When Affairs Turn Into Love | A Cautionary Tale

I’d love to sit here and act like I move from girlfriend to girlfriend without emotion. I really would. In fact, I wish I was like that. Sadly, I’m not built that way. It’s a major flaw in my personality, that sometimes, when I like someone a lot, I can fall for them. In fact, it turns me on when they fall for me too. And to make matters worse, I take the breakups very badly. It can take me months to get over.

When Affairs Turn To Love

Last year, I fell head over heels in love with the lady I was seeing. She was beautiful, kind and funny. She too had a great job and was an amazing mum. Everything about her was simply perfect. We’d talk for hours and every time we’d meet-up, just being near her was electric. We couldn’t get enough of each other. I thought it was just a crush to begin with, but when I noticed she had feelings back, it ended up leading to a full blown affair.

Now this particular lady had never had an affair before, which added to the excitement, and she’d constantly be asking me what was normal and what wasn’t in the affair world. I specifically remember her asking me

what happens when you start falling for someone…

Before she could even finish the sentence, I replied

I love you. I’m totally and completely in love with you.

Thankfully she said the same back, and we went on for a few months feeling like we were floating on cloud 9. Occasionally, she would ring me up crying as it was all getting a little too overwhelming. And of course sometimes if we didn’t get give each other enough attention we’d fight.

But as much as I loved her with every fibre of my body, I started to get scared. I realised that she was the type of woman I could leave my wife for – and she was thinking of leaving her husband. We both knew deep down it couldn’t happen, but it didn’t stop us wanting it.

This situation was not ideal. And the more we couldn’t do what we wanted to, the more it just lead to more and more arguments to the point that it broke us apart. We both said things that we couldn’t take back, and it ended in a way where we could never speak again. We blocked each other on WhatsApp, Instagram and Facebook. There was no going back.

Once in a while, I’d look at her instagram from a dummy account, but all I felt was a combination of anger and hatred for her. When the truth is it wasn’t her I was angry at. It was the situation. And as much as her and I were good together – perhaps us actually being together, with children logistics and divorce cases, was just something that neither of us would ever want to go through. Her amazing personality and good looks didn’t help – and I’d keep asking myself if I’d ever meet someone as good again.

I lost a best friend and a girlfriend all in one go. And for the first time in my life, it made me realise why and how men would leave their wives for their lovers. Caught up in emotion, it’s easily done!

I always promised myself that I’d never put myself in a situation where I leave my wife and not see my 3 kids everyday. It would break all 4 of them, but mostly the kids.

Was I really that selfish?

I just never expected to find myself so deep in love! This was a first.

I still think about her almost everyday, and it’s taken every part of me to stop looking at her instagram stories, and keeping some sort of tabs on her. It just wasn’t and isn’t healthy.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I’d love to sit here and act like I move from girlfriend to girlfriend without emotion. And most of the time that’s been the case. But this time it wasn’t and it’s jarred me. It’s been one of the most ecstatic and frightening experiences  I’ve had to date.

When Affairs Turn Into Love – My Takeaway

And as you can probably tell, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. Perhaps an unhealthy amount of time reflecting. The truth is you can’t legislate your feelings. But I wish I had nipped it in the bud earlier, or I wish she had. We both got in too deep, and once we admitted we fell in love with each other, alarm bells should have been going off! And they didn’t and for that I’m angry at myself. I’m angry I lost control, I lost common sense and I lost some level of reality.

We had somehow fooled ourselves into thinking we could keep a lid on this, and continue together for years and years. But we couldn’t. And it broke us both. And right now, I’d do anything to hold her, hug her and kiss her again, anything. But what good would come of that? Nothing. Just more confusion, more pain and more hurt!

I don’t know how common it is for men who have affairs and  fall in love with their affair partners. It’s not something I can ask people, and even if I could, we’re all a bunch of alpha males who wouldn’t admit it to each other. But the beauty about a blog like this is that I can admit it to you!

My Advice

My advice is such; if you find yourself in a similar position to myself, and you find yourself falling head over heels in love, believe you me – it’s better to pull the handbrake than to dive in! Take it from me, the pain and the arguments and the hurt, simply isn’t worth it!

As a keen poker player, I realise it’s hard to walk away from a winning hand – but it’s these types of errors that get people caught! Trust me. And this isn’t as clear cut as poker, my definition of winning hand is truly a losing hand.

Whilst some of us do what we do, it’s still and always will be family first, and no matter what, nothing or no-one will ever change that.

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