13 Signs a Female Coworker Likes You But is Hiding It
A significant number of affairs start in the workplace. In fact, according to some studies, as many as 30% of relationships begin life as office romances. Workplace flings can often cause issues for married people and those in committed relationships. As many as 85% of affairs start life in the office.
Signs a Female Coworker Likes You But is Hiding It
Office romances aren’t always ideal, but if you struggle to get out and mingle with the opposite sex, they’re a great place to meet interested women. However, they’re a little more complicated than everyday relationships. Arguably the most difficult part of an office romance is working out whether or not a female coworker likes you or not. You might think you’re a body language expert, but you probably know how to look for the most obvious signs that’ someone’s interested in you.
Deciding whether or not a female coworker is interested in you is difficult. Obviously, working out whether she’s interested or not is essential if you want to pursue a relationship. However, you also need to know whether you’re misreading innocent behavior as something else. Make the wrong move and you run the risk of landing yourself in hot water with HR and becoming the focus of office gossip.
Is She Interested?
Do you have your eye on a female colleague or think you might be the target of her affection? Don’t be too surprised if there’s a genuine attraction simmering away. People spend more time with their coworkers than they do with their friends and family. During busy spells, the camaraderie you establish with colleagues can cement relationships. As you spend time with colleagues, you share intimate details and talk about interests and passions. All this conversation can stoke the fires of romance, providing the perfect foundation for a relationship.
Wondering whether you’re dealing with a genuine spark? If she’s asking you personal questions and going out of her way to spend time with you, take this as a good sign. However, there are far more subtle signs that will help you determine whether or not she’s romantically interested in you, or simply being friendly.
Obvious Signs a Female Coworker is Interested
No two women are the same, so identifying signs a female coworker likes you but is hiding it can prove a challenge. However, most women interested in pursuing a relationship with you are going to be leaning on the same behaviors. Need some help identifying those telltale signs? Read on for our guide on what you need to watch out for and how to deal with it.
She’s Asking Questions About Your Personal Life
Let’s start with one of the most obvious signs that a female colleague is looking to take things further. Is she asking you about your home life? Have you been asked questions about your relationship status? Sometimes, these questions are innocent enough. If you’ve been thrown together to work on a new account or complete a project, she may just be trying to break the ice.
Women are more likely to make friendships in the office, so you may just be dealing with innocent pleasantries. However, there are a few signals you can look for to determine whether she’s sniffing around for more detailed insights.
Is she being coy when asking about your home life? If she doesn’t outright ask you if you’re involved with someone, she probably doesn’t want to look like she’s fishing for information. If she’s keeping her guard up, it could be an indication that she’s scoping you out.
These questions can keep on coming, long after you’ve made it clear you’re involved with someone outside of the office. If she’s particularly keen, she may be looking for fault lines that can be exposed and exploited. If you’re up for indulging in an office romance, this shouldn’t be a problem. However, if you’re happy enough at home and want to keep unwanted attention at bay, look out for these probing questions.
She’s Finding Excuses to Work With You
If someone is going out of their way to spend more time with you, there’s a strong chance they’re romantically or sexually interested in you. This sign is easier to spot in certain workplaces. If you’re based in a co-working space and regularly need to collaborate with other people, she might make an effort to be placed on your team. She might suggest you work together on special projects.
Again, make sure you’re not dealing with innocent attention. It may be the case that she values your professional expertise and wants your input on a specific assignment. You’ll know soon enough what her intentions are once you start working together. If you quickly veer from briefs and the work requirement isn’t there, you’re almost certainly dealing with someone who has made an effort to steal time with you.
If you’re employed in a business where coworking isn’t the standard, this kind of behavior is far easier to spot. In fact, it can be very obvious. You need to be wary about how other colleagues are viewing this. If you’re currently involved and open to the idea of a workplace affair, just bear in mind that your colleagues are going to be observing these exchanges.
She’s Inviting You to Social Events
This is another of the many signs a female coworker likes you but is hiding it. Female colleagues regularly use this as an excuse to spend time with a guy they’re interested in. By inviting a man to a shared social event, there’s less suspicion placed on them. What’s more, it’s a safe space and takes the action outside of the radius of office gossip.
Once again, you need to take a step back and determine whether a social invite is an innocent act or something more. Most colleagues socialize with each other during the week, especially during the holiday season, or to celebrate milestones at work. Have you been asked to attend leaving drinks for an outgoing employee? Don’t be too suspicious about this invite. Have you been asked to join a night out to celebrate the landing of a new account? There’s nothing untoward about this.
That being said, you might not realize anything strange is going on until you actually arrive at the social event. Just because she’s told you several people from the office are going, doesn’t mean they’ll actually turn up. If you arrive to find it’s just you and her, you’ve been duped. Likewise, if you’re arriving to find a group of people made up of strangers, she’s probably engineered the encounter to avoid office gossip.
If you’ve just joined a new company, receiving invites to social events is pretty typical. Don’t be too cautious when accepting these invites during your probationary period. You’ll quickly get a feel of the place and be able to read the vibe of the person doing the inviting.
She’s Sabotaging Your Interactions With Other Women
Now we’re entering red flag territory. You can read a lot into a woman’s intentions by the way she responds to your interactions with other female coworkers. Have you been receiving some side-eye action after talking to female colleagues who aren’t her? If you’re only dealing with someone with an innocent crush, you don’t have too much to worry about. However, if a female colleague is harboring deep feelings for you, just talking to another woman can cause huge problems for you in the office.
If you have a feeling someone has their eye on you and wants to pursue things with them, you can use your interactions with other women as a litmus test. Look out for stolen glances as you chat with a female colleague at the water cooler. If you spot more than a couple of these, there’s a strong chance she’s getting jealous about you spending even a slither time with the other members of the opposite sex.
However, you need to be careful when dealing with the jealous type. If your colleague is sitting on feelings for you and they haven’t been reciprocated, there’s always the chance she’s going to go out of her way to cause trouble. If she’s developing a complex about a particular woman you’ve been interacting with, she may go out of her way to make life difficult for them. If she’s talking trash about them to other people, it’s probably a ploy to drive a wedge between the two of you. A jealous colleague may also seek to sabotage work projects and assignments to reflect badly on you and the person she sees as competition.
She’s Letting Her Body Language Do the Talking
When it comes to body language, you have a lot to draw on when looking for signs a female coworker is interested in you. A simple smile could be a dead giveaway that a woman is interested in you, but is too shy to take the next step. That being said, sometimes a smile is just a smile. Is she flashing a grin at everyone she passes in the office? The chances are this is just a way of saying hello. However, if you’re the only one receiving the smile treatment, take it as a sign that she’s got her eyes set solely on you. If she’s nervous when smiling or saying hi to you, this is another good indicator that she’s sitting on romantic feelings.
A more confident colleague isn’t going to be shy about using more obvious body language to let you know how they feel. Physical contact is a clear sign that someone’s interested in you. During a conversation, there’s no real need for someone to go out of their way to make contact with you. A friendly pat or casual slap may find its way into an innocent exchange. At first glance, this seems meaningless, but if she’s itching to get to know you, these touches are loaded.
Take note of any accidental contact as well. Is she brushing up against you way too often? Does she always seem to be navigating those tight corridors when you’re in the vicinity? This could be an attempt to get close to you.
A little physical contact can be fun, but don’t get up in the thrill of this. If you don’t intend to pursue things with a colleague, you’re essentially leading them on for a cheap thrill. If they have it bad for you, those fleeting touches will mean a great deal to them. Let the pot simmer for long enough and you could be encouraging more erratic behavior down the line.
She’s Giving You Gifts
It’s not unusual for colleagues to give each other little gifts from time to time. However, when you find surprises left on your desk you weren’t expecting, you could be entering crush territory. If a colleague is leaving you gifts a little too often, step back and consider the nature of your relationship. If you’re only casual acquaintances, there’s really no call for gift-giving unless it’s your birthday or you’ve had some bad news and you need cheering up. Even then, it’s unusual for someone you don’t really know to make the effort.
Sometimes, a colleague who has it bad for you will go out of their way to treat you without drawing too much attention to themselves. Keep your eyes peeled during the holiday season. Most workplaces will organize a Secret Santa exchange. If a woman has their eyes on you, they’ll do everything they can to pull your name from the lot.
It’s not just gifts you need to watch out for. Little notes and surprises can find their way onto your desk too. These might be innocent enough, but try and acknowledge them as quickly as possible. You don’t want to start some secretive exchange with the other person. If you want to make good on the relationship, just approach them. If things are making you uncomfortable, politely let them know you’re not interested or off the market.
She’s Dishing Out Too Many Compliments
Everyone loves hearing compliments aimed at them. However, most of us don’t pay too much thought to them beyond the immediate ego boost. For a coworker with a crush, however, compliments are a go-to tool in their arsenal.
Have you just paid a visit to the barber? The chances are high that you’ll get a few compliments on your new look when you’re next in the office. However, if one colleague goes out of her way to shower you with positivity, consider this a sign she’s interested in the whole package.
We all dish out compliments from time to time, but there’s a difference between a sincere compliment and a hollow one. Is a female coworker lauding you for something incredibly trivial? She’s probably going out of her way to find things to comment on. The reason for this? She wants you to know she notices you and appreciates you. If you’re interested, you shouldn’t be afraid of starting a volley. Firing back a compliment to her is a fuss-free way of letting her know you’ve got your eye on them too.
She’s Revealing Way Too Much Information
Once a coworker has managed to secure some alone time with you, they’ll probably start revealing information about their private life to you. Some women (and men for that matter) love to gossip. Make sure not just on the receiving end of chatter before deciding you’re being buttered up for a romantic entanglement.
If you’re spending time with a female colleague and they’re unpacking a lot of personal information, consider the contents before deciding whether or not you’re dealing with someone with a crush. Is she talking about family problems? This is probably innocent enough. Is she talking about vacation plans? Everybody does. However, if she’s waxing lyrical about how an ex-boyfriend messed her around in the past, she may be probing you to gauge your interest.
Of course, some women are far less reserved in the stuff they’ll come out with in conversation. If she has no inhibitions, she may start talking about intimate details, sexual preferences, and more. This kind of conversation isn’t always targeted, but it’s often a sign that someone is looking to pique your interest.
Sometimes, things are more complicated. A woman may simply be looking to make an emotional connection with someone. The fact that you’re a man is secondary to that. You could be dealing with something strictly platonic. However, these emotional connections can evolve into something more. Over time, those supportive conversations can blossom into a romantic interest. It’s often a healthy way for office romances to catch fire and these dynamics usually result in stronger relationships.
She’s Putting More Effort into Her Appearance
This sign is easier to spot than others, but it only usually becomes apparent once someone has started to take an interest in you. If you’ve recently been paired up with a female coworker and she’s started to dress differently, she may be going out of her way to make an impression.
Sometimes, a woman upping her fashion game has nothing to do with the opposite sex. If however, she’s investing a lot of effort into her appearance, it could be an indicator that she’s looking for compliments and wants you to notice her. It’s not just clothes that are a giveaway. She might be wearing a new fragrance or changing up her cosmetics.
A new look could be just that. She might also be getting dressed up to head to a social event after work. When in doubt, ask her if she’s got something planned that evening. If the answer is now, you could be looking at a clear sign that she likes you, but wants to let her looks do the talking.
She’s Done Her Homework
Does it seem like a coworker knows more about you than they should? If a woman has a romantic interest in you, she’s probably done her homework. Maybe she’s asked around the office about your background and interests. It’s also pretty easy for someone to jump online and browse social media platforms to get some information about you.
Most of us turn to Facebook to get a little more detail about someone we’re interested in. Most of the time, it’s innocent enough. However, if she’s become something of a cyberstalker, you should approach her with caution. This kind of background-checking behavior doesn’t always make for a healthy relationship. What’s more, if you’re not actually interested in them, you can feel like you’re under siege.
If you suspect that someone is using social media and online channels to discover insights about you, consider planting some false flags. You could even create a dummy profile and load it with content. If they’re looking you up online, they’re almost certain to drop something into the conversation to demonstrate that you have shared interests. If you want to take the bait, now’s the time to do it. Hopefully, they’ll navigate away from stalking you online and be more direct when it comes to getting to know you instead.
She’s Sending You Mixed Signals
Women are complicated creatures. Just because she’s got it bad, doesn’t mean she’s always going to be positive in her outlook toward you. One minute she could be showering you with compliments and sharing inside jokes, the next she’s frosty as a snowman and giving you the cold shoulder.
This kind of behavior isn’t just typical of a temperamental colleague. It should suggest that she’s besotted with you. People act crazy when they’re in a relationship and they can still bring emotional baggage to a one-sided one.
She might be quietly furious with you because you’ve not complimented her on a change in her appearance. Maybe she’s spent time getting clued up about something you’re interested in, only for you not to engage with her in conversation. Although you’ve not done anything wrong yourself, they could see it as a slight. Mixed signals are a staple of conventional relationships and, unfortunately, they’re par for the course when it comes to crushes as well.
Other People Are Taking Note
You don’t have to be a relationship expert yourself to notice that someone in the workplace has their eye on you. If someone is into you that much, other people will notice this behavior as well. Has a work friend dropped a comment that someone has been acting strangely around you? Are other women in the office talking about a change in someone’s behavior? If you socialize with your coworkers, don’t dismiss these kinds of insights.
Is the Attraction Mutual?
Once you’ve determined that someone is interested in you, take a step back and consider what you want to do next. If you’re seeing someone else and don’t want to carry on an affair, it’s best to put the dampers on things. You have a couple of options here. The easiest way to bring things to a close is to quietly point out to your besotted coworker that you’re involved with someone else and not in a position to pursue a relationship with them. However, this won’t always go down well. They may accuse you of misreading the signals to save face. If they feel slighted enough, they may even take things up with HR to land you in hot water.
A safer option is to simply pull away from interactions with the coworker in question. Keep things strictly professional at times. This means dispensing with anything close to a compliment and avoiding social interactions with them outside of the workplace. It also means avoiding one-on-one interactions with them. Sometimes, you may be forced to work alongside the other person. If you can’t quietly request an alternative assignment, try and limit the time you spend with them as much as possible.
Interested in pursuing a romance with your married coworker? Some guys enjoy being chased and revel in the attention. While it can do your ego the world of good, the longer you let someone quietly crush on you, the more complicated things can become. It’s not the healthiest way to start a relationship. If you don’t formalize things quickly, you need to be wary of your general interactions with other colleagues. This means limiting the time you spend talking to female coworkers and managing your interactions with women in general. If you’re interested and the attraction is mutual, act on it.
Is an Office Romance a Good Idea?
Office romances are incredibly common. More than half of people report being open to the idea of a workplace romance, while more than a third of people have had a one-night stand with someone they work with. However, if you’re a committed professional, pursuing a relationship with a colleague might not be the best idea. It can disrupt your everyday working life, especially if you work within the same department.
What’s more, a breakup is going to really complicate matters. If the breakup is a messy one, you may find working life unbearable. Do you really want to transfer to another branch or pursue a brand new position entirely? Even if you remain with your employer, you can pretty much forget about pursuing office romances with other women in the future.
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