How To End An Affair The Easy Way

Extramarital affairs are fun while they last. Maybe you’ve sought out a side piece to make up for a lack of passion in the bedroom. Perhaps an innocent gym visit led to a steamy encounter in the showers. However you ended up playing away from home, you’ve probably enjoyed yourself.

However, not all affairs are built to last. Some affairs only last for a month, while around half of all extramarital relationships are snuffed out before the year is out. Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who’s been able to stretch things out for longer. Long-term affairs aren’t unheard of, with around 30% of all affairs lasting for more than a couple of years.

If all’s going well and your other half doesn’t suspect anything, there’s no good reason to think about ending things prematurely. However, now might be the time to take a step back and consider your options. Are you tired of finding excuses to escape the home and meet up with your other woman? Are colleagues starting to get suspicious about what you’re really up to outside of the office? Maybe you simply can’t afford to keep two women on the go. If managing an affair is becoming too much to handle, now’s the time to get out while you still can.

Worried about how to approach the situation? Our guide breaks down everything you need to know about ending an affair, without getting burned in the process.

How To End An Affair?

Before you start planning on how to back out of an affair, it’s worth asking yourself whether or not you’re truly ready to end things. It’s not uncommon for first-time cheats to suffer from low-level anxiety. Even if you’re only occasionally meeting up with another woman for sex, the overwhelming feeling of guilt can be distracting.

Struggling with a constant knot in your stomach? Forever looking over your shoulder? If you’re still feeling like this after months of hooking up with a side piece, you might as well take a step back and rethink your options. Even if there’s no real chance of you getting found out, these anxious feelings can sap all the fun out of playing away. Breaking things off now might be a good idea. You can take stock and reconsider your play for the future. If the itch to sleep around comes back, you can start with a fresh slate.

Sometimes, the need to end an affair is triggered by warning signs. Is your side piece getting clingy? Are they giving you the impression that they want to take things beyond a sex-only arrangement? Ideally, you’ll have made your expectations clear before dropping your pants for your first encounter. However, even the most level-headed other women can quickly become a living nightmare.

Thankfully, bunny boiler tendencies are quick to present themselves. That being said, it’s sometimes the more subtle things you need to watch out for. Is your side piece pulling out all the stops to bolster your self-esteem? An occasional compliment isn’t too suspicious, but if she’s putting in way too much effort to build you up, something else might be afoot. After all, you’re both in the situation you’re in for sex. If she’s going overboard to impress, she might be after more than a stolen hour under the sheets.

Occasionally, things might boil over early enough in a relationship for you to put the brakes on things. It’s natural for your other woman to get jealous from time to time, especially if you’ve been going at it for a few months. However, any outright threats to reveal your affair are clear signs you need to back out of the arrangement.

Destroy the Evidence

Now you’ve decided you want to break things off, it’s time to start covering your tracks. Once you tell your side piece that things are over, things can move quickly. If she takes it well, you’ve got nothing to worry about. If she takes it badly, you could be dealing with some serious fallout.

Preempt this by deleting all evidence of your affair. Have you been using dating apps to find local hookups? Remove them from your phone and personal devices. Have you been using adult-only websites and paying subscriptions? As well as canceling these subscriptions, you’ll want to get rid of any paper trail tying you to them.

If you’ve been running another woman on the side for some time, you’ve probably spent some money on her. Any man who doesn’t want to get caught out cheating should be incredibly careful when managing their finances. Prepaid credit cards and cash are the only way to go when it comes to paying for hotels, covering the costs of trips away, and splashing out on gifts to increase your odds of getting some.

However, all these transactions come with a paper trail. To avoid this issue, you should have switched to online-only statements. If you’ve been receiving paper statements and stashing them away somewhere secure, now’s the time to introduce them to a shredder. Better still, burn them.

When it comes to destroying the evidence of your affair, there’s no such thing as being too clinical. Treat the process like removing any trace of yourself from a crime scene. Even the slightest bit of evidence can give the entire game away, so leave no stone unturned when covering your tracks.

Get Your Story Straight

You need to approach the breakup itself with a clear idea of what you’re going to say. If you’ve decided you want to put a stop to things, there’s room for negotiation. Unless you’re dealing with an incredibly casual person, there’s a good chance they’re going to try and emotionally blackmail you into keeping things going.

You don’t want to approach things with a word-by-word script but should at least have a loose idea of what you’re going to say. Be accountable and take charge of the situation, letting your affair partner know that you’ve made a decision and you’re not budging from it. Unless you were stupid enough to make hollow promises of being in it for the long run, you don’t need to go overboard with apologies. Most affairs are based on sex, so you shouldn’t really have to worry about breaking anyone’s heart.

Any man looking to break off an affair also needs to prepare what they’ll say to their spouse if things go south. You might walk away from an affair-ending conversation assuming all’s done and dusted. However, there’s always a chance your side piece is going to mull things over and decide they’re not quite done with you yet.

Sometimes, you may find yourself having to deal with endless texts and late-night calls asking you to rethink your position. If you’ve been firm about where you stand, the more likely next step is your side piece trying to fuck things up for you at home. It’s rare, but there’s always the chance they’ll get in touch with your spouse, a colleague, or a friend to let me know what you’ve been up to.

Even if this happens, you don’t have to actually own up to anything. Play your cards right, and you can quickly defuse this kind of situation. Line up an oven-ready story that covers all your tracks. “She’s some nut from an office party from last year who wouldn’t take no for an answer” is a good option.

If you’re brave enough to mix fiction with truth, think about admitting to a minor indiscretion. This way, you can play the angle that a relatively trivial encounter has been blown out of all proportion. It’s a risky tactic, but it saves you from having to keep too many plates spinning. Although your spouse is likely to hit the roof at even a mild admittance of guilt, once the dust has settled, you won’t have to continue fielding questions and after.

Prepare for the Worst

There are many reasons why men play away from home. There’s no crime about chasing other women for sex, but that doesn’t mean breaking things off with another woman isn’t without risk. Sometimes, ending an affair can mean kissing goodbye to your marriage or long-term relationship as well.

You’ll know whether you’re in trouble if your other woman takes things back when you knock things on the head with her. To make the next few weeks of your life as easy as possible, assume crash positions and brace for the worst.

Getting your story straight and destroying any evidence of your indiscretions are all well and good, but it won’t guarantee you’ll get away scot-free. If you’re only tied to a long-term girlfriend, dealing with the fallout is fairly easy. Unless you’re tied down to a joint mortgage or share children with them, a relationship-ending scenario will only involve you going your separate ways. If you’re married and have a lot more irons in the fire, things get a lot more complicated.

Did you agree to a prenuptial agreement before tying the knot? Take a second look to see what this contract says to get an idea of what kind of punishment you’re in for. Infidelity won’t go down well with a female judge or jury if things end up in divorce court. Getting these agreements changed down the line is only going to arouse suspicion, so avoid this approach. Instead, get a little creative about protecting your assets. Do you have any residual income your spouse doesn’t know about? Do you have assets that you can temporarily relocate so they’re not bundled into any divorce settlement?

Putting Things into Practice

Have you decided that it’s time to bring an affair to an end? As well as taking all of the above into account, you’ll want to approach things with a clear, step-by-step agenda. Below, you’ll find a 10-step plan that will make ending any affair that much easier.

1. Commit to a Decision and Expect Consequences

Whether you’re carrying on with a colleague or seeing a married friend, you’ll need to be final in your decision to end an affair. For many men, coming to this decision is incredibly hard. If you’ve been at it for long enough, you might have built up a pretty tight relationship with your other woman. Even if you’re only it for the sex, saying goodbye to fuss-free fucking is a hard bullet to bite.

You also need to be realistic about the ramifications of ending an affair. Cutting things off with a colleague? Things could get messy at the office. If you’ve been foolish enough to chase a female manager or direct superior, expect even more complications. Been going at with an unattached single? Just because she can get back on the market as soon as possible, doesn’t mean she will. What’s more, if she’s unattached, she’ll have nothing to lose if she decides to make your life a living hell.

2. Have the Talk

Unless they’re wired wrong, nobody enjoys breaking things off with someone. Don’t assume ending an affair is going to be simpler than bringing a full-fledged relationship to a close. Things might be built on sex, but those steamy encounters might mean a lot to the other person.

If you’re worried that your affair partner might not take the news well, be meticulous when choosing your sentences. Don’t compensate for their low self-esteem by going overboard with compliments. They might see these as glimmers of hope that all’s not lost. Instead, frame it so they feel confident enough to go out and get it on with someone new.

A confident side piece might seem like they’ll take the news more easily. However, a cocky attitude is often a sign you’re dealing with a narcissist. If they think highly enough of themselves, they’re not going to be put off by your reluctance to keep things going. They might try and convince you that you’re overreacting and there’s nothing to worry about. Alternatively, they might pull the rug from under you and tell you in no uncertain terms that the affair is going to continue, whether you like it or not. Don’t pander to this kind of person. Recommit to your decision, stand your ground, then walk away.

Been seeing your other woman for years? This is a difficult situation and there’s bound to be some emotional connection here. Whatever the reason for the breakup, you’ll need to be cautious in your approach here. The good news is that, if your other woman thinks highly enough of you, they’re not going to want to cause you any problems. However, just make it clear that you’re going back to your wife, rather than freeing yourself up to pursue other women.

3. Should You Confess Everything to Your Spouse?

Depending on how well things have gone so far, it might be time to think about confessing some or all of your antics to your other half. Did you get the feeling your side piece is going to cause you trouble in the future? Rather than live with a constant feeling of uncertainty, it’s sometimes a good idea to admit to being unfaithful.

It’s ultimately up to you whether you decide on a one-off sexual encounter or a months-long affair. For most men, it’s best to pretend that things fell somewhere in the middle. No woman likes to find out she’s been played, so expect fireworks. If you have a history of cheating, your admission may be the thing that breaks the camel’s back. If it’s the first time you’ve cheated, or at least the first time you’ve been caught out, you can usually patch things up.

4. Cut Off All Contact

Now you’ve broken things off and potentially let your other half know what’s happened, it’s time to put up walls between you and your former affair partner. Block their number and delete it from your contact list. If you’ve added them on social media, remove them from your friend lists or stop using those platforms entirely. This isn’t just about preventing them from getting in touch with you in the future. In a couple of months, you may find the urge to get in touch yourself and arrange a meeting. Getting rid of every trace of them is the only way to stop these reconnections from happening.

5. Let Your Spouse Know You’ve Changed

Sometimes, ending an affair doesn’t go as planned. If you’ve been caught out and had to break off an affair to save your marriage, or simply found yourself admitting to your infidelity, you’ll need to commit to change.

Obviously, not every man who gets caught out wants to change their ways. However, you’ll need to at least give the impression that you’re prepared to work on yourself. If your spouse suggests it as a deal breaker, be prepared for couples’ counseling. It will put her mind at rest and help you position yourself as a changed man.

The problem here is that most relationship counselors aren’t idiots. If you’re still chasing skirt outside of your relationship, an experienced professional is going to be able to spot the signs. Unless you’re a sociopath with a flair for subterfuge, you’re not going to be able to cover your tracks.

How do you get around this? Try and limit any couples’ counseling to a short-term arrangement. Agree to a few sessions as a gesture of goodwill, practice what’s being preached to you, then discuss bringing things to a close. If you’re acting the part at home, there’s a good chance that your wife or girlfriend will go for this. If they need a little nudge, bring up how much counseling is costing. You don’t need to pay a stranger hundreds of dollars an hour for soundbite advice you can pull off the internet. Need to sweeten things further? Mention how that money could be put to better use, like trips away or other things to liven things up at home.

The Urge to Cheat: When to Act Again

Some men find the strain of ending an affair and patching up a marriage too much like hard work to entertain pursuing another affair in the future. However, with some careful planning, you can satisfy your sexual urges and start up another affair sooner than you think.

Admittedly, it’s best to leave plenty of time to settle in between extramarital affairs. If your spouse has gotten wind of your previous antics, they’re going to be looking for signs that you’re playing away again. In most cases, these questions are going to be there for life, but dealing with casual suspicion is different from feeling like you have the CIA on your back 24/7.

To make life easy on yourself, give it a few months before even entertaining the notion of finding your next side piece. If you need to satisfy the urge sooner than that, don’t be too proud to seek out escorts or pay for sex. If you don’t feel like paying for it, use adult-only hookup sites. There’s a good chance you’ll find more than a few women looking to meet for nothing more than sex.

If you go down this route, play it safe and lock down your alibi. More importantly, avoid meeting the same woman more than once. Your aim here should be to avoid getting wrapped up in another complicated arrangement. For now, extramarital sex should be a one-and-done thing. If you’ve swapped numbers to arrange a meet, delete the details once you’ve gotten down to business. This way, you’re not going to be tempted to arrange a second round.

Starting Up Your Next Affair

One-off sex sessions can go a long way in scratching that itch to cheat. They’re also easier to cover for. Eventually, however, the same reasons that drove you to play away in the first place are going to come back into play. After a few months or a year have passed, it might be the best time to find your next affair partner.

Where do you go to find your next side piece? If you’re still picking up the pieces from your last affair being blown wide open, don’t shit on your own doorstep. Colleagues and mutual acquaintances are a no-go. Even strangers living locally should be avoided.

Heading online is often the easiest way to find an affair partner for no-strings sex. If you’re talking with someone who’s interested in something long-term, make sure you stress you’re only looking for casual encounters. If they take the bait, make sure you’ve got your guard up during those early days. Any red flags that suggest you’re dealing with a bunny boiler in the making shouldn’t be ignored. It’s much better to back out now and block their number than leave things simmering for months. You’re only going to land yourself in hot water again.

If your other half has upped her game and is constantly monitoring you for signs of infidelity, you’ll have to get creative. Do you work for yourself? Rethink your schedule so you’ve plenty of time to hook up with potential sex partners. Finding it hard to excuse yourself from the home? See how you can adjust your routine to escape prying eyes for hours at a time. Trips to the gym are an easy way to get away for a while and you can roll out these excuses every day of the week if needed.

However quickly you decide to get back on the market, never forget how tricky ending an affair is. Some men need emotional connections outside of their main relationship, but breaking off one of these affairs can be almost as difficult as backing out of a marriage. If your sole focus is sex, a succession of one-night stands or afternoon encounters is a much better option.

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