Getting involved with a married man is never a good idea. If you’re the other woman, you’ll never be able to enjoy the full benefits of a healthy relationship. Chances are, you’re already under-appreciated, with your married lover spending very little time with you. Being the other woman in a relationship can also damage your self esteem, leading to feelings of unworthiness. 

How to Get Over a Married Man

If a married guy is actively cheating on his spouse, they’re the root cause of any distress caused by an affair. However, that’s not to say you’re entirely without blame. If you’re carrying on a relationship with a married man, you’re contributing toward destructive and harmful behaviors that have unseen victims. You might not be thinking too much about his wife and children while you’re enjoying evenings out and romantic getaways, but you ought to feel at least some level of guilt.

With a few exceptions, affairs are toxic arrangements that will eventually leave a trail of devastation in their wake. Sometimes, we can’t help who we fall for, but if you’ve fallen head over heels for a married man, it’s best to cut your losses and back out as quickly as possible. 

Is the writing on the wall for your relationship with a married man? Have you, after much soul searching, decided now’s the time to cut your losses and break free? Read on for a handy guide on how to speed up the healing process and put yourself in a better position to force a strong relationship with someone worthy of you. 

Is it Time to End the Affair?

Very few of us who end up in an affair choose to be in one. Unless you’re lacking in human empathy, the thought of getting involved with someone with a wife or girlfriend at home won’t appeal. However, many women find themselves in exactly this predicament. Perhaps the guy in question didn’t reveal his marriage until long after you first hooked up. Maybe he suggested to you that his situation at home didn’t have a long-term future. 

Whatever the reason, by the time you find out he’s married, a painless break is usually out of the question. If you feel connected with him and think he’s the right person for you, the fact he has a wife and family at home is only a secondary concern. Does the thought of not being able to spend time with him fill you with dread? Can you not imagine a future without him? Many women convince themselves that the married guy they’ve fallen for is their best shot at a happy life. However, this is rarely the case. 

Unless he’s prepared to make a decision and commit to you completely, there’s no point in continuing a relationship with a married man. You’ll also be playing second fiddle to his primary relationship. What matters to you in a relationship? What’s the bare minimum you expect from a guy? You’re not going to get it from someone already involved with a full-time spouse. 

Taking the First Steps

Wondering how to get over a married man? The first step is to commit to moving forward. If you’re going to be the one to call things off, you’ve got to put to bed any notion that there’s a future for the two of you. 

It’s not easy to put the brakes on an affair. Married men aren’t great long-term prospects, but they can still be engaging partners. Maybe the sex is great. Perhaps you’re guilty of loving the thrill of being someone’s piece on the side. Such women are likely to fall back on old habits or find it difficult to permanently let go. 

You have to be rational about walking away from a relationship with a married man. If you’ve been carrying on an affair successfully for many months, if not longer, he’s not going to want to say goodbye just yet. Why would he want to invest valuable time and money into a new woman when he can just play his cards right and convince you to stay? 

You’re cutting your losses because you want to secure an enriching relationship with a suitable man. Remember that, no matter how convincing a married guy might be when trying to convince you to continue your dalliance. 

Furthermore, commit to putting a lid on your relationship. Even if you’re the one to call time on things, you might find yourself wanting to make contact again in the future. Even though you’re the one to end the affair, unresolved feelings can fester and the urge to get in touch again can present itself. When these urges arise, you have to be strong enough to push them back down again. 

Block His Number

This is a smart move when ending any type of romantic relationship. It’s a good first step in avoiding the temptation to get in touch again. By removing his phone number from your contact list, you’ve created an instant barrier between you and him. Additionally, you’ll want to block that number before deleting it. Just because you don’t want to talk to him again, doesn’t mean he’s going to want to agree to radio silence. 

There’s always a chance he might use a new number to text or call you if he’s not getting through to you any other way. If this happens, don’t engage him. Avoiding sending a text to let me know you’re still not interested. Simply block the new number and stop thinking about him.  

Avoid Contacting Him via Social Media Platforms

Most of us use our social media accounts to stay in touch with friends and family. If you’ve been engaged in an affair with someone, you probably haven’t been making a show of things via social media platforms with your married partner. However, sometimes people having an affair are friends on Facebook or following each other on Twitter. If he’s in your social media contacts, delete him at the first opportunity. 

Most of us are guilty of checking in on the status of old flames on social media from time to time. If you’ve been involved with a married guy, this is something you definitely want to avoid. Photos can be a real trigger for people with unresolved feelings. If there’s any bad feeling still remaining, the sight of him playing happy families with his wife might urge you into doing something you’d instantly regret. What’s more, you might see him hooked up with another woman who’s not his wife. This can instantly induce feelings of jealousy and rage, encouraging you to let your actual partner know what she’s dealing with. 

You’re only going to make trouble for yourself if you fall into this trap. It can be hard to avoid typing someone’s name in a social media search bar, but you have to express restraint. If the married guy in question is currently in your social media contacts, delete and block them. If there’s a good chance they’ll use social media to stay in touch, consider removing your account entirely and creating a new one. 

Focus on Passion Projects and Hobbies

There’s nothing worse than an idle mind if you’re trying to get over a relationship. If there’s still the prospect of reconnecting with a married guy, having too much time on your hands is going to lead you to think about them and ponder whether or not you did the right thing in breaking things off. 

To avoid this situation, you should spend time on things that will keep you occupied. Have you let your passion projects and interest slide? Get back into them. If you have an unused gym membership card gathering dust in your purse, brush it off and start committing to a healthy-living routine. If you’ve always wanted to pursue a certain hobby, start doing some reading and invest the resources you’ll need. 

Rebuild Your Social Life

Understanding how to get over a married guy is the easy part. Often, it’s dealing with the fallout that is the problem. Many women who embark on affairs with married men find that their social lives take a pounding. There are several reasons for this. A married man might demand a considerable slice of your time, making it difficult to stay connected with friends. Furthermore, some of your friends may have taken issue with the fact you were cheating with someone and have cut off ties with you because of this. 

Now that your relationship with a married man is done and dusted, you have the perfect opportunity to build bridges with old friends and get your social life back on track. If you have fallen out with friends because of your entanglement with a married man, don’t be too surprised if you’re forced to eat some humble pie. 

You’ll almost certainly find yourself making a few apologies. However, if it was you who decided to step away, you shouldn’t have any trouble with this. It might not be possible to repair every damaged friendship, but don’t take this as a sign that you’re unworthy of friends. If you’re committed to exploring new opportunities and are actively getting out there and enjoying yourself, you’ll quickly be embraced by new social circles and friendship groups. 

Don’t Be Afraid to Start Dating Again

Moving on from a relationship with a married guy can be tough. One of the lasting impacts of being involved in an affair is that it’s hard to strike up new relationships with men. If you stand any chance of enjoying a healthy and fruitful relationship in the future, you should only be targeting a suitable man who isn’t currently involved with anyone else. However, bad habits learned from your previous relationship can have lingering effects. 

Remember, you don’t have to creep around and be secretive now that you’re seeing an unattached guy. You’re the only person they’re looking to spend time with in a romantic sense and you should be considering them the same way. 

If you’ve spent months or years sneaking around and making discreet visits to hotels, the perks of a regular relationship can seem overwhelming. Unless you’ve been completely upfront with your new beau about your past, they may be able to read your discomfort with your new arrangement. 

If you’re worried about how you’re presenting to your new boyfriend, don’t be afraid to take things slow. Small baby steps will allow you to acclimatize to the dating scene and the everyday expectation of a normal relationship. Once you’re ready to take things further, you’ll be in a much better headspace. 

Consider Getting Professional Help

Are you really struggling to say goodbye to a married man? This isn’t uncommon. If you’ve been the one to do the dumping, putting a relationship to bed is a little easier. However, those women who find themselves unceremoniously ditched by married men tend to have trouble dealing with the aftermath. 

First and foremost, remember that leaving a toxic relationship is a good thing. You’re now free to enjoy a multi-faceted relationship with someone who genuinely cares about you. What’s more, you’re not betraying anybody. 

That being said, it can be very tricky to let go of those feelings of rejection and abandonment. If you’ve been involved with someone for long enough, you may feel uncomfortable about pursuing new relationships. If you’ve become overly attached to a married guy, you may look to them for reassurance and affirmation. Lost friends because of your relationship with a married guy? In a worst-case scenario, you may struggle to find a willing ear so that you can talk about your feelings. 

If you’re really having a hard time dealing with the situation, it’s a good idea to consult a mental health professional. They’ll help you see things rationally, underlining why it’s a good thing that you’re now removed from a harmful relationship. Furthermore, they can teach you coping mechanisms to tackle unresolved emotions. 

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