10 Essential Online Dating Tips for Beginners: Boost Your Dating Success
Online dating has been around since the early 1990s. I wouldn’t say I’ve been using them for that long (god, that would make me SO old). But I’ve been using dating apps for a long while now. It went from being single to looking for dating sites for hook ups, to transitioning to dating sites for long-term relationships, to using apps to now cheat on my long-term girlfriend.
And of course, being a part of this site, I’m a writer, a dating coach and a dating app reviewer. I’ve seen them all. All 8,000 apps on the market. All of them. And whilst you’d think that they all work the same, I’m here to tell you they simply DO NOT. Imagine for a moment, acting like Twitter was Instagram or the other way round. You just wouldn’t get anywhere. Online Dating is a bit like this. Each app, each site, attracts a new crowd, and within those crowds there’s a certain etiquette. There’s a way, in which people talk, communicate, write their profiles, even show their photos. And to succeed on each of these, it’s important to know some of that particular platform’s norms.
That said, across the board, there’s a few things you can do to increase your odds. For second, let’s take a step back. It’s very easy to fall down rabbit holes, looking for the best tinder bio examples, or the best ways to improve your picture, or your opening line, your headline, etc..etc… Whilst all of this matters a bit, this is about you making a match for the type of person you are looking for. And with that in mind, there are a handful of things that you can do, that will simply help you improve your odds of meeting that person.
Match.com was the first dating site as we recognize them today, launching in 1995. It’s still one of the most popular dating platforms on the internet, attracting thousands of new users every month. The attraction of online dating is obvious. People can connect with like-minded individuals without leaving the comfort of their own homes. It can save a lot of time and awkward exchanges, although you need to be savvy to make the best use of these platforms.
There are more than 8,000 active dating sites out there. Match and OkCupid dominate the conventional desktop market, while Tinder and Bumble are among the most used dating apps. At the end of 2022, around 366 million people were using online dating sites and apps.
Online Dating Tips for Beginners
However, using online dating sites doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to land a meeting in person. You need to be smart to make full use of these platforms. If you’re struggling to break the ice online, let alone arrange a meeting offline, you’ll need to rethink your approach. Below, you’ll find 10 foolproof ways to boost your dating success online.
1. Choosing the Right Platform
This is arguably the most important thing to consider if you’re looking to find love online. Sites like eHarmony have been around for many years, offering lonely hearts the chance to make long-term connections. Match.com is another platform that’s been around for ages. With an ever-expanding user base and a rich set of search tools, it’s the perfect platform for those looking to make the jump from more casual networks like Tinder (learn how to get more matches on Tinder here).
You’ll also find plenty of sites and apps that cater to more niche requirements. Are you looking for one-off encounters or no-strings sex? You’ll want to skip the platforms that market themselves to people looking to find their life partner.
You also need to consider cost and value for money. Just about every dating platform can be used for free, but there’s a limit to what an account can do for you. While you’ll be able to search profiles and see the kind of people that are out there, you’ll often be limited to a certain number of messages per month.
Furthermore, you’ll be restricted when it comes to designing a captivating profile (that said, I’ve got to confess, I loved using a professional dating bio writing service). Paid subscriptions might seem like an extra expense you could do without, but if you’re serious about making connections, it’s a cost worth paying.
However, don’t assume that a subscription-based dating platform is going to be of better value. Do your homework before reaching for your card details. What do other users have to say? You’ll also want to investigate the demographics of every dating site you’re thinking about joining. How many male users are there compared to female users? If you’re a single guy looking for love, you don’t want to waste time competing for the attention of a relatively small pool of female users.
2. Create a Compelling Online Dating Profile
If you’re not prepared to invest the time in creating a captivating user profile, there’s no point in using dating platforms at all. Your profile is the calling card that sets you apart from tens of thousands of other users. You might think you’re a great catch, but a polished photo alone isn’t going to reel them in.
What you should include in a profile all depends on the kind of site you’re using. If you’re using a platform geared toward casual sex, you can keep your profile brief to your expectations in the bedroom. However, you’ll still want to put a personal touch to your bio.
When it comes to traditional dating sites, your profile should be more balanced. A short bio of two or three sentences should summarize who you are, what you’re looking for, and why someone should invest the time in sending you a message. A blank profile or empty bio is a massive turn-off to other users. If you can’t be bothered spending a few minutes to complete these, you’re not selling yourself as someone who’s going to take the time to reply to a message.
Stuck for something to add to your profile? Avoid drawing attention to these with tired lines like, “Not sure what to put here.” Likewise, don’t even think about adding in age-old cliches that other singles have heard time and again.
Fill in all the basic fields provided by your platform of choice. Briefly talk about your interests and what makes you tick to give other users an idea of your personality. You can even throw a few quotes from your favorite movies or television shows to spice things up.
3. Use High-Quality Profile Photos
Once you’ve told your story words, you can start enhancing your profile with photos. While that profile is what’s going to convince someone to message you or swipe right, it’s ultimately your photo that’s going to catch their attention.
Everyone likes to present themselves in the best possible right, but be cautious about reaching for heavily filtered photos. Vacation snaps are always popular on dating sites. We tend to look our best when we’re away from the rat race while posing in front of world-famous landmarks to let others know that we’re well-traveled.
Whatever photo you pick, make sure it reflects what you actually look like now. You don’t want to surprise someone on a first date if you’re 30 pounds heavier and 10 years older than the person in the photos they’ve seen.
Try and avoid uploading group photos to your dating profiles. There are a couple of reasons why this is a bad idea. For one, it’s bad practice to share photos of other people without letting them know. What’s more, you’re going to be distracting attention from yourself if you’re sharing the frame with other people.
4. Be Honest and Authentic in Your Interactions
We’re all guilty of telling the occasional white lie, especially when we’re working the dating circuit. When it comes to online dating, the temptation to lie is even harder to resist. It’s understandable. Connecting with people via a computer screen or smartphone creates something of a disconnect. However, if you want to increase your odds of finding a match, you need to be upfront, honest, and consistently authentic.
The easiest way to do this is to be true to the person you’ve presented in your profile. There’s no point selling yourself as a sensitive soul in your bio if you’re going to suddenly steer the conversation towards sex once someone messages you.
If you’ve struggled to make many connections online, you might feel obligated to pander to other people to improve your odds of taking things further. This is never a good idea. If, after spending some time talking, you’re getting a red-flag signal that the person isn’t an ideal match, take a step back and reconsider your options.
Being inauthentic comes with consequences. If you’re using a popular dating site in a small town, consider the fact that other users are going to start talking eventually. If you’ve made a misstep and passed yourself off as something you’re not, a limited pool of matches can get a lot smaller.
5. Be Mindful of Online Safety and Privacy
Online dating isn’t without risk. Even the most established sites struggle with fraudsters and online scams. While many of us might think we can spot a romance scam a mile away, it’s easy for those suspicions to fall by the wayside once you’ve got a horse in the race.
Even if you’re not someone likely to fall for a fraudster, bots, and fake profiles can still cause you issues. You can waste precious time fielding messages to people that don’t actually exist. If you’re using a subscription-based dating site, it can also cost you money if you’re having to pay for credits to send messages and virtual gifts.
For peace of mind, aim to stay fairly anonymous online before you meet someone in person. Never give away personal information that could be used to carry out identity theft. Likewise, never send another user money, even if you’re confident they are who they say they are.
6. Initiate Meaningful Conversations
A good listener often tops the list of must-haves people search for in a romantic partner. As such, being able to strike up a meaningful conversation is a great way of boosting your odds in the world of online dating.
The easiest way to do this is to actually spend some time studying profiles. Glean every detail you can from a photo and read that list of interests. Once you’ve done this, you’ll have a superficial understanding of the person you’re interested in messaging.
However, don’t use this information in the wrong way. If their list of favorite films includes more than a few titles you hate, don’t make out otherwise. Find common ground and shared interests which you can use to kick off conversations they’ll want to engage with.
Does their profile mention a current television show? Ask them what they felt about the last episode. Do they love to travel? Ask them about their wishlist of dream destinations. An important thing to remember here is that great conversation is a two-way street. Don’t jump the gun the moment you get a response. You need to demonstrate that you’re listening to those responses and using them to steer your next question.
7. Take It Slow and Don’t Rush Into Things
Online dating has become widely accessible. Many people think nothing of heading out and meeting with someone after a day or two of chatting online. However, if you’re serious about creating genuine relationships with people you’ve met online, it’s best to take things slow.
Ideally, try and resist the urge to arrange a meeting for at least a couple of weeks. This should leave you plenty of time to establish shared interests and highlight anything about the other person that might make you want to think otherwise about pursuing things further.
During this stage, you’re completely free to pursue other potential matches. After all, you’re not actually cheating on anyone. There’s no harm in keeping your options open, giving you other avenues to explore if a real-world date turns out to be a non-starter.
8. Be Open-Minded and Flexible
An open mind will go a long way in improving your online dating experiences. We’re not suggesting you rethink your sexual preferences or agree to meet with someone who’d normally make you run the other way. Instead, you should at least try to consider potential matches that fall a little outside your usual parameters.
Some people struggle with this when dating online. The reason for this is unsurprising. Once we’ve spent hours filling in all those profiles and listing specific likes and interests, we can fool ourselves into thinking there’s a by-the-numbers dream match out there. Reality doesn’t work like this and we all have to embrace compromise from time to time.
Have you been overly specific with your discovery preferences? Think about relaxing things like age ranges and height requirements. After all, you don’t have to agree to a conversation, let alone a date, with someone who falls outside your wheelhouse.
9. Be Patient and Persistent
Some dating sites have offered a so-called romance guarantee in the past. In other words, if you fail to meet someone who sparks your interest after a set amount of time, you’ll get your money back. This is a great marketing ploy, but it sets some pretty unrealistic expectations about online dating.
Instead of looking at online dating as a fast track to romance, think about it as just another route to finding your opposite number. As with everyday dating, finding the right person takes time. Unless you’re incredibly lucky, the first person you connect with isn’t going to end up being your ideal match.
Some online conversations aren’t going to go anywhere. Others might lead to dates, but someone’s offline persona might be far removed from their online one. The good news is that online dating lets you get back in the saddle quickly. You can start testing the waters within minutes of a failed date. What’s more, you know that everyone using dating sites is looking for the same thing.
10. Meeting in Person Is a Whole New Ballgame
So you’ve met someone online and been talking to them for weeks. Now they’ve agreed to meet in person. This is all well and good, but your dating journey is far from over. You need to reaffirm that your online persona is an accurate reflection of who you really are. However, you also need to accept that a fully-realized person is going to be far removed from words on a screen. Dating etiquette is different from sending private messages over an app.
Get Ready to Take the Online Dating World by Storm
Online dating sites are a useful tool for anyone looking to find their perfect match. However, not everyone is particularly successful with them. To improve your odds of success, make sure you’re picking a platform that’s right for you. Are you looking for something casual, simply searching for sexual encounters, looking for your next affair partner, or a site that’s geared towards open marriages? Next, take the time to create a first-rate profile. Your bio needs to stand out from thousands of other users. You’ll also want a captivating photo that will make other users pause for thought and consider messaging you.
But more than that, it’s about being patient, it’s about being consistent. You’re never going to get a 6-pac overnight, and in the same turn, it’s rare for you to ever meet your perfect match ASAP. It’s practically unheard of. My advice is take action, follow some of the steps out there and get ready to put yourself out there.
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