How To Tell a Married Woman You Love Her
When it comes to cheating statistics, married men are far more likely to cheat on their spouses than women. However, females are increasingly likely to cheat on their husbands. According to some studies, as many as 15% of married women cheat at least once during their lifetime.
How To Tell a Married Woman You Love Her
Have you become involved with a married woman? Many younger men love the thrill of being the other guy in a relationship. While some are happy to play it cool and see how things progress, other men do eventually find themselves falling for their married partner. If you ask me, it’s best to step back and ask yourself some questions before making some bold declaration of undying love.
Getting involved with a married woman is messy enough before you start trying to take things up a notch. However, sometimes it’s hard to fight your feelings. If you feel there’s a genuine connection there and you want to turn an affair into a genuine relationship, you need to be careful about how you approach things.
How Did the Relationship Start?
Let’s get this out of the way first. Think about how your relationship actually began. Did you meet your married partner on a dating site for married women? Although it’s entirely possible for genuine feelings to develop, remember that this whole thing started with two people talking to a stranger in an attempt to get their rocks off.
You might have met at work or through friends. In these cases, affairs tend to start more gradually. Emotional intimacy is established before sex becomes part of the deal. If your affair has some emotional bedrock, then your feelings are probably genuine. More importantly, there’s an increased chance of her feeling something similar to what you’re wrestling with.
Does She Feel the Same Way?
Nobody wants to embarrass themselves by admitting to someone they’re in love with them, only to be rejected. Before you even consider risking it all, think about how the other person in the affair actually feels.
Has she been pretty frank about her feelings? If she’s consistently told you that the relationship is a physical one and she doesn’t want emotions to get in the way, accept that you’re the outlier in the situation. Has she made it clear that she has no intentions of leaving her husband? Take her at face value and don’t try to convince her otherwise.
Of course, some married women can change their minds about things once an affair is underway and she’s spent months with another guy. If her tone has changed and she seems more receptive to the idea of a future with someone else other than her husband, you can be a little more direct with your next steps.
Testing the Water
If your feelings are strong enough, it can be hard to fight the urge to blurt them out in the heat of the moment. In my experience, this is never a good idea. It can seem rushed and erratic. Married women will only keep an affair going if they feel like they have your discretion. If you’re suddenly throwing declarations of love into the mix, they’re almost certainly going to back away from the relationship. At best, you’ll find yourself seeing them less and less before they cut ties altogether.
To save your sanity and preserve the relationship for what it is, be more delicate about things. You can ask questions about her marriage, but don’t be too probing. Married women and men don’t like to be reminded about what they’ve got going on at home. If they’re cheating to escape a loveless marriage devoid of passion, bringing up their uninterested spouse is a real mood-killer. If they’re cheating for more selfish reasons, mentioning their family and home life is only going to lead to them feeling guilty. This often leads them to reconsider the affair. If the guilt takes hold, they may decide to stop cheating altogether.
See How She Responds to Compliments
If you want to avoid telling a married woman outright that you’re in love with her, let her know gradually in other ways. Start with compliments. It can be casual comments made over dinner or drinks, or more sexually-charged talk after an afternoon session. Working these into your everyday exchanges will do wonders for her self-esteem, slowly warming her up to the idea of a long-term future with you.
Hint That You’re on the Market
Unless your arrangement is a particularly strange one, a married woman can’t expect you to be off the market while you’re seeing her. It’s not fair that she can indulge her sexual appetites away from her marriage, but you have to live like a monk when you’re not with her. I’m not suggesting you start boasting to her about your sexual exploits and one-night stands, but some gentle reminders that you’re a viable option for other women are worth considering.
Drop the occasional mention of colleagues who might have shown an interest. Delicacy is key here. You don’t want to make her irate with rage, but you want to sow the seeds of jealousy. If these feelings become too much for her to bear, she’ll likely want to cement her status with you. Ultimately, it’s about giving yourself more leverage when you decide to tell her that you love her.
Be Realistic About the Shelf Life of Your Situation
One of my aunts carried on an affair for the best part of three decades without her husband knowing. Then again, my uncle was a dimwit.
However, most affairs last nowhere near as long as this. Most are going to fizzle out within a few months. At best, you’ll get a year out of one before anxiety takes hold or the risk of getting found out becomes too much to bear.
During the early stages of an affair when the cheater’s high is in full effect, an affair seems endless. However, the honeymoon stage doesn’t last forever. By all means, enjoy those first few weeks when everything feels fantastic. After that, you need to be upfront with each other about the shelf life of your affair.
The occasional conversation about the inevitable end of your relationship will have her thinking twice. If you’re too heavy-handed about this, you can send her packing. If you’re more delicate with the topic, you’ll have her reconsidering whether or not it’s worth sticking it out in an unhappy marriage or taking the plunge with you.
Just Say It
If gentle probing and casual compliments haven’t warmed her up to the idea of leaving her husband and starting a future with you, consider just being upfront about things. Just don’t make a huge song and dance about it. She might share your feelings, but might not be quite ready to ditch her marriage and go forward with you.
If you’re too over-the-top with things, you can sour a good thing. She might think that you’re unpredictable or so consumed with love that you’ll do anything to keep her. While a few women might be flattered by this, most will start to worry that you’ll sabotage their marriage to continue the affair. In other words, they’ll be terrified they’re dealing with an “If I can’t have you, no one will” kind of guy.
Should You Tell Her?
Sometimes, it’s best to wait things out. Think about your situation and where both of you stand before you progress any further. For starters, remember that you willingly entered into this arrangement as the other guy. You didn’t enter into a relationship with the promise that one day, you could supplant her husband as the only man in her life. You’re the one who’s changed the rules, not her.
You should also consider whether or not you’re actually in love with her. Are you just besotted with her because your affair is taking up so much of your time? Are you confusing passion and obsession with love?
Next, consider the consequences of telling her you love her. Unless she instantly agrees to ditch her husband and get with you on a full-time basis, you’re going to be saddling her with extra anxiety. She now not only has to deal with managing an affair and all the secrets that entails, but also manage her feelings. If the affair continues, her behavior towards you could change to try and temper your romantic feelings. This can be hard to deal with.
Conclusion
Most guys who find themselves in this situation should really think about looking elsewhere. After all, you’re not falling in love with the only woman in the world. Instead of putting all your eggs in one basket and pursuing someone unattainable, try and establish a healthier relationship elsewhere.
You’re one half of an adulterous relationship. In other words, nothing’s stopping you from getting your kicks elsewhere. Get out there and meet other women. Whether it’s one-night stands and casual sex, or something more serious, it’s always a good idea to leave your options open. If this doesn’t dampen your feelings for the married woman you’re seeing, it can still leave you with a healthy perspective. If you do decide to tell her you love her and she turns you down flat, you know that there are plenty of other women out there you can pursue.
Finally, remember that the woman you’re obsessing over is another person. She might be cheating on her husband, but that doesn’t make her an inherently bad person. If you think that you genuinely love her, don’t make her life more difficult by throwing a spanner into the works by telling her you’re in love with her. If the love is genuine and your feelings are shared, things may fall into place. Think about putting some distance between the two of you if you need to. Sometimes, distance can make the heart grow fonder. Other times, it’s the only remedy for forcing you to rethink your situation and move on to greener pastures.
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