What is Infidelity?
Otherwise known as cheating, infidelity refers to the act of one partner being unfaithful to the other.
In most cases, it typically applies to sexual activity, but there’s no strict definition of what constitutes infidelity. More people are becoming aware of the concept of emotional infidelity, with these emotional betrayals often just as devastating for a relationship. Infidelity is also incredibly common.
Around 46% of people in long-term relationships have admitted to cheating on their spouse, with around 1 in 5 men guilty of infidelity. Women have long been considered the victims of infidelity, rather than the instigators of it. However, while only around 13% of women admit to cheating on their other halves, rates are skyrocketing.
What is Infidelity?
Nowadays, the issue of infidelity has become something of a gray area. As more of us explore non-traditional relationships and place different expectations on our partners, defining infidelity and understanding why it happens has become more difficult. To get a handle on the situation, it’s a good idea to explore the different types of infidelity in detail.
The One-Off Encounter
In the single world, this event is known as a one-night stand. However, opportunistic sex with a stranger is also one of the most common causes of infidelity in marriages and long-term relationships.
In most cases, there’s no real lead-up to this type of event. Both partners can be completely happy in their relationship, with no desire to pursue sexual connections with anyone else. However, all it takes is one ill-judged drink at an impromptu social event for one partner to make a life-changing decision.
Because this type of infidelity isn’t premeditated, it’s often easier for couples to overcome the betrayal. The wronged partner might feel angry and hurt, but they don’t feel emotionally betrayed. The cheating partner hasn’t actively gone out to seek sex with a stranger, they’ve simply acted at an opportune moment.
It’s one of the most common forms of infidelity. The rates are even higher if you take into account physical intimacy that doesn’t lead to full sex. In many cases, the act itself doesn’t actually get found out. The one who’s done the cheating might feel guilt and feel long-lasting anxiety about getting found out, but these feelings subside over time.
Although nobody should be looking to cheat if they’re in a loving long-term relationship, it’s often best to keep a one-night stand a buried secret. If the guilty party knows they’ve done wrong and makes a promise to themselves never to do it again, it’s usually a good idea to let sleeping dogs lie and move on.
However, while the wronged partner carries on with their lives oblivious to the fact they’ve been cheated on, the unfaithful partner needs to carry the weight of that guilt. Many times, it’s not the guilt itself that causes the most concern, it’s the anxiety that now that they’ve cheated, they have to contend with the reality that their partner might do the same in the future.
Romantic Affairs
This is the most traditional form of infidelity and potentially the most damaging to a relationship. These entanglements typically begin life as an emotional affair, usually with a close friend or colleague. As romantic feelings develop, the prospect of an emotional affair boiling over into a sexual relationship becomes more likely.
Extramarital affairs can be devastating to couples and families. Why are they so catastrophic? It all comes down to their element of secrecy and cloak-and-dagger nature. Some affairs come to a head within a month, although around half of them can last for up to 12 months. Some affairs go on even longer, with around 30% of them enduring for more than two years.
Some people enjoy the thrill of carrying on two lives. Others might harbor very real feelings for both their spouse and their affair partner, making it impossible to choose between the two. No matter how you slice it, both mentalities are selfish.
The longer an affair simmers away, the more betrayed the wronged partner will feel. It’s almost impossible to repair a relationship once a longstanding romantic affair is discovered. While some affairs can blossom into conventional relationships, the future isn’t bright for these kinds of romantic entanglements. In fact, around 75% of marriages that start life as affairs, end in divorce.
Justified Infidelity?
Sometimes, people pursue affairs with other people because they’re not happy with their present relationship. We’re not simply talking about a situation where someone feels unfulfilled at home. Rather, we’re talking about long-term relationships and marriages that have zero emotional attachment.
Some people end up in marriages at a young age. They might have felt thrown together with their partner due to economic circumstances and forced to marry to become more financially secure. In many cases, people simply don’t think through the long-term commitment involved with saying “I do“.
Occasionally, emotional attachments can develop over time, although a growing feeling of discontent is far more likely. In these relationships, pursuing romantic and sexual connections with other people can seem entirely justified.
In the case of married couples, there’s still the murky issue of those marriage vows. Chasing romance and sex with other people outside of the home is a definite betrayal. However, things aren’t as cut and dry if both parties are completely disinterested in a long-term future. In fact, there’s a good chance that both partners will be actively looking for connections outside of the marriage in this scenario.
Emotional Cheating
Infidelity doesn’t have to end up in the bedroom. Emotional cheating is on the rise, with around 45% of men and 35% of women admitting to having had an emotional affair.
What is emotional cheating? Essentially, it’s when one partner develops an intimate and emotional attachment to someone who isn’t their spouse. This might be a casual acquaintance or close friend, although co-workers are also common participants in emotional affairs.
Sex might not be part of the equation, but the willingness to open up to someone who isn’t a spouse can be incredibly damaging to a relationship. The partner carrying out the emotional affair may discuss incredibly personal details with their affair partner, admitting things they’ve never considered bringing up with their actual spouse.
Sometimes, emotional affairs can progress to more conventional relationships. While sexual activity isn’t a staple of this type of affair, low-key physical intimacy isn’t entirely unheard of. When an emotional affair is discovered, the ramifications can be serious.
Women tend to have a harder time forgiving a partner for emotional infidelity. Moving past a single act of sexual infidelity isn’t always easy, but it tends to be far more manageable than dealing with the fact a spouse has become more emotionally attached to a relative stranger than you. Emotional infidelity suggests that something is fundamentally wrong with a relationship.
Can Relationships Move Past Infidelity?
This all depends on the nature of the affair itself. Romantic affairs don’t have to be the end of a long-term relationship or marriage if they’re brought to an end within a few weeks. However, the longer they continue, the more fallout you can expect once the infidelity has been discovered.
One-night stands are also fairly easy to move past. Many men and women are guilty of giving in to their sexual urges from time to time. Some choose to admit their indiscretion, while others attempt to keep their affairs a secret. If you’re guilty of opportunistic infidelity, it’s up to you how you play your next move.
Can you live with the guilt of knowing what you did? Will you now be haunted by the prospect that your partner, just like you, has the capacity for engaging with one-off sex with someone else? Moving beyond this type of cheating is easier for those just starting a relationship, but those who are genuinely in love with their partner and in it for the long haul may have a harder time managing their guilt.
Finally, there’s the issue of emotional infidelity. Those engaged in an emotional affair might not realize the potential betrayal they’re committing. In fact, an emotional affair is often just a highly-charged friendship. However, there are warning signs to look out for to ensure you’re not straying too far into emotional infidelity territory. Is the person you’re engaging always taking your side? Are they going out of their way to paint your spouse in a bad light? We all need a little encouragement from time to time, but there’s a difference between having someone fight your corner and maintaining a clandestine friendship with someone who’s actively sabotaging your relationship.
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