How Common is Cheating in Marriage?
Infidelity is more common than you might think. According to recent studies, around 75% of men in a committed relationship have admitted to cheating on their spouse at least once. Historically, gender differences have meant the rates of female infidelity have been slightly slower. However, the fairer sex is quickly catching up, with infidelity statistics suggesting almost as many women cheat on their partners as men do.
How Common is Cheating in Marriage?
Extramarital sex and the occasional fling aren’t always considered relationship-ending events outside of marriage. However, for married couples, infidelity can be catastrophic. Admittedly, fewer married people commit adultery than those in casual relationships. However, the statistics are still quite striking. It’s estimated that up to 40% of married men have had an affair. Meanwhile, between 20-25% of married women admit to having been unfaithful. However, these are the only people who report cheating. It’s almost certain that the statistics are far higher across all age groups.
What Motivates Married Couples to Cheat?
There are many reasons why someone may be looking to cheat on their partner and pursue extramarital sex. Generally speaking, the root cause lies with dissatisfaction with home lives. An argument could have driven a wedge between a married couple, while one partner could be exhibiting controlling behavior. If someone has suffered under the yoke of a spouse for many years and their self-esteem has taken a beating, an extramarital affair may be just what they need to bolster their ego.
Some people might feel neglected by their other half. If they feel as though there’s a lack of love and affection at home, they’re far more likely to pursue emotional affairs. These might seem innocent enough, but they’re still a betrayal. What’s more, many emotional affairs have the potential to evolve into sexual relationships.
When Flirting Crosses the Line
While some affairs may be limited to a one-night stand or ill-judged hookup with a colleague, others take a long time to get off the ground. For many people who cheat, the final decision to embark on an affair isn’t an easy one. It’s usually the result of years-long frustration, emotional neglect, and withering self-esteem.
Many couples may be unhappy with their arrangement from the off. Perhaps a couple rushed into marriage young or decided to tie the knot after an unexpected pregnancy. Both male and female partners may think that they’ve missed out on their sexual prime by locking themselves down to a long-term partner. Over the years, the idea of pursuing extramarital sex may have been lingering in the back of the brain. These urges may have been dismissed for years, but eventually, frustrations come to a boil and a nasty enough altercation could lead one partner to pursue sex elsewhere.
Nowadays, statistics show that both genders pursue extramarital affairs relatively equally. However, men and women tend to pursue affairs and extramarital sex for different reasons.
Why Do Married Men Cheat?
Happily married men can turn into cheating spouses for a multitude of reasons. In most cases, it’s a combination of factors that leads to a married man becoming unfaithful. Most men admit to neglect being key driving factor behind their desire to cheat. They have been happily married for many years, but a lack of emotional connection at home can easily drive them into the arms, and bed, of another woman.
It Takes Two to Tango
Men are more likely to cheat if they’re given the opportunity. Although men are unlikely to pursue sex with mutual friends and female acquaintances, the workplace presents plenty of opportunities for them to connect with single women. Approximately 19% of people have admitted to cheating on their partner with a work colleague. What’s more, more than half of people have enjoyed an office romance at some point in time. If there are issues at home, a booze-fuelled office party provides the perfect conditions for an ill-judged one-night stand.
Why Are Men More Likely to Pursue Extramarital Sex?
Long-term marriages tend to suffer from a declining sex life. In fact, the vast majority of couples are only intimate a handful of times a week. According to some studies, around a quarter of married couples do the deed once a week. However, around 17% of married couples report getting intimate only once in any given month.
Not everyone has an insatiable sexual appetite. Sometimes, however, both partners in a marriage aren’t going to feel the same way. If a man isn’t getting what he needs at home, pursue sexual partners elsewhere. It’s worth pointing out that this isn’t exclusively tied up in the need for sexual activity. If a married man is constantly refused sex by a spouse, feelings of rejection and inadequacy can fester. This compounds the issue, leading men to look for reaffirmation from extramarital partners.
Why Do Married Women Cheat?
Why do women cheat? Researchers speculate that women pursue affairs for different reasons than men. Although some women are indeed chasing sex, others are looking to ignite emotional affairs with men.
Many women feel disenchanted with their marriages, especially if they’ve been with a partner for many years. As husbands become distant and intimacy levels decline, it’s easy for women to feel unwanted and undesirable. People cheat for a variety of different reasons, but women tend to cheat because they’re actively looking to fill a void at the heart of their primary relationship.
Ways Women Cheat
More married women than ever before are cheating on their husbands. While workplaces are a breeding ground for infidelity, the increase in dating apps and social media channels has made it easier for women to connect with emotionally invested men.
Although many women are looking for physical intimacy, affairs rarely stop with a one-night stand or purely sexual relationship. In fact, a lot of married women enter into an affair with the anticipation that it would be the end of the marriage.
Underlying Issues That Can Lead to Affairs
Most affairs start because one or both partners are losing interest in a marriage. However, a breakdown in communication or lack of passion isn’t always the main driving force behind the dissolution of a relationship. Research suggests several factors can have a role in one or both partners being driven to infidelity.
Addictive Personalities
Many people suffer from addictive personalities. Generally speaking, this presents as substance abuse. In the United States, around 15 million adults admit to having an issue with alcohol. Many adults also lean on prescription medication and illicit drugs. What does this have to do with cheating? The less clear-headed someone is, the more likely they are to make poor decisions away from their marriage. When sober, someone might never entertain the idea of engaging in an affair. When they’re in the midst of a binge, there’s no moral compass guiding them.
Childhood Experiences
Trauma experienced during childhood can cause all manner of issues down the line. Victims of childhood sexual abuse may have trouble with intimacy as adults. This doesn’t have to be the one cheating. Instead, an innocent partner who is resistant to physical intimacy may unconsciously encourage their spouse to look elsewhere for sexual gratification.
Childhood trauma can also lead to a host of emotional development issues. This can make it difficult for men and women to establish and maintain healthy emotional relationships as adults. It can blur the line between what is and what isn’t acceptable.
Further, adults who experienced infidelity secondhand during their childhood years may be more likely to cheat themselves. Some research indicates that children of unfaithful parents are twice as likely to pursue an affair themselves in adult life.
Intimacy Disorders and Attachment Issues
Attachment disorders often present after difficult childhoods. This might be the result of an absent father or an overly protective mother. In later life, both men and women can develop unhealthy attachment styles that complicate their romantic relationships.
If someone is exhibiting attachment avoidance, they’re likely to push their spouse away, increasing the odds of them looking for sex and emotional connections elsewhere. Furthermore, those with deep-rooted insecurities may choose to pursue affairs to bolster their ego and prove their self-esteem. These disorders can affect any age group and will remain a problem until they’re resolved via therapy.
Psychological Disorders and Mental Health Issues
Those suffering from mental illness may be more likely to cheat. Bipolar sufferers suffering from manic episodes may be compelled toward more unpredictable behavior than usual. This could take the form of a drug or alcohol binge, but may also present as a one-night stand or short-term affair.
Other personality disorders can also increase the odds of someone cheating. Sociopaths and those with narcissistic personalities are far more likely to cheat on their partners. In these cases, most affairs will be seen as acceptable in the eyes of the cheater. It’s all about entitlement, with little care for the impact of actions on spouses or children.
What to Do When a Spouse Cheats
In the United States, around half of all marriages end in divorce. According to some estimates, around 17% of divorce proceedings cite infidelity as being the key reason behind the end of a marriage.
However, infidelity doesn’t always have to mean the end of a marriage. If you suspect your spouse is playing the field or you’ve unearthed strong evidence to suggest they definitely have been cheating, take a step back and consider your options.
What Are They Really Trying to Say?
Sometimes, the partner doing the cheating isn’t actively trying to sabotage a relationship. In fact, they may be comfortable with the prospect of being caught out. Sometimes, they may be looking for an excuse to be kicked out of the house to speed along the breakup of a marriage. Other times, there may be underlying issues with the marriage itself that need to be worked on.
If cheating has become an issue in your marriage, decide how you want to progress. If it’s time to cut your losses and move on to greener pastures, don’t be afraid to start divorce proceedings. If however, you feel like fighting for your marriage, take this as nothing more than a rock in the road. It’s time to set new boundaries, redefine dynamics, and carve out a fresh path forward.
How to Cope with Being the Wronged Party
An affair coming to light isn’t fun for anyone. However, for the wronged party, it’s particularly devastating. Some partners react furiously to finding out they’ve been cheated on. Others sink into themselves and quietly take the blame for encouraging their partner to explore their options. While it’s fine to consider the role you might have played, never take on the responsibility of being the chief reason behind infidelity.
For women, emotional infidelity is a major issue and it can be hard for a relationship to recover from a husband striking up a meaningful connection with other women. For men, emotional affairs aren’t typically a dealbreaker, although sexual infidelity can lead to significant issues down the line.
No matter what your initial reaction is, understand that your feelings surrounding the situation will change over time. Most of the time, you’re not simply going to loosen up and forget about it. Niggling thoughts in the back of your mind can fester and turn into deep-set resentment. To nip this in the bud, it’s always a good idea to pursue relationship counseling as soon as possible if you wish to save your marriage.
How Can You Move Forward
Beyond a few rare exceptions, infidelity should be seen as a sign that something is wrong with your marriage. However, a simple one-night stand doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to a decade-long marriage.
Before you decide to proceed with a divorce or commit to moving beyond the issue, it’s important to consider the root causes behind the cheating. Furthermore, you’ll need to consider whether you have the stomach to work out the kinks in your relationship and establish trust with your partner.
For couples suffering in the wake of infidelity, trial separations can be worth considering. This way, the cheating partner gets to explore new entanglements with multiple partners, while the wronged partner doesn’t have to feel like they’re being constantly betrayed. In many cases, the cheater will realize they’ve been chasing superficial attachments and reevaluate their marriage for the better.
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