What is Micro-Cheating?
For many people in a committed relationship, cheating doesn’t actually have to involve casual sex or full blown infidelity. Micro-cheating, or emotional cheating as some call it, can be just as catastrophic for a relationship. If you’re thinking about carrying out an affair, you’ll need to get a handle on what counts as micro cheating. It can often be a case where you meet someone and it’s a right person, wrong time situation.
Even a minor indication of emotional cheating could land you in hot water with your other half. Once they spot micro cheating behaviors, they’re more likely to single out other behaviors that will give away your status as a full-blown cheat. Want to avoid a messy divorce or ending up in couples counseling? Read on for everything you need to know about micro cheating so you can stop yourself from heading down a slippery slope.
Are You Guilty of Micro-Cheating?
What defines micro cheating? Forget what you know about physical cheating and conventional affairs. As far as micro cheating and emotional infidelity are concerned, it’s all about the little things.
Most of the time, micro-cheaters aren’t actually guilty of physically focused acts. Generally speaking, micro-cheating involves anything that varies beyond social norms. This can include establishing an emotional connection that goes beyond a social connection, increased levels of physical contact, or any behaviors that veer toward the sexual. Micro-cheating typically involves behavior that has the potential to boil over into physical infidelity in the future.
It’s a fairly new phenomenon. The internet age and the rise in smartphone usage have opened up the floodgates for micro-cheating. Nowadays, it’s all too easy for would-be cheaters to send texts or social media messages to people they’re not in a relationship with. Many of us consider these interactions harmless, but this is all down to the anonymity of these exchanges.
Is it the Same as Emotional Infidelity?
Although emotional cheating and micro-cheating are often used interchangeably, relationship experts and dating coaches have differing opinions on these two terms. Emotional intimacy is a world apart from full blown cheating, but if you’re doing it away from your primary relationship, it’s still considered a big no no.
Generally speaking, this style of cheating never strays into physical territory. However, the emotional connection established with another person can involve more intimacy than in a sex-only situation. Nonetheless, a micro cheat engaging in emotional intimacy with another person has the potential to pursue a more physical relationship in the future.
Signs of a Micro Cheater
What constitutes micro cheating ultimately depends on your relationship status and what your other half considers acceptable. If your partner is pretty relaxed about things, you don’t have to worry too much about how to prevent micro cheating. However, if your relationship involves clear boundaries, you’ll need to be careful not to abuse your partner’s trust. Or rather, not be found out as a micro cheat.
Signs of a micro cheat include downloading multiple dating or hookup apps without your other half knowing. You might also be crossing the line when it comes to complimenting friends or colleagues. Letting others know what you find attractive about them or taking liberties with physical contact are also telltale signs of a micro cheat.
If you’re a social media user, becoming fixated on a stranger’s profile can also put you in the micro cheat camp. This is especially true if you’re putting in extra effort to reply to messages or comment on updates. You might also be going the extra mile to impress the object of your affections. Maybe you’re dressing differently to turn heads, or investing more time in another person than your actual partner.
Some micro cheats tend to fixate on previous partners. Are you guilty of spending hours trawling through an ex’s photo gallery? Have you been checking in on past romances with occasional texts and messages? If you want to avoid landing yourself in marriage counseling, nip this in the bud or at least up your guard. Deleting text exchanges is the best advice here, but you’ll need to ensure you’re not rousing suspicion by being overly secretive.
Micro-Cheating and Casual Relationships
You might think you can get away with just about anything in a casual relationship. However, micro cheating can be just as devastating for casual relationships as for long-standing marriages.
While casual relationships provide you with free rein to pursue sex with other partners outside of your primary relationships, the secretive nature of micro cheating can land you in hot water. The emotional investment you’re throwing at those clandestine communications is only going to cause you trouble in the long run. Remember, in a no-strings relationship, there’s no such thing as full blown infidelity. An honest conversation is all it takes to let your main partner know you’re playing away from home.
Is Your Other Half Guilty of Emotional Cheating?
Worried your partner might be engaging in micro cheating? The good news is that this type of behavior is fairly easy to spot. If your other half has become distant and disengaged, take this as a sign that their attention may be focused elsewhere. Sometimes, there may be a good reason for this behavior change. However, if your partner has previously been fairly attentive, micro cheating may be the culprit.
A change in appearance is another strong indicator of infidelity. For women, this might include upping their game when it comes to makeup. For men, a less drastic change in appearance can be taken as a sign. It’s not just wardrobe and makeup you need to look out for. If your partner is suddenly a lot more wary about their physical appearance, they may be heading to the gym or hitting the track far more than they might have done previously. That said the gym is also a great place to pickup women.
Again, consider whether this behavior change has come out of the blue. If your partner has candidly discussed not being happy about their appearance, a new workout routine or glow-up shouldn’t be cause for concern. However, if the change has come out of nowhere, they’re more than likely trying to impress someone outside of the home.
It’s also worth keeping an eye on how they’re interacting with their phone or tablet. Are they keeping their phone out of view? This could be a sign they’re worried about messages appearing on their screen that you might spot. Have they recently changed their passcode? Are they making a habit of deleting messages as soon as they’ve read them? This level of secrecy is a strong indicator they’re trying to keep something secret.
Is Micro-Cheating Always a Cause for Concern?
Micro cheating isn’t necessarily something to worry about. If both partners are pretty confident in the strength of a relationship, harmless flirting doesn’t have to make anyone feel uncomfortable or land anyone in hot water. However, you’ll need to be clear on what actually counts as harmless flirting.
Casual flirting that doesn’t stray into micro cheating territory should only ever be done in front of a partner. Furthermore, there are limits to what you can say and do to prevent you and your spouse from ending up in couples therapy. Avoid loaded innuendos or anything overtly sexual. What’s more, limit this type of interaction to people you’ve not had any romantic history with. Even an old friend is a no-go.
Additionally, make sure you’re not targeting a single individual with too much of this type of attention. It’s also a good idea to avoid things like extended eye contact or various forms of physical contact.
Does Micro-Cheating Always Lead to Physical Cheating?
Although harmless in most cases, micro-cheating definitely has the potential to turn into something more serious. If you’re actively trying to initiate an affair, micro cheating is an effective way to test the waters. If you are using micro cheating as a litmus test, be careful about where you’re doing it.
A full blown affair should be carried out well away from the marital home or your main relationship. Micro-cheating at the office is all well and good if you’re after casual attention or the odd compliment. However, an ongoing sexual affair with a co-worker is going to be hard to keep secret in the long run.
If you are using micro cheating to stoke something more serious, target your attention further afield. Social media channels minimize the chance of partners or close friends finding out what you’re up to. For maximum peace of mind, stick to dating sites and sex hookup platforms to connect with like-minded individuals who are on the same page. If you are using dating sites and affair networks, only use platforms that provide you with tools to conceal your identity until you’re ready to share more personal details (Navigate the Platform Like a Pro: Ashley Madison Tips).
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Micro-Cheating Behaviors to Avoid
If you’re eager to engage in micro cheating, but want to avoid being found out, there are several behaviors you need to get a handle on. Most of the time, micro cheats will need to use their phones to communicate. If you’re using social media or text-based platforms to indulge your micro cheating needs, make sure your device usage isn’t raising any red flags. Avoid becoming fixated on your smartphone unless you want to answer awkward questions.
If your behavior is challenged, never take a defensive stance. You don’t have to be completely upfront and admit to what you’re doing, but closing off and dismissing your other half is only going to stoke the fires. Have a casual excuse lined up in the chamber you can use when needed.
If your micro cheating falls into sexting territory, you’re clearly crossing into infidelity territory. If you want to continue these interactions, you’ll need to up your game to keep your interactions a secret. A burner phone is an absolute must. Keep this secondary device a complete secret from your partner and make sure there is no paper trail. If you need to pay for a call plan, do so from a prepaid credit card or anonymous e-wallet. A single paper statement landing in your mailbox will instantly give the game away.
What Causes Micro-Cheating?
Even if you’re not actually entertaining the idea of having a full blown affair, you may still find yourself engaging in micro-cheating. Why? Well, there’s more than one reason why men and women engage in this kind of behavior.
Perhaps you’ve been married for many years or attached to the same person for a long time. Many of us tied down to the same partner for long enough tend to struggle with our sense of identity. You might be feeling like your individuality is slipping away or that you’re having to repress parts of yourself. Micro cheating provides an easy and relatively harmless outlet that can help us recapture a sense of identity. Sending an occasional flirtatious message via social media or removing a wedding ring before heading out for a night on the town are small acts of rebellion. A positive social media response or moment of sexual attention from a stranger can do wonders for our self-esteem.
Although a healthy outlet for some people in relationships, micro cheating can become addictive. The rise in social media has made this even more of a problem. If your spouse is noticing a change in your behavior, it’s probably time to limit your interactions with strangers and casual acquaintances. If you find yourself experiencing withdrawal symptoms, take this as a sign that your micro cheating behaviors have drifted into addictive behavior territory.
There are other signs to watch out for. Are you turning to social media to satiate your micro cheating urges after a fight with your partner? This is a red flag that your micro-cheating is following an addiction pattern, rather than something more casual. Are friends and colleagues commenting on the connections you’re making with strangers? If these people are observing your behavior and commenting on it, your other half is bound to follow suit.
Should You Admit to Micro-Cheating?
This is a thorny issue. If your other half has become suspicious of your actions and you think the subject is going to be raised, it’s worth getting everything out in the open before things boil over. In many cases, minor acts of micro cheating aren’t going to derail a marriage or lead to the end of a relationship. However, continued secrecy is going to cause you all manner of problems.
If you do find yourself having to explain your behavior, use it as an opportunity to establish relationship boundaries with your other half. Don’t outright admit to having done anything wrong. Instead, reframe the conversation. Talk about how the relationship has clearly evolved and now’s the time to discuss new boundaries that both parties are happy with. If you’re feeling as though your partner is throwing the blame squarely in your court, consider bringing up a few things you’re unhappy with. Micro-cheating is generally harmless, but accepting blame at this point is going to leave you ripe for criticism in the future.
At this point, some couples may actually find they’re both happy to open up their relationship to new experiences. If you’ve been micro cheating to satiate a growing need for action outside of your primary relationship, now might be time to discuss branching out into a polyamorous scenario. However, be incredibly cautious when it comes to raising this topic. Unless you’re completely confident that your partner has a similar desire, just touching on the issue can trigger a breakup.
How Common is Micro-Cheating?
Infidelity is more common than you might think. Around 12% of married women have admitted to having sex at least once with someone other than their spouse. For married men, the number is almost twice that. However, micro cheating is far more commonplace. In fact, depending on what you consider counts as micro cheating, just about everyone might be guilty of it in some way.
Can You Get Away with Micro-Cheating?
If you’re bored with your current relationship and want to spice things up a little, micro cheating can be a rewarding outlet. Furthermore, it’s a relatively victimless crime. It’s not as loaded as a physical affair and, provided you’re reining things in with your online exchanges and interactions, there’s a strong argument that you’re not actually doing anything wrong.
However, before you start sliding DMs into strangers’ inboxes, think about the state of your current relationship. Are you involved with someone whose default setting is to be highly suspicious? Micro cheating is likely to land you in as much hot water as a full blown affair. Harmless flirting or a casual compliment might seem minor to you, but if your partner sees the red flags of infidelity everywhere, these tiny things can become major obstacles to your relationship.
Thankfully, keeping micro-cheating a secret is fairly straightforward. You can reserve all of your interactions to social media or online-only platforms. Although you’ll need to be careful about sending and reading messages, you can limit your texting and calls to outside of the home. For complete peace of mind, a burner phone is a solid investment and will save you a world of hurt.
Fortunate enough to be in an open relationship? Just because you have the green light to have sex with other people, doesn’t mean it’s open season when it comes to micro cheating. For many people in open relationships, micro-cheating is more problematic than it would be for married couples. Be open and upfront about your pursuit of new partners. After all, you’re in a pretty lucky situation where no-strings sex is not just acceptable but expected. Remember to check out our piece on the best places to cheat and not get found out.
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