What to Text After a First Date

Knowing what to text (and wear) after a first date can be tricky. If all went well, that follow up message is vitally important if you want to lock down a second date. If things didn’t go as expected, a well-crafted text message can be used as damage control, helping you get things back on track and moving forward. 

Even if a first date has gone incredibly well, many people find sending a follow up text a daunting prospect, especially when it’s with a new potential affair partner. However, putting some feelings down into words is always a good idea. If you want to continue seeing your date and progressing things toward a proper relationship, you need to keep the conversation flowing. Many of us wait for the other person to make the first move. Unfortunately, if they’re just as nervous as you are, you can experience a stalemate situation. 

Navigating the dating world is difficult enough, but sending a text after a first date shouldn’t be something that’s holding you back. It’s normal to be a little nervous about firing off that initial text, but there’s a lot of relationship advice you can put to good use to make the process easier. 

When’s the Right Time to Send a Text?

When it comes to date texts, timing is important. It’s tempting to send a message on the same day as the meeting itself. Leave it any longer and you may feel like you’re playing games with the other person. While it’s certainly acceptable to send a quick message on the same day as a coffee or lunch date, avoid the urge to get too involved with your reply. You can suggest meeting up again soon, but don’t force the other person into agreeing on a time and venue for your next date. 

Dating apps have complicated messaging etiquette. In the past, it was acceptable to touch base with your date on the same as meeting them. Nowadays, if you’ve met someone online and arranged a date via an app like Tinder, you’re probably relying on those platforms for messaging. Sending an emoji-laden message via Tinder is pretty impersonal and is no substitute for a thoughtfully composed text message. 

There are no strict rules in place about how long you should wait before making contact. If you and your date talked about meeting up again with a tenuous plan in place, feel free to bring this up in a short and snappy text later that day. If you’re worried that will come across as too pushy, save hitting the send button until the next day. You can always draft a message in the meantime and tweak it before sending it out. 

How Long Should I Wait for a Reply?

It will do your ego the world of good if your date immediately replies to a same-day message. However, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to keep the fun conversation bouncing back and forth. Eventually, there’s going to be a lull in communication. People have work and social lives too after all. For some people, this slight dip in engagement will read as a lack of interest. 

Don’t expect an endless back and forth. Instead, prepare a sweet and simple message and expect the same in return. Don’t worry if your date doesn’t respond immediately. What’s more, don’t fret if the text remains unread for some time. They may just be busy. Alternatively, they may have a feature enabled in their messaging app that leaves all messages appearing as unread. However, if several days elapse and you haven’t heard back, you may have to ask questions about whether or not they’re all that interested in turning one date into two. 

If your gut is telling you that the other person isn’t interested, consider cutting your losses and leaving things as they are. However, if you had an amazing date experience and can’t fathom why you haven’t heard back yet, don’t be afraid to press the issue and send a second text. Whatever you do, don’t refer to the fact you’ve been waiting on a response. Avoid asking them if you’ve done something to annoy them or anything that will invite criticism. In short, don’t come across as desperate. People who present as needy after first dates rarely secure second or third encounters. 

What To Include in a Text

Once you’ve decided on the perfect time to text, you’ll need to think carefully about what you’re going to actually include in your message. Even if you had a great date and feel like the other person is the one, try and remove as much emotion as you possibly can from your message. At this point, things are incredibly casual. You might be planning a rosy future in your own mind, but they might be simply looking to spend time and enjoy casual encounters with you. 

If you’ve fought the urge to send a text immediately after your date, you’ve probably spent some time mentally redrafting a dream message. However, when it actually gets down to it, most people find themselves drawing a blank. If you find yourself in this situation, don’t panic. A blank slate is often the best place to start. 

If you’re dropping a text the following day, let them know you had a great time last night. If you want to keep things light and casual, think about telling them how sore your head is feeling after the drinks you enjoyed together. To demonstrate that you were actively engaging in conversation, reference something specific that the two of you talked about. 

Obviously, these approaches are slow burns toward the inevitable suggestion of meeting for a second date. While some people feel more comfortable building toward the question, others are fine with delving straight in with a point-blank request. 

When it comes to suggesting a second date, you have a couple of options. You can be forthright and tell the other person you’re interested in going out again or keep things more casual and open-ended. Need some inspiration? Consider trying out something along the lines of: 

“Had a great time last night. Be good to catch up again soon.”

“How’s your head? Had a lot of fun yesterday. Let me know when you’ve recovered enough for round two.”

“Hope you got into work okay in the end. Overslept this end! Was worth it though. Speak soon.”

Whether you stick to the bare minimum of content or season your text with some humor is up to you. Just go with whatever seems natural. Likewise, stick to the tone of voice you’d normally use in a text. If all goes well, you’ll be texting this person a lot more in the future. If you want to lighten things up, think about throwing in an emoji or two.

What to Consider Before Sending a Text

Before deciding on when to send and what to include in a text, ask yourself a few questions. First and foremost, consider hell your first date actually went. If there was undeniable chemistry and easy conversation, there’s a good chance your date will take the guesswork out of the situation and make first contact. If they don’t, but you still had a great time, don’t feel awkward about sending a text later the same day. 

If the date went badly and you don’t feel like there’s too much of a future, don’t make the mistake of leaving a follow up text for later. The other person might not be on the same page. Some people will read radio silence as a clear indication you’re not interested. Others might take the initiative and send you a text asking to meet again. If you’re a polite sort of person who likes keeping everybody happy, there’s a chance you’ll end up agreeing to a second date with someone you’re not at all interested in. 

The best relationships don’t always start with a spectacular date. In fact, most first dates leave a lot to be desired. A busy schedule and frantic work life can mean that not everyone is completely focused on a date. Generally speaking, a first meeting isn’t entirely reflective of how a person truly is. However, even if your date didn’t go exactly as you’d hoped, there’s still a chance you could have found someone well worth pursuing. If you find yourself in this situation, don’t leave it too late to drop a message to your date. Any relationship expert will tell you that maintaining radio silence for too long will look like you’re not interested. 

What Did You Talk About?

No two dates are ever the same. Depending on when you met and what you did, your conversation topics will have varied considerably. Did you arrange a morning date and get to know each other over coffee? If both of you had to dash off to the office afterward, there’s a strong chance you largely talked about work. Did you meet on the weekend for a casual stroll in the park? The conversation was probably more freeform and covered a wider range of topics. 

No matter what you discussed, use this as inspiration for what you text. If your date talked a lot about work, think about asking them a specific question if you’re sending them a text the following day. If they mentioned a long list of interests or an upcoming event they’re itching to attend, suggest arranging a joint excursion together for a second date. 

Age Can Play a Factor

Different age groups have different approaches to dating. Older people tend to prefer more direct lines of communication. A follow up message is usually standard, while some people may outright enquire about a second meeting before the initial date is over. If you’re dating outside of your age group, don’t be too surprised if your dating etiquette doesn’t perfectly align. 

With millennials and younger daters, things are a little more complex. There’s a reliance on technology and social media, so a formal text isn’t usually considered a standard. Instead, a non-committal like or comment on a profile page may be used instead. What’s more, many young people like to keep their options open. Some might want to play it cool and prefer being chased, rather than doing the chasing. You ultimately need to do what’s right for you. If you don’t want to waste time, don’t be ashamed to make the first move. 

How Did You Leave Things?

Here’s a good guideline for informing when and what to text after a first date. How did you leave things at the end of your meet? Did you both openly discuss meeting again in the future? If not, read the room and consider their body language. If it was all smiles and close contact, you can rest assured that your date will react positively to the suggestion of a second date. In this situation, there’s taking a next-morning approach to texting after a first date. 

Many times, the goodbye part of a first date can be awkward. The meeting itself may have gone well, but often neither party wants to be the first one to suggest scheduling a second date. Sometimes it’s a case of nerves, other times it’s the fear of rejection. If you’re feeling these feelings, it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise if your date feels the same way. If your date ends on a note of awkwardness, dropping a quick text to see if someone arrived home safely is a good way of smoothing things over. It shows you care and are still thinking about them and paves the way for a further message the following day or later in the week. 

How to Increase Your Odds of Landing a Second Date

Interested in meeting again? Your follow up text message can be a deal breaker when it comes to securing a second date. The most important thing is to let the other person know you had a great time. Tell them you enjoyed their company. Don’t make the mistake of focusing on the finer details of the date itself. If you meet for a meal, it’s tempting to save face and focus on the food, but you’ll increase your odds of future meets if you focus on the personal qualities of your date instead. However, don’t go overboard. You want to seem keen, but not desperate. 

Let Them Know You’re Interested

Playing hard to get is never a good idea. Despite what some people will tell you, acting too cool rarely pays off. If you’re interested in meeting somebody again, why would you make things complicated? If the date went well and the chemistry was hard to deny, just be upfront and let them know you’re ready for a second round. You don’t have to commit to anything there and then. Keep things casual and open-ended. You can always pick up the phone at a later point to suggest a particular venue or time. 

Use Date Experiences as Conversation Starters

If you want to strike up a continuing dialogue via text, you’ll need plenty of conversation starters. To make life easier, delve back into what you discussed during your date. Did you discuss television shows you’re both enjoying? If a new episode has landed, ask them if they’ve seen it yet. You could also fire over some recommendations to show you were engaged with them during your date. 

However, don’t rely too much on the date itself for talking points. It shows a lack of imagination and you run the risk of boring the other person senseless. Furthermore, don’t be disheartened if there’s a delay in response. At this point, you don’t really know whether you’re dealing with a rapid-fire texter or someone who barely checks their messages. 

Time to Take Things Up a Notch?

Most first dates are pretty innocent affairs. If you met for coffee, it’s unlikely you ended up tearing each other’s clothes off and jumping into bed together. For some people, this lack of sexual intimacy can leave them feeling they’re in the friend zone. As such, it’s tempting to get flirty via text in the immediate aftermath of the date itself. 

If you notice a spark, there is room for casual flirting via text. However, you need to be careful you’re overdoing it. If you were on your best behavior during the date and are now making pretty risque comments via text message, there’s going to be a huge disconnect. This can be jarring for your date and leave them questioning who the real you actually is. If you must flirt, don’t do it straight away. What’s more, it’s often best to follow their lead. This way, you’ll be able to field what their limits are and you’re not going to make an error of judgment. 

Don’t Overwhelm Them with Messages

While you don’t want to play hard to get, easing back on the number of texts you send is something to think about. If you send a barrage of texts hours after your first date, the other person might think this is standard behavior. Do you really want to present yourself as someone in constant need of reinforcement? 

Of course, there will be times when constant messaging is fine. If the two of you strike up an easy conversation via text and the other person is constantly asking questions, don’t play coy. 

What’s more, don’t feel obligated to immediately respond to a text. If you’re at work or busy running errands, you don’t have to drop everything you’re doing to respond to a text. A short delay in responding isn’t going to derail things. 

Casual Conversation is the Way Forward

There’s a time and a place for deep and meaningful conversation. A text exchange in the immediate aftermath of a first date isn’t that. If you’re starting the conversation, steer things toward light and causal topics. Asking personal stuff is okay, but keep the line of questioning to innocuous things. You don’t want to come across like you’re acting on behalf of the Census Bureau. 

Keep the conversation casual and the questions natural. If you’re stuck for ideas, ask them about their interests so you can come up with an amazing second-date idea. 

Be Careful When Using GIFs, Emojis, and Videos

We’re all guilty of using emojis from time to time. If you’re stalling for text ideas, it’s tempting to lean into these. The occasional emoji is okay, but don’t turn your texts into hieroglyphs. The other person may have a hard time understanding what you’re getting on. Furthermore, they may be one of those who despite emoji-laden texts. Don’t let a misplaced smiley face be the thing that scuppers your chance of landing a second date. 

GIFs are also commonplace now, especially with messaging apps. Again, there’s no guarantee the GIF recipient is going to understand the context. If it’s directly related to something you’ve talked about, go for it. If it’s going to lead to confusion, avoid using them altogether. 

What if They Don’t Respond?

Don’t be too disheartened if you don’t hear back from your date immediately. Everyone has their own ideas about when it’s acceptable to make first contact after a date. Have you already decided on a deadline in your own mind? Chances are your date has as well and it’s unlikely you’ll be on the same page. 

If everything went well, expect to hear something back within 24 hours. For peace of mind, drop a short and sweet text during this period to let them know you had a great time. Avoid the urge to constantly check to see whether they’ve read or received your message. If after 72 hours you’ve heard nothing, it might be a sign they’re not interested. 

The wait for a reply can be painstaking. One reason why you might not have received a response is that the follow up message wasn’t direct enough. If you’re both active in the dating world, the other person may be entertaining multiple options. Make the first direct move and ask them outright if they’re interested in seeing you again. If they don’t respond to this, they probably aren’t interested in pursuing things further. 

Who Should Make the First Move?

There’s always room for chivalry, but don’t assume a guy has to be the one to make the first move. Men and women are on equal footing as far as requesting a second goes. If you think a date went well enough, feel free to suggest planning a second one, regardless of your gender. 

When’s the Best Time for a Second Date?

There’s no time limit on how quickly you can make contact after a first date. In fact, you can start planning a second date an hour after your first one has wrapped up. However, it’s always best to leave a little breathing room between the inaugural date and the follow up. 

Ideally, try and schedule a second date within a week of the first one. If you met on a weekday and you’re particularly interested in the person, suggest doing something on the weekend if schedules allow. The more time that passes after a first date, the less likely it is that a second date is going to get off the ground. They might meet someone else and get a better offer. 

Should I Just Call Instead?

Phone calls have gone out of fashion in recent years. If you’re old enough, you may remember a time when calling someone after a first date was perfectly acceptable. Although some people will find the notion of receiving a call after a first date charming, the majority of daters are likely to consider it a little forward. 

Texting is the standard method of communication in today’s world. If you don’t want to rock the boat, stick to texts whenever possible. It’s casual and allows you to overcome any lingering feelings of awkwardness. What’s more, not everyone is going to be able to pick up the phone and start talking. 

Texting After a First Date Made Simple

Putting together that follow up text is often as daunting as the first date itself. However, it really shouldn’t be. The most important thing is to trust your instincts. If you think the date went badly and you didn’t feel a spark, there’s no point pursuing things. If you’re uncertain, drop a short and simple text to test the waters. Alternatively, let them make the first move. 

Timing is also crucial. You can send a quick message to thank the other person for a great night, but don’t expect to stoke in-depth conversations immediately. Follow up conversations should be causal and non-committal. Save the constant back-and-forths and phone calls until long after the second or third date is in the bag. 

More importantly, make sure your texts are reflecting the person you presented during the date. If you were the lighthearted joker during your date, don’t switch to a deep thinker mentality when communicating via text. You need to build on your successes to push the relationship forward. Finally, make sure you’re relating things to the date itself. Focus on the shared experience and draw on things you discussed during your encounter.

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