be strong enough to push them back down again.
Block His Number
This is a smart move when ending any type of romantic relationship. It’s a good first step in avoiding the temptation to get in touch again. By removing his phone number from your contact list, you’ve created an instant barrier between you and him. Additionally, you’ll want to block that number before deleting it. Just because you don’t want to talk to him again, doesn’t mean he’s going to want to agree to radio silence.
There’s always a chance he might use a new number to text or call you if he’s not getting through to you any other way. If this happens, don’t engage him. Avoiding sending a text to let me know you’re still not interested. Simply block the new number and stop thinking about him.
Avoid Contacting Him via Social Media Platforms
Most of us use our social media accounts to stay in touch with friends and family. If you’ve been engaged in an affair with someone, you probably haven’t been making a show of things via social media platforms with your married partner. However, sometimes people having an affair are friends on Facebook or following each other on Twitter. If he’s in your social media contacts, delete him at the first opportunity.
Most of us are guilty of checking in on the status of old flames on social media from time to time. If you’ve been involved with a married guy, this is something you definitely want to avoid. Photos can be a real trigger for people with unresolved feelings. If there’s any bad feeling still remaining, the sight of him playing happy families with his wife might urge you into doing something you’d instantly regret. What’s more, you might see him hooked up with another woman who’s not his wife. This can instantly induce feelings of jealousy and rage, encouraging you to let your actual partner know what she’s dealing with.
You’re only going to make trouble for yourself if you fall into this trap. It can be hard to avoid typing someone’s name in a social media search bar, but you have to express restraint. If the married guy in question is currently in your social media contacts, delete and block them. If there’s a good chance they’ll use social media to stay in touch, consider removing your account entirely and creating a new one.
Focus on Passion Projects and Hobbies
There’s nothing worse than an idle mind if you’re trying to get over a relationship. If there’s still the prospect of reconnecting with a married guy, having too much time on your hands is going to lead you to think about them and ponder whether or not you did the right thing in breaking things off.
To avoid this situation, you should spend time on things that will keep you occupied. Have you let your passion projects and interest slide? Get back into them. If you have an unused gym membership card gathering dust in your purse, brush it off and start committing to a healthy-living routine. If you’ve always wanted to pursue a certain hobby, start doing some reading and invest the resources you’ll need.
Rebuild Your Social Life
Understanding how to get over a married guy is the easy part. Often, it’s dealing with the fallout that is the problem. Many women who embark on affairs with married men find that their social lives take a pounding. There are several reasons for this. A married man might demand a considerable slice of your time, making it difficult to stay connected with friends. Furthermore, some of your friends may have taken issue with the fact you were cheating with someone and have cut off ties with you because of this.
Now that your relationship with a married man is done and dusted, you have the perfect opportunity to build bridges with old friends and get your social life back on track. If you have fallen out with friends because of your entanglement with a married man, don’t be too surprised if you’re forced to eat some humble pie.
You’ll almost certainly find yourself making a few apologies. However, if it was you who decided to step away, you shouldn’t have any trouble with this. It might not be possible to repair every damaged friendship, but don’t take this as a sign that you’re unworthy of friends. If you’re committed to exploring new opportunities and are actively getting out there and enjoying yourself, you’ll quickly be embraced by new social circles and friendship groups.
Don’t Be Afraid to Start Dating Again
Moving on from a relationship with a married guy can be tough. One of the lasting impacts of being involved in an affair is that it’s hard to strike up new relationships with men. If you stand any chance of enjoying a healthy and fruitful relationship in the future, you should only be targeting a suitable man who isn’t currently involved with anyone else. However, bad habits learned from your previous relationship can have lingering effects.
Remember, you don’t have to creep around and be secretive now that you’re seeing an unattached guy. You’re the only person they’re looking to spend time with in a romantic sense and you should be considering them the same way.
If you’ve spent months or years sneaking around and making discreet visits to hotels, the perks of a regular relationship can seem overwhelming. Unless you’ve been completely upfront with your new beau about your past, they may be able to read your discomfort with your new arrangement.
If you’re worried about how you’re presenting to your new boyfriend, don’t be afraid to take things slow. Small baby steps will allow you to acclimatize to the dating scene and the everyday expectation of a normal relationship. Once you’re ready to take things further, you’ll be in a much better headspace.
Consider Getting Professional Help
Are you really struggling to say goodbye to a married man? This isn’t uncommon. If you’ve been the one to do the dumping, putting a relationship to bed is a little easier. However, those women who find themselves unceremoniously ditched by married men tend to have trouble dealing with the aftermath.
First and foremost, remember that leaving a toxic relationship is a good thing. You’re now free to enjoy a multi-faceted relationship with someone who genuinely cares about you. What’s more, you’re not betraying anybody.
That being said, it can be very tricky to let go of those feelings of rejection and abandonment. If you’ve been involved with someone for long enough, you may feel uncomfortable about pursuing new relationships. If you’ve become overly attached to a married guy, you may look to them for reassurance and affirmation. Lost friends because of your relationship with a married guy? In a worst-case scenario, you may struggle to find a willing ear so that you can talk about your feelings.
If you’re really having a hard time dealing with the situation, it’s a good idea to consult a mental health professional. They’ll help you see things rationally, underlining why it’s a good thing that you’re now removed from a harmful relationship. Furthermore, they can teach you coping mechanisms to tackle unresolved emotions.
Up until now, I’ve tried to keep this blog upbeat, funny and lively. But the truth is, affair partners losing interest, affairs ending and coping with those breakups is a big part of cheating. If you’re reading this very article, you’re probably going through a breakup and have turned to google for ways of coping.
Let me just start by saying ‘I hear you!’
Whether you’re a man or a woman, the emotional pain of breakups are truly awful. Before I write any piece for this site, I always google my title just to see what information is out there. And as usual, half if not all of the articles on page 1 are utter garbage.I wrote an article not long ago titled Even Cheaters Feel The Pain Of Break Ups, and that’s because at that time, I was going through the worst breakup ever.
Remember to check out our blog on how to know when it’s time to breakup with someone.
I would wake up to the usual ‘morning babe’ message, followed by a phone call after I’d drop my kids off to school, followed by plenty of loving messages throughout the day, most of which sounded like ‘got nothing to say, was just thinking about you’. And of course neither her or I could go to bed without texting each other ‘night babe x’
We even had our own song, and given my latest affair ended only last year, our song was the popular track Peaches by Justin Bieber. And whenever either of us would stumble upon a DJ remix of the song on Insta, we always sent it to each other.
We were totally in love. And when it ended, which like all great things can happen, I was crushed.
I felt totally empty. I was lost. I was gutted. I was broken. I felt all alone. I felt like I was back in high school and it was my very first breakup. And despite being a serial cheater for over ten years, if not longer, I couldn’t legislate my feelings and being crushed was tough.
To make matters worse, I had to keep a straight face at work and continue to run my company and I had to go home and deal with my own family without anyone knowing that a part of me inside had completely died.
I missed being with that person. I missed the messages, the warmth, the way she made me feel, the love, I missed it all.And every time I thought I’d gotten over her, I’d be driving along happy with my life, that darned song Peaches would play on the radio and I’d be miserable all over again.
So if you’ve gotten this far, and anything I’m saying above resonates with you, then believe me when I tell you, I hear you!
Now I’m no dummy. Very soon after this love affair was over, I tried everything. I went from missing her to hating her and every emotion in between. The intelligent part of me realised that I was grieving an amazing relationship, whilst the emotional part of me just wanted to call her up and cry!
I even turned to Google for advice, however the sites I found give you these step by step guides on things you should consciously to get over your affair partner, but they’re all rubbish and clearly written by either cold hearted motherfuckers or paid writers who imagined what it’s like vs have actually been in that position.
But to be in it, to have it and to lose it, really knocks the wind out of you.
I tried everything, but quickly realised that there wasn’t an instant fix. Or at least for me there wasn’t.I exercised, I spoke to my closest friends, I had plenty of flings and one night stands – but the pain just didn’t go away. My breakup had very simply taken away my confidence and I felt reduced. I was mostly angry at myself that I had allowed someone into my life and my heart that would ultimately shatter it into a million pieces.
And here was the kicker, my last bad breakup was with a massive Instagram influencer. Someone who had over 100k followers. And whilst I’d blocked her from every channel, it was only natural that other people shared her videos which inevitably ended up on my feed. It was like there was no getting away from her. And seeing her happy and with her husband all smiling and dancing just made matters worse.
So trust me, I hear you.
It didn’t help that when I spoke to my friends who didn’t play away from home or were single would say things like;
Jesus buddy get over it. You’re married with kids. You have everything in your life I want.
They just didn’t get it!! They were a completely unsympathetic audience. And let’s be fair, you can’t exactly broadcast the breakup to your family and all your friends because loose lips sink ships.
If you’re still with me, and you’re still reading, then you’ll relate to each of the words I’m saying.
How to stop thinking about your affair partner
I’d love to tell you I have the magic fix, I don’t. Cos if I did, I wouldn’t have lost the last few months thinking about her, and knowing she’d probably have forgotten about me altogether. No, I don’t have the instant fix.
All I can do is share what has helped me, share with you what has eased the pain, and share with you how I eventually got over her and the breakup.
Exercise. Whilst at the time it didn’t feel like it was helping, going to the gym, cycling and boxing was very therapeutic. They say motion creates emotion and it really does get you out of a funk. For me, I train with a couple of friends and have done since lockdown. I’m not the type of guy that lets my friends down ever, and they’re the type of friends who would let me miss workout sessions, despite whatever the latest dramas in my life were. Exercising kept me looking good, kept my focus in check and most of all really did help me seeat away the jealousy and anger I had towards her. Most of which stemmed from having a bruised ego.
Meditating. I’ve been meditating for a while and it truly helps. There are so many amazing videos and below is one I’ve done for a while.It wasn’t a fix, it didn’t take away the pain, it didn’t help me forget about her but without it I feel I would have been broken. State management is so important and affair or no affair I was still a CEO, a husband and a dad. And I know that without meditation I would have taken so much out on either my staff or my family – which Wasn’t fair on anyone
Reading – I’ve always been a big reader but reading books like xyz kept my brain in check. It distracted me from thinking about her and filled my brain with knowledge.
Clothes. The beauty about exercising, is that invariably you lose weight. And when you lose weight, most of your existing clothes will stop fitting you. I really did enjoy buying some new clothes. It helped me look better, which definitely increased my confidence.
Comedies on TV. Nothing beats taking your mind of stuff than avoiding it altogether. I found that out of all the crap that was on Netflix, the Stand Up Comedy portion of it worked best. It had me in stitches most of the time, and the beauty about great comedians, is even with utterly tragic events, they had this ability to make light of it all and put things firmly back into perspective.
Time. I know it’s cliche, but time is a big healer. I do discuss this a little bit more in detail below.
Things I Wish I Hadn’t Done To Try And Ease The Pain Of A Breakup
The trouble is there’s a bunch of things I did thinking it would help ease the pain, and it really didn’t.
I continued to follow her from another account on Instagram. I’d watch all her videos and stories. I don’t know why I did, but it became almost excessive. Nothing good came from it, other than I wish I was still with her. Seeing her happy and with her family, literally made my feel like shit.
Talk to my single friends. I have a few friends who are either divorced and single – and for some reason I thought they’d be a sympathetic ear. I couldn’t have been more wrong. They literally just could not relate. Not even in the slightest. They’d look at my life and see a family man with a business and they’d keep wondering what was wrong with me. They didn’t want to know about the side chick ending, as long as everything was ok on the home front.
After a few months, I got back in touch with my ex suggesting we be friends. Obviously I didn’t want to be friends, I was hoping that through a friendship I could win her back. But of course within a couple of days, we’d be back to arguing and it was a stupid idea to begin with. She saw straight through my idiotic strategy and it just made things substantially worse.
Mental Health – What I Wish I Would Have Done
This situation, this breakup totally destroyed me and having to play the happy boss and family man to boot was making things even harder. There was no doubt that my mental health was taking a hit like never before. I couldn’t turn to my friends, I obviously couldn’t talk to my wife – there was just no way of dealing with this. It turned out there was even a term out there for all of this; breakup depression.
What I wish I would have done was talk to a therapist. A trained professional who wouldn’t judge me – and would help ease the burden of carrying this secret around. It would have made things substantially easier and after starting this blog – I’ve spoken to quite a few people who did just that and felt so much better for it. It sped up the timeline of getting over things and if I ever find myself in a situation like this before, then it’ll be my first and only port of call.
There are so many discreet therapists who work over Zoom and are fully trained in helping people get over breakups. There was a time where seeing a therapist was considered Taboo, but in this day and age, it’s become something very normal to do. And it’s something I wish I would have considered at the time.
How Long Does It Take To Get Over An Affair Partner
Now this is going to sound so cliche. And if you’ve gotten this far and really are in pain, you’re absolutely going to hate this answer and will want to scream at your computer. But it’s time.
Time is an incredible healer. Whilst a lot of the above things truly helped keep me sane, it didn’t take away the pain and anguish. That feeling of being empty and almost grieving didn’t go from exercise or clothes or chatting to my friends. But time is what took me to a place of feeling indifferent about her,it took me to a place where I don’t miss her and nor do I hate her. It took me to a place of not hating all women and wanting to give up affairs.
In addition to this, I spent much more time being attentive to my wife and children. This particular breakup gave me a sense of perspective and gave me back an attitude of gratitude, for having a beautiful family, with whom I just wasn’t fully present with. I became immersed with all of them again and truly realised that whilst I do what I do on the side, I’m blessed to have them in my life. And as long as that part of my life remains discreet, then I will never hurt them.
If you are reading this article, I do hear you, truly. And get in touch with me and I’m happy to be a sounding board as well as introduce you to the right therapists. I’ve been there plenty of times before and I have no doubt that I’ll be there again. I just feel the next time it happens, I’ll be so much better equipped at dealing with the next breakup.
It’s interesting to me that people still use the word mistress. Nowadays, it’s been replaced by the phrase affair partner. Maybe because there’s no word for a male mistress. But to save you time and energy to dig out the answer, I can tell you right now, it’s all the time. When I had a mistress/affair partner – I thought about her all the time.
How Often Does A Married Man Think About His Mistress
In fact I couldn’t stop thinking about her. There’s something about the forbidden that’s just so intoxicating. We used secret channels to communicate and I would be like a high school child, checking my phone all the time to see if she had replied.
We want our cake and we want to eat it too. Having a strong relationship with my wife is what gives me the confidence to go out and cheat (as counter intuitive as that sounds). But having a strong marriage and seeing other women is literally the definition of having your cake and eating it.
And in that journey of cheating, sometimes you’ll meet a woman that you become completely infatuated by, maybe even worse – you fall in love. Having strong feelings for other women that come into your life can be totally dangerous. Almost debilitating.
When affairs turn to love
I stupidly fell in love with my last affair partner. Head over heels in love with her. I never called her my mistress, but she was married as well but her husband, whilst a nice guy, was dull. What she wanted was some excitement in her life. And to her, the answer was me.
Like me she loved being married, but understood it was possible to develop feelings for someone else. And once things got serious between us, our relationship grew stronger and stronger. We were talking all the time and the affair was getting quite intense. She was constantly thinking about me and I was her.
Married Men Take Their Wives For Granted
It’s not uncommon that married men can take their wife for granted. And her husband was just like this. Their marriage was strong but he was taking her for granted a lot. There were quite a few signs that his behaviour was never going to change – and whilst she accepted it, she needed some sort of thrill.
Our feelings for each other grew to the point where we were completely in love.
And despite us talking all the time and constantly messaging each other throughout the day, like non stop, I still thought about her all the time.
Why Do Married Men Think About Their Affair Partners All The Time?
Married guys live pretty monotonous lives. Despite starting off their marriage being wildly in love, chances are ten years later, the feeling of in love has just been replaced by regular old love. And with kids, life and work – it’s a fair assumption to say they live pretty monotonous lives. I mean isn’t that true of most people?
The point about having an affair partner is that it’s exciting. It’s like having this secret that no one knows about and yet you want to shout about it from the rooftops. You want to show her picture to your closest of friends and watch them melt endlessly with jealousy.
You just can’t.
But this excitement is why so many of us have affairs. Being single and seeing multiple women just wouldn’t have the same buzz.
So to iterate on some of my points above, we think about our mistress all the time. We want to talk to them all the time, we want to be with them all the time, we just can’t get enough. I would liken it to having a crush on someone. There’s a certain level of infatuation that takes over.
My Current Affair Partner
I’ve recently started seeing someone new. She’s a journalist, she’s hilarious and I just can’t get enough. I’m completely besotted by her and at every opportunity I’m messaging her. She’s single (and knows I’m a married man) and typically answers my messages almost instantaneously. I’ll constantly look for excuses to carve out a few minutes, even when I’m home (fake visits to the toilet, etc..) – to just check in with her.
I’ll generally send one of my cheeky but charming messages:
I sensed you were thinking about me, just wanted to check in and say X
That’s it. Of course the sarcasm and irony comes through and gets an equally funny response:
What makes you believe I was thinking about you and not the pile of washing that I need to tend X
And on and on the banter would go, back and forth. Whether I’m at work, at the gym or sometimes at home, I can’t get her out of my head. I can’t stop myself thinking about her. I’m mentally planning our next date, the restaurant, the hotel, the cover-up – I’m figuring it all out.
The Real Question
There’s a strong possibility that given the title of this blog, logic would tell me that the 2 type of people who are reading this are:
i) someone having an affair and in the same boat as me, wildly think about his mistress
ii) a wife, someone who has either caught or suspects their husband is seeing someone else.
The Married Man Having An Affair
If you are having an affair and are wondering if it’s normal to be spending more time thinking about your mistress than your life – then I get it. Don’t worry. It’s totally normal.
I’ve been there. I am there right now. However I will say this, if you are thinking about your affair partner a lot, if and when you go through a breakup, I can tell you from experience, that this too will weigh on your mind and occupy your thoughts for a long while.
It works both ways. And if you’re foolish enough to fall in love with her, then that breakup is going to be even harder to deal with.
Wife Reading
If you are a wife reading this post – as sad and hard as this is to understand, thinking about one’s mistress is normal. It’s normal for him to think about his mistress. You can’t legislate his thoughts. If you’re sure he’s seeing someone else, then address the bigger problem. Get help, see a therapist and deal with the matter head on.
First World Married Man Problems
I like attention. It’s pathetic but true. I need it, I crave it and quite often I shower my affair partners with attention like they’ve never had. And why? Not because I love doing it, thought I’m great at it, but because some twisted part of me feels that by giving so much, I’ll start to get some back.
Having an affair is going to lead you down a rollercoaster of emotions. You’ll feel things that you haven’t felt in years. From butterflies in your stomach to being reminded of what heartbreak feels like. So as I always say, do meditation. Learn to manage your state as best as you can, if not – you’re going to get caught out.
I wish there was an answer. The right answer. That would stop you letting your imagination run away with you, but I don’t. In fact I’ve told you quite the opposite. And that is if you are a married man having these thoughts, it’s ok. It’s normal.
The truth is when you think about how often does a married man think about his mistress, the actual question should be, when doesn’t a married man think about his affair partner. A married man can’t help himself.
Having an affair is amazing. If you go about it the right way, with the right affair partner, there are simply no words to describe what an amazing experience it is. The rush, the excitement, the sex, the love, the secrecy – that magical combination keeps you locked on cloud nine making see life in full colour.
But sadly, like so many good things in life, not everything lasts forever. It can go from love to breakup quite quickly and sometimes the signs your affair partner is losing interest are staring you in the face.
My last full blown affair wasn’t too long ago. It lasted for months and we were both deeply in love. We texted each other cheesy messages every morning, we spoke multiple times a day, met at least once a week and ended each night with an hour of messaging. It was heaven! We had met on Instagram, I had somehow smoothly slide into her DMs. This was a huge change from using all those dating websites for affairs.
However, out the blue, I could sense that she was behaving a little different. At first it wasn’t something tangible, but I could just sense something was off. Not long after, everything just became less and less. The texts went from being predictable to sporadic. The calls were happening less and less. There were more excuses not to meet. I knew the breakup was coming and I started acting out.
Her Losing Interest Made Me Mean
I’d go from being over loving to picking fights. I was being defensive and going out of my way to make her feel bad for making me fall for her. Just thinking about it now, it still hurts. She was the only affair partner I’d ever had whom I’d fallen in love with. She was the only affair partner I’d ever have that I’d considered leaving my wife over. She was the only one, I’d ever let see me so vulnerable. I was angry and lashed out at practically every opportunity. I’d go out of my way to make her feel guilty and her distancing herself from me turned me into a really nasty person.
It was obvious things were never going back to how they were and I cut contact with her immediately after recognising that. The trouble is I missed her so much and every couple of months would look to get in touch with her.
But that was a futile exercise. She was over it and the last person on earth she ever wanted to hear from was me. It was well and truly over. And whilst I’m filled with anger when I think about her, or at least angry about her pulling away – I try not to think too hard of the good times because then I fear I’d do something stupid and pick up the phone and call her.
Healthy Relationship
In a healthy relationship there’s always going to be this balance. When you have a committed relationship with your affair partner, it’s real. It may be secret and no one can ever find out but it’s still real. Emotions are still at play and an emotional affair is a powerful thing! But it’s still an affair and your partner’s life will also be just as busy as yours, maybe even more. As much as they may want to spend time with you, it may not be possible.
Signs your affair partner is losing interest
The Rhythm Is Off
There’s a certain rhythm to a relationship. This reliability that happens between a couple, a pattern. This back and forth that makes a good relationship so amazing. It could be a morning message, an X after every message, an emoji, a phrase, that’s so predictable and so amazing that you can bank your life on that happening.
But suddenly, you can wake up one morning and the morning message isn’t there. Or they’re no longer putting an X after every message. It’s gonna start off small – but generally is a STRONG indication that they’re pulling back.
They’re Busy
I used to speak to my last affair partner at least 3-4 times a day. It was regular. We would both look forward to the calls. Sometimes we had nothing to talk about, but just being on the phone made us feel closer together. It fuelled the relationship. So when she started not calling as much or returning my calls – I knew something was wrong. I’d text and make a joke about it, but her response would be snappy ‘I’m busy‘ or worse still ‘I can’t spend my whole day talking to you.’
Arguments
Generally when you’re having an affair, there’s very few arguments. You save those for the wife. But when you start arguing with your affair partner, you can bank on the fact that things are starting to go bad. I used to argue with my affair partner at the end of the relationship loads – mostly because I wasn’t the apple of her eye anymore.
Guilt
My last affair partner started to feel guilty a lot before it ended. She’d moan about not being able to look her kids in the eyes, she felt guilty that she could no longer orgasm whilst having sex with her husband. She was getting completely consumed with guilt. It was obvious what was coming next ……. And she kept making a point of reminding me of her guilt.
The Sex
The sex changed, it was almost like she wasn’t there. Again the sex had a pattern to it too. We both knew what each other liked and always obliged. And when that started to change, it was another sure fire sign that things were off.
Being Secretive
My ex would tell me every nuance about her day, her work, her home life – everything! And when she started holding back some of this information and worse still being secretive, I knew the end was in sight. It was a tell tale sign your partner was losing interest.
Planning Ahead Stopped
Having an affair takes a certain degree of discipline and planning. Being spontaneous and impromptu is a quick way of being caught. And so we’d always plan ahead so we knew we would have cover stories in place. However, when the planning stopped, or went from definitive to tentative, was a sign that things were fast heading into a brick wall. Future plans would always make me feel confident in our relationship, but when those future plans ended – I just knew it was coming. Making plans together was one of the things I loved doing with her the most.
They Stopped Asking About Your Day
When she stopped asking about my day, I’d always get nervous. She used to go out of her way to make sure I was having a good day and better yet, would try and cheer me up if it wasn’t. I used to always feel jarred that she stopped asking.
Your Feelings No Longer Matter
There was a time where my feelings to her mattered a lot. Like truly mattered. And then suddenly, not only was she not asking how my day would go, but when I’d obviously be upset about something, she’d just ignore it. It was very much out of character for her, which made it more painful to deal with.
Everything You Did Was Wrong
Somehow, we got into the position where everything I did was wrong. It was almost like I was her husband. She was constantly irritable at me, and would often be eye rolling when we’d be in person. I was on this slippery slope that I could do no right.
They Want To See A Therapist
At one point, she began reflecting on her marriage and wondering why she was even having an affair in the first place. She kept going on and on about wanting to see a therapist with her husband. I really didn’t want to hear about all this, and of course it was clear that my precence wasn’t needed.
She’d Read Your Messages And Not Reply
Nothing is more frustrating to me than someone, anyone reading my message and not replying. So annoying. But when someone I’m in a committed relationship with me does that, it would drive me absolutely bananas. I used to tell her all the time that I’d hate when she did it, but nonetheless, it was her unconsciously pulling back.
Your Opinion No Longer Mattered
There was a time where she wouldn’t make a decision without checking in with me. Whether it was a work decision, a life decision, even a haircut – it all got run past me. But suddenly, not only was my advice not being asked for, when I volunteered it, it was quickly ignored.
They Accuse You Of Cheating On Them
I remember being ever so shocked when she started questioning me about cheating. We met on Instagram and often she’d see me liking other women’s pictures. This lead to huge arguments and accusations that because I cheat on my wife, I’d cheat on her too. And whilst none of this was ever true, the fact that she was doubting me was not a good sign.
Gut Feeling
There’s something about being intuitive that isn’t always good. But when you know it’s over, it’s really over. It could be a combination of all of the above, or simply just a feeling in your stomach that won’t go away. We all have a certain degree of intuition and when you start to even think it’s over – chances are it probably is. Sometimes having an open conversation can help, but the truth is, it won’t really.
Letting Go Of Your Affair Partner
I used to love spending time with my ex affair partner. But when she went from losing interest in me to completely having lost interest, was heart breaking. I couldn’t get over how disposable I was to her. I felt nothing but anger. A friend of mine is a family therapist and whenever I speak to him (of course he doesn’t know I have affairs), he always says that for a lot of people, breakups can be worse than going through mourning. It’s similar in that you’re losing someone from your life for good. And whilst he wasn’t giving me relationship advice, he made the valid point of highlighting to me that once an emotional connection breaks, everything breaks. Physical intimacy changes, date ideas become dull, open conversations become not so open are all tell tale signs your affair partner is losing interest. And it’s tough to deal with. Both men and women suffer equally knowing that an impending breakup is on the cards.
A long term relationship with an affair partner is already one of the biggest juggling acts that exists. A date night in a hotel room, a weekend getaway, spending quality time together under the radar all takes a huge amount of covering up and planning. Especially when you are trying to keep your marriage safe. But romantic relationships outside of your marriage are generally hard to juggle. Emotions are always running high.
No matter how in love with you are, having an affair takes effort. But when you know it’s coming to an end, and the above signs almost put you on notice of an impending breakup – I would find it tough to deal with. That feeling of rejection would wash over me and my behavior would go from charming to terrible. I’d lash out and be mean, because let’s be honest, who really ever wants a great thing to end. And all the name calling in the world wasn’t going to fix things.
My feelings for my last affair partner were so strong, I contemplated leaving my wife over her. In the short period of time we were together, I fell for her hard. I was truly in love. And that’s not something I’ve ever felt with past partners. My ex was different. But for a relationship to work, you both have to be in sync. And when the warning signs start to show up, it’s a red flag, a huge red flag that things are going to end and end abruptly.
If you are reading some of this, then it all may just sound familiar. Perhaps too familiar. It doesn’t matter how much mutual interest you have with them, how much you’re in love – when it’s over, it’s over.
In this game, going from a booty call to a relationship happens all the time. But if you’re as lucky as I’ve been and have found love outside of your marriage – it’s a beautiful thing. That said, when it’s time for the curtain to close – nothing you say or do will change that, or that’s certainly been the case in my world.
Conclusion
If you sense they’re pulling back, it’s time to bow out and move on gracefully. Easier said than done I know. You’re not the only person in the world who has had an affair partner start to lose interest and you won’t be the last. But remember, you still have to go home and put on a brave face.
You still have to go home and see your wife and kids and act like nothing has happened. So if you really are struggling with this, don’t do what I do and deal with it alone – see someone. Have a frank conversation with a therapist, a clinical psychologist, speak to someone so you don’t suffer in silence. And whilst I’m no relationship expert, all I can impart on you is things I’ve learnt along the way.
You will move on, you will meet someone new, you will be physically attracted to someone else, it’ll just take a bit of time. Often, someone losing interest in you in the cheating world has very little to actually do with you. It’s typically their own guilt or demons that are clouding their judgement. Fighting for them as I did, will just act as a catalyst for it to end even faster.
Give it time and you’ll be back out there flirting and dating and having sex before you’re next amazing affair comes along!
But there’s so many different types of cheating. Not all cheating is physical. Some can be emotional, some micro, others can be one night stands, office flings, texting an old-ex and everything in between.
All of which I’ve tried. However, I’ve come to appreciate that for me, the best form of cheating is having an affair, and ideally with someone who is married (this way they have as much to lose as I do).
Affairs Are The Pinnacle Of Cheating
There’s something about that girlfriend experience that beats all the other forms of cheating. And whilst it is deep and more emotionally involved, there’s a level of maturity to an affair that a one night stand just doesn’t have.
Hearing patients who have been cheated on, day in day out, had really taken its toll on him. He went on to tell me that the worst type of cheating was the affair. He explained that in his experience, a wife could forgive an office fling or a drunken one night stand; but what they can never get over is the betrayal of an affair. Not because of the sex, no, because of the emotional cheating. That emotional connection with another woman, that emotional intimacy, would break her more than knowing you were in bed together.
Emotional Infidelity
Whilst we have talked about this and micro cheating in past blogs, there’s something for me that’s very profound about being emotionally connected with an affair partner. It makes the relationship better and it sure as hell makes the sex better. And let’s be honest here, it’s nice to actually have deep and meaningful chats with a beautiful woman without her reminding you when to pick up the kids or to take the trash out.
There’s many reasons why men cheat, but married men who have affairs have been known to hook up with whomever is the lowest hanging fruit – which is why office romances and trysts are rampant. Most of them never get to have full blown affairs.
What I Learnt About Myself
There’s 2 huge things I learnt about myself over the last 10 years:
1) I prefer affairs over all other forms of cheating. By a long shot.
2) It’s so much easier to say to your affair partner that you’re married, and if they are too they’ll get it. They’ll respect the time you need to spend with your family without getting jealous and will know their place in your life automatically. Just as I know my place in their world.
3) There’s a maturity to it all which you can’t put into words, but I now understand more than ever why so many French Politicians have full time mistresses. Many of whom have told their wife; which is perhaps one step too far for me.
Advantages Of Having Affairs
1) They know the score. You’re married, they’re married – everyone has to keep their mouths shut.
2) Given she knows you’re married too, she’s never going to show up to your house and turn your life upside down.
3) It’s like dating and having a girlfriend all over. It’s exciting.
4) The conversations are much deeper.
5) The sex is so much better.
6) There’s no nagging.
7) They’re less needy.
The Disadvantages Of Affairs
1) It can get too emotional. Affairs can turn to love so quickly, sneak up on you and bite you in the ass before you even realise.
In the early days, when I was on the hunt for a cheating partner, anyone would do. Beggars can’t be choosers. I’m married, I have kids – I needed to just take what I could get. In those days, these were mostly flings and one night stands.
And yes, they were great. Like super great. I’m hardly complaining that I had sex with a bunch of hot women – no sir.
But they were emotionless, robotic and had short lived. My sex life would thank them, but not my brain. These meaningless relationships (if you could even call them that) just weren’t aligned with my personality.
I love learning from people and once they’re out of your life within a week (or sometimes 24hrs) – it’s hard to build that relationship into that.
My Last Affair
My last affair was amazing. She was a doctor, drop dead stunning, intelligent and I loved her to pieces. I truly loved her with all of my heart. She was the first affair partner I ever had that made me consider leaving my wife. We would debate against one another, share common interests, laugh together and learn together. I would encourage her with some of her projects and she would support me in the things I was doing.
We were perfect partners.
And of course like any relationship, we would also argue and stop talking to each other for days. Yet somehow, we managed to get past all of that and would always run back to each other. Sometimes in the moments we weren’t talking, we’d see it as a sign to reflect and wonder whether or not what we were doing was right. Often our fights would serve as a red flag, to the cheating. The bold faced cheating.
The Beginning Of The End
Sadly, one day, she started to pull back a little. I was the first person she’d ever had an affair with and I could just sense something strange was happening. She’d read messages and not reply, she’d call me less, our calls were shorter and lacking in romance. It was clear that this was the beginning of the end. Our arguing increased and I was struggling to deal with the new reality.
I kept asking her if this was over, but I knew it was heading that way. She was feeling more and more guilty each day and was struggling to look her own children in the eye. She’d also stopped having orgasms whilst having sex with her own husband. It was going to be obvious soon if it wasn’t already that she was up to something. There was simply no point in continuing.
We don’t talk. Which is a shame but also a blessing. There was going to be no happy ending to this situation. And as much as I find myself sometimes feeling anger towards her for pulling back, for distancing from me – I remind myself of how much good came from being together. How amazing the good times truly were, how much I learnt, how much I felt love and being loved again. She was the best affair partner I’d ever have and I’d do anything to have that back again.
But sadly, it is true, sometimes good things do come to an end and not everything lasts forever. What we had, when we had it was the best. The possibility of it ever happening again are less than zero and even knowing that is a blessing.
Since Then
Since then I’ve had a string of flings and one night stands. But none of them have even come close to having an affair.
The right affair partner is almost like having the perfect girlfriend. They boost your confidence and they truly are there for you every step of the way. I’ve heard of some affairs lasting for years and years, and after having had quite a few affairs, I can actually see how that’s possible.
People assume that people like me cheat just for the sex. That we simply aren’t getting it at home and so we go out hunting. That’s a completely unfair assumption.
The actual truth is many of us cheat because there’s something about getting that attention exclusively from someone that is absolutely so undeniably addictive.
Warning About Affairs
If you’re the type of person that already cheats but is just in it for the sex, then this article really isn’t for you. But if you are looking to take your cheating to the next level, then you are 100% my target audience.
But be warned. I’ve had 2 amazing affairs in the last 3 years. They were truly incredible. Like going out with my first ever girlfriend incredible. However, with all that happiness, when it all goes wrong, the breakups are just awful. And it will feel like someone has ripped your heart out off your chest and shattered it into a million little pieces.
Now you may think it’s worth it; thinking that going through that pain is worth having the amazing feeling that an affair brings. And for people like me it’s definitely worth it and been worth it – every time.
But what you have to ask yourself is this, whilst going through a breakup, are you still able to go home and act normal around your wife and kids without attracting attention? Now I wish I had a tip, trick or strategy to making that part easier – but I’m also lost here.
For me, the end of every affair is emotionally draining, yet somehow, I have to go home and play the happy husband and dad, because if I don’t, it’s going to be obvious. As if breakups aren’t hard enough. And remember you can’t share it with anyone (other than maybe a therapist), which I’ve never done. But you can’t tell your friends, you can’t tell your work mates, and of course you can NEVER tell your wife.
You simply suffer in silence.
Are You Ready For An Affair?
If you think you are ready for having an affair, be sure to play it all the way through in your mind. Of course it’s like being on cloud nine. But at some point even the best affairs end, and do so abruptly and badly.
And when I look back at my last 2 affair partners, what I miss the most, more than the chats and the sex and the laughter, is the emotional intimacy.
I didn’t know what to expect when I started down the sexual affairs route. I used to love my flings. I thought my future would be flings and one night stands only. And whilst that did happen often, they were unfulfilling. No one prepared me for what a life of emotional affairs and intimacy would look or feel like.
No one warned me that feelings would even be involved. That people would get hurt.
My Advice About Having Affairs
So here is my advice, if you ever consider having an affair, please read this post again. Please take into account the pitfalls as well as the highs. Committed relationships with an affair partner isn’t always for everyone. When looking outside your marriage, some people like variety and a primary relationship with just one person may not even be appealing.
However in real life, it’s easy to get sucked into an affair. It can make you reckless and arrogant and lead to suspicious behavior and raise suspicions at home.
My gut feeling has always been the thing that I follow in my life. And whilst I’ve always had plenty of short term flings, that’s never really done it for me. I’ve never really wanted to make more effort with someone I had a one night stand with, but for the perfect affair partner I’d go to the ends of the earth.
It’s a beautiful thing and if you’re ever lucky enough to find someone that gives you all the things that are missing from you life and fills you with happiness and makes you want to spend time with them, like all the time – then by all means, go for it. Just be careful. And know, after it’s all over, it’s hard.
Ah, marriage. The blissful union of two hearts, two souls, two laundry baskets overflowing with mismatched socks. It’s a beautiful thing, like a perfectly balanced margarita – sweet, tart, and with a little kick that keeps things interesting. But let’s be honest, folks, sometimes that margarita gets a little…stale. The ice melts, the lime wedge wilts, and suddenly you’re staring into a lukewarm glass of disappointment.
Now, some folks might ditch that sad excuse for a cocktail and order something new. But me? I’m more of a tinkerer. I like to add a splash of something unexpected, a forbidden fruit garnish, maybe even a sneaky shot of tequila under the table. You see, I’m a serial sidecar. A happily married man who, well, enjoys the occasional…extracurricular margarita.
Before you grab your pitchforks and yell ‘adulterer!’, hear me out! My marriage is far from a shipwreck. My wife, the queen of my piña colada paradise, is smart, funny, and the kind of woman who can rock a power suit like nobody’s business. We have kids, a dog with questionable fashion sense, and a mortgage that could make a grown man weep. It’s the good life, the picket fence and minivan kind of good life. But like any well-worn appliance, even the best marriages can get a little…dusty.
That’s where the sidecars come in. They’re not replacements, mind you, but rather delightful little diversions that keep the engine purring. Think of them like nitro boosts for the soul, brief bursts of excitement that leave you grinning like a kid on a sugar rush. They’re not about dissatisfaction with my wife, but a thirst for something different, a craving for that exotic fruit garnish that the local supermarket just doesn’t stock.
Now, I’m not saying I’m some Casanova with a permanent wink and a pocketful of phone numbers. My sidecars are carefully curated affairs, fleeting flirtations that never threaten the main course. They’re like those fancy amuse-bouches you get at a Michelin-starred restaurant – bite-sized pleasures that whet your appetite but never spoil the main event.
But why, you ask, why go through all the trouble? Why risk it all for a taste of the forbidden margarita? Well, my friends, the answer is as complex as a well-aged daiquiri. It’s a cocktail of reasons, each one adding its own unique flavor to the mix:
The Thrill of the Chase:
Let’s face it, there’s something undeniably exhilarating about the pursuit. The stolen glances, the coded texts, the hushed phone calls that sound suspiciously like you’re ordering pizza (pepperoni only, please, with extra secrecy). It’s like playing a high-stakes game of cat and mouse, except the mouse wears killer heels and can quote Nietzsche.
The Fountain of Youth:
Remember that feeling of butterflies in your stomach on your first date? The nervous energy, the anticipation, the hope that maybe, just maybe, this is the real deal? Sidecars, in their own twisted way, are a chance to recapture that youthful buzz. They remind you that you’re still alive, still desirable, still capable of making hearts skip a beat (even if it’s just your own).
The Validation Buffet:
Let’s be real, men are simple creatures. We crave validation like a hummingbird craves sugar water. And while my wife showers me with compliments and affection (bless her patient heart), sometimes you just need a different voice to tell you you’re the bees-knees. Sidecars offer that external validation, a temporary buffet of ego-boosting flattery that reminds you you’re not just a grumpy husband who forgets to take out the trash. You’re also a charming rogue, a mysterious dark horse, the kind of guy who could write a haiku about a sunset and make it sound like Shakespeare.
The Spice of Life:
Marriage, like any good dish, benefits from a dash of unexpected flavor. Sidecars are that secret ingredient, the pinch of cayenne pepper that adds a little heat to the familiar comfort of a home-cooked meal. They keep things interesting, prevent the routine from becoming a rut, and remind you that life, even married life, can be full of delicious surprises.
Master of the Mixology:
Being a successful sidecar enthusiast requires a certain finesse, a delicate balancing act between thrill and responsibility. It’s like crafting the perfect daiquiri – too much rum and it’s a shipwreck, too little and it’s just a glass of lime juice.
The Firewall of Friendship:
My sidecars are always platonic. Think flirty banter with a barista, not full-blown salsa dancing with a stranger. It’s all about the intellectual and emotional connection, the spark of conversation that doesn’t cross the line of physical intimacy.
The Alibi Artistry: My wife isn’t a detective, but I’m no Jason Bourne either. My alibis are airtight, my schedules meticulously planned. ‘Late meeting at the office,‘ I’ll say, channeling my inner Clark Kent,
Look, even the most masterfully crafted sidecar leaves a bit of a sour aftertaste. To combat the inevitable pangs of guilt, I make sure to shower my wife with extra affection after each “detour.” A surprise bouquet of flowers, a candlelit dinner cooked by yours truly, a spontaneous foot massage (complete with cucumber slices and questionable jazz music). It’s all about keeping the marital margarita well-balanced, ensuring the sweetness outweighs the occasional tang.
The Inevitable Hiccups:
Let’s be honest, no sidecar journey is smooth sailing. There are bound to be bumps along the road, moments when your carefully constructed margarita threatens to spill all over the kitchen floor. Here are a few near misses from my own escapades:
The Near Miss-terpiece:
There was that time I accidentally texted a flirty message to my wife instead of my sidecar du jour. Let’s just say, the ensuing conversation was less “spicy” and more “scorched earth.” It took a day of groveling, a lifetime supply of brownie points, and a heartfelt apology (complete with interpretive dance moves) to get back into her good graces.
The Brush with Reality:
Sometimes, a close call with another woman serves as a harsh reminder of what you truly have at home. Witnessing a particularly nasty fight between a sidecar couple, or seeing the emptiness in the eyes of someone constantly chasing the next thrill, can be a sobering experience. It’s a wake-up call, a reminder that the real magic lies not in fleeting flings, but in the deep, enduring love you share with your partner.
The Bottom Line:
Being a serial sidecar is a risky business, a tightrope walk between excitement and disaster. But for some, like myself, it’s a dance we’re willing to do, a secret ingredient that adds a unique zest to the marital cocktail. Just remember, like any spice, use it sparingly, with respect, and always, always prioritize the main course. Because at the end of the day, a well-made margarita, shared with the one you love, is still the most satisfying drink of all.
Cheers to that!
And there you have it, a glimpse into the (mostly) lighthearted world of a serial sidecar. Remember, this is just one man’s perspective, a single pebble on the beach of marital experiences. Your journey may be entirely different, filled with different flavors, twists, and turns. But no matter what your recipe for happiness looks like, always savor the good, learn from the bumps, and never forget the importance of keeping that marital margarita fresh, exciting, and most importantly, shared with the one you love.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with my wife, a plate of homemade nachos, and a movie marathon starring Humphrey Bogart (because even sidecars need a little classic romance sometimes). Until next time, cheers!
Why This Sidecar Stays Parked in the Same Driveway: A Conclusion (Sort of)
Ah, the burning question that lingers like the ghost of a spilled margarita: why, oh why, would a man like me, a self-proclaimed sidecar enthusiast, choose to stay hitched to the same amazing woman day after day? Well, folks, as you’ve hopefully gleaned from my spicy confession, the answer isn’t as simple as a squeeze of lime. It’s a complicated cocktail, shaken with equal parts love, fear, convenience, and maybe a splash of guilt for good measure.
First and foremost, let’s be clear: my queen, my piña colada paradise, she’s not the problem. She’s the sunshine on my beach, the cherry on my daiquiri, the salsa to my chips (guacamole extra, please). It’s not dissatisfaction with her that drives me to flirt with forbidden fruit, but rather a thirst for something…different. A dash of adventure, a whisper of intrigue, a chance to play a game not everyone gets to play.
Then there’s the practical side, the ever-present fear of losing what I already have. Divorce? Ugh, it’s enough to give even the most seasoned cocktail shaker a tremor. The kids, the house, the mountain of paperwork that could drown a whale—it’s a daunting prospect, one that keeps my wheels firmly parked in the driveway.
Of course, comfort plays its part too. Marriage, like a well-aged whiskey, becomes familiar, dependable. It’s the worn-out armchair you sink into after a long day, the predictable melody you hum in the shower. While sidecars offer a burst of novelty, it’s this familiar song that truly soothes my soul.
Finally, there’s the ghost of consequences, the hangover that lurks after every illicit sip. The guilt, the fear of discovery, the potential to shatter the very thing I’m trying to spice up. Trust me, friends, a single tear from my queen is enough to make any tequila sunrise taste like regret.
So, there you have it, the messy, complex cocktail of reasons why this sidecar chooses to stay in the same garage. It’s not a black-and-white answer, nor one I claim to be universal. Every marriage is a unique brew, with its own blend of ingredients and its own preferred level of fizz.
But as for me, with all my flaws and detours, I’m content to keep my main margarita bubbling away, adding a few forbidden fruits here and there for a bit of extra zest. It’s a balancing act, sure, but hey, who doesn’t enjoy a good juggling show with flaming margaritas? Cheers to that, and remember, always drink responsibly, both your cocktails and your sidecars.
I’d love to sit here and act like I move from girlfriend to girlfriend without emotion. I really would. In fact, I wish I was like that. Sadly, I’m not built that way. It’s a major flaw in my personality, that sometimes, when I like someone a lot, I can fall for them. In fact, it turns me on when they fall for me too. And to make matters worse, I take the breakups very badly. It can take me months to get over.
When Affairs Turn To Love
Last year, I fell head over heels in love with the lady I was seeing. She was beautiful, kind and funny. She too had a great job and was an amazing mum. Everything about her was simply perfect. We’d talk for hours and every time we’d meet-up, just being near her was electric. We couldn’t get enough of each other. I thought it was just a crush to begin with, but when I noticed she had feelings back, it ended up leading to a full blown affair.
Now this particular lady had never had an affair before, which added to the excitement, and she’d constantly be asking me what was normal and what wasn’t in the affair world. I specifically remember her asking me
what happens when you start falling for someone…
Before she could even finish the sentence, I replied
I love you. I’m totally and completely in love with you.
Thankfully she said the same back, and we went on for a few months feeling like we were floating on cloud 9. Occasionally, she would ring me up crying as it was all getting a little too overwhelming. And of course sometimes if we didn’t get give each other enough attention we’d fight.
But as much as I loved her with every fibre of my body, I started to get scared. I realised that she was the type of woman I could leave my wife for – and she was thinking of leaving her husband. We both knew deep down it couldn’t happen, but it didn’t stop us wanting it.
This situation was not ideal. And the more we couldn’t do what we wanted to, the more it just lead to more and more arguments to the point that it broke us apart. We both said things that we couldn’t take back, and it ended in a way where we could never speak again. We blocked each other on WhatsApp, Instagram and Facebook. There was no going back.
Once in a while, I’d look at her instagram from a dummy account, but all I felt was a combination of anger and hatred for her. When the truth is it wasn’t her I was angry at. It was the situation. And as much as her and I were good together – perhaps us actually being together, with children logistics and divorce cases, was just something that neither of us would ever want to go through. Her amazing personality and good looks didn’t help – and I’d keep asking myself if I’d ever meet someone as good again.
I lost a best friend and a girlfriend all in one go. And for the first time in my life, it made me realise why and how men would leave their wives for their lovers. Caught up in emotion, it’s easily done!
I always promised myself that I’d never put myself in a situation where I leave my wife and not see my 3 kids everyday. It would break all 4 of them, but mostly the kids.
Was I really that selfish?
I just never expected to find myself so deep in love! This was a first.
I still think about her almost everyday, and it’s taken every part of me to stop looking at her instagram stories, and keeping some sort of tabs on her. It just wasn’t and isn’t healthy.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, I’d love to sit here and act like I move from girlfriend to girlfriend without emotion. And most of the time that’s been the case. But this time it wasn’t and it’s jarred me. It’s been one of the most ecstatic and frightening experiences I’ve had to date.
When Affairs Turn Into Love – My Takeaway
And as you can probably tell, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. Perhaps an unhealthy amount of time reflecting. The truth is you can’t legislate your feelings. But I wish I had nipped it in the bud earlier, or I wish she had. We both got in too deep, and once we admitted we fell in love with each other, alarm bells should have been going off! And they didn’t and for that I’m angry at myself. I’m angry I lost control, I lost common sense and I lost some level of reality.
We had somehow fooled ourselves into thinking we could keep a lid on this, and continue together for years and years. But we couldn’t. And it broke us both. And right now, I’d do anything to hold her, hug her and kiss her again, anything. But what good would come of that? Nothing. Just more confusion, more pain and more hurt!
I don’t know how common it is for men who have affairs and fall in love with their affair partners. It’s not something I can ask people, and even if I could, we’re all a bunch of alpha males who wouldn’t admit it to each other. But the beauty about a blog like this is that I can admit it to you!
My Advice
My advice is such; if you find yourself in a similar position to myself, and you find yourself falling head over heels in love, believe you me – it’s better to pull the handbrake than to dive in! Take it from me, the pain and the arguments and the hurt, simply isn’t worth it!
As a keen poker player, I realise it’s hard to walk away from a winning hand – but it’s these types of errors that get people caught! Trust me. And this isn’t as clear cut as poker, my definition of winning hand is truly a losing hand.
Whilst some of us do what we do, it’s still and always will be family first, and no matter what, nothing or no-one will ever change that.
I’ve never been good at breakups. Ever. Even when I broke up with my first girlfriend at 17, I was a wreck. Firstly I got dumped!!
And at the time, so many things went through my mind. That overwhelming fear of rejection surrounded me and I was convinced I’d never meet anyone as good ever again.
I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach and I just couldn’t shake it!
I did everything to win her back. I sent her cards and flowers, I was even pathetic enough to record myself onto a cassette tape (remember those) and send it to her. Looking back, I cringe at my attempts…
It took me a long time to get over her. And in that dumping, I felt deflated. I felt that my confidence had been knocked so badly, I had even lost what little game I had back then completely. I had lost my ability to speak to other women, and I just kept comparing them to her.
It was all just so pathetic. I was pathetic.
But here’s what so strange. I never changed. Every breakup I went through, I felt exactly as I did above, but I had learnt to completely cut out the grovelling part. Effectively I just suffered in silence.
I was great at chasing women and making them feel special, but I was a terrible boyfriend. Once in the comfort of a relationship, I’d always be out with my friends, often speaking to and hooking up with other girls, but knowing I had the security blanket of a girlfriend.
And that meant I was the guy who got dumped quite a lot vs the guy who ended it.
I had even perfected the line, when people would ask me who ended it, I’d always say
it was a mutual decision.
I never had the strength to be the one to end it and I always just waited for it to end. And often, despite knowing the relationship wasn’t for me, I still took the breakups really badly.
The flings were easy to forget and the one night stands were even easier, but those darned relationships – I always struggled. Remember to check out our article on how to know when it’s time to breakup with someone.
Now if you’ve read some of my other posts, there’s no doubt I’m a playboy, a player, a womaniser – I’m not even going to be crass enough to tell you the number of the women I’ve slept with – but don’t think for a second it doesn’t come with its own emotional baggage. In my very first post I said:
Beyond all the texts, and butterflies, and sex – there’s an emotional toll. And you have to learn to deal with that, or it’s going to be obvious the second you get home!
Your wife will sense it, your kids will sense it – shoot, I’ve even seen guys come home and just confess their sins because they couldn’t live with the guilt.
This game isn’t for everyone, and it’s certainly no game! The stakes are high, the risk is high! And yes, for me the reward at the end of it is worth it, but I’ve developed the stomach for this!
And I meant every word of it.
However, I came to accept that that was how I was built and I would just get used to the pain, ride it out, have more one night stands and flings until the next great relationship came along.
And the meaningless sex between waiting for the next relationship was meant to take the hurt away – but for me, it never did!! As popeye said:
I Yam Who I Yam
Little did I know the pain of breaking up amplified ten fold after I got married.
About 6 months ago I got out of a relationship that had gotten too serious. Not only was I married but so was she.
She was funny, pretty, intelligent and had a great career. Everything about her was perfect. We both fell in love with each other. Both of us would carve out an hour a day just to chat over the phone and we’d be messaging each other non stop. I was verging on getting sloppy but I was so in love and so was she. And don’t even get me started on the sex. It was all so perfect.
In Too Deep
We’d both made the cardinal mistake in an affair, we fell for each other hard and fast! It had gotten so bad, that she had stopped being able to have orgasms when she was having sex with her husband (which strangely made me feel very happy).
Neither of us could imagine a life without each other and both of us had contemplated leaving our spouses for each other. But she knew the rules from day 1, I’d never leave my wife and more importantly my 3 kids for anyone. Not even for the love of my life.
Finally, after realising that this was only going to cause hurt and pain, she was the one who mustered up the strength and ended it. The only outcomes were bad and she knew this. I so desperately didn’t want it to end, and when it did, all those loving conversations turned into huge shouting matches to the point where we cut contact with each other.
And what happened when it ended? Pain all over again. Gut wrenching pain. But this time it was harder because I had to go home and play happy husband and father, as if none of this had ever happened.
Things were made even worse because she was hugely active on social media and so I kept watching all her videos thinking I couldn’t even speak to her. There wasn’t this out of sight out of mind policy. She was literally on my phone and I couldn’t stop looking. And every time I watched one of her videos, I would miss her more and then hate her for ending it.
In those 6 months since the breakup, I had several flings, several one night stands and yet until recently, all I could think about was her.
I’m Sorry
Now I want to apologise because I have kept the tone of this website generally upbeat, even funny at times. But my posts have been nothing but honest and as I always said on day 1 – I don’t glamourise cheating. I know it’s wrong. I’m not sitting here encouraging men to cheat.
No sir!
My mission has been to protect men from their families being hurt from our selfish behaviour. What they don’t find out will never hurt them.
So let me leave you with this.
Yes, cheating can be fun. It can put you on Cloud 9 and give you a confidence that you’ve never possessed before.
But when it ends, there’s truly a toll.
It almost alters your DNA and if you can’t manage your state properly, you’ll end up taking out your frustrations on your family – which will leave them confused and wondering where your bad mood is coming from! It may even get you busted or somehow make you think that confessing will make the pain go away. Which it won’t.
I occasionally watch my ex’s videos online of her out with friends or worse still her husband, but now I’m thankfully indifferent. It doesn’t both me at all. But it took me 6 whole months to get here.
