How To Cheat On Your Wife And Not Get Caught | 12 Simple Steps

I’d like to think of myself as a good guy. Not quite Senator Corleone, Governor Corleone (if that reference is lost on you, please stop reading now) – but the truth is, I cheat on my wife. And I’m not sure what’s worse, cheating on my wife, or writing an article called ‘How To Cheat On Your Wife And Not Get Caught‘

I’m not proud of it, but I do. A couple of my friends know about my ‘extra-circular‘ activities, and they’ll often ask me questions like ‘how do I cheat on my wife’ (the friends that believe in happily ever after always ask that) – whilst others will want to live vicariously through my escapades and ask ‘what’s the best way to cheat on your wife’. Of course those friends are on the fence, pondering whether it’s worth the risk. And if you think cheating or finding women to have affairs with, it certainly isn’t. It’s almost like work.

Cheating on your wife is not for the faint hearted. The smallest error, the tiniest misstep can lead to divorce, financial ruin, not being able to see your kids, reputational damage, etc..And yes, this is the small print like at the back of a bottle of Viagra. You may be excited to take it at first, but of course there could be some unintended side effects.

How To Cheat On Your Wife And Not Get Caught

Going in to this you have to know the risks before you get to taste the rewards. If you’re going to cheat, being careless, or having an office fling after a Xmas Party is one thing – and you may get away with that once. But if you are looking to have several women on rotation, have a life of risk and excitement – then cheating properly, with a code is your best bet. So if you’re wondering if you can cheat and get away with it, or looking for tips for cheating – know this, you’ve come to the right place.

I will never glorify cheating. If you’ve already decided this is what you want to try, then at least follow my advice and do it right! I’ve always said that cheating is an art. Anyone can pickup some half drunk girl in a bar, or have a quick and meaningless office fling.

But the truest art of cheating is having one or more affair partners and getting away with it time and time again. It doesn’t hurt when you’re always vying to be a better lover.

Firstly, before you can even think about getting away with cheating, you’ve got to know where to find women to cheat with.

12 Steps To How To Cheat On Your Wife

Assuming you’re already quite skilled in finding affair partners, below are my tips on how to cheat on my wife. Of course it works for me, however, only you know your wife and you may need to variate some of my tactics to suit your life.

1) Be Discreet

Never tell a living soul. Loose lips sink ships. There’s nothing worse than you getting away with cheating, then showing off to one of your buddies, for him to tell his wife, and then Chinese Whispers take over.

As exciting as it is to have an affair, you’ve got to keep it entirely to yourself. If you feel the need to chat about it, setup your own blog like I have, or setup an anonymous account on Twitter / Reddit and brag away.

If you tell even a small group of close friends, there’s always going to be that one that makes you feel guilty. You know the one, that person that’s been in a long term relationship since they were like 16 and would never hide any detail from their significant other.

Not all your friends will accept your life decisions and that’s ok. By not telling them, you’re not even giving them the chance to express their views, which is probably better.

2) Never Leave A Trace

My wife happens to use my phone all the time. Not because she’s nosy, but sometimes she simply can’t be bothered to get up to grab her phone – it’s just easier to use mine. And the second you start to act cagey is when suspicions arise. So I make a point of never using WhatsApp or iMessages. I either stick to the messaging features on dating sites, or I use 3 apps that work well for me.

My wife doesn’t even realise what these apps are and would never think to look there. Additionally, if the apps don’t self delete the messages, I make a point of manually deleting them. And on the off chance I’ve called my Affair Partner, I delete my call log. Don’t bring that stuff to the house, and don’t let your wife have that much access if any to your phone. You’re only asking for trouble.

3) Never use a card, always pay by cash

There’s nothing worse than having had steamy sex in some hotel, getting away with it and then getting questioned a month later when the statement comes. That’s a complete amateur move.

Always use cash or crypto to pay for things. If you don’t, you are simply begging to have your affair found out. Remember, you don’t want your significant other to get hurt. Finding items on your credit card bill that can’t be explained will start to put doubt in their head. Trust me when I say, the fewer people that know the better. The friends of yours who are in committed relationships will never understand why you do what you do.

4) Never take pictures or screenshots

As much as it’s nice to have pictures sent to you, they also serve as evidence. These literally will end up as Exhibit A. And let’s not forget, if you’re using the Apple Ecosystem, these very pictures could end up being synced on all your family devices. There’s nothing more embarrassing than your 5 year old daughter doing her homework on her iPad and suddenly seeing pictures of half naked women.

Can you even imagine how embarrassing that would be? No matter how attractive they are, you can’t be so involved that you’re taking pictures for fear your spouse will see them. Keep that device away and be sure that your affair partner knows that sending text messages is a strong no no. And whatever you do, don’t change your password as that’s a clear sign you’re hiding something.

5) Never break routine

I go out twice a week. Once to the gym, one on a boy’s night out. I’ve been doing this ever since I got married. And whenever I cheat, it’s usually in the daytime or on those nights. I never ever break routine. I don’t spend the night at women’s houses, I never go away with them. I stick to my routine.

 

My wife is smart, and the second I start breaking routine is the second she’ll start to get suspicious. I never come up with any last minute meetings, or work emergencies. Coming up with a cover story seems like way too much work. They say, it’s never the crime that gets you caught, it’s the cover-up. Of course if I go away for work it’s different. But even then, I’m quite careful to take my mistress away with me.

6) Don’t get obsessed with your new girl

The reason people like me cheat is because cheating is like a drug. It gives you a high that’s hard to find anywhere else, and can become easily addictive. You go through this stage of puppy love, excitement, butterflies on your stomach and can find yourself constantly engaging in messaging back and forth. Be cool. Don’t let the puppy love force you to make silly mistakes. Don’t be that person that acts crazy and then raise suspicions. Protect your partner and your family.

7) Kissing / Sex

 

When you meet someone new, you change the way you kiss and have sex. It’s only natural, unless you’re some sort of robot. It’s like good communication – you react to how they react. They may teach you some new moves and the last thing you want to do is bring those moves back home to your wife. Because she’s going to immediately get suspicious why suddenly you’re trying new things. This is the last thing you want to do.

8) It’s Over

I’ve had some amazing relationships in my time. Relationships that have made me kiss the rainbow and touch the sky. However, like all good things, they can simply come crashing down. Breakups are a big part of having affairs. And they can affect your mood in a huge way.

I recently wrote a post called ‘Even Cheaters Feel Pain‘ where I talked about how much a recent breakup nearly broke me, but what was even harder, was that I’d have to come to work and act normal and worse still go home and be normal with my wife and 3 lovely kids, whilst all the while dying inside.

You have to learn how to manage your state. I found that meditation, along with finding your next affair partner was the quickest way to deal with it. Otherwise, you’re constantly going to get asked ‘what’s wrong?’

All these dates and flings all have an expiration date. They truly do. It’s not like being in a book club for years and years. It’s counter intuitive to think you’ll be in a committed relationship with your affair partner for years. That’s just not realistic.

9) Always keep a spare set of clothes in the car

I go to the gym every Monday night. I tend to wear a black t-shirt and blue joggers. Now here’s where I’m clever. I keep an exact copy of those clothes in a gym bag in my car. Then I’ll go to see my affair partner, have the time of my life and then shower at hers and change into the exact same looking clothes. That way when I come home, I come home looking exactly like I went out and no one is none the wiser.

10) Buy A Burner Phone

If you don’t want to tell your affair partner that you are married, it’s best to buy a burner phone. Keep it at your office, or in your car but be sure to get one. This way you never have to worry about her discovering that you’re married and kicking off with you, or worse, contacting your wife!

11) Don’t Shit Where You Eat

I made this mistake during Covid. I literally dated a young, beautiful girl, green eyed girl that lived 3 roads away. It was so convenient during covid, but after the relationship ended, I was constantly paranoid that I’d bump into her at the local supermarket or the gym or wherever. Which of course has happened a few times. It was a total school boy error. I chose convenience over smartness – NEVER AGAIN!

12) Don’t Do It

If you don’t have the stomach or discipline to do the above, then don’t head down this road. I won’t lie, affairs aren’t for everyone. It’s an art that takes practice and discipline. And if you are not disciplined you’re prone to make school boy errors. And let’s be honest here, most wives simply will not tolerate a husband who has cheated on them. What’s more important to you, an evening of passion or a lifetime of regret?

Can You Cheat And Get Away With It

If you’ve gotten this far, then the answer of can you cheat and get away with it, is of course a resounding yes. But as you can see it take meticulous planning and lots of effort. And for most mere mortals, all this effort just isn’t worth the risk. The best you can hope for is perhaps a one-time thing in a club, or an office party, or with an ex-girlfriend, followed by never again.

Conclusion

I’ve read so many articles online about not getting caught, but the truth is, it’s about more than that. If you’re reading an article like this it tells me you have a good level of intelligence. And if you decide to cheat on your wife and get away with it, then heed the advice in this article.

For me it’s  about NOT arousing suspicion or even acting suspicious. Women have very very strong intuition and the minute they suspect you, it’s the beginning of the end.

They don’t have to catch you read handed or read messages on your phone or smell the perfume on your clothes. They just need to suspect you and it’s the beginning of them starting to snoop.

Your job isn’t to not get caught, it’s to not act in a way that arouses suspicion with your spouse.

Of course it goes without saying that you don’t want to get caught cheating with your secret lover in a hotel room. That would be terrible and too many feelings would get hurt. You have to almost treat cheating with the same way you would a business. With discipline.

I hope the above guide helps and of course if you are a seasoned cheater and I’ve missed something out, then by all means contact me. I’ll add it to the list.

Buyer Beware | FAQs

 

• I want to cheat on my wife:

Engaging in infidelity can cause deep emotional pain and lasting damage to relationships. It’s crucial to consider the underlying reasons for these feelings and to communicate openly with your partner. Seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist can be a constructive way to address relationship issues and personal feelings. But if you are like me, and think it is worth the risk – just be careful and stick to a code.

• How to cheat on your spouse:

Read this blog again. And then again. Follow all the advice. And remember Loose Lips Sink Ships.

• Best way to cheat on your wife:

There is no ethical way to cheat. Infidelity undermines the foundation of trust and respect in a relationship. If you are experiencing dissatisfaction or conflict in your relationship, it is important to address these issues directly with your partner. However, if you are determined to go ahead and cheat, the best way to cheat is just like how porcupines mate – CAREFULLY.

• How to get away from the wife for a night:

If you feel the need for personal space or time alone, it’s important to communicate this need to your partner in a respectful and honest manner. Healthy relationships allow for individual space while maintaining trust and communication. That said, if you want to know what to say to your wife to get out of the house to cheat, read this post on what to say to your other half to get out the house to cheat.

• How to cheat on girlfriend and get away with it:

Cheating is not just about getting caught; it’s about honesty and respect in a relationship. That said, for whatever reason, I never found cheating on my girlfriend exciting, well just not as exciting as cheating on my wife.

• How to get away with an affair:

Follow all the steps in this blog post.

• Easiest way to cheat on wife:

The easiest way to cheat is to never break routine. If you are ‘at work’ during the day, then that’s probably the best time to do it. But if you think that sudden work trips away, weekend conferences is your cover – it’ll raise red flags.

• How to cheat safely:

Even though it’s obvious – be safe, wear a condom. Don’t bring that shit home. STIs are forever. Don’t believe me, ask all those idiots who kept saying, what happens in vegas stays in vegas.

• Ways to cheat in a relationship:

If you want to cheat and it’s not physical, remember flirting, sexting, chatting to other women, emotional affairs – they are all ways to cheat too. Again, remember to leave no trace.

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