What Are Swingers? Swinging Lifestyle Explained

Most couples end up stuck in a rut at some point. Perhaps you’re in a long-term relationship and are feeling the twinges of the seven-year itch. Maybe your romantic relationship is still in its infancy, but you’re finding the idea of monogamy a challenge. Couples at every stage of their relationship report dissatisfaction in the bedroom. According to one study, more than 42% of women reported not being happy with their sex lives. The figure for male respondents was even higher at 54%.

What Are Swingers?

A passionate sex life isn’t everything in a relationship, but it’s certainly an important aspect. If the fire isn’t there, it’s easy for a relationship to wither on the vine. Some people cheat, but maintaining an affair isn’t practical for everyone. Other couples embrace open relationships, this ethical non monogamy requires both parties to be on the same page.

For many couples, the swinger community provides the perfect outlet for exploring sexual desires. Being in the lifestyle allows for both partners to fulfill their fantasies, without the worry of putting someone’s nose out of joint. From partner swapping to group sex sessions, swinging is a safe space for pursuing all manner of sexual activities.

An Introduction to the Swinging Lifestyle

Swinging is generally confined to the heterosexual community. Married couples make up a significant portion of the swinging community, although couples in committed relationships looking for new sex partners are also commonplace.

Swingers engage in a range of sexual behavior, from intimate meets with a limited guest list to sex parties with dozens of attendees. Generally speaking, anyone attending a swinger party should be comfortable with the idea of having sex with other people. Most of the time, sexual practice is considered a shared experience. While some couples may be looking to pursue sex with different partners, others may be seeking a third party to join them in the bedroom.

However, there’s also room for lone wolves in the swinging community. Although they make up a small part of the overall swinging population, it’s not uncommon for individuals to attend swinging parties. These are typically women, which makes sense considering that most couples attending such get-togethers are looking for female partners to join them beneath the sheets. In the swinging community, these single women are occasionally referred to as ‘unicorns’. While single men are sometimes invited to swinging events, they’re a rarity.

For first-time swingers, finding a party is relatively straightforward. There are plenty of online platforms that make it easy for adventurous couples looking to connect with like-minded groups. However, there’s no guarantee that you’ll become a regular fixture. If couples are too reserved during their initial encounters, group organizers may decide against inviting them to future sessions.

Swinging and Partner Swapping: What to Expect

When it comes to swinging, there’s no one-size-fits-all scenario. In some cases, multiple couples may engage in sexual activity in the same room. In other situations, separate rooms may be allocated to cater to a wide variety of activities. Same room sex is often the first step for couples in an open relationship looking to broaden their horizons. It’s a low-impact way of introducing new partners into a situation, with no real expectations making things complicated. Furthermore, it allows both partners to experience the thrill of watching their other half engage with someone else.

For most couples, a shared room approach is the best way of spicing up a stagnating sex life. Generally speaking, the first shared encounters are referred to as a ‘soft swap‘.

With a soft swap, more casual sexual activities are the standard. This includes intimate contact and mutual masturbation, as well as oral sex.

For couples looking to take things up a notch, there’s a so-called ‘hard swap‘. Otherwise known as a ‘full swap’, these encounters allow for just about any type of sexual activity. This largely means penetrative sex, including vaginal and anal. However, it doesn’t always involve kink and BDSM. If male or female partners are looking to explore this kind of activity, it’s worth laying cards on the table before pursuing the next steps.

Is Swinging the Same as an Open Relationship?

Many people make the mistake of assuming open relationships and swinging are the same thing. They’re not. A couple in a committed relationship may regularly swing, but this doesn’t mean either party considers their relationship to be an open one.

The reason for this is that swinging is squarely focused on sexual exploration. Although social connections may develop within swinging circles, emotional attachments that veer toward the romantic side of things are frowned upon.

Open relationships are a fairly broad term that occasionally includes polyamory. This is a non-monogamous approach to romantic relationships. Again, it’s entirely separate from swinging and involves one or both partners seeking sexual or romantic connections away from their primary relationship.

Swinging and Safe Sex

If you and your other half are thinking about considering embracing the swinging lifestyle, you’ll need to ensure you’re practicing safe sex. Unfortunately, many couples are rather relaxed when it comes to thinking about sexually transmitted infections. This is understandable to a point. After all, if you’ve been in a committed relationship for many years, STIs and contraception aren’t something you will have to worry about.

Once you start swinging, you need to take these things seriously. Contraceptives are a standard requirement for any swinging session. Furthermore, more formal swinging circles may request that new members undergo STI screening before joining in the fun.

If you’re swinging regularly, you’re putting yourself in a high-risk category for sexual activity. The more people you have sex with, the more likely it is you’ll come into contact with someone carrying an STI. Certain types of sexual activity carry a greater risk than others. Penetrative sex brings the risk of HIV infection, especially for the receptive partner. However, a whole host of STIs can be passed on from oral sex. Gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes, and syphilis are all diseases you need to watch out for.

If you’re experimenting with swinging and want to continue with it, make sure safe sex is a key pillar of your sexual shenanigans. Both partners should insist on using protection during every encounter. What’s more, it’s a good idea to undertake sexual health screening regularly. If you’re embarrassed about seeing your regular doctor, consider looking for free screening services in your area. You won’t struggle to find pop-up STI clinics in larger towns and cities. As well as being free, you can count on the utmost discretion.

Are Multiple Sexual Partners and Swinging a Good Fit For Your Situation?

If you are your partner are feeling the itch to experiment sexually, take a step back and consider whether swinging is right for you. If you’re purely interested in inviting a third party into your bedroom, you may want to pursue a threesome via other means. However, this doesn’t always work out well for committed couples. If you offer an invitation to a mutual friend or casual acquaintance, the fallout from an awkward encounter can be messy. Getting involved with swinging removes all of that unsavouriness, letting you connect with like-minded couples who won’t expect anything more than no-strings sex.

For many married couples, an open relationship can be the final nail in the coffin. By exploring emotional connections with other people, you can ruin any chance of recovering a relationship with your spouse. By contrast, swinging can reignite passions and make couples grow closer. By treating swinging as a shared experience, couples can inject the spice back into their love lives, without having to feel guilty afterward. What’s more, there’s no obligation. If a swinging session doesn’t work out, nobody’s going to hassle you after the fact.

Getting Started with Swinging

Swinging gets a bad rap as little more than wife swapping. However, it’s a worthwhile lifestyle choice for couples who are secure in their relationship and looking to try new things. However, before you take the plunge, you’ll need to do the prep work.

Talking It Out

Before you start swinging, you’ll need to sit down as a couple and have a serious conversation. If your current situation isn’t working out, having sex with swap partners might not be the best way forward. Perhaps you’re both looking to explore new romantic relationships with other people. If so, a trial run of an open relationship might be the better option. Non-monogamous relationships can be complicated, so make sure you’re journeying down the right path.

If you do decide that swing is right for you, make sure you set clear boundaries. The good news here is that the swinging community is by and large a responsible one. Couples already engaged with the swinging lifestyle are going to be welcoming, but they’ll also steer you in the right direction. They’re not going to lure one half of a partnership into the bedroom at the expense of the other.

Likewise, you’re not going to walk into a seedy free-for-all situation. Swinging is predominately about sex, but if you’re joining an established circle, you’re not going to have to worry about pushy would-be partners riddled with STDs.

Once both parties are comfortable, you can’t start exploring swinging avenues. There’s a chance you might have been invited by social acquaintances, but these invites should be politely declined. Mixing your existing social life with swinging isn’t a good idea. Instead, explore online platforms to find active swinging communities.

The conversation needs to continue after you’ve dipped your toe in swinging waters. Make sure you’re talking during your first swinging party. Furthermore, once you’re finished with your inaugural adventure, take the time to debrief to see how both parties experienced things. If one side has misgivings about continuing, don’t push the issue.

Lay Down Some Boundaries

This is incredibly important for every couple looking to delve into swinging. When you schedule your first visit to a swinging party, you might decide not to actively engage in sexual activity the first time. Once you’re ready to get physical, make sure both parties know what’s acceptable and what isn’t.

Men might feel comfortable with their partners performing and receiving oral sex. However, they might have different opinions about penetrative sex. Some men may only want their partner engaging with vaginal or anal sex if they’re present or involved in the act itself.

Women are likely to have different requests. Female guests tend to outnumber men at swinging parties, so there’s an increased chance of male guests engaging in one-on-one encounters. If a wife or girlfriend isn’t happy with their spouse having sex with a stranger without them being present, they need to hammer this point out.

Always Play it Safe

We’ve already talked about the importance of safe sex, but it’s worth drumming the point home again. Most swinging parties will provide condoms and dental dams as standard, but it’s a good idea to bring your own. For women, it’s a good idea to be actively taking additional birth control measures as well.

STIs are something you may encounter if you’re swinging regularly enough. If you’re particularly worried about HIV infection, it might be worth taking preemptive steps and seeking out medicines like PrEP. At a bare minimum, you should be getting screened for STIs regularly. If you’ve not experimented sexually outside of your main relationship for many years, it’s worth getting to grips with the latest reading regarding STIs. Know what symptoms to look out for and when you should be scheduling a visit to your nearest sexual health clinic.

Niche Swinging Parties

Most swinging communities cater to heterosexual couples and single women. However, some couples may want to bring another man into the mix. If this is what you’re looking for, you might have to spend a little more time looking for a swinging group that caters to your needs. What’s more, if the male partner in a relationship is looking to engage in more experimental activities, you’ll want to look for groups that welcome gay and bisexual men.

The Benefits of Swinging

Swinging can bring many benefits to a long-term relationship. For starters, it can reignite your sex life and make things more interesting in the bedroom. Even when the two of you are alone, you can look forward to more exciting sessions beneath the sheets. For couples who’ve been together for many years, swinging also allows both parties to add a few notches to their bedpost. By exploring experiences with new partners in a safe space, swinging can help satiate sexual desires, without driving one or both parties toward infidelity.

Some people may have reservations about giving swinging a try, but it can actually bolster a relationship, rather than damage it. The couple who swings together often stays together. For peace of mind, it’s a good idea for couples to start only with shared sexual experiences. As both sides become more comfortable with the swinging concept, they can start to pursue sexual experiences independently.

The Downsides of Swinging

Swinging has many benefits, but couples looking to embrace the lifestyle need to be prepared for a few hurdles. For starters, there’s the social stigma attached to the swinging lifestyle. The more open-minded members of your social circle might not bat an eye, but most people are going to frown upon it. If you are going to swing, it’s best to keep it a secret.

What’s more, there’s always the possibility of you and your other getting into an argument about what’s okay and what isn’t. If you haven’t had an open conversation about boundaries beforehand, expect to come to blows at least once. To prevent this from happening, maintain clear lines of communication at all times.

Thinking about swinging? While most swinging groups are welcoming to all, walking into a room full of semi-dressed and naked people can prove intimidating. That’s before the sex starts. If you’ve been locked into a monogamous relationship for many years, swinging can be a shock to the system. It also has the potential to open up insecurities. If you’re not comfortable in your own skin, swinging might not be a good fit.

Actually finding a swinging group can also prove difficult. Even if you manage to find a group welcoming new members, there’s no guarantee you’ll be invited back for a second session. Furthermore, scheduling conflicts might prove a problem. Larger groups may only meet once or twice a month. If these dates don’t work for you, you’ll have to look elsewhere to satiate your swinging appetites.

Should You Swing?

Ready to swing? Before you start searching for a local group, take a moment to consider whether you and your partner have what it takes. You need to be comfortable with the idea of your partner having physical encounters with someone else. Swinging is a shared experience and shouldn’t be entered into to indulge the urges of one partner over the needs of the other.

Before you actually start experimenting, consider whether swinging is what you’re looking for. You might really want to pursue multiple romantic partners, rather than indulge in no-strings sex with willing participants. If this is the case, an open relationship or polyamorous arrangement might be a better option.

Finally, don’t enter into things too quickly. Take small steps to test the waters. When you find a group, don’t attend with the expectation of having sex with swing partners straight away. Set clear boundaries with your other half and be upfront about any issues you’re having with the arrangement. If things aren’t working out, take a breather and reconsider your options.

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